Chapter 4: WTF? Future is-!
Ding… Ding… Ding… It was now 2 AM. All seemed normal, nothing out of the ordinary. Roy was fast asleep, no ghostly winds interrupting his slumber. Then his door knob handle began to jiggle. "Damn it to hell… Why'd I have to get this job… I'm not even dead!" Someone said from the outside. "The door's locked too! Damn!" He walked over to the window and opened it. "Least he's not above locking the window." He said with a smirk. He crawled inside and walked up to Roy. "Hey… wake up!" He spat. Roy mumbled and turned over. Then –SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!- "WAKE UP YOU STUPID HUMAN!" Envy shouted at Roy as he slapped him. Roy suddenly opened his eyes to a searing pain on his face and saw the green haired Homunculus standing over him. Roy panicked and grabbed his glove. He was about to snap when "HEY WAIT! I'm not here to kill you… at least not now…" Envy told him. Roy stared at Envy for a second with a puzzled look on his face.
"Wait… you're the Ghost of Christmas Shopping Days Future?" Roy asked. Envy looked away and said "Well, technically I'm not dead so I can't really be called a ghost…"
"This is definitely a dream." Roy said to himself. "Hmph, I wish." Envy said in an irritated tone. "But why are you future?" Roy asked Envy. He shrugged and said "The writer couldn't think of anymore dead characters she'd like to use. So it was either a choice between me or Wrath."
"Why just you or Wrath?"
"We're her favorite characters it seems… and then you apparently follow after us."
"Wow! Really?"
"Listen we're getting off topic here! I just want to get this over with!" Envy snapped. "So basically all I need to show you is how bad your life gets in the future. If don't talk, maybe we can finish this fast and I can go home!" And before Roy could say anything the scenery changed. Roy couldn't tell where he was. "Where are we?" He asked Envy. Envy looked around.
"I think… I think… Damn I forgot my line!"
Rei sighs. "It's 'I think we're in Central somewhere.' Got it?"
"Yeah, sorry about that…" Envy said nervously. "Anyways, I think we're in Central somewhere."
"Yeah, somewhere. But where?" Roy asked as he began to walk around. Envy stayed in his place and merely just turned his head to get a look around. "Oh, now I know where we are! We're in the back roads." Envy said.
"Back roads? Why in the back roads?" Roy asked. Envy rolled his eyes "You and your damn questions…" He then pointed straight ahead. Roy looked and he saw two people run past quickly. Roy and Envy followed. They then saw they were at a dead end and that some people had gathered at this dead end.
"It's time to get back at Roy." A voice said. "Yeah… I'm tired of him giving me mini-skirts every year." Said another voice, this one female. "… I really don't like the armor cleaner…" Another voice piped up. "He keeps telling me to get a girlfriend! Does he know about my luck with women! And I'm Jewish! I don't believe in Christmas!" Came another voice. A closer look told Roy that the group was made up of Ed, Al Havoc, Riza and a few other people who were also piping in about the bad presents that Roy had gotten them.
"He gave me his old socks… Unwashed!"
"He gave me a used book on advanced Algebra! And I hate math!"
"He gave me a dead plant!"
And the list went on. And finally Ed said "Hey, why can't we just go and get him now!"
"YEAH!" "Havoc! You go dig the grave!" Ed said.
"Are you serious?" Havoc asked. "Yes I am! Now go!" Ed said as he pointed to the cemetery. Havoc shrugged and headed off.
"They're going to try and kill me?" Roy said frantically. "Yup… If they'd do it to each other…" Envy said. Then the scenery changed again. They were now in the cemetery. It seemed Havoc had just arrived with a shovel. He chose a spot and began digging.
"He's… he's really digging!" Roy said terrified. "They're going to kill me because I didn't give them good presents?"
"Actually they were just going to stick you in a box and throw you down there for a day or two to learn a lesson. They weren't really going to kill you; it was just in the moment." Envy told Roy, even though Envy did like to see Roy panic like that. Roy just gave a sigh of relief and then saw that Havoc was done (that was fast) digging the so-called grave. Roy went up to it and looked down at it.
"Wow this is really deep…" He said. Envy forked and eyebrow and gave an evil grin. "Deep?"
"Yeah, really deep! I don't think anyone'd be able to get out of here easily."
"Really?"
"Yeah… wait why are you giving me that look?" Roy asked. Envy then pushed Roy in the hole and grabbed the shovel. Envy then began to shovel the dirt back in the hole.
"What the hell are you doing! You're help me not kill me!" Roy yelled out. Envy then gave Roy a look and pointed to himself. "Hello! Evil here! Besides, you aren't going to learn your lesson anyways…" And with that Envy continued to shovel the dirt in the hole.
Roy shot up and yelled "NOOOOO! … Oh it was a dream…" He said to himself gratefully. "But it felt like Envy really was there burying me alive… And I have dirt in my hair." He then looked around and saw the broken dollhouse he got for Elicia. "Wait… it's shattered… That's right Hughes came and shattered it! It wasn't a dream!"
Meanwhile, on a rooftop Envy is watching. "You are so lucky the writer refused to let me kill you! But she gave me permission that if you're still a cheapskate I can kill you!" Envy said. He was hoping that Roy wouldn't learn his lesson. Sure it may not have been any of the Elrics but it was the next best thing he supposed.
Well, it's still not over. I'm going to add one more chapter, maybe even another after that one. Yeah this isn't a very long fic XP But since when have I written a longfanfic (well, besides EPA... man I miss that fanfic...)? Anyways, Rei has to go.