Another Family Fiasco

The next day the X-Men were eating breakfast and watching the television in the kitchen. "Our top story: A violent shooting spree ends with five men dead in downtown Bayville," The news anchor spoke. "Trish Tilby is on the scene."

There was a scene of a crime as Trish stood there. "Yesterday downtown Bayville erupted in violence. When it was over, five men believed to have connections with a global crime syndicate were dead. Although the police have no leads, there is evidence that this was probably the work of several other members of a rival gang."

"Wow, a mob hit right here in Bayville," Jamie whistled. "Cool."

"That is not cool!" Jubilee snapped. "Geeze Jamie you're really becoming a warped kid."

"Any surprise after hanging out in this place?" Tim asked her.

"Whoa," Bobby looked at the crime scene. "They really trashed the place."

"At least they can't blame that on mutants," Logan told her. "We're not connected to it so it's not our problem!"

"Well there's a mature attitude," Hank smirked. "You're saying because it's not a mutant problem we shouldn't get involved?"

"Hank we can't run out and start blowing stuff out every time something happens in our backyard," Logan said. "The cops are already ticked off at us. Why look for trouble?"

"I hate to say it but I gotta agree with Logan on this one," Rogue said. She saw Kurt walking in carrying something. "What have you got there, Kurt?"

"I got a baby blanket for Mystique," Kurt showed her. "A little gift for the baby. It's blue, see? Wanda is picking me up so I can visit her."

"It matches your fur," Bobby said.

"You should come visit her too, Rogue," Kurt said. "No matter what else she's done, she is our mother."

"That's the only reason I haven't killed her," Rogue told him. "And don't say I don't mean that because you know damn well I do. That witch ruins everything she touches. Just let me know when our brother's born."

"Rogue…" Kurt pleaded.

"Elf, I know you wanna place peacemaker, but that ain't gonna happen in this lifetime," Logan said.

"Doesn't anybody else think that we should at least try to make peace with Mystique?" Kurt asked.

"No!" Everyone else said sharply.

"I'm still bloody miffed at her impersonating me," Betsy growled. "So I'm with Rogue on this one."

"Technically she didn't impersonate you," Jubilee pointed out. "Just used your appearance."

"Just as bad," Betsy grunted. "I still feel used."

"Join the club," Rogue slammed down her book. "Wise up Kurt, that's all she's ever done is use people. And if you ain't careful, she'll end up using you again!" She stormed out.

Kurt sighed and teleported out. "That is one depressed elf," Bobby remarked.

"Is it just me or is there way too much drama around here?" Jubilee grumbled.

"Never a dull moment, that's for sure," Everett remarked.

"Backstabbing parents, family secrets, gods running amok, celebrities getting trashed, mob hits and Hydra assassins running around," Tim chucked as he ate a donut. "And to think I didn't want to come here at first. This place just gets better and better every day."

"Yeah, well if you ask me Rogue is totally right about this one," Ray said. "With all the stuff that witch has pulled I'm amazed somebody hasn't knocked her off long ago."

"Mystique has more lives than an alley cat," Sam nodded.

"And fewer morals than one," Wanda said as she walked in with Jean. "Where's Kurt?"

"He's somewhere around here," Ray said.

"Well that's certainly helpful," Wanda folded her arms.

"He and Rogue kind of had a little spat," Jubilee told her. "He was like all 'let's forgive Mystique' and…"

"And Rogue didn't want any part of it," Wanda guessed the rest. "Let me talk to him."

"I sense him in his room," Jean told her. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I'll take care of it," Wanda waved as she went off. She knocked on the door and opened it. Kurt was sitting on the balcony. "Hey."

"I'm ready to go," Kurt sighed.

"Hold up a second," Wanda held up her hand. "I wanna talk to you. I heard you had a few words with Rogue."

"And I suppose you're on Rogue's side?"

"Well to be honest, I can see where Rogue is coming from, more than anyone else," Wanda told him. "You remember the things my father did to me and how Pietro was always annoying me about him? I just couldn't get past what he did to me and the more Pietro talked about it, the more I dwelt on it. The more Pietro pushed the madder I got until I couldn't take it anymore. And I blew up, literally. And you know what happens when I lose my temper. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"Ya," Kurt sighed. "What you're saying is that the harder I try to push Rogue and Mystique together all it will do is bring the two of us apart. I get it."

