A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry it took so long, as you might've read, I had major major major writer's block. So, it took me quite a bit to get a chapter out. I would like the thank my fantastic beta Jemi! She is so great! If it weren't for her my story would end up like complete shit. Oh, and my apologies to my other betas, inuyasha'sgirl951, and Blaze. Sorry I didn't wait for your guys' edits of the chapter, I got bored and impatient so I decided to post the next chapter. Anyway, here's the next chapter, hope it's to your liking!
Disclaimer: Story belongs to J.K. and all that jazz.
Warnings: Slash, language, cutting, maybe some other stuff down the road.
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Chapter Two: Trashed and Scattered (Chapter title comes from the song by Avenged Sevenfold)
Draco Malfoy's eyes fluttered open to reveal a shockingly white ceiling. Although it was dark and appeared to be either very late at night or very early in the morning, the ceiling was so white it was practically luminescent.
It took a few moments for it to sink in, but Draco soon realized he was, in fact, in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts. Ah, fuck, what happened? I'm in so much pain…
The memories began to rush back to him. He remembered everything and nearly broke down.
He was overcome with extreme melancholy as the memories of Harry's initial rejection resurfaced.
He then warmed when the memory of Harry's confession rushed into his mind. Harry loves me, he loves me.
Draco's thoughts were interrupted when heard a slight snore come from beside him. He, ever-so carefully, tilted his head to see what caused the noise.
His silver eyes soon fell on the slumbering form of his love, Harry, in an armchair beside his bed.
Harry was curled up in a ball, looking rather uncomfortable and had tear-streaked cheeks. Draco just stared at his sleeping beauty until he began to grow dizzy.
As the room began to spin, Draco vaguely saw Harry awaken and he heard his love call his name.
Before Draco succumbed to the depths of unconsciousness, he said "Harry……I love you."
Draco woke up again staring at the same white ceiling, but this time the room was bathed in light.
Draco quickly turned his head to see if Harry was still beside him. His sight settled on a clearly vacant armchair; no Harry in sight.
Draco scanned the whole room to make sure there was in fact a lack of Harry when he saw a note on the side of his pillow. He picked it up and it simply read, 'I love you. Goodbye.'
Draco instantly knew it was from Harry, but was completely confused by the goodbye. What does he mean by goodbye? I'll see him in classes later on…I hope everything's alright.
Draco's thoughts were interrupted once again, but this time it was by Dumbledore entering the room.
"Ah, Draco, so good to see you up. How are you feeling?" Dumbledore's tone was light and nonchalant, but Draco could sense the hint of worry in the headmaster's voice.
"I'm fine, sir. A little sore and groggy, but nothing to worry about."
"Well, Draco, would you care to talk about what happened?" Dumbledore said, obviously wanting to get to the bottom of things.
"Umm….you see….hmpf. It's a very long story professor, and I think it would be all too shocking for you to hear." Draco was very hesitant in revealing the events leading up to his present state.
"My dear boy, don't underestimate me, I believe I am quite aware of what's going on. Though I am a bit baffled as to why you tried to end your life."
How could he possibly know what was going on between Harry and I? There wasn't anything going on until last night? Well, I guess I could tell him…at least the basics…
"You see, I confessed my love to someone the other night. He didn't reciprocate the love until I had already….injured myself.
"I didn't think the person would love me, mind you, for we have been on bad terms since first year.
"But he said some rather harsh words and it crushed me. Afterwards, he came rushing in at the last moment, revealing his love for me. I don't know what happened after that, because I lost consciousness."
"I see, I see. Draco, are you, perhaps, talking about one Harry Potter?" Dumbledore said, with mass amounts of twinkle in his eye.
Draco's panicked thoughts flooded his mind upon hearing the old man's words. Fuck, he does know. Damn his twinkling eyes...But how does he know?
Draco took a deep breath and responded. "Yes. But, may I ask, how do you know? I didn't confess my love until the other night and neither did he. So, how did you know we loved each other before we ourselves knew?"
"Draco, it isn't all that hard to see when two people are in love. I doubt many others noticed, though. So far I think Severus and I are the only ones who've noticed, and quite possibly Remus Lupin, but the fact still stands; you two are clearly in love.
"I see the way you two gaze at each other longingly. It is quite obvious, though the other students probably didn't notice, being wrapped up in their own love lives."
