Among the Angels

Chapter 1

Dear God, why is everything in my life going so terribly wrong? Why does it feel like everyone around me is getting everything they want and all I get is more misery. I mean, I do love John, I really do. But sometimes, sometimes I just regret even marrying him.

Last night John and I had had another one of our stupid fights. It started with my asking him who he had been out with that evening. It was the fourth time this week he had gone out after work. I also asked him why he didn't answer his phone. He just mumbled and walked into the kitchen. He always did this, he never wanted to talk to me or just tell me what was wrong. This wasn't our first argument and if I knew John, he'd get pretty heated if I kept bothering him. So I just left him alone and let him watch television with a beer in his hand. I went to my bedroom and sat on my side of the bed. I didn't know what to do, our marriage was falling apart before my eyes and I couldn't and didn't know how to save it. Was there any use in saving it? Yes, of course there was. Because even through all the fighting and yelling, me and John were a team. We were together through everything and one day we would be happy being married.

As I lay on my bed, I saw the picture of John and myself on our wedding day. Just moments after we were pronounced husband and wife. We looked so happy, that was just hours before we went our honeymoon to Aruba. I cried everytime I saw that picture and today was no exception. As I thought to myself about why I had wanted to marry John right away, I heard John switch off the television. I wiped my face incase he was coming to the bedroom and sat up. I waited but I didn't hear anything so I went outside to check what happened to him. I went out to the living room and saw that he had fallen asleep infront of the tv. He looked so peaceful and cute, he looked like the John I fell in love with. Not the one that argues with me and lies to me. Not the one that comes home at late hours of the night smelling like alcohol and smoke. I went over and put the blanket over him. Then I bent down and kissed his forehead, turned off the light and went to bed.

When I awoke the next morning I was surprised to see John lying next to me. I watched him breathe in and out for a few seconds and then got up to start making breakfast. Last night before I went to bed I had decided that I was no longer going to be the way I was and I was going to make John feel like I was his wife, not his mother. Instead of demanding to know where he was I wouldn't bother, I just wouldn't ask him. So I tucked him in and kissed his cheek and then went into the bathroom. When I got out, I slipped into my robe and went into the kitchen. It was about 10:00 am and I knew John would be getting up within the next hour or so. I called Steph's cell to see what she was doing, although I knew she was at the gym because after she dropped off her 5 year old son Robbie at kindergarten, she always headed to the gym.

I had also called to see if she was ready to go out tonight. It was the second Friday of the month and that meant only one thing - Ladies' Night. Around this time every month, Steph, Jasmine and I got together for shopping trips, movies, drinks, manicures, tennis and dinner. The three of us would spend an entire day leaving the boys to fend for themselves. We agreed to meet at her place around 6:30 and let John know that Jay was having the boys over for Poker night. As soon as we were done, I called Jasmine to let her know what time to meet us. She was out somewhere so I just left a message on her machine. I finished making breakfast by this time and I had already heard John getting up out of bed. I had made waffles, toast, bacon and poured his orange juice by the time he got up and came to the kitchen. He always looked so cute when he woke up, his hair was kinda messy and he was rubbing his eyes and yawning. I couldn't decide if we were on good terms or bad terms, but I soon found out my answer.

I had started washing the dishes when he came in, and when he noticed all the food on the table, he came up right behind me. So close I could smell the toothpaste on his breath. He came down and kissed my ear and then my cheek. "You didn't have to do this all on your own, you know I would've helped you." And that was all I needed from him to get my answer. He quickly changed from my drunk, loud, irrational husband to the sweet, loveable, appreciative man I fell in love with.

As we sat down to eat, I was feeling alot better about our relationship. I knew we still weren't on the best terms, but we were past the anger and fighting. John read the newspaper while he ate, he always did. But today, even though I had laid it out for him, just the way he wanted it he didn't even touch it. Instead, he talked to me. It had been weeks since we had actually talked to each other without yelling, fighting or crying. After taking a deep breath, John finally let me know where he was last night.

He had been arrested for assaulting a man at a local bar while having a few beers with his friend, Randy. A few girls that were sitting at a nearby table had spotted the two and came over for a couple autographs. Unfortunately, their boyfriends had also came and thought John and Randy were doing something more than just signing napkins. Things got out of hand and John had hit the guy over the head with his beer bottle. The guy started bleeding and someone had called the cops, since the other guy was bleeding John was arrested, even though the other guy threw the first punch. Randy had went down to the police station with John to try and clear things up with the cops but they didn't listen to him. After what seemed like hours and hours of persuasion, the cops finally let John go with a warning. John hadn't been drinking very much but because he hit the guy with his bottle, beer had spilled all over his clothes.

As he told me this, I didn't know what to say. I felt horrible for being so demanding and pushy. He explained that last night he just didn't know how to tell me all this and because I looked upset already, he didn't want to upset me even more. He just wanted the night to be over so he could put it behind him. He had also purposely fallen asleep on the couch so that I would come and tuck him in, then go to bed. He didn't think it was right if he went to bed with me while I was upset so he waited till I was fast asleep till he lay down next to me. I put down my orange juice and went over to John. I sat down on his lap, hugged him and just cried. I didn't know what else to do, here I was wondering if me and John were strong enough to handle marriage, yet he's already doing everything he can to make sure we stay together. How could I have ever doubted my husband?

Just as I wiped my tears off my face, the phone rang. It was Randy calling to see how John was after last night. I assured him John was fine, and that it was very nice of him to call and ask. I told him that John had told me what happened last night and he said that was good, because he was also calling to remind John that he had promised to tell me. He asked to speak to John so I handed him the phone and cleared the dishes from the table. As they talked, I cleaned up everything and went to have a shower. So far this was shaping up to be a pretty good day...