Deaths of the Lord of the Rings Characters
The tale of the lord of the rings was a long (and sometimes boring) one, finally brought to an end with the destroying of the ring, the appointing of Aragorn as the true king of Gondor, and everyone living happily ever after. Or so they thought. We will begin with the fates of Frodo, Gandalf, Bilbo, Elrond, and Galadriel. As the boat left the Gray Havens, Frodo looked back to where his three friends still stood with tearful eyes. "I'm going to miss them Gandalf. . ." he said quietly to the tall white figure at his side. "I know Frodo, but where were going they give away free wine!" Gandalf said excitedly. Frodo's sullen mood suddenly evaporated. "Wine! I love wine!" Elrond exclaimed from the ship's wheel, "Just tell the whole world why don't you! You are underage you know." Frodo stuck his tongue out at Elrond, who gave him a look so menacing, Frodo could swear his toenails curled. "It appears there is a storm gathering." Galadriel said rather apprehensively. "Yellow!" Bilbo exclaimed. Gandalf jumped up to the stern of the boat (which is the front of the boat for those "younger" readers), and declared, "No storm will stop this boat! It's Elvish!" An hour later, Gandalf still stood at the stern, where rain was pouring down on him. "Forward!" he shouted, extending his now magically fixed staff out in front of him, only to be knocked away into the ocean by a leaping shark. Sharks have fun too you know. "No!" Gandalf yelled. "Not again!" He sank down to his knees sobbing. Bilbo decided to walk by at this moment and blindly knock Gandalf overboard. Bilbo tripped over a bucket and quickly followed Gandalf. The last words anyone heard from him were, "I like ham!". Elrond, who was steering the ship in a rather Gilligan's Island-ish fashion, shouted to Galadriel, "Throw them a floaty would you?" For anyone wondering what a "floaty" is, it's a lifesaver, which Elrond does not know the proper name for. Galadriel sighed, but went to get the "floaty" anyway. Walking towards the stern, her feet became entangled in the rope, causing her to trip into a puddle of rainwater. She drowned rather quickly, so stop crying. Frodo was in the crow's nest, not paying attention to anyone, when he suddenly found a golden ring. Standing and holding the ring up, he declared, "Look everyone! I've found anoth-" before being struck by lightning. Let this be a lesson kids, don't be the highest object, and especially metal object, in a lightning storm. Elrond, the only surviving member of the ship, was still acting Gilligan-like but in his sophisticated way. Therefore, he did not see the whale just under the surface, which caused the ship to sink. Now let's move on to what happened to the rest of the characters. Merry and Pippin's life did not change much, so it may be rather obvious as to how they died. "Merry! Let's have another!" was heard all night at the tavern until there were too loud thuds and ceasing of the drunken song of two hobbits. This as well should be a lesson. Alcohol is very bad for you, and no matter what anyone says, will lead to your early death. Sam, heart-broken that his lover…please excuse me….friend had left him with that ugly, fat creature whom some referred to as "Rosie" (how diabolical), decided life was not worth living anymore. As he was writing his suicide note, "Rosie" burst into the room demanding what he was doing. When Sam did not answer fast enough, she ate him. When her insatiable appetite was not filled, she ate her two children (who somehow were conceived without Sam or anyone else help….weird monsters…) and a cow. She died because her butt-hole was not big enough to get the huge log that was caused by Sam, the children, and the cow, out. Aragorn, recently proclaimed king of Gondor, and Arwen , the daughter of the recently deceased Elrond (shut up you "save the whales" people), had their wedding on top of Minas Tirith. Aragorn, suddenly deciding he was gay, tried to run off and reunite with his secret lover Legolas, only to trip and fall off the top of the huge city. Arwen, driven insane by her fiancé's death, was taken to an insane asylum. Yes they had those in middle earth, because middle earth has crazy people too. Legolas, the secret gay lover of Aragorn, had an unfortunate accident with a rabbit. Don't poke the bunny kids, it could lead to death from blood loss. Gimli decided he was done with fighting and joined up with a heavy metal rock group from Spain, simply called "Y". He was run over by the tour bus the day before their first concert. Faramir' and Eowyn were attacked by Arthur, king of the Brittains, who for some reason allied with the French, Tim the enchanter, the knights who formerly said "Ni", and the old man from scene 28. Middle Earth was taken over by Adolf Hitler's great great grandson, who had all the hobbits burned for no reason at all. Thank the stupid Nazi's for pollution.