Say Hi to The Silver Surfer

"So…Silver Surfer," Shipwreck said as he drove back to the Pit. "You're not from around here are you?"

"Originally I am from a planet far beyond your solar system," The Silver Surfer spoke. He had reluctantly agreed to ride in Shipwreck's jeep. "A billion light years beyond your galaxy."

"I thought you were from out of town," Shipwreck nodded. They drove up to the gates. "Don't worry about security. Leave it to me."

The MP on guard barely raised an eyebrow as he stopped. "Shipwreck what kind of prank have you done this time?" He groaned. "On second thought, don't tell me. I don't want to be court martialed. Drive on."

"See what did I tell ya?" Shipwreck grinned as they made their way to the Misfit House. "Home sweet home."

"I must confess I am a bit wary..." The Silver Surfer said.

"Oh don't worry, our kids are smart," Shipwreck said as he opened the door. "They won't do anything to you." He looked in and found Todd going postal on a remote control.

"WHY WON'T YOU WORK?" Todd was pounding the remote control with his fists. "WHY WON'T YOU WORK? WORK YOU STUPID…."

"Toad you need new batteries," Lance rolled his eyes as he strummed cords on his guitar.

"Oh," Todd looked at it. "I knew that."

"Xi…" Pietro was walking by with Xi hugging his back. He had a strange facial tic. "Please stop hugging me."

"Hugs! Hugs!" Xi was grinning happily.

"WHO GAVE XI THE DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES?" Pietro shouted. "COME ON! FESS UP!"

Xi noticed the Silver Surfer. "New friend?" Xi blinked.

"Yeah," Daria nodded. "He's a new friend."

"HUGS!" Xi gleefully pounced on the Silver Surfer.

"XI! NO!" Shipwreck tried to pull him off. "Sorry! He's very affectionate! No Xi! Down! Down Xi!"

"Come on man!" Todd grabbed Xi by his legs and pulled. "Give it a rest yo!" They finally yanked him off.

"Sorry about that," Shipwreck apologized. "He's really very…Xi! No!" Xi was now hugging Shipwreck. "He's desperate for attention and…Xi you're choking me!"

"I must admit I was skeptical when you told me that you lived in a military complex," The Silver Surfer admitted. "Now…Well I see that you mean me no harm. Intentional harm anyway."

"What's going on?" Althea asked as the other Misfits entered the room. "Pop who is this guy? And why is Xi hugging you?"

"This is the Silver Surfer," Quinn told her. "Silver Surfer…Everybody. Everybody…Silver Surfer."

"And Xi OD'd on the cookies again," Shipwreck was trying to remove Xi from his neck. "Xi…please! Let go of me already!"

"You know that name sounds familiar…" Fred scratched his head. "Hey weren't you involved with the Fantastic Four a while back?"

"You are correct," Silver Surfer said serenely.

"So what's your story?" Todd asked.

"I am from a planet far beyond your solar system," Silver Surfer began. "A world called Zen-La. We were a peaceful society devoted to hedonistic pursuits, yet I yearned for adventure."

"Hedo-what?" Fred scratched his head.

"They spent their lives playing video games and partying," Pietro told him.

"Oh," Fred nodded.

"One terrifying day our world was set upon by Galacticus, devourer of worlds," The Silver Surfer continued. "He would have destroyed Zen-La and all life on it to fill his insatiable hunger."

"Sounds like the guy never heard of Weight Watchers," Althea quipped.

"I managed to strike a bargain with Galacticus," The Silver Surfer went on. "In exchange for sparing my world I would serve as his herald, finding him new worlds to feed on. He granted me cosmic powers so that I could traverse the stars infinitely. For untold years I did so, until one day when I came upon the Earth. However I learned of humanity's nature, curiously paradoxical yet strangely noble."

"You don't watch Reality TV do you?" Arcade asked.

"I joined forces with a group calling itself the Fantastic Four in order to save the planet," The Silver Surfer explained. "Earth was saved but I paid a heavy price. As punishment for my treachery, Galacticus placed a barrier around the Earth's solar system. I cannot escape it. I am forever condemned to this planet. Never to escape."

"Well…" Fred scratched his head. "Have you gone to Disneyworld yet?"

"Ooh! Or Epcot!" Todd said. "That's a lot of fun!"

"How I long to soar among the stars again," The Silver Surfer sighed. "To sail unchallenged into the dark void of the unknown. Fate indeed is a cruel mistress…"

"Sounds like somebody's been surfing the starways just a little too long…" Pietro whispered to Wanda.

"Yeah I used to think Cyclops was long winded," Wanda whispered back.

"Why don't you kids calm Xi down with some warm milk?" Shipwreck managed to shimmy Xi off his back. "I'll take the Surfer down to the study to relax."

"You mean the basement?" Fred asked.

"Yes Fred the basement," Shipwreck sighed. "Hey where are all the other adults anyway?"

"They're meeting with Duke," Lance said.

"And they left you alone?" Shipwreck asked.

"Nah they paid Althea to keep an eye on us," Todd nodded. "Oh the babies are asleep in bed. Out like a light."

"You didn't slip them Nyquil again did you?" Shipwreck asked.

"No…" Pietro whistled. "Uh…Gotta go now!" He zoomed upstairs.