"Sev knows?" Oh fuck, my godfather knows! He's going to tell my father and that will not go over well at all. I'm fucking screwed!
"Don't worry, the thought to tell your father hasn't even crossed Severus' mind. And even if it did, it would be very unlikely for him to inform your father." Dumbledore said, seemingly reading Draco's mind.
"Why do you say that? Why wouldn't he rat me out to my father? He is just another fucking Death Eater!
"He'd do anything to get in good with that sick bastard they call their Dark Lord, and sucking up to my father is definitely a way to get closer to Voldemort!"
Shit, this morning is not going over well. Dumbledore knows of me and Harry, Sev knows of me and Harry and my father soon will find out.
"Well, as you have proved yourself a worthy spy for the light, I will reveal the fact to you that Severus is a spy for the light. That's why he didn't bat an eyelash when he found out you were becoming a spy for the light as well.
"He holds no loyalty with the Death Eaters, I assure you. He also cares very much for you, Draco, and would rather sacrifice himself than put you in harm's way, though he might not show it."
Draco really wanted to hear more details on his godfather being a spy, and think about how he hadn't gathered that he was a spy earlier. He also wanted talk to the headmaster more about Harry, but sleep was sneaking up on him. He realized he felt exhausted, and his eyes, against his will, drooped.
Dumbledore noticed the change in Draco's demeanor, and decided to take his leave the let the boy rest. "Draco, I think it's time you got some more rest.
"I know you want to hear more about Severus, but I think you've had enough excitement for one night. I'll return tomorrow and Severus will come too. But now, you need to rest."
"I am feeling really tired," Draco mumbled out, suppressing a yawn. "I guess we can pick up where we left of tomorrow, Professor. Good night."
"Good night, Draco. Sleep well."
As Dumbledore left the room, Draco closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep. But with all this new information plus the note from Harry, needless to say he did not sleep a wink.
Draco laid there for a few hours, just mulling everything over. When Madame Pomfrey came out to check on him, she said he would be able to leave the next day, but would need to take it easy for a while.
Draco was a bit upset over having to stay in the Hospital Wing for another night: it left him alone with his thoughts.
Thankfully, he asked Madame Pomfrey for a sleeping draught, and she kindly complied. Draco soon fell into a dreamless sleep.
He awoke the next day a bit after 7 in the morning feeling slightly refreshed but was soon bombarded by his lingering thoughts. He was still confused about the note Harry left, and really didn't know what to think of it.
Shaking the thoughts from his head, Draco rose from his bed of the past few days and began a well-needed stretch. By the time he finished stretching, Madame Pomfrey came out of her office to check on him.
The meticulous school nurse quickly permitted him to leave, but reminded him to take it easy and not to stress himself too much.
As Draco made his way to the dormitories for a very nice shower, he ran into none other than the Golden Boy himself.
"Hi, Harry. Um…can we talk?" Draco didn't notice the cold glare Harry gave at him or the fact that Ron and Hermione were on either side of him.
"Why would we need to talk, Malfoy?" Harry snapped icily.
"What are you talking about….what with everything that's happened wouldn't you expect us to talk?" Draco was utterly lost and had no clue what was going on.
"Malfoy, there's nothing to talk about. You should've understood perfectly with….the note I left." It took a while for Draco to catch on, but when he did it hit him like a ton of bricks.
He doesn't want me. But doesn't he love me? He doesn't want to be with me. He doesn't want us together. He doesn't want me. He doesn't want me…
"Oh, I see…" Draco said softly, using all his strength to fight back the tears begging to rush out. With that, Harry sent him one last icy glare, and stormed off with his friends.
Draco lost sense of everything. He no longer knew his surroundings, everything melted away, and he just didn't care.
He fell to the ground, releasing the tears that he barely contained moments before. Sobs crashed out of his body, echoing down the lonely hallway.
Draco curled himself into a ball, slightly muffling the cries coming from him.
The tears were streaming down his face, soaking his clothes. He didn't care. The only thing on his mind was Harry. Harry.
Not again! He told me he fucking loved me! How could he do this to me? Especially after what happened! I can't deal with this; having him and then fucking losing him before I was able to spend any fucking time with him!
He just decides we shouldn't be together, though we love each other! WE LOVE EACH OTHER! Isn't that enough! Why isn't that enough? Why am I not enough?
