Chapter Six

I'm Sorry

"Anything on Baby Doe's body that would give us any idea about who her parents were or where they came from?" Woody asked Bug. He had come into the morgue early the morning after Jordan's revelation about Sophie. The truth was, he hadn't been able to sleep any the night before. Images of a pregnant Jordan, Jordan with the baby, and then a grieving Jordan kept running through his mind and his dreams. Those, coupled with the fact that he had done nothing to comfort her the night before because she no longer felt at ease around him, made for very little sleep. Finally at five, Woody gave up the fight, showered, and came into his office. He had waited until he knew the morgue had opened and sought Bug out. The detective was ready to put the Baby Doe case behind him as soon as he could…for as much as it was a difficult case, it also had put yet another kink in his relationship – whatever that was – with Jordan.

"I can tell you the child was breast fed, that the blanket she was wrapped in came from JC Penneys…"

"Local or where?"

"That I can't tell you. It was a blanket all of the stores carried from 1998 until 2003…"

"So it could have been bought anywhere…."

"In the continental United States," Bug finished.

"Damn…." Woody sighed and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He had showered, but hadn't taken the time to shave or comb his hair. The urgency of his mission had taken precedence over his looks.

Until now. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of her…her long chestnut hair spilling down her back as she went into her office, took off her coat, and shut her door….just like she did every day of the week. The urgency of his mission was immediately forgotten. How does she go on with her life after…Woody wondered. He couldn't imagine how she continued to function at her job after everything she went through. Or maybe it was because of that. Maybe it was because of Sophie's death, as well as her mother's, that Jordan felt she had to bring justice for every family and body that crossed her desk.

But still…he had so many unanswered questions. Woody turned his attention back to Bug when he remembered what Jordan had said the other night…. Bug was at the morgue then, so he knew, too … about the suicide attempt…and Sophie…and me…

"Bug, why didn't you tell me the reason that Jordan asked Garret to give you the Baby Doe case?"

"I thought Garret told you she was taking vacation…" Bug hedged, not knowing exactly how much Woody knew.

"No… not that. The real reason…" Woody trailed off, his eyes carrying volumes of meaning that Bug quickly interpreted.

"You know then?" Bug asked quietly.

"I do…she told me last night at her apartment. Why didn't someone tell me about why Jordan broke down after this case?"

"Would it have made a difference in the way you treated her?"

"Yeah…it would."

Bug sighed and turned his attention back to the tests he was running on Baby Doe's effects…the tiny sleeper, the blanket, the socks…"It wasn't my place to tell you. You know how private of a person Jordan is…I figured if she wanted you to know she would tell you herself. I'm kind of surprised she told you at all, given how things are between you two and …"

"And the fact that I've acted like a real bastard the last six months or so." Woody smiled grimly at his confession.

"That, too."

Woody sighed and dropped down into a chair beside Bug. "I kind of pushed the issue …and she told me…." Okay, so it wasn't the whole truth, but Woody figured if he told Bug that he had reduced Jordan to tears in the elevator, the man would hurt him. The morgue staff had circled their wagons around Jordan as far as the detective was concerned. She was off limits to him. "But what did the Baby Doe case do that would prompt her to go back to Denver….you'd think with a city that held so many bad memories for her, she'd avoid the place like the plague."

"Baby Doe's death…and the fact that we really can't explain it…made Jordan rethink Sophie's death. She wanted to go back and review her daughter's medical files…see if there wasn't anything else she or the other doctors could have done. Jordan had to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she had truly done all she could have for her daughter."

"It's as simple as that?"

Bug nodded, and then added quietly, "Closure, Woody. She needed closure. Jordan was afraid that if another case involving a baby came up, she'd go off the deep end again. She figured if she could reassure herself one more time…"

"She could really put it behind her."

"As much as one could under these circumstances," Bug finished.

Woody watched her through the widow of her office from Bug's desk for a few minutes. She sat down and turned on her computer, turning to the stack of files on her desk. She didn't put on her scrubs, which meant she was probably tied to her desk with paperwork for a while. He studied her carefully, before getting up to go over to her office. "I'll be back in a minute, Bug…"

"Are you sure you're doing the best thing?" Bug called after Woody as he saw the detective heading for Jordan's office.

I don't know. I honestly don't know…much of anything anymore, Woody answered in his own head. The woman I thought I knew so well…He stopped outside her door, looking her over one more time before going in. The dark circles hugging her eyes told him that she hadn't slept anymore than he had the night before. That old, familiar feeling of fear and protectiveness found itself in his throat again, even though Woody knew he was no in way responsible for this particular past hurt. But he had made her rehash her feelings and emotions…feelings and emotions she probably had long-since tapped down and dealt with. He had forced her to resurrect the memory of a baby and her lost motherhood. And if nothing else, he could apologize for that. Tentatively he knocked at her door.

"It's open," Jordan called out, never taking her eyes off her computer screen.

