Chapter 5:
Early Saturday morning after being up till just after 3 am, I was awoken by the tiptoes of little Robbie. I had awoken when he first opened the door to my bedroom but I didn't open my eyes. I could feel him watching me and finally he whispered "Tashy," which is what he called me ever since he began talking. I opened my eyes and saw him looking back at me. When I asked him what was wrong, he said his mom was gone and he couldn't find her. I woke up John and told him to stay with Robbie while I went to find Steph. He asked how I knew where to look, and I told him that I was her best friend, how wouldn't I know where she is?
John got up and went into the bathroom while I took Robbie over to the television and turned on some cartoons for him to watch while John was in the bathroom. He asked if he could come and I told him that I would be back soon and his mom wouldn't want him outside catching another nasty cold. He seemed to understand so I left him in the living room. I knew John would make Robbie breakfast and entertain him while I was gone to find Steph.
When I got into my car I knew exactly where she had gone. Whenever Steph got upset, she always went down to the docks and stood by the water. She had sailed alot when she was younger so the docks were one of her favourite places to be. She loved looking out onto the water and just thinking about whatever it was that was bothering her. The docks were about half an hours drive from my house so by the time I got there, she had been out there a long time.
I found her sitting on the edge, looking down into the water. She was so deep in thought she didn't even hear me come up to her. When I started talking, she just looked at me as if she didn't even recognize me. I reached out and hugged her, because I knew she needed it. She was frozen, her arms felt numb to the touch. She was wearing only a thin sweater so I handed her my coat. Wrapping it around her shoulders, I lead her over to my car. It was still warm, so I turned on the heat and we sat and talked. I had picked up some coffee on my way and handed her a cup.
After a couple of moments of waiting, I asked her what was really going on. She looked at me as if I had read her thoughts, and opened her mouth to speak. I could tell that she hadn't slept all night and was exhausted. She started by asking me where Robbie was, and I told her he was at my house with John. She nodded her head, as if she had forgotten that she had been there all night. What was happening to my Steph? Why was she acting this way?
When I looked over at Steph again, I felt as if she was in a completely different world than me. She wasn't talking, she wasn't listening she was just looking out the window totally absorbed in her own thoughts. I reached over and took her hand in mine, I could feel the icy coldness of her fingers and tried warming them with mine. I asked her how long she had been out here and she said early this morning, she hadn't been able to sleep and since she knew Robbie was in good hands, she felt it was safe to get some time to herself. I agreed, and I assured her she was allowed to drop Robbie off anytime she felt like she needed a break. She thanked me for coming all the way down here but she really just wanted to be alone and think for awhile.
As I looked at Steph, I knew she was in no condition to be alone. I suggested we go get something to eat and maybe talk about what's been going on with her. She thought this was a good idea but I could tell she was nervous. I don't know why she would be nervous about talking to me, we've been friends for years now and knew each other inside and out. I drove out to the local pancake house, and we sat down to eat. I could tell Steph was really hungry because she started eating her pancakes right away.
I was a little hesitant to ask again what was wrong but I knew I had to get the truth out of her somehow. Before I was about to ask her, she started talking. She told me that she hadn't slept in what felt like weeks. She had been so depressed about her life that she had actually started taking anti depressant pills. I couldn't believe what she was telling me! My best friend, taking pills to cheer herself up? It sounded terrible.
I asked her how long she had been taking these pills and she told me it had been a little under 3 months now. I sat there speechless, not knowing the exact thing to say to her. Things were usually the other way around, she was usually the one giving me advice. I asked her what was so wrong with her life that she felt she needed a pill or two to make it through the day. She took a sip of her juice and then told me everything.