Harry, please come back to me. I can't live without you, and you know I can't. Don't fucking leave me, Harry. Please. Harry…
Severus Snape was walking down the hallways of Hogwarts on his way to check on his godson. He was just to the Hospital Wing when he heard distant cries. Someone was obviously very upset.
I really want to check up on Draco, but he's probably still sleeping. I suppose he can wait, there's no way I'm letting this person get away with such disruptions.
Besides, I always love being able to deduct points before breakfast even begins. A great start to the day.
Snape made his way back a few hallways until he found the hallway the cries were emanating from. Snape made his way down the hall, seeing someone curled into a ball in the middle of the floor.
How improper; just plopped down in the middle of the hall. Well, I'll make sure they learn not to behave so poorly…
Snape's thoughts stopped abruptly as soon as he realized the person emitting the horrendous sobs was his godson.
Draco was in the middle of a hallway, knees held to his chest, face buried in his knees, crying his heart out. This was all too much.
Snape stood there a few moments until he composed himself enough to try and talk to the broken boy. "Draco…Draco are you alright?" Draco was startled by the presence of his godfather, but soon didn't care in the slightest.
"What does it fucking look like?" Draco choked out between sobs. Even when going through such emotional pain, Draco was still able to be the regular Malfoy smartass.
"Alright, alright. But, Draco, what happened?" Snape grew even more worried when Draco's cries intensified tenfold and he was unable to get any response out.
Snape quickly knew that now was not a time for talking, and swiftly closed the distance between him and his godson, embracing him in a loving hug.
The usually hard-face man didn't care that it was very unlike him to show such affection; Draco was in pain. Fucking unbearable pain. And he needed comfort. And Snape was more than willing to give him said comfort.
Snape held Draco for nearly an hour, not caring it was getting close to the time his first class started. He held Draco until his godson was calm enough to be released.
When Draco was calmer, he looked up at his godfather with red puffy eyes, a wet and blotchy face, but a warm and grateful smile.
Even though he was crushed, having his godfather there for comfort was unbelievably wonderful. He'd hardly ever seen Sev show emotion, much less loving emotion.
Snape gave Draco one more quick hug, and wiped the tears from the boy's face before getting up and trying to talk to him. He helped Draco up and then went in for the kill.
"Draco, what happened?" Draco's face fell. After a few moments, Draco responded with fresh tears running down his face.
His voice was just loud enough for his words to be made out, "Harry…" It took a few moments for Snape to try to figure out what was going on.
Snape knew they loved each other, that much was obvious, but how did that result in Draco lying broken in an abandoned hallway?
He doubted they had actually known about the other loving them, because of the way they snuck glances at each other when they thought the other wasn't looking.
What happened? Did Potter have to do with Draco trying to….kill himself too? If he did, Snape was going to have a very serious chat with this brat. But, alas, Snape was still very confused.
Well, maybe Dumbledore could clue him in a bit. Snape didn't want to pressure Draco right now and put him in any more pain than he was in at the moment.
"No need to explain, Draco. You can tell me later. Just remember, I'm always here if you need me. No matter what, you can turn to me. Now, I think it would be wise for you to go back to the dormitories and rest a bit.
"Don't worry about classes; I'll be sure to excuse you from them. Now, off with you. Go get some sleep, you could definitely use it.
"Don't do anything rash either, like a few days ago." Snape gave Draco a warning glance before continuing.
"I couldn't live with myself if you ended your life. I love you Draco. You're just like a son to me. Please hang on; you can make it through this. And I'm always here for you.
"I have classes right now, but I can come check on you between them and we can talk at the end of the day if you want. But, you have to rest now.
"Off you go, and try to get some sleep." Before Snape could turn on his heel and leave, he was enveloped in a very loving hug by his godson.
"Thank you Sev. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'll be in contact with you later, but I can't talk...not yet. I'll see you soon. Bye." With that Draco released his godfather and slumped off down to the dungeons.
Snape realized he had a class in about fifteen minutes, but decided he needed to talk to Dumbledore as soon as possible. He quickly swept off to the Headmaster's office.
As Harry brushed past Draco, his heart sank. How could I do that to him? I love him, and he loves me! Why can't we be together? Of course we can't be together.
