Sanji was more than a little embarrassed when dear sweet Nami-san had approached him that morning to inform him that he and Zoro's afternoon 'activities' down in the bunkroom tended to disturb her when she was in her room next door working on her maps. Mortified, he begged for her forgiveness for causing her even the slightest discomfort and offered to kill the swordsman if that would make things better. She accepted his apology, asked him to please get up off of his knees, and told him that Zoro's death was unnecessary. At this time. While he still owed her so much money.
Sanji's eyes glowed hearts as he admired the Evil Nami-san.
"Just keep it down, Sanji-kun. Maybe you can find a different spot?"
He nodded and assured her that he would not fail her. However, he knew already that there really was no better spot on the ship for him and the swordsman to go. On a ship as small as theirs, secluded spots were few and far between. The galley was out because he kept a special supply of treats in there ready for the girls whenever they desired them, and he refused to risk denying them any such pleasure by locking the door while the swordsman groped him.
They had tried the cargo bay a few times, but it was too often one of the many playing fields for impromptu games of hide-and-seek, tag, kick ball, or any combination of the three. The bunkroom proved the best spot when they needed privacy, because generally, once the men on the ship were up for the day, they rarely returned to their sleeping quarters until nightfall. If any of them decided on a midday nap, then laying in the sunshine on the deck proved the better option.
The only thing Sanji could do at this point was to tell the swordsman that they needed to start keeping it down. So when the other man came to him midday to try and get him into the bunkroom, Sanji had told him about his conversation with the navigator. Zoro had replied that maybe Nami shouldn't spend so much time in her room in the middle of the day and try helping out with some of the chores that she makes the rest of them do. Sanji kicked the asshole in the head and informed him that Nami-san could do whatever she damned well pleased, because lovely, charming, intelligent ladies deserved such choice whereas ugly idiot seaweed-heads lack the required brain power for free-will and should just do whatever their betters (in this case, Nami-san) instruct. When the asshole scoffed between violent kicks and slashes that it didn't even matter since he doubted that the cook could keep his big mouth shut for more than five minutes anyway, well, quite frankly, it was On.
It sometime amazed Sanji that he ever managed to sleep through the disaster of snores that emanated from the boy's bunkroom during the night. Usopp, for instance, on his better nights, tended to sound like a hermaphroditic walrus mating with a dying seagull. But, if nothing else, these sounds assured the cook that the crew was indeed asleep, and prompted him to follow through with his plan.
There was no way that he could stand by and allow the idiotic asshole to think that he was incapable of doing anything, let alone something as simple as keeping quiet when a beautiful woman requested. So, tonight, he decided to show the son-of-a-bitch once and for all who had the better self-control.
He silently slipped out of his hammock dropping off pieces of clothing as he made his way across the space to where Zoro slept. Very gently, and after checking to make sure that the man's swords were at a safe distance away, he lifted himself into the hammock and straddled him.
At the first touch of Sanji's skin on his bare stomach, the swordsman came instantly awake. His eyes shot open, and strong hands gripped the cook's hips tightly. When his eyes lit on Sanji, he opened his mouth to speak, but Sanji quickly put a finger across his parted lips. With his eyes, he motioned across the room to the sleeping crew members. Zoro's brow furrowed which caused Sanji to smile and silently issue his challenge by leaning back to grind down against the top of the other man's groin.
Even confused and groggy, Zoro's body had no problem interpreting the cook's message. His hips immediately flexed to meet the contact. The blonde had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing out loud at the almost instinctual neediness in the body below him. He would have found the reaction completely pathetic if it didn't turn him on so completely.
He scooted forward again, reached back, and hooked his hands under the waistband of Zoro's pants to urge them down past the developing erection. Once they reached bent knees, the swordsman took over and kicked them the rest of the way off. The hammock swayed with the motion, and Sanji told the man what a bumbling idiot he thought he was by leaning down and biting sharply against the tense side of his neck.
Callused hands push into the thick strands of his hair and a quiet sigh was breathed hotly into his ear. If this was one of their usual encounters, Sanji knew that Zoro would be grunting deeply by now as the cook tortured his sensitive neck with tongue and teeth. But the noise restriction was understood and so far followed, and Sanji was amazed at how incredibly arousing he found this added restraint.
He leaned forward and caught Zoro's mouth in a hard wet kiss that held for a long moment before he pulled back with a sharp nip. He lifted himself up enough to scoot down, careful not to upset the hammock and dump them both on the floor. His ass hit the front of Zoro's still half-bent knees, and with a glare and nudge, told the idiot to straighten out so he could lay out properly. Once the other man shifted, the blonde rested against him groin to groin, and just barely kept himself from moaning at the wonderful contact.
He leaned up on his elbows to look down on the other man. Zoro's entire body was flushed and coated with a developing sheen of sweat. His dark eyes were only half open but watching the cook intently.
Sanji leaned down and licked across the swordsman's collar bone dragging his tongue slow and teasing. Lifting slightly from the tanned wet skin, he blew gently across the surface, grinning as pebbles of goose bumps rose and the stretch of muscles beneath pulled tight and tense. He looked up to see Zoro biting down on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, and sure enough, a small trickle of crimson dripped from the corner of his mouth. Sanji smirked and licked at the other man's salty stained lips. He was so totally going to win.
Catching the cook's expression, Zoro released his white-knuckled grip against the hammock and reached for the blonde. Sanji's right ankle had gotten tangled in the rope at the edge of the hammock at some point, so when Zoro hooked his hands under Sanji's knees to pull him into a different position, the snagged foot pulled and the hammock swayed dangerously.
Zoro's brow furrowed in a tight frown. Sanji rolled his eyes, and indicated the trapped appendage with a jerk of his head. Zoro just looked at him and tried pulling at his legs again. The hammock swayed and Sanji scowled while jerking his head a little harder. Zoro blinked at him and clearly wasn't getting it.
"Oi, Zoro, Sanji's leg is stuck."
Both of their heads whipped around to see Luffy's wide attentive eyes peering at them in the darkness. Usopp was also very much awake, with sweat covering his skin and both hands pressed tightly over his eyes. He started to chant.
"I'm not here. I'm in a nice happy place where the sun is shining brightly and no one is naked. I'm not here. I'm in a nice happy place where the sun is shining brightly and no one is naked…"
Chopper, laying in an identical position, joined in the chant with a distressed watery voice.
" Me too, me too, me too, me too…"
"SHIT!"
Zoro's panicked shout was the only warning Sanji received before he found himself being shoved abruptly out of the hammock. His foot remained caught, so when he tumbled to the cold floor, he twisted the hammock on its side, spilling out a naked swordsman right on top of him. He cried out when a sharp elbow caught him hard in the ribs, and with an angry scowl, slapped the fucker on the head.
"Watch it, Asshole!"
"You watch it, Shitty Cook! This is all your perverted fault!"
"Ha! You two are so interesting!" Luffy laughed. "Hey Usopp, look at that birth mark on Zoro's backside. It looks like a little frog wearing a funny hat."
"DON'T LOOK THERE!" Zoro roared
"I'M IN A NICE HAPPY PLACE WHERE THE SUN IS SHINING BRIGHTLY AND NO ONE IS NAKED…"
"ME TOO! ME TOO! ME TOOOOOOOOOO!"
"GET OFF OF ME UGLY ASSHOLE!"
"WHO'S UGLY, YOU SHITTY LUSTFUL GROPING PERVERT?"
There was a sharp banging on the wall.
"WILL ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!"