It started when Robbie was born, she had been on them after she had him because she felt overwhelmed by the feeling of motherhood. Knowing that a child was going to be depending on her all the time to look after it, feed it and bathe it, was alot to handle. She also told me that everything that had happened with Jay, before they got married had taken a huge toll on her life. After dating him for nearly 8 months, she found out he had cheated on her with one of his ex girlfriends from high school. I knew this already and I was the one that had talked to Jay about it after it had happened. Well, after she had found out he had cheated on her, she was already two weeks pregnant with Robbie. This was a really confusing time because even though she didn't comepletely trust Jay again, she didn't want her baby to grow up fatherless. So she married Jay when she was nearly three months along.
Six months later, she delivered her own little bundle of joy. Her beautiful son Robbie was the one thing that kept her going through everything. She really did live for that little boy. Even though Jay had apologized and regretted his mistake, she still didn't completely trust him. It took her nearly two years to forgive him and that was when she agreed to go to Cuba with Jay for their anniversary. When she got back, she was more thrilled to see her son then anything else.
Throughout her entire marriage, she had always felt like she had to be married to Jay rather than choosing to be. She knew that Jay was a great father to Robbie and she loved him for treating their son so amazingly. But she always wondered how different her life would have been if she had married someone else, but I always reminded her that this was in the best interest of Robbie and when he was a little older, maybe then you could think about being with someone else. She agreed and decided to try and work on the marriage.
Steph told me that when the pills didn't work, she kept taking more and one night actually overdosing. She never intended to try and kill herself, she had just wanted the pain to stop. That was one of the nights that Robbie had come over to my house with Jay and Steph was at home, supposed to be cleaning. After a couple hours, I got bored at home because the boys were all watching a football game so I went over to check on Steph.
When I got there, I noticed the door was left unlocked so I walked in trying not to scare her. I called out her name but didn't hear a response. I knew she was home because her car was out in the driveway and her shoes were by the door. Going up the stairs, I kept calling for her but still no answer. Walking through the rooms I still couldn't see Steph. I started getting worried because I knew she was here, but I didn't know why she wasn't answering me.
When I got into her bedroom, I heard her drop something. I went to see her and I saw her lying on the floor. I ran towards her and helped her sit up. When I saw what was in her hands, I screamed. Sleeping pills? They were spilled all over the bathroom floor. What was going on, I asked her. I gave her a glass of water and brought her over to the bed. She didn't say anything at first and I tried shaking her so she would know where she was, but she was in this weird daze.
She was looking at me but I could tell she didn't really know what she was doing. I asked her how many pills she had taken and she tried showing me with her fingers. When she ran out of fingers, I was blown away. I picked up her coat and bag and drove her right to the hospital. On the way I called Jay and let him know what had happened. He said this wasn't the first time and that he'd be there soon. He didn't sound too surprised and this pissed me off but I didn't worry about it. My best friend had overdosed on sleeping pills and I was more worried about that than what her husband had to say about it.
When we got to the hospital they made me wait for hours in the waiting room. I was getting totally irritated with this redhead nurse who kept asking me if I wanted any coffee. After the fourth time I told her to get lost and leave me alone, I was already worried as it and she wasn't helping. When Jay got there, he asked me what had happened. I sat down with him on the couch and explained everything that happened when I got there.
As I talked, he nodded his head and looked down at the ground. I didn't know what to do, why wasn't he as upset as I was? Then he told me that this was the third time Steph had tried this. Once after Robbie was born and once when he had started going to school. Why didn't he tell me this before? He said that she didn't want me to know about the pills, and had asked him specifically to keep it from me. Well that was stupid, I thought. I would've helped her instead of having to take her to the hospital.
After what was a long three hours, Steph's doctor appeared in the waiting room. He told us that they had pumped Steph's stomach and she was sleeping right now. She was lucky this time because she hadn't overdosed but she had taken way too many pills. He also warned us both that if she took too many pills again, she might not even wake up. I held Jay's hand because I could see the hurt in his eyes, he still wouldn't look up at the doctor. I asked if we could go see her, and the doctor agreed but warned us not to make too much noise.
