Sorry this mad story hasn't been updated for AGES but I needed ideas and I have been so busy writing stories for Fiction Press. Hope you enjoy! It enriched with randomly random goodness!

"I shall take care of this!" yelled Tidus as he jumped around shouting like a hooligan at a fancy dress party. The summoner looked round, confused, he pointed at the daft blob darting towards him. Dark Ixion nodded and began charging for another Thundaja attack.

Tidus skipped up to the aeon and miraculously jumped over it. "Wow!" he wowed "I can fly! BEWARE BAD BOLTIFYED HORSE! I CAN FLY! And there's nothing you can do about it!"

Dark Ixion whizzed round only to receive a slap on the face from our…um…hero.

"BITCH!" he exclaimed. "How dareth thee! Thou shalt never thunderbolteth…Auron…eth."

"Alright! Enough!" yelled an extremely frustrated Yuna. "Tidus! Go save that orange again, stay out of the way!" She magically got her staff from NOWHERE, like they normally do and began summoning Bahamut.

"YAY!" Tidus cried out of sheer excitement "yay, activate JAFFA POWERS!"

Lulu sighed and watched the deranged psychopath skip merrily towards the South exit of the Thunder Plains. She sneakily cast a Watara spell on Dark Ixion whilst Yuna was watching the great dragon descend from the sky.

Meanwhile…

Tidus was wondering where the hell he would find another orange to save. Last time he had found one in the back of Auron's trousers (pants) and shown it Yuna…to discover it was a pear. He looked around and saw an Evil Eye perched on top of the lightning rod nearest to him.

"Hoo hay! I'm not gay! I'm here to save the day!" he sang as he tried to…fly, I suppose…towards the evil eye that sat upon the lightning rod. "huh, another one…"

"Damn it! Must activate flying powers again, how did I do it last time?" He tried to recall everything he did before the small step that merged into a giant leap (speachright of Armstrong). Hmmm…walking…shouting and being a total spaz basically. Being a hooligan?

Tidus thought he was the smartest person on the planet for remembering what he had done about 5 minute's previously. So, joyously he twirled round in circles (radius exactly 7.97879 mm…pointless, I know) and shouted at the top of his voice something about the best ways to smash a cherry cake. Hooligan. Yeah…

Yuna saw Tidus having a mental breakout and sighed. 'We need saving'. She thought as she thought about committing suicide. "Um…hey, could you like, save this battle for another time? We've really got to go and save someone, and you know regular hero/traitor stuff yeah?" She abandoned her summoning.

Dark Ixion and its summoner gave a dark look as if to say "No flippin' way"

Wakka's head was spinning. The only way out of this is to unleash a fimble…or, the next best thing…a whizzing moron…

"TIDUS!" He called. The caped teenager didn't hear him. He was whizzing around in circles and stopping every few seconds as if trying to fly or something. "TIDUS" He yelled as loud as his little leprechaun lungs would let him. Tidus spun round to face him.

He ran. Wakka had just called his name. MAYBE HE HAD FOUND A RANDOM ORANGE TREE! But as soon as he got there, he realized this was not so. "So? You called me?"

"No," Wakka said sarcastically "we called the whizzing blob."

"Oh, alright then, tell me if you need me!"

"I can't believe I'm saying this," moaned Wakka, "But we-need-you…phew"

"You need me to save the lives of citizens?"

Wakka nodded

"You need me to destroy Dark Ixion?"

Wakka nodded

"You need me to use my Jaffa Powers against the beast?"

Wakka's head was getting tired of nodding, but he did so.

"You need me?"

Nod.

"You want me?"

Nod

"You will love me and never leave me?"

Nod...I mean no nod…

"Tidus, just listen…" hissed Wakka. "Come here…" Tidus came, Tidus listened and Tidus nodded like young boy that realized there was a chocolate cake in the kitchen…

"Yes, I mean no…I don't understand" mumbled Tidus

"WOW! That's a big word for you isn't it?"

"What is?...UNDERSTAND? "

Wakka nodded…again

"Heh, I is a big boy, and my grammar is gooder than yours…My prunusiashun is mega as well!"

"Anyway…just do what I told you! Now go!"

"But I don't know how!"

"MY GOD! All you have to do is move your face muscles!"

Tidus waltzed up to the summoner and smiled.

That was it. That was Wakka's plan of the century. That was the most pathetic ending to a fight I have ever written but it proves that everybody is a moron in their own way. oO

The summomner seemed perplexed. 'And a smile is supposed to scare me how?' But the longer he stared at the Banjo freak with a decaying lump of wood tied to his forehead, the scarier the smile became…

Something came into account, what if this is the ONE? Every decent summoner had heard of the ONE. The ONE could destroy any creature with ease. The ONE was staring him in the face. The ONE was BANJOMAN.

Half an hour later…

Tidus was amazed with himself! He had actually saved a group of people. The summoner had run off petrified…at a smile! 'Girlies, come and get me' he thought to himself that he thought he thinked himself think…he thought…

"Wow, I'm sooo amazing, and if I do say so myself, sexy and cool. Like the slick moves Yuna? I'm sorry, but to get a date with B Man, you'll have to wait on a list…"

"How longs this LIST?"

"It is…let me think…1..2..345…6.7.8…..9…10…………….11….12…13…Um…I haven't actually got anyone on the list yet…BUT WHEN EVERYONE HEARS OF MY BRAVERY, THEY CAN'T HELP BUT LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ME!" yelled Tidus to every passing woman. He received odd glares as he tried to fly in front of them too.

They were back in Macalania woods, but Eramliliy wasn't here to meet them.

Heh, I loved writing this! I hoped you enjoyed reading it! Sorry we haven't updated for so long, but I have been so busy with my fiction press account. Hint hint…please send a sample of the product back the costumer and explain that this is a rather random author's note.

Anyway, please review…constructive criticism welcome, but only if you a willing participant of newspaper crosswords…xxx