The McGuffin Blues

"I can't believe they argued all night," Kitty groaned. A few of the X-Girls shuffled downstairs around eleven in the morning.

"Thank god classes are cancelled today," Betsy agreed.

"Of course they are," Rogue said. "Most of the adults are sleeping in after last night and the library is trashed. I don't know how the Blob managed to get those two nuts to patch up their differences…"

"By promising them to have their next therapy sessions here," Betsy informed her.

"How many therapy sessions are we talking about?" Kitty looked at Betsy.

"At least once a week starting next week," Betsy said.

"Oh goody!" Rogue said sarcastically. "Between the Misfits and the lunatics that show up here to attack us or try and exploit us it's a wonder we get any school work done at all! At this rate our senior year will end next December!"

"Hey guys," Bobby walked up to them. "Have you seen Scott? I have to ask him a couple questions about my homework."

"Scott and Jean are in New York with the Professor," Betsy told him. "They left a few hours ago. She's transferring to Empire State University. Apparently Xavier knows a few people on the College Board so it won't be a problem."

"I hear New York is slightly more tolerant of mutants than Bayville," Rogue said. "No mutant bans."

"Not yet anyway," Bobby grumbled.

"Yeah but look at all the other superheroes that run around the city," Kitty pointed out. "They've got the Fantastic Four, Spiderman, Daredevil…"

"But they're not mutants," Bobby pointed out.

"Okay, but New York does have a lot of mutants living there," Kitty added. "And Warren's company is there. I heard that Worthington Industries employs at least a good quarter of the city's population."

"That doesn't mean the norms living there are any more tolerant of mutants," Bobby grunted. "They're just used to seeing them more."

"I hate to admit it but he has a point," Betsy sighed. "Anybody up for coffee?"

"I think I'm just gonna just go back to bed," Kitty yawned. "I'm not really hungry."

"Suit yourself," Betsy yawned as well.

Kitty shuffled back upstairs and phased through the door to her room. Danielle was out so she had the room to herself. She flopped right down on the bed and closed her eyes.

"Oh come on! You can't still be sleeping! It's too lovely a day outside! Wake up! Wake up!" A familiar cheerful yet extremely annoying voice called out to her.

"Shut up…" Kitty groaned.

"Come on! Get up! Greet the day! Shake out those cobwebs!"

"Pietro if you don't shut up and get out of my room by the time I count to three…" Kitty growled.

"Good morning! Good morning! We slept the whole night through! Good morning, good morning to you!"

"One…" Kitty gritted her teeth. "THREE!" She shot up and grabbed her pillow, intending to throw it right in Pietro's face.

But Pietro wasn't there. Sitting on the floor was a large silver coyote. "What the…?" Kitty blinked.

"Hell-o Kitty!" The Coyote grinned.

"Pietro?" Kitty blinked.

"Nope, I'm much more handsome than he is," The Coyote ran a paw through the fur on it's head. "So when do you think you and Lance will finally do it?"

"Do…what?" Kitty blinked, still in shock.

"Run for Congress what do you think?" Coyote rolled his eyes. "Do the dirty deed. Make the beast with two backs. Get it on! Shagalicious baby!"

"Okay this is a dream," Kitty flopped back down onto the bed. "That's it. I'm dreaming."

"You wish," Coyote giggled. "Dog pile!" It leapt onto the bed, right on top of Kitty.

"AAAAAHHHH!" Kitty screamed. "Get off me!" She shoved it off her and it fell onto the floor.

"Awww… I just wanna cuddle," Coyote made puppy dog eyes.

"I'm not dreaming this am I?" Kitty gulped.

"Nope," Coyote shook his head. "I'm the real deal baby."

"Forge…" Kitty looked around. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"Forge had nothing to do with this baby," Coyote said. "I am my own creation!"

"YOU REBUILT WHAT?" Lance could be heard screaming at the top of his lungs. "AND YOU BROUGHT IT WHERE?"

"Okay maybe I had a little help from Lance," Coyote shrugged. "And the Triplets."

"Lance?" Kitty asked. "What does he have to do with this?"

"Didn't he tell you about me?" Coyote asked. "Now I'm hurt!"

"Wait, wait…" Kitty held up her hand. "I remember Lance saying something a long time ago about seeing a talking coyote but…No way…"

"Yeah and now thanks to the Triplets everyone can see me!" The Coyote stood on his hind legs and grabbed Kitty with his front paws. "Let's dance!"

"This is not happening…" Kitty was too shocked to phase through its grasp.

