Part XII: Home Alone
Jessie and Katie were having a quiet dinner at Katie's apartment. With Christmas coming up, Jessie was probably bound for Chicago next week. Hoping her girlfriend would take her, Katie didn't even try to phone home to visit her parents for the holidays. They were after all living in London.
Come on Singer…
Drop the hints…
Make sure they're good…
Nervously, Katie tapped her plate with her fork.
"Jess… You didn't tell me where you'll spend Christmas."
Surprised, Jessie flinched. Katie caught the reaction.
Ok... bad line of thought…
Let's try again…
"I was just wondering if you're leaving since your mom is in Chicago right now…" Katie let out a smile.
Jessie turned her gaze to Katie.
What do I tell her?
I'm spending time with my family honey. I know your parents are out of the country but I can't take you with me. So I hope it's ok for you to spend Christmas alone.
Jessie shook her head which made Katie confused.
I know your parents are out of the country but I can't take you with me on Christmas Eve. But I'll be back as soon as possible on Christmas day.
"Jess?"
"Um… Well… I'm flying to Chicago Monday morning…"
"Oh…" Katie waited for Jessie to invite her to come.
They were already finished with dinner but the invitation did not come. It caused Katie to feel uneasy.
As they cuddled in the couch, Jessie felt cold in Katie's embrace. For some reason, the brunette's arms were cold. Jessie rubbed them gently. Looking up, she saw a distant look from Katie's eyes. Jessie let out a soft sigh and rested her head on Katie's chest. She felt the brunette's heart beat slowly. Jessie closed her eyes.
I'm sorry Katie...
But I can't tell them…
Not yet…
----
Karen read a few of her recipe books that night. She was trying to make herself preoccupied. It didn't really work.
Why is Jessie not saying a word?
Have I lost touch with my only daughter?
Karen rubbed her eyes. She tried to sort out the feelings she had inside.
She sang to her with more emotion in her voice than I ever heard her sing.
And Katie…
Does she really love Jessie?
Is this a phase?
She's too mature for that.
Whatever makes her happy…
I'll let her decide.
Karen smiled. Her thoughts were occupied with the picture of Jessie and Katie watching the snow fall around New York City: holding hands. For some reason, she was already happy.
----
The next day, Katie spent time with Sarah and Russell. Katie ran out of paint and was shopping for inventory.
"When are you going to show the painting to Jessie?" Sarah casually asked as she took a few cans of paint into their shopping cart.
"I don't know."
"Christmas day is a good day to show her. All snowy and romantic..." Russell grinned.
"She's going to Chicago Monday Morning. I doubt I'll see her Christmas day." Katie said trying to hide the hurt.
"Aren't you going with her?" Sarah asked.
Sarah was going back to Vancouver for Christmas to visit her parents. Russell was going back to his hometown as well. They began to worry at the probability that Katie might spend the Holidays home alone.
"I'll be fine. Don't worry." Katie replied.
"Katie…" Russell began to speak but was immediately cut off.
"Not a word…Not a word…" Katie motioned them to go to the cashier.
----
"Hello?" Jessie answered the phone in her apartment.
Jessie, honey, what time is your flight tomorrow?
"About 10 AM mom. I'll call you as soon as I get to there."
Just then Katie came in.
"Who are you talking to?" Katie asked as she put down the groceries she bought for Jessie.
"My mom." Jessie replied waving at her.
Jessie is Katie there? Will she go home for the holidays?
"Um… Yeah she will. Her parents are in town."
Katie furrowed her brows.
"Look mom I'll call you back ok?"
With that Jessie hanged the phone.
"Whose parents are in town?" Katie asked.
"Um… It's nothing honey. What did you buy?" Jessie desperately tried to change the subject.
Katie was unwilling to.
"Whose parents are in town Jess? Would they happen to be mine in context of your conversation with your mother?"
"Well… Uh…"
"Afraid she might ask me to spend the Holidays with you knowing I'll be alone?"
"No… It's just…" Jessie rubbed her hands.
This is not the conversation I want to have with her…
"Just what Jess? Can't tell them? Would you even tell them we're going out?"
"NO!" Jessie yelled.
She didn't know why but it was too late to try and make up for it. Katie stood up straight. It was like she was shocked with a million volts.
"Can't you trust us enough to at least tell them?"
"Katie… Let's just stop. Let's forget about this…"
"Forget? You want me to forget?" Katie felt her heart ache but not for the other woman in front of her but pain.
"Katie this is not up for discussion." Jessie sat on her couch and buried her head in her hands.
"What's not up for discussion? Us?" Katie asked her tone rising.
"Katie please…" Jessie pleaded under her hands.
"Is there even an US Jess?" Katie's voice cracked.
Katie was hurt, but she wouldn't cry in front of Jessie.
"Katie…" Jessie looked up to see Katie standing in front of her.
Katie didn't respond anymore. She took it upon herself to walk out of Jessie's apartment. Jessie just sat at her couch and watched her walk away. She just thought maybe it was for the best. It wasn't meant to last anyway. Or so she tried to convince herself.
Katie walked through the snowy streets with a heavy heart.
Love is overrated.
Love doesn't conquer all.
It's just a person's excuse for being a fool over another.
Katie sighed deeply. The winter air was so cold she was shivering under her coat.
Maybe straight girls will always be straight girls.
You're silly Singer…
Katie stopped walking and stared at the starless sky. The snow was gently falling in her face.
Jessica Sammler…
For the first time in my life…
I couldn't imagine myself with anyone except you…
But you're the same person I have to learn to live without…
Katie closed her eyes and then turned her gaze to the road ahead.
It was snowy, cold, and it might make Katie weary. But Katie gave a promise that she'll be alright. She will be, she thought. She just needs time.