The Furgenhoffen is Gonna Fly

"GET THESE STUPID CATS OFF OF ME!" Duncan screamed. He was being mauled by several cats and being chased by several more.

A tall black cat woman in regal Egyptian clothing was chasing him as well. "Insult me and animals will you? Punish him my subjects! Punish him for his evil ways!"

"SOMEBODY STOP WATCHING THE STUPID BALL GAME AND HELP ME ALREADY!" Duncan screamed.

Five mutant girls watched the pandemonium from the sidelines. "Something tells me we found the Cat Goddess," Dead Girl remarked.

"Really? What was your first clue?" Rogue asked sarcastically.

"I'll go call Xavier," Rina sighed as she punched in the cell phone. "Let them know we found our first target."

"Can you call in a pizza while you're at it?" Dead Girl asked. "Hey even the dead get the munchies."

"Uh, shouldn't we be helping that chap?" Betsy pointed to Duncan being mauled by strays.

"Eventually," Wanda told her. "Who are we to tell a goddess to stop having fun?"

"Looks like she's gonna have more fun," Rogue pointed. "Isn't that building Duncan's running into the local FOH headquarters?"

"I believe it is," Wanda remarked as the sounds of yowling cats and humans could be heard.

"What I can't believe is that we forgot the video camera," Betsy blinked.

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"That was Rina, they found the Queen of the Cats," Remy told the team that was at the bar where Logan and the others were. "That's the good news."

"What's the bad news?" Shipwreck asked.

"Basset is in the FOH Headquarters building having a contest between the FOH and the Felines," Remy said. "And the cats are cleaning their clocks."

"Oh I wish I could see that," Lance chuckled.

"I wish we'd brought more of us," Kurt grumbled as they walked up to the bar.

"I think there's too many of us," Remy groaned. The group consisted of Kurt, Remy, Shipwreck, Anubis, Lance, Fred, Peter, Doug (in case they needed a translator), DB, and Roadblock.

"Well considering we may have to take on two renegade gods…" Kurt explained. "We need all the strength we can get."

"We needed to have some people stay back at the Institute," Remy said. "Remember what happened the last time most of us left?"

"Well hopefully the Institute will not get invaded again," Peter told him. "What do we do now?"

"They're in there," Anubis said. "Just let me do the talking and be prepared for anything." They opened the door, walked in and stopped.

"Okay, I was not prepared for this," Doug blinked.

The bar was a mess. There were several holes in the walls. Part of the ceiling was missing. Hank was singing and dancing on one of the few unbroken tables with Hercules as they were chugging beers. Warren was trying to fly and hiccuping. Logan and Thor were watching with amused interest as they were calmly drinking several beers.

"Eep…Opp…Ork…" Warren hiccuped. "Ah Haaaaaaaaaa…."

"Ladadadadadada!" Hercules and Hank sang wildly, kicking up their heels.

"Somebody should tell that guy in the skirt he should really put some underwear on," Lance winced.

"Are they drunk?" Kurt's jaw dropped.

"No, they're engaging in improvised comedy," Logan told them. "Bunch of lightweights. All of them."

"And I thought Hercules couldn't hold his ale," Thor chuckled. "Hey, DB! Anubis."

"Brawling again?" Anubis folded his arms. "Or are you trying to save the Earth from alcohol?"

"Here we go…" Hercules hiccuped and got off the table. "Lecture time."

"Look I meant to start going about saving people, but Hercules insisted on making a pit stop here and I figured…" Thor began.

"Thor, I thought you'd learned your lesson a few decades ago when you tried to 'help' humanity the last time," Anubis sighed. "Or have you forgotten Odin's lesson of Humility after you broke the truce with the Frost Giants?"

"No," Thor said. "But that experience has taught me to value human life even more as well as appreciate my powers."

"The lesson of what?" Logan asked.

"His father turned him into a lame mortal for a brief time," Hercules told him. "Long story."

"And what of the Vision of the Spiral and the Trial of Ragnarok?" Anubis snapped. "I thought you would have learned something about interfering with mortals after that ordeal!"

"I have! Long and hard did I ponder the consequences," Thor said. "And I did learn two things: One, to never allow any mortal to worship me as a god again! And the second to never marry the Enchantress…Brrrrr!"

"What?" Hank looked at the Gods.

"Apparently Odin showed Thor an alternate reality where he took over the Earth and enslaved it's people and well…" DB waved his arm. "It was quite strange to put it simply."

"Who's the Enchantress?" Logan asked.

"Thoust do not want to know," Hercules groaned.

"Can't be any worse than the White Queen," Logan shrugged. "Or Selene."

"Thoust know Selene?" Hercules spat out his drink. "The Selene?"

"Black hair, former ruler of Nova Roma, can hold her own against a whole army of mutants?" Logan asked.

"Yes," Thor heard that. "That's the witch! She's a powerful sorceress who has ties to the devil himself."

"That's her," Logan said.

"I've tangled with that she devil once too often to forget," Hercules winced.

"She has the ability to drain the life force out of mortals in order to keep her immortal youth," Thor said. "How did you meet her?"

"Well it was rather recently," Hank told them. "What happened was…"

"Excuse me!" Anubis grunted loudly. "Can we postpone this discussion for another time? I am trying to restore the balance of order in your dimension here!"

"I think you're doing a good job of it," Fred spoke up. "For what it's worth."

Anubis closed his eyes in pain. "Now I remember why I find mingling with mortals distasteful."

The bartender trudged out of the back room carrying more beer bottles. "I knew I should have made a run for it instead of hiding under the bar. Oh no…" He stopped when he saw the others.

"Hi there!" Fred waved. "Got any hot wings?"