"Finland is the country where we dance, Finland is the country where we play…" Coyote sang. "Here in Finland coyote and girl can find a true romance…"

"GET AWAY FROM HER YOU FOUR FOOTED FREAKY FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION!" Lance bellowed as he burst through the door.

"Wow Lance, you're alliteration has really improved," Coyote grinned and dropped Kitty. "Now try to say this. She sells seashells by the seashore."

"DIE!" Lance charged at the Coyote who jumped out of his way laughing. "COME BACK HERE!" He chased it around the room and out the door.

Leaving a very bewildered Kitty on the floor. "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HERE?"

"I see you've met Lance's imaginary friend," Wanda said casually as she walked in.

"Wanda please tell me what is going on now?" Kitty groaned as she got up from the floor.

"Well Lance is chasing the Coyote who is now wearing one of Amara's outfits," Wanda looked out the door.

"This is freaking me out," Kitty winced as she looked.

"Tell me about it," Wanda said. "It looks better in that thing than she does."

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?" Rogue stormed up to them. "KITTY WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR STUPID BOYFRIEND DOING CHASING AROUND A COYOTE THAT SOUNDS LIKE MY IDIOT BROTHER IN DRAG?"

"I have no idea!" Kitty threw up her hands. "Wanda what is going on?"

"Didn't Lance tell you already that sometimes he sees an imaginary coyote that sounds like Pietro?" Wanda asked her.

"GIVE ME BACK MY DRESS!" Amara screamed as she joined in the chase.

"And acts like him too?" Wanda added.

"Yeah but…" Kitty began.

"Wait a minute!" Rogue interrupted. "Back up! Lance sees a what?"

"That," Wanda pointed as the Coyote ran by again in a red dress and high heels swinging around a giant fish. "Only without the fish."

"Schlip, schlap, schlip schalp away!" Coyote sang as he ran by again.

"STOP SINGING LINES FROM SPAMALOT AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN YOU DUMB DOG!" Lance screamed as he chased the animated animal.

"AND GET OUT OF MY DRESS!" Amara ran after him.

"But it looks so much better on me!" Coyote laughed.

"I do not believe this…" Kitty was in shock. "I'm starting to miss the demons!"

"Well it's not like he didn't tell you about it," Wanda said.

"I thought he was joking!" Kitty shouted. "Or at the very least being sarcastic!"

"How can anybody joke about this?" Rogue pointed.

WHACK!

"OW!" Bobby shouted.

WHACK!

"OW!" Ray screamed.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACKETY WHACK WHACK!

"OW!" Tim shouted. "STOP HITTING US WITH THAT FISH!"

"Let's fry 'em!" Ray shouted. Soon more mutants joined in the mini marathon.

"Jean was right," Kitty moaned. "We do need an exorcism around here!"

"Could you please help me with something?" Betsy walked up to them. "Am I actually seeing a coyote in drag that sounds exactly like Pietro whacking people with a giant fish? Or am I having a nervous breakdown?"

"It's real," Rogue told her.

WHACK!

"Why couldn't it have been a nervous breakdown?" Betsy sighed.

WHACK!

"OW!" Warren shouted. "THAT'S IT! I'M LOCKING MYSELF IN MY ROOM FOR THE NEXT WEEK!"

"And I thought Mirage's illusions were weird," Betsy blinked.

"It's not an illusion," Wanda said. "You see there's this thing called the McGuffin Device that gives substance to imagination. In this case, it made Lance's imaginary coyote come alive."

"BUT IT WON'T BE ALIVE FOR LONG! DIE! DIE! DIE!" Lance ran after it swinging a baseball bat.

"Trinity thought it would be fun to fix it and bring it over here," Wanda said.

"Those girls have a very bizarre idea of fun," Kitty watched the insanity.

"You're just noticing this now?" Rogue looked at her.

"So Lance occasionally sees an imaginary coyote that sounds exactly like Pietro?" Betsy asked.

"Yup," Kitty blinked.

"Kitty…Why are you two dating?" Rogue asked. "I never really understood that."

"To be honest nether do I…" Kitty moaned.

What's next for our intrepid heroes? So many plotlines, so little brain cells. Wait a minute…

In the next few chapters: The Misfits are called in to investigate a scientist with a possible mutant connection. What they find is a general that's wound up a little too tight, some high powered kids and aliens from outer space. (And its not who you think unless you read a lot of 80's comics!)

Meanwhile, Jean starts her classes at Empire State University where she meets some very familiar characters and finds herself once again fighting her teacher! Oh boy…