"They're good kids," Shipwreck escorted the Silver Surfer down to the basement into a small room filled with nautical trophies. "When their medication works. See this is where I go to hide from the kids when they're driving me crazy. It's my personal sanctuary. Well it used to be the shed out back but since the fire…"

"How I long for the simple pleasure of family," The Silver Surfer sighed. "How long has it been since I have been cut off from my homeworld, forever banished from…"

"Geeze buddy you need a drink," Shipwreck groaned.

"I do not require sustenance," The Silver Surfer told him.

"Who said anything about requiring anything?" Shipwreck looked at him. "This is purely for relaxation only. Here…" He went to a small fridge and took out a thermos. "I've been saving this for a special occasion."

"I do not…" The Silver Surfer began when Shipwreck handed him a drink. "Well I suppose in order to be hospitable. Mortal drinks have no affect on me since I gained my cosmic powers."

Ten minutes later…

"You know what really stinks?" The Silver Surfer was gulping down another drink, his voice clearly indicating he was inebriated. "I worked for Gala-hic-calus…Galatic-tic-hic—That jerk for practically a millennia- Faithfully. Never asked for anything once. Not even a day off. I must have found him a hundred and a hundred…" He flashed his hands. "A lot more than this many worlds and the second I ask for one little thing…just one tiny little favor…And Bam! He dumps me. Just like that."

"Well that's not fair," Shipwreck poured him another drink.

"You're damn right it's not fair!" The Silver Surfer told him. "I mean its not like there aren't a billion other planets out there! Noooo! He has to eat when he has to or else! Like his needs are the only one that matters!"

"You're right!" Shipwreck agreed as he poured himself a drink. "He is a jerk!"

"Damn right he is a jerk!" The Silver Surfer nodded and took a gulp. "I must say however, Earth is not without it's surprises. This Earth drink is surprisingly liberating."

"And it don't make you sick as a dog either," Shipwreck downed the drink.

"Okay we finally got Xi calmed down," Althea said as she and Wanda walked into the room. "What's going on?"

"We are discussing the mysteries of the universe," Shipwreck told them. "Surfey here is sharing his vast cosmic knowledge with me."

"Have you ever looked at your hands?" The Silver Surfer slurred as he stared at his shiny appendages. "I mean really looked at them?"

"You got the Silver Surfer drunk?" Wanda gasped.

"This surprises you?" Althea looked at her. "After all this time you're shocked?"

"No, what shocks me is that we didn't see this coming," Wanda admitted.

"Oooh!" The Silver Surfer watched his hands move. "Shiny…"

"And people wonder why I'm always looking at nursing home brochures…" Althea groaned as she indicated she had a huge headache.

"Hey, the guy had a rough time here," Shipwreck defended his actions. "I'm just helping him relax a little."

"Hey! Hey!" The Silver Surfer had a strange light in his eyes. "I've just realized something…I have powers! Cool powers! Watch this!" Suddenly he stood up and a bright light emanated from his body making the room very bright.

"WHAHOOOO!" Suddenly he jumped on his cosmic board and took off through the house. "SURF'S UP!"

"I'd say mission accomplished," Wanda remarked. They ran up the stairs and outside. They watched the Silver Surfer do several tricks in the air and put on an impressive light show.

"Holy crap what was that?" Todd yelled as he and the rest of the Misfits ran outside.

"What's going on?" Arcade asked.

"Oh my father just got the Silver Surfer drunk," Althea told them.

"Oh," Todd said casually. "Is that all?"

"Great, we get one nutcase down…" Lance grumbled.

"HOOOOYAAAAAAAA!"

"Wow, I didn't know he could make look like his board's on fire like that," Angelica blinked.

"Well now we know," Fred said. "And knowing is…"

"I am getting so sick of that joke," Lance groaned.

FOOOM!

"There goes the roof of the motor pool," Arcade said calmly.

"Okay let's remember that in the future cosmic power plus alcohol is not necessarily a good thing," Pietro winced.

Not far away Duke and the other Misfit adults were watching the strange antics. "Whatever this is please let it be a Cobra attack," Spirit groaned.

"What's going on?" The Blind Master asked.

"A naked silver guy riding a surfboard is tearing up the sky and just tore up the roof of the motor pool," Low Light explained to him.

"You don't have to be sarcastic," The Blind Master told him.

"That's what's happening!" Low Light told him.

"Is that coming from the…?" Cover Girl's eyes widened when she realized where the weirdness came from. "Uh, excuse us! Gotta go!" The Misfit handlers ran away quickly.

"WHAT HAVE YOU BRATS DONE NOW?" Low Light screamed.

"IT'S NOT US! IT'S SHIPWRECK!" They heard Pietro scream back. "HE DID IT!"

"WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?" Roadblock shouted. "FORGET THE KIDS! IT'S SHIPWRECK THAT NEEDS TO BE SUPERVISED!"

"YOU GOTTA PAY ME TRIPLE FOR HIM!" Althea shouted.

"The irony of this is that the world is worried about mutants destroying the planet," Duke rolled his eyes as he talked to himself. "It's sailors they should be concerned about!"

"Okay what the hell is going on around here this time?" Hawk blinked as he walked up to Duke.

"I dunno," Duke sighed. "But I bet Shipwreck had something to do with this."

"Of course he did…" Hawk sighed putting his head into his hands. "I had to go into the army. I could have listened to my father and gone to business school but noooooooooo…I had a duty to protect my country!"

Unbeknownst to them another figure was watching the insanity from the shadows with sadistic glee. "Cosmic power…" Selene grinned. "This is going to be easier than I thought."

Uh oh, Selene's at the Pit and the Silver Surfer is drunk. This is not going to be pretty…