"Morning…" he stood awkwardly in the doorway, shifting his weight from one foot to the next.

"Hi…what brings you to this neck of the woods?" she asked, still not taking her eyes off her screen.

He came the rest of the way in her office and shut the door. "I just wanted to tell you one more time how sorry I was about last night…I didn't mean to make you cry…or dig up old memories you didn't want to deal with again…it's just that you've never bailed on me with a case before and I…"

"If you're looking for absolution, Woody, you've come to the wrong place. The memories are mine and I chose to bring them back up. I let Baby Doe prod me into dealing with Sophie again. In someway, probably every dead baby I will work on from now until I retire will make me do that." Her voice carried the cool, professionalism that had begun to mark their relationship.

Woody winced at her tone. He had hoped that after last night the emotional walls they had built between the two of them might topple a little…that the boundaries he had made her put up could be torn down just a tad…maybe he had dreamed of too much too fast. But he was willing to push the issue and wouldn't leave until he could see if she was willing to take a little of what he was trying to give her. All she could do was say no and push him back out of her life.

And things could go back to the way they were – however much he didn't want them to.

So he sat down on the couch in front of her. "I just wanted to apologize one more time. I am sorry, Jordan…I just wish I would have known…it would have made the issues a little clearer for me…"

Sighing, Jordan turned to face him, getting up from her desk to prop herself in front of it. "I know. That's why I told you … I just felt I needed to explain myself to you before you got anymore wrong ideas about me than you already had." She tried to grin ruefully at him…to disperse the somber atmosphere that was weighing down both of them. But his next question made that impossible.

"Is that why you're so relationship-shy?" Woody asked. The sudden impulsiveness of his question even startled him.

And caught Jordan completely off guard. Her mouth opened slightly in disbelief. "Yeah….probably," she stammered, lowering her head and avoiding his all-too-knowing blue eyes. Eyes that still made her weak in the knees. "I mean…if the relationship…our relationship … if you could ever have called it that … had progressed … then the next step is usually…."

"First comes love, then comes marriage," Woody said softly.

"And then comes Woody with a baby carriage," she finished. "Quickly followed by all of Jordan's fears and paranoia…" She smiled grimly.

Woody locked eyes with her and silently contemplated what she had just revealed to him. She had loved him…maybe for months…maybe even longer…but her fears of what that emotion could do to her had kept her silent until… "If I had never been shot…would you ever have told me that you loved me?" he asked, keeping his eyes on hers.

Jordan's surprised look turned to shock when she saw Woody had tears in his eyes. "Oh, Woods…" she said, coming to sit beside him on the couch, taking his hands in hers. "Yes. I tried to tell you the night after you gave me that friendship ring…when you came back to my office the night of my birthday…but you didn't let me get a word in edgewise and your mind seemed to be pretty made up. So I figured it was for the best…then, when I nearly lost you … all I could think about was how awful my life would be without you in it….and that I was willing to risk everything if we could be together. But my timing sucked…and I didn't realize you had already moved on…I'm sorry, Woody. Sorry that everything worked out this way … that I even said anything at all … especially since you had already put us behind you and moved on … I'm sorry…just so sorry for everything…not telling you sooner … then telling you the way I did….when I did…especially after you said we could only be friends…I really dick things up with people I care about. All I can say is I'm sorry, Woody. And I really mean it. I'm sorry…" Jordan knew she was rambling to the point she wasn't even sure she made sense…it was just that everything she had about him in her heart…that she had been carrying around for months…finally came out. She looked down at their hands, still intertwined and was surprised to find that she was holding on to his hands too tightly for him to pull away. "Sorry…" she said, releasing his fingers suddenly.

Only to feel him tighten his hands back around hers. "Me, too. Sorry that you felt you couldn't tell me everything, but I guess me being a hard ass made it sort of impossible for you to do. I didn't let you finish saying what you were wanting to tell me that night when I came back to your office after I gave you that damn ring." Woody reached out and gently lifted her chin with one hand so she was looking at him in the eyes and gave her rueful grin. "I guess we're both pretty good at dicking up relationships."

He heard her sigh and echoed his own in response. Gently he released her chin and tugged her to sit back with him on the couch, gently looping one arm around her shoulders. "So where do we go from here, Jo?" he asked, positioning her as close to his side as she would let him…which to his surprise was pretty close.

"Do you think we can at least be friends again? This professional-crap-only with you is getting on my last nerve…you're my best friend, Woody…"

She felt rather than heard his quiet chuckle and let him pull her in even closer for a hug. "Yeah…friends it is. I don't know anyone that has gone to the wall for me like you have…"

"And you've been more than patient with me…"

That's my in…he fleetingly thought before clearing his throat and tugging her even more snugly up against him. "You're always patient with someone you love…" he whispered in her ear before feeling her move away slightly to look him in the eyes.

Once again, he held her gaze and seeing surprise but no resistance, slowly lowered his lips to hers. Again. And again…until he felt Jordan kissing him back.