Another Wild Night on the Town in Bayville
Meanwhile back at the Institute…
"I can't believe we're stuck here while Scott and Jean get to go out!" Tabitha groaned. Several X-Men were hanging around the living room. "I still say we should have followed 'em!"
"And risk having three Danger Room sessions with Logan a day for a month?" Bobby asked. "I don't think so."
"Still would have been better than hanging around here," Tabitha muttered as she folded her arms.
"Hey, at least all the protesters are gone," Kitty told her. "Course, so are my parents and their boyfriends."
"Yeah and after yesterday I'm kind of glad for the peace and quiet," Amara said.
"Well I'm not," Tabitha said. "I'm a party girl!"
"Who'd invite us to a party in this town?" Kurt asked. "Except for a mutant lynching one. And one encounter with being nearly burned at the stake is enough for me!"
"The night life here is deader than I am," Dead Girl groaned.
"I almost wish the Misfits were here to liven things up," Kurt groaned.
That was the moment the Misfits walked into the living room. They had teleported into another part of the mansion. "There they are!" Todd bounded in.
Kurt looked skyward. "I said 'almost'!"
"We need your help," Wanda said. "Where is everybody?"
"Well Scott and Jean went into New York City for the night on a date," Kitty told them. "Logan took Angel and Beast out for a drink at some bar. But basically everyone's here."
"Good, cause we've got a doozy of a problem," Fred remarked. He motioned to Anubis and the other gods. "X-Men meet Anubis the Egyptian God of the Underworld, Sif a Norse Goddess of something, and DB the Greek and Roman God of Wine."
"Technically the God of Grapes and Wine but you get the picture," DB said.
"Huh?" Kitty's jaw dropped.
"A couple powerful gods went AWOL from the other side," Lance explained. "They wanted to make the world a better place and they're starting with a drinking contest in a bar right here in Bayville."
"Huh?" Kurt asked.
"See there's this cat chick Basset who wants to go out and save all the animals running around," Todd continued. "She's Egyptian. Then there's the Norse God Thor and his Greek buddy Hercules that are going to this place for a drink."
"Huh?" Tabitha was struck speechless. (For once.)
"Anubis here is an old friend of the Joes," Althea said casually. "Apparently the Joes saved their ancient treasure from Cobra."
"Huh?" Bobby blinked. "And I repeat, huh?"
Dead Girl looked at Anubis. "You are real! They were right!"
"Who was right?" Kitty looked at her.
"The ghosts I talk to every week, duh!" Dead Girl told her. "How do you think I knew before everyone else Tiffany Weapons was pregnant with her gardener's kid?"
"Okay its official, we've all cracked," Kurt moaned.
"No, I'm afraid this is completely real," Roadblock said. "These guys are the real deal."
"So what are we waiting for?" Shipwreck asked. "Let's all go to that bar and have a drink…With the gods…"
"It has happened," Kitty said to Kurt. "We did crack."
"Yeah, you know insanity isn't that bad once you get used to it," Kurt moaned.
"Obviously this is a bit of a shock…" DB said. Suddenly a vase appeared and several cups. "Here have some sparkling grape juice. Don't worry, it's non alcoholic."
"I sensed a powerful presence in this room," Xavier wheeled in with Ororo behind him. "I…"
"Oh hello there Professor," Kurt said casually as he received his drink. "We're enjoying non alcoholic beverages with some ancient gods who are trying to track down some other ancient gods staying at a bar here in Bayville."
"Huh?" Xavier blinked.
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"I don't know about this Logan," Warren grumbled as the three mutants made their way to the bar. "I don't think this is the place for us."
"What are you complaining about?" Hank grumbled as he pulled up the sides of his overcoat. He was wearing a hat as well to cover his features. "With your wings hidden under your jacket at least you have a chance of attracting a date."
"Yeah especially since they recognize me as a rich guy with a huge bank account," Warren groaned. "That's a real thrill to a guy, being seen as nothing more than a walking wallet."
"Look I'm sure I can help you guys find some skirts in this town," Logan told them. "And even if I don't it's a night out away from the kids."
"Still I must admit I share Warren's apprehension," Hank looked up at the sign and around at the neighborhood. "Are you sure that this establishment would even serve us?"
"Hank, the Brotherhood used to come here all the time in the old days for root beers and chicken wings," Logan told him. "It'll be fine."
"Root beers?" Warren asked, wrinkling his nose.
"I don't know how they did it, but they did it," Logan said as they walked in. Indeed it was a seedy place. There were several bikers and other tough guys shouting and drinking beers, chugging like crazy and partying.
They stopped the instant the three mutants walked into the door. "Uh…Logan?" Hank gulped. "Perhaps this was not the wisest course of action."
Then a huge bald tattooed biker walked up to them. "Please sir, don't hurt Big Charley," The bald tattooed biker cringed. "Big Charley has a sick mother and a dozen puppies at home."