"Just…Give her space okay?" Wanda said. "She just needs time to think and to let her wounds heal some more."

"Is that how you and Pietro solved your differences?"

"Actually we settled it when my brother learned to hate our father as much as I do," Wanda told him. "Ironically it's brought us closer. We even spend hours plotting different ways to make him suffer. It's very therapeutic."

"Why do I keep listening to the Misfits when I want advice?" Kurt moaned. "It only makes my head hurt more. Why do I do it?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!" Barney shouted as he bopped Mystique on the head repeatedly with a whiffle bat. He was sitting on her shoulders.

"SOMEBODY GET THIS KID OFF ME!" Mystique screamed. "OW! AND GET THIS OTHER BRAT OFF MY LEG!"

"Claudie…No," Todd pulled Claudius away from Mystique's sore leg. "You'll get rabies or something."

"Hey guys," Wanda walked in with Kurt. "It's visiting day. Time for some wonderful family bonding."

"GET THIS KID OFF MY HEAD BEFORE I HURT HIM!" Mystique screamed as Barney pulled on her hair.

"Come on you," Wanda took Barney off. "Playtime's over. Come on guys let's give 'em some privacy."

"Why bother?" Todd asked as they left. "We can hear her screaming from outside."

Soon Kurt and Mystique were alone. "Hello Kurt," Mystique sighed as she slumped into a chair. "Come to see me suffer?"

"No, I came to see how you were doing," Kurt told her. "And to give you this." He handed her the baby blanket. "For the baby. So how are you doing?"

"I am retaining more water than Hoover Dam and Kirstie Alley looks like a supermodel compared to me! How do you think I feel? Plus I'm trapped in a house full of Misfits who take delight in tormenting me every chance they get!" Mystique snapped. "Trust me you have never known true insanity until you have been forced to watch a two hour sock puppet version of Desperate Housewives!"

"It could be worse…" Kurt remarked. "It could be a puppet version of Stacked or Life on a Stick."

"They did that last night." Mystique groaned. "They called it Stacked Life on a Stick. Although even I have to admit the Blob does a pretty good Pamela Anderson. Oh god I hate my life! I hate being pregnant! And most of all I hate the Misfits!"

"Mother please…" Kurt sighed. "You have to let go of this anger inside of you. I mean look at where it's gotten you. You should be looking at this as a chance to do some good with your life."

"That's the problem with you Kurt," Mystique said. "You're just as bad as Xavier. Neither of you will face up to the fact that people, human beings in particular are just not very nice. It's just the way the world is and its not going to change. Only the strong survive and the weak are used and discarded."

"And don't you get tired of that?" Kurt asked.

"I get even more tired of people who think they can change the world when it's so bloody obvious it can't be changed," Mystique told him. "If it were truly possible the world would have changed by now. Rogue may hate me for it, but at least I was able to teach that lesson to her. She may pretend to deny it all she wants, but deep down she knows it's the truth. Now if only you could learn that…"

"I don't understand you Mystique," Kurt said. "I've tried but I really don't understand you at all."

"Kurt you of all people should know how hard life is for a mutant, especially ones that look like us," Mystique told him. "I wasn't able to shapeshift until I was a teenager, and even then…" She stopped. "At the very least you were able to find a family that loved you. That's more than I ever had."

"Your parents didn't love you?" Kurt asked.

"What do you think?" Mystique asked. "My father was…A bad man. Very bad and my mother was indifferent. That's all I'm going to tell you about them because the rest isn't even worth mentioning. I guess that does explain my parenting skills, or lack thereof." She took a deep breath. "Oooh…"

"Are you all right?" Kurt asked.

"Kid just gave me a devil of a kick…" She muttered. "I don't feel so well."

Just then Lifeline walked in. "What's going on?"

"Lifeline! Mystique isn't feeling well," Kurt told him.

Lifeline walked up and looked at her. "I need you to take us all to the Pit's infirmary! Now!"