"Not you guys again…" The bartender whined. "Look we're out of root beer and there's already been one fight tonight so please…"

"Well there's gonna be another," Fred told him as he looked over his shoulder. "Guess who decided not to stay at the mansion after all?"

"THERE YOU ARE!" Sif slammed open the bar door. "YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING…"

"Sif!" Thor sputtered.

"Who's she?" Logan asked.

"His wife," Lance said.

"Sif, love of my life…" Thor sputtered. "Queen of my Heart and…"

"STUFF IT!" Sif growled. "WE NEED TO TALK MISTER! AND BY WE, I MEAN ME TELLING YOU OFF!"

"Oh dear look at the time!" Hercules gulped. "You know I think we should call it a night…"

"DON'T EVEN THINK OF MOVING!" Sif grabbed Hercules by the tunic and shoved him into a wall. "YOU'RE PART OF THE REASON MY MARRIAGE FAILED!"

"I'll be right back. I have to go see how Basset is doing." Anubis sighed and disappeared.

"Why do I have the feeling we should have done what he did?" Remy asked.

"How did you find me?" Thor asked.

"Simple, I looked for the slimiest, most pathetic dunghole on this planet and surprise, I find you!" Sif shouted. "Not to mention that drunkard you hang out with that you call a friend as well as…" She looked around. "An angel and a blue ape?"

"Hey! This place isn't that bad!" The Bartender protested. "It has good hot wings and…" Sif glared at him. "I think I'll go home and call my insurance agent now…" He ran off.

"Something tells me we won't be allowed back here for a while," Logan sighed as he put his beer glass down. By now Thor and Sif were screaming at each other in part English and ancient Norse. "So they really are gods huh?"

"Yeah the Joes met with Anubis years ago," Kurt said.

"For some reason that does not surprise me," Hank sighed. "This is going to be a long evening."

"Hey at least we're getting free drinks and entertainment," Shipwreck downed a drink. "What could be better than that?"

"Good idea!" DB created some ale. "Let's have some real drinks!"

"Just what we need around here," Logan rubbed his head. "More drunks."

"I have had it!" Sif threw a table at Thor. "You never listen to me! You are nothing more than a Furgenfifflefantemutter!"

"What does that mean?" Lance asked.

"Well if I remember my ancient Norse dialects," Doug scratched his head. "Roughly translated it means 'Husband Who Cries too Much in Bed'."

"Don't start with me woman!" Thor shouted. "You are not exactly the most understanding mate either! You are the most foul mannered Urgemargemurgen!"

"Urgen-what?" Remy asked.

"That means, 'Woman Who Has to Shave Her Mustache Every Half Hour,'" Doug explained. He winced when Sif started screaming. "I'm not gonna tell you what that means. Let's just say it's triple X rated!"

"I always hate fights with subtitles," Logan groaned.

"Every time I try to be understanding and supportive, you go off the deep end!" Thor shouted.

"What about the time Loki cut off all my hair?" Sif shouted. "You weren't exactly Mr. Supportive then!"

"I beat him up and made him give you a wig made out of gold! What more do you want?" Thor shouted back.

"You still were laughing your head off and that wig itched!" Sif shouted.

"Obviously you two have issues," Fred told them.

"Gee what was your first clue, Blob?" Logan rolled his eyes. "Shipwreck can't you do something?"

"I am doing something," Shipwreck was drinking. "And I'm doing it very well."

"Why did I ask him for help?" Logan shook his head. "Stupid question."

"I think Fred has things in hand now," Remy pointed. Fred was now between the warring couple attempting to counsel them.

"Now why don't we take some deep cleansing breaths?" Fred spoke in a cheerful voice.

"Why don't thou shut thy trap?" Thor glared at him.

"You shut thy trap and breathe mister!" Sif shouted.

"Fine!" Thor grumbled something in Norse.

"That's not a very nice thing to say about one's mother in law," Doug blinked.

"Now the key for any good marriage is communication…" Fred began. "Why don't we talk about our feelings?"

"Shipwreck hand me a drink will ya?" Logan winced.

"Sif tell me when you think the problems in your marriage started?" Fred began.

"I know when our problems started," Kurt rolled his eyes. "The day Blob picked up a psychiatric book!"

"In my case it was the day I decided to stay at the Institute instead of doing the smart thing and leave town," Logan remarked.

Meanwhile the talks had quickly broken down as Sif and Thor were fighting with sword and hammer at each other. "Yes, you're both frustrated," Fred said calmly. "It's good that you're letting your feelings show."

BOOM!

"Not so good for the bar," Shipwreck calmly stared at the hole in the wall.

"I have had it woman!" Thor shouted. "I want you out of my life!"

"Gladly!" Sif swung her sword at him, missed and kicked him in the shin. "I want you out of your life too!"

"Is it me being slightly tipsy or did that not make any sense?" Hank hiccuped.

Sif screamed a few more things in Norwegian then disappeared. "What happened?" Remy asked.

"She's going home to her mother," Thor said bitterly as he plopped down onto a remaining barstool. "And she's asking my father for a divorce."

"Odds are she's gonna clean his castle," Hercules grumbled. "If any of my wives are an indication of how this is gonna go."

"Yeah well as sad as all this is…" Logan was getting annoyed. "Maybe you should…"

He didn't get to finish that sentence when suddenly the door to the bar blew open. "Now what's going on?" Lance coughed.

Omega Red and over a dozen Hydra troops in body armor appeared. "Wolverine…I've been waiting for this moment," He grinned, flexing his tendrils.

"Who the hell is this guy?" Shipwreck asked.

"Omega Red," Logan growled. "He's got a grudge against me for some reason. Why I have no idea."

"It does not matter…" Omega Red growled. "For soon you will all be nothing more than a memory! Destroy them!"

Next: A good old fight with a bunch of bad guys and even more surprise guests! Gotta love it!