Demon Counseling and Other Disasters

"I do not take you for granted!" Illyana snapped.

"Yeah right!" S'ym shouted. "S'ym do this! S'ym do that! S'ym pick up some dinner. S'ym clean up the bodies in the hall. S'ym get me some tampons! I HAVE HAD IT!"

"No, but you are going to get it," Illyana waved her sword.

"Now, Illyana," Fred came between them. "We have to listen to S'ym now. You'll get your turn soon."

"You bet I will get my turn!" Illyana snarled. "And when it is my turn you know I will have plenty to say!"

"This is so not happening," Jubilee groaned. "The Blob conducting a therapy session between the Queen of Limbo and her demon servant." Several X-Men and Misfits were watching.

"Of course it's happening," Kitty rolled her eyes. "Things like this always happen to the X-Men!"

"Yeah where the hell have you been?" Rogue looked at her. "You weren't away that long!"

"Thing like this never happened at the Massachusetts Academy, that's for sure," Doug groaned.

"What I want to know is when you grew a backbone?" Illyana shouted. "And how the hell I can rip it out?"

"This has been coming for a long time sister!" S'ym shouted. "For years I've been suffering in silence! I need to grow! I had to break out of my shell!"

"Today?" Scott shouted. "Did you have to do this today?"

In another room Hank was standing next to Trish. "I'm really sorry about this," He apologized. "I really can't believe this happened."

"To be honest I don't think I would believe it myself and I'm seeing it," Trish sighed. "I can't report this…It's too…"

"Weird?" Hank asked.

"Classified," Trish held up a piece of paper. "Three seconds ago one of the Joes slapped me with an injunction. I think I am going to trust my instincts and pretend it's legal."

"Smart move," Hank winced as he heard the sounds of several things breaking.

"You know you guys have very interesting lives," Trish pretended she hadn't heard anything.

"Well being a news reporter I imagine your life is hardy dull," Hank said.

"Yeah but not to the extent that demons from other dimensions come over or traveling around the world battling evil mutants," Trish told him.

"It's not always like that," Hank told her. "Sometimes the evil mutantscome to us."

"IT'S ALWAYS ME! ME! ME! WHEN DOES S'YM GET HIS SHARE?" S'ym shouted.

"YOU WANT A SHARE? I'LL GIVE YOU PLENTY OF SHARES! SHARES OF PAIN, SHARES OF AGONY AND A GOOD HEAPING SHARE OF TORMENT!" Illyana screamed. More things broke in the room.

"So Trish…" Hank gulped. "Do you have any interesting hobbies?"

"Well," Trish decided that making small talk was much safer than listening in on the therapy session from Hell. "My work doesn't give me time to do much. But I do try to go to a museum every now and then. I saw these paintings by Lazio DeTurmin which were very nice."

"Lazio DeTurmin? The new wave classic expressionist?" Hank asked.

"You know his work?" Trish asked.

"I have a reproduction of his masterpiece Leftist Pig. A bit heavy handed in his tribute to Animal Farm but still…" Hank shrugged.

"Animal Farm? That's my favorite book!" Trish said. "Well one of them."

"Really?" Hank grinned.

Meanwhile the majority of Misfits and X-Men left the room. Fred was left behind with the adults to try to resolve the spat. "Why do these things happen to us?" Jean looked very distressed. "Why? What is it about us that attracts all this craziness? No matter what we do, something happens and it turns into a huge disaster."

"You know Jean," Althea said, putting her arm around her shoulders. "Up until those two stepped out from that portal to Limbo, I think the interview was going rather well."

"Okay," Jean said. "Toad I am starting to believe that maybe you have a point about us being cursed."

"So how about a date?" Trish walked by with Hank. "We could meet at the Natural History Museum in New York."

"I'm pretty sure that's one of the few places the X-Men haven't been banned from," Hank grinned.

The mutants looked at the retreating pair with their jaws dropped. "Did you just see…?" Jean asked.

"Yes," Everyone said.

"Is he actually going out with…?" Kitty began.

"Yes," Everyone replied.

"Maybe I'm right?" Todd looked at Jean. He pointed in the direction of Hank and Trish. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you Exhibit B!"

