Satellite's Down Again
A week passed since that fateful night and things were relatively quiet at the Institute. Eventually Kurt and Rogue were returning to their normal selves and getting over the loss of their brother. Fortunately they were quite over the disappearance of Mystique within a few minutes of her departure so it all evened out.
"I still can't believe Mystique got away," Scott said to Xavier as they went through the halls.
"Considering the damage it's unlikely she was able to leave on her own," Xavier said. "And I detected traces of a psychic attack on Storm Shadow."
"So which one of our enemies you think is responsible?" Scott asked. "Not like we don't have plenty to choose from."
"It could be any one of them," Xavier said. "Or it could be an enemy we have no idea about."
"Great…" Scott said sarcastically. "Hey what's the commotion?"
They went into the living room where the X-Men and the Misfits were watching TV. "What's going on?" Scott asked.
"You know those stupid reporters Hector Rameriez and Tawny Dawson?" Kitty said. "And that live special they were doing from GB1?"
"You mean that new satellite that billionaire built so that rich people can fly into space and pretend they're astronauts for a few days?" Scott asked.
"That's the one," Rogue said. "He even made his own space shuttle."
"Hey, anything that gets those two off the planet has to be a good thing," Cover Girl said.
"Well they ran into technical difficulties," Jean pointed to the screen.
"What are they doing in a jungle?" Scott asked.
"Long story short, the satellite crashed into Africa," Todd said. "Nobody got hurt cause they were able to use their rockets somehow to make a safe landing, but it was sure funny to see the news people throw up."
"I wouldn't call that a safe landing Toad," Kitty said. The news reporters and their crew were surrounded by strange looking ape-men with very sharp spears.
"This is Hector Rameriez! I am being surrounded by strange ape men who do not look happy to see me!" Rameriez shouted.
"YOU?" Tawny Dawson. "What about me you goon? Hey! Hands off!" She slapped an ape-man pawing at her dress. "That's a 1200 dollar Vatton you freak!"
"Tawny I don't think you should have done that…" Rameriez gulped as the ape-men brandished their spears and started screaming. "If anyone is watching this broadcast…HELP!" That's when the signal broke.
"Well that's something you don't see every day," Todd said. "Who says there's nothing good on TV anymore?"
"Oh god no…" Spirit winced. "They found the Primorts!"
"The what?" Hank asked.
"You know about these guys?" Scott asked.
"Know them?" Shipwreck said. "Spirit here was nearly a human sacrifice for 'em!"
"It's a very long story," Spirit sighed. "And for the record Lady Jaye was nearly the sacrifice."
"Maybe I'm better off not knowing," Scott remarked.
"But knowing is half…" Fred began.
"DON'T SAY IT!" Every Joe and Misfit in the room shouted. "WE KNOW! WE KNOW!"
"Let's hear the short version anyway," Logan told him.
"The Joes had a satellite, it went down in Africa," Shipwreck said. "The Primorts, a prehistoric tribe of man apes found it and thought it was a god. Both Cobras and Joes got caught by the Primorts and were nearly part of a good old-fashioned human sacrifice. Cobras tried to kill off Primorts, Joes save the chief's son…Blah, blah, blah…Well you get the picture."
"Not really," Sam scratched his head.
"So these Primorts are like human?" Kitty asked.
"More like close relatives of humans," Hank looked at the footage. "Amazing. They appear to have a skull shaped like a Neanderthal but their bodies resemble more that of Homo Erectus, one of the first ancestors of man to stand on two legs. Fascinating."
"So what you're saying is that evolution wise, the Primorts got left back a few grades?" Todd asked.
"That's a rather limited but accurate assessment," Hank shrugged.
"It's still pretty cool," Kurt said.
"Yeah I'll bet it's like the scientific find of the year or something," Kitty remarked.
"Kitty, the Primorts are the pre-evolved relatives of humans," Pietro looked at her. "And considering how the world views the post-evolved relatives of humans, it's only a matter of time before some trigger happy nut job decides to take care his distant cousins himself!"