"Relax Bub, we're not here to pick a fight," Logan waved. "We just want to drink and have a good time."
"Yeah, okay…Big Charley understands," Big Charley gulped and ran off. No one dared to hassle them as they sat near the bar. Then they moved to corners and started to drink again, but much more quietly.
"Well this is certainly not the reaction I expected," Hank blinked.
"That's because thanks to those boys that used to come in we've seen too many brawls to do anything stupid like fight mutants," The Bartender told them. "The worst time was when these idiots that called themselves Dreadnoks decided to pick a fight with 'em. They almost burned the place to the ground!" (Way back in Parallel Lives!)
"Look we ain't looking for a fight," Logan said. "That's the last thing we want, All we wanna do is relax, have a few beers, watch the guys in the contest and have some fun."
"Contest? What contest?" Warren asked.
"We're having a drinking contest tonight," The Bartender told them. "First prize is free beer for a year. Any of you thinking of entering?"
"I think not," Hank sighed.
"Well I ain't for obvious reasons," Logan said. "My healing factor gives me an unfair advantage. And I know for a fact Flyboy here won't compete."
"Not that I said I would do something like this, but why not?" Warren asked.
"Come on kid, we all know what a featherweight you are when it comes to alcohol!" Logan snorted.
"I'm not that bad," Warren defended himself.
"Oh yes you are," Hank said. "Remember the time you got yourself plastered after drinking only a few sips of champagne?"
"If you are referring to the time I was shrunk to the size of a butterfly and doused with the stuff that's not fair!" Warren snapped. "I mean at the time the alcohol was ten times more potent when we were that size!" (See the fic: Guys I Shrunk the Adults.)
"Actually I was referring to the instance where we had the day off from teaching and while the students were outside, you went out of your mind," Hank snorted. "Within three minutes you were singing some archaic song from a cartoon. Rather badly I might add."
"That song from the Jetsons," Logan pointed out. "Multiple made me watch it. I think it's called Eek Or Ha Ha or something."
"Eek Opp Ork Ah Ah," Hank corrected. "Now I remember that episode. The daughter Judy wanted to win a contest with this rock star… What was his name? Jeff Steamer?"
"Nah it was Jett Screamer," The Bartender said.
"Are you sure?" Hank asked. "I could have sworn it was something else."
"Who cares who it was!" Warren snapped. "Look Hank I can hold my liquor just as well as you can!"
"Well that's not saying much," Logan snorted.
"Now what do you mean by that?" Hank snapped. "It's not like I turn into a drunken Scotsman or anything!"
"No, but you come pretty close!" Warren said.
"You are coming close to a fat lip!" Hank snapped. "I can out drink you any time."
"Well how about now?" Warren snapped.
"And here comes the entertainment portion of the evening," Logan sighed. Then a commotion caught his attention. "Or maybe not…"
Strutting proudly into the bar were two very odd characters. One was a young man with long black hair and a black beard. He was wearing a short brown toga, gold armbands and laced sandals. "Is this the place thou mentioned?" He spoke to his companion. "Let the revels begin!"
The other man was tall, blonde, wearing blue Viking armor complete with a helmet that had some kind of feathers on it and carried a hammer. "Herc, we're not in the other dimension. You don't have to talk like that anymore."
"Well you must admit it is habit forming," Hercules strode in.
"Oh man they're coming out of the woodwork tonight," Logan rolled his eyes.
"Barkeep! Two of your largest ales!" Hercules strutted in. He elbowed Logan in the side in order to get the drinks.
"Hey! Watch it Mac!" Logan snapped.
"Sir please move out of my way," Hercules said. "Warriors are present!"
"Okay Xena, why don't you go find them?" Logan snapped.
"And people think I have an ego," Thor grumbled. "Herc…"
"Logan we don't want to make any trouble," Hank said.
"I ain't making trouble, Tinkerbell over here is!" Logan snapped. "Move it Bub!"
"Sirrah, I shall not," Hercules scoffed. "Perhaps if your mettle exceeded your stature I would comply, but since it doesn't…"
"My what? You callin' me short pal?" Logan growled.
"Oh no…" Hank put his hand over his face. "Here we go."
"I knew I should have stayed home and watched TV," Warren moaned.
"That's it!" Logan charged at Hercules.
Who simply batted him aside into a wall. "This is beginning to become annoying! Begone!"
"Pardon me sir," Hank pulled Hercules back and lifted him up. "Although I must admit my companion's temper does extend beyond his patience, I do believe you were the one who instigated this minor conflict."
"A blue man beast? In the mortal world?" Hercules was astounded. He managed to slip out of Hank's grasp and throw him against the wall. "And here I thought this dimension had grown boring!"
"I'll show you boring mister!" Logan charged again. Hercules managed to grab him and threw him across the room and broke a table.