"And I thought Lance and Kitty were a bad combination," Scott said honestly.

"Yeah at least when we have a fight we don't end up on the six o clock news!" Lance said. "Okay maybe that one time…"

"Does anyone not think the only reason she's asking him on a date is that she's probably gonna use him as a source of information to further her career?" Angelica asked.

"No," Everyone said.

"Fine," Jean threw up her hands. "You're right. The important thing now is to deal with this calmly and rationally."

BOOM!

"S'ym now what did we say about fires?" Fred shouted from the other room.

"Anybody know a good witch doctor?" Lance winced.

"Not funny Alvers," Scott glared.

"No, he's got a point," Jean had a very odd look in her eye. "Maybe that is what we need. Somebody to remove the curse."

"Jean," Scott said gently. "Jean I know you're tired and upset…"

"No, no, no…I'm on to something here," Jean said. "We know Dr. Strange and Margali. They might be able to help us."

"Jean you're being ridiculous," Kurt said.

"Listen to Kurt," Scott said.

"It's gonna take a lot more than them to help us," Kurt went on. "I think we could use a good exorcism around here."

"On second thought, don't listen to Kurt," Scott groaned.

"No, he's making sense!" Jean told him.

"He is?" Todd looked at Kurt.

"I know," Kurt nodded. "It's a shock to me as well."

"Okay, Kurt you've got the Catholic Church, Sam and Bobby you two take care of any Protestant denomination in town you can find," Jean went on. "Kitty you've got the Synagogue. I think there's a Hindu temple a few towns over from here…"

"Jean has finally snapped," Wanda remarked.

"No, I'm just not taking any chances!" Jean told her.

"This is ridiculous!" Scott said. "Jean we are not going around to every church in the county in order to remove some non existent curse."

CRACK! BOOM! CRASH!

"WHY DON'T YOU APPRECIATE ME?" S'ym screamed. "WHY? WHY? WHY?"

"On the other hand, it couldn't hurt to check around," Scott said.

Just then Trish ran by with her camera crew. "Sorry. Gotta go. Big news story to cover!"

"Yeah fine, have a nice day," Jean absently waved.

"I wonder what happened to make her run off like that?" Kitty asked.

CRASH!

"Besides that?" Todd looked at her.

"That's it," Jean walked off. "I'm going to call for an exorcist. And this time I mean it!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Meanwhile in the lair of the Kingpin…

"Boss! Big news!" Steve burst in. "The Pride's gone!"

"What do you mean gone?" Kingpin asked. "What happened?"

"Turn on the news," Steve told him. "They're all dead!"

Kingpin turned on the news and looked up at the monitor. The newscaster on screen showed pictures of the Pride in their civilian attire. "Good evening. Tonight the worlds of organized crime and society collide in a shocking explosion. For years the entire state of California has been rumored to have been under control of a mysterious crime organization called the Pride. The Pride has been involved with everything from kidnapping and racketeering to murder, to the corruption of law enforcement and several politicians. But it is only until now, after their shocking deaths have their identities have been revealed."

"Boss…" Two more of Kingpin's henchmen ran in. "The Pride…"

"We know," Kingpin motioned them to be silent.

"These twelve Los Angeles socialites including the famous actors Frank and Leslie Dean ran the Pride and were responsible for over twenty thousand different counts of murder, kidnapping, extortion, blackmail and any other crime that is on the books," The newscaster said. "They had operatives in government, business, law enforcement and even the military."

"Leslie Dean was a member of the Pride?" Steve's jaw dropped. "She's on my soap!"

"Quiet!" Kingpin hissed.

"Already as many as seventy law enforcement agents, businessmen and high ranking politicians have been called in for questioning," The newscaster continued. "Thanks to documents brought to attention by the very people responsible for the destruction of the Pride. The most astonishing part is that the people who toppled this powerful organization are none other than the Pride's own children. Apparently they rebelled against their families when they witnessed a bizarre cult ceremony…"

"So the Pride is dead," Kingpin grinned as he shut off the television. "Break out the champagne boys. Tonight crime will take a holiday."

Next: More wacky fun and a little Lance and Kitty torture! He he…