"I know some religious fundamentalists are gonna be real thrilled with this," Rogue said sarcastically.
Roadblock's cell phone rang. "I think I'd better take this…" Roadblock sighed as he went into the next room to talk.
"Gee I wonder what it could be about?" Shipwreck snickered.
Twenty minutes later Roadblock walked back in. "Let me guess," Lance grinned. "The Misfits have a mission?"
"To keep the public happy we're going on a little expedition to recover those idiots before someone else decides to," Roadblock groaned. "There's already reports of several bounty hunters that are planning some Primort hunting."
"So now the world knows about 'em things are going to get real ugly real fast if we don't do something," Logan sighed. "Great, just great!"
"Saddle up Misfits," Althea said. "Looks like we're going to Africa!"
"Count us in too," Kitty said.
"Are you nuts, Half Pint?" Logan looked at her. "Why?"
"Well the X-Men are supposed to save people and these guys are people…Sort of," Kitty reasoned. "I mean, we are kind of related."
"And it's going to be televised," Roadblock said.
"Televised?" Kurt asked.
"I don't know all the details but I will tell you one thing," Roadblock shook his head. "That Mark Burnett is real good at putting together deals."
"Perhaps this is an opportunity," Hank fingered his chin. "Roadblock would you object to a few X-Men going on this expedition?"
"Why the hell not?" Shipwreck shrugged. He put his arm around Ororo. "Think of it, Storm. The two of us can re-enact the movie 'Out of Africa'!"
"Unless you want to re-enact the movie 'Kiss of Death', take your arm off me!" Ororo snapped.
"I get a kiss?" Shipwreck said brightly. Then Ororo slugged him and he fell to the floor. "Ooh…Coming attractions…"
Ororo and Althea rolled their eyes at the same time. "Idiot."
"So who are you proposing to go on this little safari?" Logan folded his arms. "Besides me?"
"Was it that obvious?" Hank asked.
"Uh huh," Logan nodded. "Who else?"
"Well Storm and Cypher would make the most sense," Hank said. "Storm grew up in Africa and Cypher can decipher their primitive language and communicate with them."
"And since Beast here looks like the Primorts' distant uncle twice removed it makes sense to take him," Shipwreck sat up.
"Hey I want to come too," Kitty said.
"Why?" Lance asked.
"Well I think it would be kind of cool to meet people that are…Well, kind of like the ancestors of mutants in a way," Kitty said.
Pietro chuckled. "Kitty you're not exactly the type of person who can make it in a jungle."
"This from someone who screams like Tarzan whenever he gets dirt on his clothes or sees a spider," Lance rolled his eyes.
"He does not," Todd told him.
"Thank you Toad," Pietro said.
"He sounds more like Jane," Todd added. "You know with that high pitch and all?"
"Oh yeah," Lance nodded. "You're right."
"Actually my brother screams a bit higher than that," Wanda told them.
"Yeah more like one of the monkey friends Tarzan hangs out with," Angelica added.
"The chimp?" Arcade asked.
"No one of the smaller ones," Angelica said. "Or maybe it was a baboon?"
"SHUT UP!" Pietro shrieked.
"Yeah definitely a baboon," Angelica said.
"Oh I can't wait to go on this one," Tabitha snickered.
"This isn't a freaking field trip!" Logan snapped.
"Besides Professor Sterisin is coming tomorrow afternoon," Jean told them. "Most of us have to be here."
"So it'll be just Beast, Storm, Cypher, Shadowcat since she's so interested…" Spirit thought. "That's not so bad."
"Actually," Hank grinned. "There is one other colleague I would like to invite."
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"Hank I can't believe you invited me on this expedition," Dr. Petranet said. "This is the opportunity of a lifetime."
