Solitude

For the second time in the past day Sango saw the earth coming towards her at a dazzling rate of speed. Tears momentarily blurred her vision, but it wasn't entirely from the rushing of wind that whipped long tresses of deep black-brown hair into her eyes.

Kirara hit the ground and took several bounding leaps to absorb the force of impact. They had departed from the deep forest a short time ago, and now they stood in a solitary field far north of where this journey had first began – when Sango had left Kaede's village.

The sun was halfway on its journey from its noon zenith to its twilight slumber; if there had been any trees in the immediate vicinity they would have been casting decent shadows by now. As it were, the tall grasses that swayed lethargically in the gentle wind offered no hiding shadows from the cheery sun.

Sango slid from the back of her beloved demon-companion with a slight sigh as she stared at the looming mountains in the not-so-distant distance. Though there was a small smile on her face there was nothing jovial about it. The firecat, in a puff of flame, returned to her small form so as to mew and paw curiously at her mistress.

Obligingly, Sango lifted the small cat and cradled her in her arms, swaying gently to and fro as she petted the demon lovingly.

Somehow, Kirara was not comforted.

The pair stayed that way for quite some time, simply basking in the sunlight and enjoying the companionable (if slightly uncomfortable) silence. For her part, Sango delicately stroked and scratched the little cat. Finally, she spoke.

"You've been the most faithful and trustworthy of companions, Kirara." Though there was no real way of knowing exactly how much the cat demon could understand, the slayer somehow knew that her long-time friend would understand what she was saying. "You have meant the world to me."

The small cat purred and butted her head against her mistress's face lovingly; a single tear escaped from the corner of one of Sango's eyes.

"And that is why you cannot come with me."

Kirara mewed, the sound seeming to be a mixture of indignance, disbelief, and anger.

"I'm sorry, Kirara. You cannot follow me where I go." Her voice cracked with restrained emotion as she slowly set the cream cat down into the grasses.

Once again the creature mewed forlornly, pawing in askance at the leg of Sango's slayer suit.

"I need you to go back to the others. I need you to take care of them." Another tear slid escaped from her eye, but she quickly scrubbed it away; she couldn't show anything less than steely resolve. Not now.

"You musn't bring them here, either. I need to do something alone, and you or the others cannot interfere. Do you understand? I must do this alone. You must go now." She tried her best to sound stern, and yet still the firecat refused to budge.

Unexpectedly, the slayer wheeled on the small cat, snarling angrily at the creature, "Go!" She half-heartedly made to kick at her pet. She knew she couldn't actually do it, but the threat was there; thankfully, the agile demon leapt back, eyes wide and confused with hurt.

Sango's heart broke in two; she wanted nothing more than to apologize profusely, to take the small cat into her arms and cry for being so cruel…

But instead, she repeated the snarling threat. "Go!"

This time, the firecat took the hint; in a burst of flame she returned to her large form, and after only a few moments of further hesitation, she leapt into the air and took off, continuing to look back at her mistress in askance as if waiting for Sango to call her back at any moment…

But she didn't. Instead, Sango stood there, back straight, watching her friends retreat with a brave front for as long as she thought the cat could see her.

And the moment she was certain she couldn't, the demon slayer collapsed into the soft grass sobbing for the final goodbye. "I'm so sorry Kirara… I'm so sorry… I know that you would protect me to the death… But I can't let you do this – not this time…" she mumbled thickly, hoping vainly that the firecat would only on the good times when thinking back on her mistress.

'Like Miroku.'

The unbidden parallel blindsided her for a moment, and all at once a crushing feeling in her chest made it difficult to breath, much less sob.

She had been trying desperately not to think of the monk since the moment she had left; thinking of him overwhelmed her with a feeling of sorrow and loss. Thinking of him only led to an intense desire to see him, to touch him, to stroke his hair…

But she would never be able to do any of those things again. No; she had made her decision. She had left him with the others – she had left him where he would be safely out of the way, safely where he couldn't distract her – and more importantly, safely where he couldn't stop her. She had chosen her path and now she had to walk it.

For all her solid and resolute words of stone, her heart still clenched painfully at the reminder that she would never again see Miroku – or any of her friends. She had betrayed them, she had abandoned them, and she would never even get a chance to explain herself – she would never get a chance to plead for their forgiveness.

'If ever there were a way…' she pleaded silently with her guilt-ridden heart. 'But there is no other way; you know this. And they will too, someday.'

Yes; she had chosen her path, and now she would walk it.

Shoving all thoughts of Miroku and the others resolutely aside, Sango forced herself back to her feet, forcing one foot in front of the other. 'The further you go the sooner this can end.'