"Okay! Time for Big Charley to go apply to hairdresser school!" Big Charley ran out along with the other tough patrons.
"Not again…" The bartender wept. "My insurance doesn't cover this!"
"Let's see how good you are against adamantium claws!" Logan shot his claws out and charged.
"Zounds!" Hercules gasped. "What manner of being are you?"
"The Latin term my good sir is Homo Superior," Hank bounced onto Hercules' back. "More commonly known as mutants. Humans with unique gifts that set them apart from the rest of humanity."
"Get off me!" Hercules struggled, but Hank was quite firm in his grasp.
Unfortunately for him, Thor was stronger. "You notice I'm always the one getting you out of these situations," Thor remarked to Hercules as he dragged Hank off him.
"Great Zeus!" Hercules barely escaped Logan's claws.
"Stand still!" Logan charged again, only to be knocked aside by Hank being thrown by Thor.
"I can't take you anywhere can I?" Thor glared at Hercules.
"Hey pal! Those are my friends you're tangling with!" Warren had had enough and threw off his overcoat, revealing his wings.
"An angel?" Thor blinked. "Here?" He was so startled and off balance the next thing he knew Warren laid him down with a flying tackle.
"I call this the Beast Bounce!" Hank flipped around and rolled himself into a ball, knocking Hercules down.
"Oof!" Hercules was startled.
"That's it Beast! Now he's mine!" Logan charged at Hercules. Fortunately at the last second Hercules grabbed a table and managed to impale Logan's claws on them. "Hey!"
Meanwhile Thor managed to knock back Hank and Warren, destroying more tables. "This guy's stronger than he looks," Warren grumbled as he put a hand to his head.
"Thoust lucky he's not using his hammer," Hercules brushed himself off. "Of course where's the sport in that?" He looked at Logan still stuck with his claws in the table. "This is most amusing. I can't recall a time when I've had such sport!"
"Sport huh? You want a place to sit so badly?" Logan smirked. "Take this table with my regards!" Logan smashed it over Hercules' head and knocked him down.
"OW!" Hercules shouted. "That actually hurt!"
"Yeah and it's going to hurt even more when I…" Logan began when suddenly Hercules started to laugh. "What's so flamin' funny?"
"Enough! Enough! I give! I give!" Hercules laughed.
"You're quitting already?" Logan sheathed his claws.
"What's the point of continuing?" Thor asked. "You've all proven your mettle against us. Not many mortals can say they are the equal of gods in battle."
"Gods?" Logan looked at him. "You're kidding?"
"You mean, you're not mutants?" Warren asked.
"No, but I can see why you would think that," Thor said. "Are there many like you?"
"Let's just say our numbers are growing," Hank waved. "For argument's sake let us say that you are gods. If you are, what are you doing in this establishment of all places?"
"We wanted a drink," Hercules said as he got up.
"Sounds like a good reason to me," Logan shrugged.
"Sirrah, I owe you an apology," Hercules held out his hand. "I am Hercules and this is my companion Thor."
"Ah no big deal," Logan shook it. "I was in the mood for a scrap anyway. I'm Logan. Folks call me Wolverine. That's Hank and Warren, otherwise known as Beast and Angel."
"For obvious reasons," Hank told them. "I take it your namesake is that of the Norse God of Thunder, Son of Odin?"
"The very same," Thor nodded.
"Fascinating," Hank stroked his chin.
"You don't believe these guys do ya?" Warren asked Logan. "Don't you think this is kind of weird?"
"Warren, we live in a mansion filled with mutant teenagers who can do nearly everything under the sun, are friends with insane soldiers and sorcerers and fought everything from Sentinels to demons," Logan pointed out. "What isn't weird about us?"
"Sentinels?" Hercules asked. "What are Sentinels?"
"Giant metal robots that exist to exterminate mutants," Hank said. "It's a long story. We've had too many encounters with them for our liking."
"Sounds like a good story," Hercules grinned.
Logan laughed. "You guys are all right. Come on I'll buy you a…beer," He looked around and found the place empty except for the five of them. "Great. Some people can't handle a little fun."
"You don't wanna know what he thinks is a lot of fun," Warren told Thor.
"So much for the contest," Hercules looked disappointed.
"Well we still have some beers on the bar, no sense in letting 'em go to waste," Logan sat back down. The others joined him. "So much for a quiet night out."
"Logan when you said you'd help us find some…and I quote, 'skirts', I was kind of hoping they'd have women in them," Hank said.
"Yeah but you gotta admit tonight certainly ain't boring," Logan pointed out.
"You mortals truly are strange," Thor shook his head.
"You have no idea," Warren said.
"Still 'tis a shame there was no audience to witness such a glorious fight," Hercules sighed.
"Ah shaddap and pass the peanuts," Logan said.
Next: Fun with Felines and Viking Marriage Counseling!