Dr. Petranet was a biologist that Hank and the X-Men had met while on a field trip the Redwood Forest. This was before the existence of mutants had been revealed to the world. (See the classic episode 'Retreat') The two of them had kept in touch through e-mail and phone calls over the years.
"I thought you would appreciate this," Hank grinned.
"We're closing in on the coordinates the Joes gave us," Ororo said as she co-piloted the Velocity. Logan was flying. Kitty and Doug were also in the chopper. "We should be there within the hour."
Flying in a second chopper were the Misfits along with the Joes: Roadblock, Cover Girl, Spirit, Low Light, Flint and Lady Jaye. "Why are we taking two choppers?" Lance moaned. "Why can't we use…?"
"Ix-Nay on the ele-portation-tay," Pietro hissed as he smacked Lance on the head. He pointed to a third chopper. "The media's here with us, remember?"
"I hope this visit with the Primorts goes better than the last time we were here," Lady Jaye said.
"Well this time we have a huge media presence," Low Light mocked. "What could go wrong? Oh I know, everything!"
Soon they landed on the outskirts of a large jungle. The Joes and Misfits escorted the scientists and media. "I swear if Jeff Probst asks me one more annoying question…" Low Light grumbled.
"I'm just happy we're on land," Lance grinned. "Land glorious land."
"Yeah," Doug swatted a mosquito. "Great."
"So the Primorts have had no human contact outside of the Joes?" Ororo asked.
"The last scientist that knew about them died about ten years ago," Lady Jaye told them. "Dr. Macintosh."
"I've heard of him," Dr. Petranet said. "Didn't his expedition fail and his entire party was wiped out?"
"Yup," Flint nodded as he cut his way through the bush. "Uh oh…"
"Looks like we found the Primorts," Lance gulped as several ape like creatures with fur emerged from the bush pointing spears.
"This could be tricky," Spirit frowned.
"Uh, Take me to your leader?" Hank asked.
The Primorts pointed at Hank and began to startle. They chatted and suddenly knelt down before him. "Hank, I think they think you're some kind of god," Doug told him.
"Tondo! Orto!" The Primorts chanted.
"Well isn't that nice?" Hank breathed a sigh of relief. "Cypher can you translate?"
"A little," Doug told him. "I need to listen more to their language."
"Something tells me that's not going to be a problem," Lady Jaye remarked as more Primorts emerged. One had feathers in his matted hair and a staff.
"Yo Joe!" The Primort pointed to Lady Jaye and Spirit.
"I think he remembers us," Spirit said.
"Yo Joe! Orto nantandi!" The Primort waved his staff. "Hana matana! Orto!"
"What'd he say?" Todd asked.
"Apparently he remembers the Joes from when he was a child," Cypher translated as the Primort babbled. "Lady Jaye saved his life when his father was chief."
"I remember that," Lady Jaye said. "Nice to see you again."
"Cypher, tell them we come in peace searching for others like us," Cover Girl told him. "Ones that fell from the sky."
Doug translated. The Chief spat and grumbled. "Oh yeah, they know them," Doug said. "He'll take us to their camp as soon as they prepare for the Great One's Arrival."
"The who?" Logan looked at Doug.
"I believe they are referring to me," Hank told him as the Primorts worshiped him. "Yes, yes…Thank you. No autographs please."
"Well you do have a slight resemblance to them," Dr. Petranet remarked.
"But what did he mean by preparing an arrival?" Ororo asked aloud.
Twenty minutes later.
"I had to ask…" Ororo shook her head.
Hank was being carried on a chair made of wood and vine by four strong Primorts. He had a crown of feathers on his head and was now waving to the Primorts as they entered their camp. "Hello! Hello people! I love you all! Yes! I'm here! Great to see you!"
"You're never gonna let us live this down are you?" Logan looked at him. "Just what we need, Beast with an even larger ego!"
"Amazing," Dr. Petranet looked at the stone buildings. "It looks like a scene right out of the Stone Age! A perfectly preserved society of pre-evolved humans. It's the find of the century."