"All right," Kurt grabbed onto them and teleported them to the Pit's infirmary. "Wait don't the Misfits have an infirmary in their…" He looked and saw an unconscious Lifeline and Bree on the floor. He turned around and was quickly knocked out.

"That went easier than I thought," The impostor said in his real voice.

"Where the hell have you been?" Mystique snapped. "Do you have any idea what I have had to endure because of you?"

"Shut up!" Zartan pulled off his latex mask. "I came for you didn't I?"

"Not soon enough!" Mystique snapped. "Get this collar off me and get me out of here!"

"I have a spare key in my pants," Zartan told her as he took out his weapon. "You know the way."

"I'm having a little trouble bending down in case you haven't noticed!" Mystique shot back.

"Believe me I could notice you from the top of the Empire State building," Zartan grabbed the key and gave it to her.

"This changes nothing by the way," Mystique snapped as she freed herself from the collar. "I'm still going to divorce you. Once I figure out if our marriage is legal."

"Yeah, yeah I got it," Zartan snapped as he gave her a weapon. "I didn't come here for you anyway!"

"Of course, you couldn't bear to leave your heir to your swamp behind," Mystique told him.
"Just hurry up and change so we can get out of here already!" Zartan growled as he grabbed the Lifeline mask again.

"Uhhh…I can't…" Mystique groaned.

"What do you mean you can't?" Zartan stopped putting his mask on and looked at her.

"Look you try using your powers after having an eight pound bowling ball stuffed into your stomach, for a few months!" Mystique snapped. "I'm too tired. Plus I can't change my baby's shape anyway."

"Great! Just great!" Zartan threw up his hands. "Well can't you just change your skin and hair color anyway?"

"Oh that's a good idea," Mystique said sarcastically. "I could change into Cover Girl or Scarlet and hope no one notices that either one of them has gained twenty pounds in one day!"

"You're right," Zartan grumbled. "If it was the Baroness we'd have no problems. Fine, we'll have to go to plan B."

"Which is?"

"Blow up everything in sight on our way out," Zartan told her as he put the Lifeline mask back on.

"Oh what a well thought idea that is!" Mystique snapped.

"Well you're not exactly being little Miss Helpful are you?" Zartan told her as he grabbed a wheelchair.

"Me? You're the one that knocked me up!" Mystique shouted. "It's your fault that I'm in this condition in the first place!"

"And I'm the one who forgot to take a birth control pill?" Zartan glared at her.

"You're the one whose condom broke!" Mystique glared back. "And you plied me with all that wine!"

"Will you stop shouting?" Zartan snapped.

"I am not shouting! You are shouting!" Mystique shot back.

"Fine! I'm shouting! I'm shouting! I'm shouting!" Zartan shouted. "Now get in the damn wheelchair and act like a patient!" He grabbed a blanket. "Put this over you to hide your neck and the gun. You can say you're cold."

"Really? I thought it was for an impression of Franklin Delanor Roosevelt!" Mystique got in the wheelchair and adjusted the blanket.

"If you don't start being a tad more cooperative you will end up like him! Dead!" He took the handles and started to wheel her out. He locked the door behind him. "Now just act natural until we get to the aircraft hanger."

"Take the hallway to the left," Mystique told him.

"Is it a shortcut?" Zartan asked.

"No there's a bathroom over there…" Mystique winced.

"Oh for crying out loud…" Zartan moaned.

"Hey! I've got at least ten pounds sitting right on top of my bladder squishing it like a pancake!" Mystique growled as they made their way to the bathroom. "I need to go!"

"For the love of…" Zartan rolled his eyes. "Whoever heard of taking a bathroom break during a rescue operation?"

"If you don't want any accidents you'd better let me go!" Mystique hissed.

"Hurry up," He held the door open to let her in. "Mystique don't take your time!"

"It'll take as long as it takes!" Mystique managed to get out of the chair and went inside. "Don't rush me!" She slammed the door on him.

"Don't rush me she says," Zartan fumed. "I risk my neck to bust her out and she doesn't want to be rushed! Fine! The next time I rescue you I'll bring a port a john! Would that be more convenient for you?"

"Just shut up and keep a lookout!" Mystique hissed as she finished her business.