Walking into her room, I was still holding Jay's hand. He was more worried about her than I had ever seen him. We saw her laying in the hospital bed, looking so pale and sick. She wasn't awake yet, so Jay and I went and sat down to watch her sleep. After nearly 20 minutes, I could see he had started crying. I went over and hugged him, assuring him that Steph would be okay and that this wasn't going to happen again because we were all going to be here for her. For a couple of minutes, he just cried on my shoulder.
I could tell he needed a break, so I suggested we go down to the hospital cafeteria to get something to eat and maybe talk. Since both Jay and Steph were older than me, I always considered both of them as family. Jay was definitely an older brother to me and I looked up to him in so many ways. Steph was always more than a sister because we had been friends for so long. I had seen her through so many things in her life, both her best and worst.
We got downstairs and Jay told me that he had asked Steph for a divorce that night and when she went into her bedroom crying, he didn't know what to do. He came over that night to my house to try and talk to me, but he didn't know how to bring it up so he just hung out and watched football with John. I asked him why he wanted a divorce from Stephanie and he told me that he didn't feel that she loved him. He didn't want to spoil her life and make her stay married to him so that Robbie had a father. He had tried talking to her but she thought he was being ridiculous and walked away. He also felt like it was his fault she had taken the pills, because he had told her he wanted the divorce. Again, I hugged Jay and let him know that it wasn't his fault. Steph must've just been upset and not known what else to do. She did love him and one day, she would show him that they were meant to be together.
After an hour of talking, I realized Jay was a completely different guy than who I had made him out to be. He was even more caring and loving than I knew. Even though he knew in the beginning that Steph didn't love him, he loved her in every possible way that he could. I felt so bad for him, as if he was on the losing end because he knew one day Steph would leave with his son and marry someone she really cared about. He didn't mind though, he just wanted her to be happy and let him see his son. I reassured him that Steph would definitely let him see Robbie. We decided to go back upstairs and check on Steph.
Walking into her room, I saw she was awake. Awake and moving around. She was packing her bags and getting ready to leave. She said she had asked the doctor if she could leave and he agreed but warned her about the consequences of another O.D. She promised him she would not be seeing him again anytime soon. We helped her gather her clothes and drove back home.
The next week was hectic. Jay, John and myself took extra care of Steph and Robbie to make sure she didn't take the pills again and that Robbie knew that Steph wasn't on drugs, she was just sick. He seemed to understand and even brought her books, toys, candy and juice in bed. I think what really made Steph all better was knowing that her son was there with her, every step of the way.
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Thinking back to that night still sent chills up my spine, it was nearly a year ago now but it was still clear to my memory. Seeing Steph lying in that hospital bed was one of the worst things I've seen in my entire life. Looking back at Steph across the table, I noticed she was about ready to go home. We had already finished eating our pancakes when Steph finally started talking.
She explained that last night was her last straw. Being hit by Jay was one of the worst things that's ever happened to her. The worst part was, it wasn't the first time. Jay had hit her a couple times before, and she had kept quite because she didn't want everyone to know that Stephanie McMahon was being beaten by her husband.
I told her it wasn't something that she needed to be embarassed about. It wasn't her fault and it's not like she was the only one going through it. Millions of women were beaten by their husbands everyday. She told me that she was done being hit by Jay and finished with their marriage. She had gotten the divorce papers early this morning on the way to the docks and was going to show him tonight. I asked her if that was such a good idea, he might get angry and hit her. She then asked me if they could all come over for dinner tonight so atleast if he did try to hit her, John was there. I thought this was a better idea than to have her alone with Jay. As much as I loved Jay, I was disgusted with his idea of beating his wife. It was such an old fashioned way of handling your wife, and running the household.
I dropped her back at the docks so she could bring her car back and told her to meet me at her house, so we could pick up some more of her stuff. I was pretty sure she wasn't planning on staying home tonight and would be spending the night at my place. She agreed and we drove off. On the way to her house, I called John and let him know what was happening. He was even more pissed than he was last night, and he told me that he couldn't wait for Jay to show up tonight. It was time for Jay to be on the receiving end of those punches he laid on Steph. He'd be sorry, that's for sure ...