As always, loads of appreciation to my reviewers…

Angoliel… Yes, of course you may have some more…

Utsuri… There's a little more about Natalie's behavior in this chapter. And don't forget, before the passionate kiss, Aramis had agreed to go speak to Athos in the morning. He was planning to ask permission to court/marry Natalie, so it wasn't like he was trying to seduce her and then just leave her… (no Luc yet, but you'll see him soon…)

Evenstar Elanor… See, you're getting it straight. smiles Yes, Natalie is a little spoiled and she gets told so in an upcoming chapter, but for this one, you get your wish. More Aramis. Hope Chicago was fun.

Mercury Gray… Read on to see how Aramis is feeling…!

Chapter 8: Heaven and Hell

Miles away from the road that drew Natalie's coach closer to Versailles, Aramis dismounted from his horse in a small town he'd never heard of before. In the center was a modest stone church and that's where he headed. He had spent four days on the road, riding aimlessly, stopping to sleep for only a few hours a night and eating only when he remembered to. He felt gaunt and hollow.

Dressed in his uniform, Aramis was unmistakably a Musketeer and a few of the villagers stopped to stare. Some had never actually seen a Musketeer before. The priest hurried out of the church followed by two young boys. He was a portly man, but he did not have that look of indolence that Aramis had seen on some priests. This man obviously spent time with his flock and toiled next to them when needed.

"My good monsieur," he said a little breathlessly. "How can we be of service?"

"I've been traveling for several days," Aramis began. As he spoke the priest looked him up and down with a critical eye, taking in his pale pallor and dark circles under his eyes.

"Jean! Take Monsieur…?"

"Aramis."

"Aramis? Aramis? The King's advisor?" the priest gasped.

"Jean! Take Monsieur Aramis' horse and see he is watered, fed, and groomed. And have the blacksmith check the beast's shoes! Pierre! See to it that Monsieur Aramis has a hot bath, have Suzette lay out some clean clothes and take his uniform to be washed!"

"A simple robe will do, Father. I am grateful for your generosity."

A concerned look furrowed the priest's brow when he heard the sadness in Aramis' voice. "My name is Gaston. Your heart seems heavy, my son, and it you have carried it a great distance. What other help can I offer you?"

"Some time alone to pray," answered Aramis.

"Of course, and you shall dine with me to night if that pleases you."

Aramis really didn't want to, but he could not refuse the priest so he nodded his acceptance and quietly followed the boy named Pierre to a room where a bath was soon heating. After he soaked and scrubbed the grime of the road from his face, Aramis dried off and found a loose linen shirt had been left out for him. It was long, falling half way down his thigh. Next to it was an outer robe, similar in cut to the priest's robe. It was loose and comfortable. Aramis chose to walk barefoot to the small church. His hair was still wet and the breeze sent a slight chill through him.

Father Gaston was leaving the church as Aramis arrived. "Welcome, my son," he said. "I trust you are refreshed?"

"Yes, thank you."

"May I do anything for you? I will hear your confession if you would like to unburden your soul…"

"Not right now, Father. I would prefer simply to pray."

"As you will. I will send Pierre to fetch you when supper is ready."

After he crossed himself and found his way to a pew in the front, Aramis settled on his knees and listened to the silence descend around him. Light shone through the small stained glass window above the altar. It was a pale imitation of the glorious windows Aramis had seen in the grand cathedrals, but to the people of this town it must have looked like Heaven itself poured through that window on a bright summer morning. Aramis folded his hands and bowed his head. The people of the town might be able to see a glimmer of Heaven; but today, Aramis could not see beyond his own small corner of Hell.

What could he say? Where could he begin? He had betrayed Athos' trust and now he was paying the price… and then his thoughts turned to Natalie.

"She is where it all begins and ends," he said softly. "God, if you are listening to me, please, please keep Natalie safe. I know Athos would never harm her… Me, on the other hand? If he'd had his sword when he found us in the garden, he would have run me through, of that I have no doubt. Then perhaps I would truly be at Your mercy, Father."

He fell silent again as the conflicting emotions tore through him, storming and raging. I know I love her, yet how can I say that? And now look at what I have done. I've let my feelings control my actions and now Athos will take her to Versailles. In his haste to keep her from me, he will find her a husband as quickly as he can. What if his emotions cloud his judgment? What will become of her then? Athos' livid face floated in front of him. And what of my friendship with Athos? Have I thrown that away for a kiss in the garden? For a love that cannot ever truly reach its fulfillment?

"Holy Father," Aramis said after a deep breath. "Help me prove to Athos that I am still his loyal friend… that I did not mean to betray him, that I did not dishonor his daughter. You have always helped me, given me guidance when I needed it… Given me strength when I thought I had none left. You have filled my heart with courage beyond measure in the face of adversity. But I feel no burgeoning courage now; no resolve to steer through the storm. Help me realize that this is just a passing fascination, a misguided flirtation. Tell me that I am not in love with Natalie. I will believe you, Father."

Often, after he prayed, he would feel a warmth, a confidence would suffuse him, giving him confidence and deepening his belief and connection with God. This time, no such warmth touched his soul. Shortly after, Pierre slipped in and signaled that it was time for supper. Rising slowly, Aramis followed the boy to the priest's modest home and enjoyed a simple but filling dinner. After, Father Gaston spoke to Aramis briefly, trying to draw out what troubled the Musketeer, but Aramis gently avoided the questions and excused himself to go to sleep.

As he rested his head on the pillow and felt himself begin to succumb to sleep, his thoughts ranged to the upcoming days. I must return to Versailles and there I will find both Athos and Natalie. I will do my duty to the King, but I will stay away from Natalie. And once Natalie is safely married to a good man, I will beg Athos for forgiveness. I will tell him I was touched with madness and I will do anything to make my amends. I will tell him that I made a terrible mistake… that I do not truly love Natalie…

But even as he said it, Aramis knew in his heart that he was lying.

As always, I'm looking forward to hearing your feedback and commentary. I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying it so far!

Disclaimer: Only Natalie and Luc (who you have not met yet) are my creations. Everything else is borrowed for inspiration with much gratitude and respect.