"Uh…Mystique…" Zartan gulped. "Are you almost done in there?"

"Give me a minute!" Mystique snapped.

"Could you hurry it up? It's kind of important…" Zartan told her in a sing song voice.

"Just wait okay! I'm done!" Mystique snapped as she poked her head out the door. "What is your…problem…?"

The two of them were surrounded by several ninjas in red that had swords drawn. "Oh boy…" Mystique gulped.

"You just had to take a bathroom break didn't you?" Zartan asked her.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The sound of someone playing the drums very loudly in his ear was the first thing that assaulted Kurt when he started to regain consciousness. "Ugh…" He struggled to sit up and rubbed his head. "What happened?"

"Dunno…" Lifeline moaned. "I kind of lost track after Zartan snuck up on us."

Kurt then remembered something. "Zartan? Wait then I did see…Oh no!" He teleported outside. That was when he quickly learned that the drumming was actually the Dreadnoks assaulting the Pit with some high powered choppers and an army of BATS.

"Yikes!" Kurt shouted as he dodged bullets and lasers. He ran straight into a group of ninjas clad in red and barely dodged their swords. "This is not good! Not good!"

Eventually he made his way to a bunker. In the bunker were Todd, Fred, Duke, Roadblock and Lance repelling wave after wave of BATS.

"Oh there you are," Fred said sarcastically. "We were wondering what happened to you."

"What's going on?" Kurt asked. "What's with the ninjas and the BATS?"

"Long story short, Zartan's trying to break Mystique out," Todd told him. "But he's kind of got competition."

"One minute we got an alert that we were under attack. The next thing we know there's a squad of Red Ninjas crawling all over the place," Duke said. "I don't know how Zartan and Mystique got out of the bathroom they were cornered in but they made a mess of things."

"How did they get to that bathroom in the first place?" Roadblock grumbled as he shot a few more rounds. "Last I checked Mystique was in the house!"

"I'm afraid I had something to do with that…" Kurt winced. "I thought Zartan was Lifeline and…"

"Never mind!" Duke shouted. A burst of gunfire rang out. "Let's deal with these guys first!"

"I thought the Red Ninjas wouldn't come to the Pit?" Kurt asked.

"They probaby changed their minds about honoring their pact," Roadblock told him. "Figures!"

"Okay why are they firing at the ninjas?" Fred asked as he watched the ninjas and the BATS go at it. "Aren't they on the same side?"

"I would say by the looks of things…No," Lance told him. "Hey! Mystique and Zartan are getting into that chopper over there!"

"And the Red Ninjas are following them," Fred added the commentary. "And the people in the chopper are shooting at the Red Ninjas. And now the chopper is taking off but it's shooting at the Dreadnoks too!"

"Thank you for the commentary, Blob!" Duke snapped. "Kurt can you teleport into that chopper and grab Mystique?"

"It's too late!" Kurt pointed to the chopper as it was zooming off. "It's going too fast and out of my range!"

"After 'em!" Zarana shouted as the Dreadnoks fired at the getaway chopper.

"Red Ninjas! We have been betrayed!" One of them screamed. Suddenly he threw down a smoke bomb. Before anyone could react, there was smoke everywhere.

"Oh this is just what we need!" Shipwreck said sarcastically. "Anybody see anything!"

"Snake! I stepped on a snake!" Todd shouted.

"OW! THAT'S MY TAIL!" Kurt snapped.

"Oh, sorry," Todd apologized. The smoke cleared leaving wrecked bats and destroyed vehicles. "Man this place is trashed."

"Fury's gonna have our heads for this," Duke grumbled.

"Yeah like his base has never been trashed," Lance told him.

"Where'd the ninjas go?" Kurt asked.

"Gone, big surprise," Duke grumbled. "They always disappear like that after a fight."

"I dunno who took Zartan and Mystique but something tells me those two didn't plan this," Shipwreck grumbled.

"We're going after them aren't we?" Todd asked.

"You bet your bippy we are," Roadblock reloaded his weapon.

Next: Mystique and Zartan find themselves in hot water and it's gonna get hotter when even more characters get thrown into the mix!