"Second find of the century," Hank corrected. "We mutants aren't exactly chopped liver you know? Particulary moi!"
"Oh brother," Logan rolled his eyes.
Doug looked puzzled as the Primort Chief talked. "He says something about remembering the lessons you taught them about worshiping false gods."
"Oh yeah," Flint said. "We gave them a TV. To replace their broken god."
"Looks like they really got some use out of it," Roadblock pointed to pieces of a broken television set.
"I knew they would know exactly what to do with it," Spirit grinned.
"If anything it proves the Primorts are intelligent," Dr. Petranet chuckled.
"Maybe more intelligent," Hank grinned as he waved to his adoring crowd.
"Beast if you can concentrate for a moment," Ororo groaned. "I think our first priority is to find out what happened to Rameriez and Dawson."
"Bad news everybody," Roadblock pointed. "They're alive."
Tied to a stake was Rameriez and Tawny. Both were covered with mud and straw and not very happy. "I want my lawyer!" Tawny screamed. "When my Father's attorneys get through with you, you'll all be rugs! Rugs I tell ya!"
"Tawny you've never looked better," Cover Girl snickered.
"You!" Tawny glared at Cover Girl.
"Guys you gotta get this shot right here!" Cover Girl waved to the cameramen.
"Don't you dare! I don't have any makeup on!" Tawny screamed.
"Me neither!" Rameriez shouted.
"Where's the rest of the crew?" Ororo asked.
"Over here," Wanda pointed. The rest of the crewmen emerged from a cave. "They didn't tie you guys up?"
"We didn't annoy them as much as they did," One crewman shrugged.
"Cypher, tell the Primorts that their god has come to remove the menace," Hank chuckled.
"This just makes the whole trip worthwhile," Cover Girl grinned.
Several hours later the Primorts were dancing around a huge fire. The film crew was filming it. Tawny and Rameriez were complaining about their hardships. Everyone else was watching and relaxing. "This is remarkable!" Dr. Petranet watched. "This is going to be a fascinating experience!"
"Here," Doug handed him a device. "I've managed to translate most of the Primort words and put them into this data pad. Think of it as a Primort-English Dictionary."
"So you're staying here?" Kitty asked.
"Along with a camera crew," Dr. Petranet explained. "We'll do a documentary on the Primorts as well as scientific study."
"The Primorts don't mind," Doug said. "As long as we take Rameriez and Tawny away."
"You know maybe I should stay here as well?" Hank sniffed. "At least here I'm appreciated."
The Primort Chief walked up with a female Primort. "Tondo nato matani rok malana."
"What did he say?" Hank asked.
"He says, that she is his daughter and he's offering her as your bride," Doug told him.
The she ape creature pursed her lips in kiss. "Oh dear…" Hank gulped.
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"I thought the two of you made a cute couple," Logan grinned as the X-Men flew back to the Institute in the Velocity. The Misfits were flying back to the Pit with the rescued reporters.
"Shut up," Hank sulked.
"Good thing we came up with that lie about you already having a sky goddess as a wife," Logan said. "And that she gets very jealous. Right Ororo?"
"Remind me to use some very painful lightning on you later," Ororo glared.
"Hey better him than Shipwreck," Logan pointed out.
"A rock would be better than Shipwreck," Ororo admitted.
"Look at the bright side," Kitty said. "For once we went on a mission and nothing bad happened."
"Nothing unless you count me being nearly married off to an extra from a bad caveman movie!" Hank told her.
"I dunno Hank," Logan shook his head. "She looked like a real looker to me. That could have been your last chance. Your kids would have been real cute."
"Logan, do me a favor and stifle yourself will you?" Hank glared at him. "Approaching the Mansion…What the…?"
"It's on fire!" Kitty screamed as she pointed to the horrific sight below.
"Oh great!" Logan groaned. "Who attacked us this time?"
Who indeed? Find out what happened when the others were in Africa!