People are already plenty judgmental towards same-sex couples, but a same-sex couple that involves the Boy-Who-Lived and a son of a very well known Death Eater? People would have a huge fit!
It wouldn't work. It'd put Draco in so much pain…I couldn't do that to him. But he must think I hate him or else he'll convince me to stay with him.
Why did I have to write that note? I told him I loved him again, how stupid of me! I'm just so confused right now…
"Hey, Harry? What was that with ferret-boy back there?" Ron questioned. Harry froze. Of course Ron's wondering what's going on. I mentioned the note. I mentioned the fucking note! I'm such an idiot!
Harry quickly composed himself and easily spat out a lie. "Well, you see Ron, I sent Malfoy a note telling him to fuck off and whatnot, because I'm sick of all our immature fighting.
"So I told him to stop insulting me and my friends and I'll have the decency to stop insulting him and his friends."
"You made a bloody truce with him? How could you Harry? He's been an asshole to us all these years at Hogwarts!"
"No, Ron, I didn't make a truce, per se. It's more of a 'stay out of my face or you'll be fucking sorry' agreement. I just want to stay away from him this year.
"It's our final year and I want it to go as smoothly as possible, and fighting with Malfoy is not exactly what I want to spend my time doing in my final year. That's all. I'm just done with all that shit with Malfoy, it's pointless."
"I guess…it does kind of make sense. But if he doesn't act more civilized I don't care, I'll hex his ass to hell and back." Ron gave Harry an approving smile and a pat on the back. "Actually, it was a pretty smart thing to do."
"Yeah, Harry. I'm really proud of you. Getting past your childish fighting. It's a very mature thing to do." Hermione added with a smile.
Oh, thank god Ron believed that bullshit! And even Hermione fell for it! And they didn't catch that Draco called me Harry, or the look in his eyes when I told him off. That was so hard to do; the look on his face nearly killed me.
But now, I have to keep pretending to hate Draco…no biggie. Sort of. Oh, who am I kidding, it's going to be fucking torture pretending to hate him. I don't know how I managed all these years…
Harry sunk deep into his thoughts as Ron, Hermione, and he made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Once they finished up their meals, Hermione and Harry headed off for Potions and Ron went to Divination.
Ron still couldn't believe he got stuck with that crap class, and Harry was even more upset about having Potions; however, he needed it to become an Auror.
When Harry and Hermione arrived to Potions, they weren't surprised to see Snape, or rather not to see Snape, for he always came at the very last second. They were surprised, however, to see a Draco-less Potions class.
Especially since his two sidekicks were there, seemingly confused about the absence of their leader. Harry and Hermione exchanged curious glances, but where Hermione shrugged it off, Harry's thoughts began to eat away at him.
Where's Draco? Why isn't he in class? He's always here early to torment us when we arrive. And he wasn't at breakfast either…fuck, I hope I didn't upset him when we ran into each other.
Of course he'd be upset, I told him I loved him one minute and the next acted as if I hated him! I'm such an idiot!
Harry sat in a nervous state until Snape rushed into the classroom. Snape was paler then usual, and seemed extremely on edge.
Now Harry was just plain scared. Hardly anything fazed the Potions professor but when something did, watch out.
Snape quickly spat out the agenda for the day and instructed people to begin brewing their potions. As Harry stood up to gather his ingredients, Snape called out, "Potter, my office. Now!"
Harry's heart sank at hearing Snape's voice. It was filled with so much venom and hate, Harry nearly feared for his well-being. What has gotten Snape so pissed at me? Oh, Draco…how much of an idiot can I be today?
Harry slowly made his way across the room to Snape's office. Once inside, Snape slammed the door shut with all his might. Harry gulped, dreading what was to come.
"Now, Potter, what have you done to Draco?" Snape's words were drowning in malice. Harry took a deep breath before gathering himself to explain everything that happened.
"You see, Professor, the other night Draco came to talk to me. He told me he loved me, and then I, uh, well, I punched him. Twice." Before Harry could continue, Snape jumped out of his chair, screaming,
"You punched him? You fucking punched him? How stupid can you get?" Harry flinched after hearing Snape's yells.
Harry waited a few minutes for Snape to calm down before continuing. He had never seen Snape this pissed and it scared him shitless.
"There's more, sir. I punched him and basically told him I hated him. Please don't yell. Not yet. Let me continue. Okay, so I stormed out of the room, and then after a while I came to my senses.
"I ran to Draco's room and was lucky to get to the portrait when a third year was leaving. I slipped through before it closed and made my way up to Draco's room. I found him…on the floor bleeding.
"He'd cut his wrists and was about to pass out. I ran over to him and confessed my love for him right before he passed out.
"I rushed him to the Hospital Wing and stayed there all night watching him to see if he would wake up.
"I snuck back into my dorm a bit before people started waking up. I stayed in the hospital wing the next night too, with all intentions of sneaking back into my room once again.
"But while in the hospital wing, I accidentally…um…cried myself to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night though and saw Draco looking at me.
"I ran over to him, but he quickly passed out. The rest of the night I thought about if we had an open relationship. And by morning I had come to the conclusion he'd be better off if we weren't together.
"If we went out, no one would accept us. I doubt even Ron or Hermione would accept the relationship. I couldn't put him through that pain. So I wrote him a very brief note saying 'I love you. Goodbye.'
"And then I left the Hospital Wing. But I ran into him this morning, and I acted like such an asshole!"
At this point tears were freely falling down Harry's face and his voice was ragged and breathy, as he was trying to contain his sobs.
"I was so cold toward him! I can't believe myself! I acted like I fucking hated him!" Harry fell to the ground, the sobs finally breaking free.
"YOU WHAT? YOU FUCKING IMBECILE! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!" Snape was overwhelmed with rage towards the idiot lying before him.
"Do you have any fucking idea what he's probably doing right this moment!" Harry looked up, realization dawning on his face. "Oh bloody hell! We have to find him!"
With that, Snape and Harry burst out of his office and sprinted out of the class, leaving behind many a confused student.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! How could I be so stupid? What if he tries to kill himself again? We have to find him before it's too late! Harry was right behind Snape as they made a mad-dash for the Slytherin rooms.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! How could Potter be so stupid? What if he tries to kill himself again? Snape was right in front of Harry as they made a mad-dash for the Slytherin rooms.
Draco slowly made his way to his room. He was a bit calmer now that his godfather had shown actual compassion. But it was hardly enough to settle his screaming thoughts.
What if he doesn't love me? He probably remembered how rude I was to him all these years and has gotten over me! He hates me now, I know it!
How could I lose him, gain him, and then lose him again so quickly? It's just not worth it anymore. He shouldn't have saved me. The pain's too much to bear.
Draco trudged up to his room, knowing what he had to do. He rummaged around until he found his trusty switchblade. He popped it up and made the descent to his wrists once again.
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A/N: Oh the evilness of me! Me and my cliffies…I practically live on them! Anyway, hope all liked it and I, of course, wish for many a review! (Preferrably flame-less)
And now….
Review Response time!
Abi2: I know, I know it's so predictable. I'm still getting the cliché stories out of my system. I'll try to mix it up though in later chapters.
Ashura Taneth: Lol. Thanks
Jujube15: Thanks and hope you liked the last chapter.
Mely Bellatrix Julietta Spyko Mee: Wow, you have a long name…anyway, yay for caps lock responses! Thanks so much for the review!
Slychick25877: Your wish is my command. I have continued it (as you saw above) Hope you liked it!
xox-Rachelle-oxo: Yay I have talent! Fine fine, you convinced me to continue. Hopefully it's the brilliant story you were looking for. And now I'm excited for your review for it! And, as you just read, there's a lack of dead Harry and Draco. So, there ya go.
Wilbo Baggins: The bold print is a song by Bayside. And thanks so much for the review. You've given me many an option for how to continue the story. Thanks!
Stu6cle: Thanks for the review, although there seems to be asshole Harry right now, there is still a chance for that whole torturing in public, shagging in private thing later on. You'll just have to keep reading to find out….:)
Padfoots-one-and-only: Thanks for the review! Hope you liked the latest chapter, and can't wait for your next review!
Kami's-karma: Hope this latest chapter resolved your confusion. And, as many others requested, I've written more for you to feast your eyes on. I'ma hopin' you liked it!
BlendedFrog: I like your sn. It made me laugh. Well, there is still a living Draco in the story…but how long will that last? Oh, the horrible ways of me. And as you saw, Harry's chockfull of faux-hatred. Hope you liked it and review please!