Chapter 20

Disclaimer- They're not mine, but at least if I can't have 'em, neither can anyone else

House's office 9.55am

'Glad to see you made it in on time,' House smirked as he walked towards Cameron, who was replacing a textbook on the shelf. And in stopping to get just a little closer to her, he continued, 'And no longer smelling like a Smirnoff truck just shed it's load on the freeway.'

'You know, good morning would work equally well with me. I don't need your sarcasm fix this early in the day, I have enough already embedded in my brain to tap into if I feel the need.'

Staying a little too close for comfort a while longer, he said softly, 'Glad I have the ability to make you tap into your inner needs. Guess that's why the chicks just dig us older guys.'

Fully aware the effect his immediate proximity had been having on her, he made his way across to his chair, slumping heavily into it. 'So, you wanna talk. Think I can't handle it, huh? Hit me with it, I'm all ears.' Cameron glanced at him, taken aback. 'Well, not all ears obviously. I have a number of other important organs that you might find interesting, but I'm pretty sure ears are what's called for in this situation.'

'You want to talk? House actually wants to have an adult conversation? You may want to refrain from letting that fact become common knowledge, could prove to be your downfall. Actually showing that you have some human traits beneath the hackles.'

'Ha! You're getting better at this banter lark. You're starting to resemble how I imagined the bastard child of Cuddy and I would turn out like. Bitter and twisted but in lingerie and without the bum leg. Nice.' He paused briefly to glance at his mail, before returning his full attention to his female alter-ego. ' So, how's the head? Recovered or still spinning?'

'Head's just fine. Never better,' she lied. 'I can handle myself with the best of them on a night out. You clearly came off worse than I did, at least I made it home.'

'This is true. However, I felt obliged to put my own needs on the back burner last night. You know me, selfless in the extreme. You were in no fit state to make it home unaided, and if you cast your mind back, Dumb and Dumber were too busy waving their handbags at each other to ensure your transport situation was covered. And Clarkson had to play mommy and sort them both out. Which is where I stepped in.'

Cameron immediately adopted her familiar defensive stance. 'Well, thank God you were there! I mean, how on earth would I have managed to call a cab without you!'

'I'm sensing a little pent-up hostility Dr. Cameron. So unlike you. Hey, it's me you're talking to, Uncle Greg. I've seen your panties, how much more intimate do I have to get before you relax in my presence.'

Chase, Clarkson and Foreman, with impeccable timing had walked in just in time to catch the last sentence. 'Don't worry people, she wasn't wearing them at the time. They were in the pile of mutually discarded clothing I almost tripped over this morning, when I finally managed to prise her off of me.'

Cameron reddened initially with embarrassment, quickly followed by a rising sense of indignation. Realising anything she said at this point would actually come out not as she had intended, she bit her lip. She was aware that Clarkson was looking at her searchingly, still relatively unaccustomed to House's innuendo.

'So, Rocky, you and Apollo made up now?'

Foreman, briefly glancing at Chase, turned to House. 'Chase is no Apollo. He look like an undefeated prizefighter to you?'

'Man, I'm a lover, not a fighter,' Chase replied sulkily. 'Which is exactly the point I was trying to prove to Indy before you so rudely stuck your snout in.'

Foreman puffed his chest out. 'Hey, I told you already, frat boy, leave my sister out of it. She's not interested in you. What bit of it don't you get?'

House got up from his seat, and popped his overdue10 o'clock fix. 'Guess that's a no on the making up then. You guys sure know how to let your hair down on a school night, we must do it again sometime. Almost makes up for missing American Idol.'

'Sounds like your night wasn't too shabby either,' Chase snickered, looking at House whilst nodding at Cameron.

'Oh Dr. Chase, you been reading the graffiti in the men's room again? Coulda waited until my ink dried.'

'The graffiti in the ladies is much better,' Chase replied.

Cameron and Foreman exchanged a look of disbelief. 'Ok, I'm betting when your brain finally catches up with your mouth, you'll live to regret saying that,' House said, eyebrows raised.

Cameron began heading towards the other office, bundle of papers clasped firmly to her chest. 'Something we said Dr. Cameron? You know protocol dictates you have to raise your hand if you want to leave class early.'

She turned to face the group. 'I just thought it was high time I tried to restore some level of professional conduct to the department, and return to the business of treating patients.'

'She's just pissed 'cause she didn't get a whole lot of shut-eye last night. What with the neighbours banging on the wall when she hit high C repeatedly around 3am. Huh, some women, never satisfied,' House whispered to his remaining team, as they followed her through into the next room.

As they assumed their familiar positions, House hobbled over to the white board and wiped it clean. 'Anyway, enough of my bedroom prowess, don't want to give Dr. Chase an even bigger inferiority complex than he already has. An elderly cripple pushing all the buttons when the Aussie charmer didn't even get to ride in the elevator.'

'Hey, I'm no slouch in that department,' Chase replied petulantly.

'I'm gonna have to take your word for that, but I'm guessing if your master stroke is to lecherously grab the behind of your work colleague's drunken sister, in the presence of said colleague, then your technique is somewhat lacking in finesse, wouldn't you say?'

Chase looked up sullenly. 'Foreman was cramping my style, making me drink stupid girly drinks. I'm normally a much smoother operator. Never had any complaints before.'

'The fact you never heard from any of these alleged women you've known the following day is proof enough. They don't want a lady-boy who spends more time using their hair straighteners than they do,' Foreman said spitefully.

With that, Foreman's bleeper sounded, followed by Clarkson and Chase's. 'It's the Fry kid,' Foreman said. 'Gotta shoot, this one's touch and go.' As the three of them left, Cameron checked her bleeper to see why it hadn't sounded.

'Ah, divine intervention. You think you can handle being alone with me, Dr. Cameron, now your shipmates have deserted.'

'You know, House, when you said you were going to talk, I didn't exactly envisage the conversation being in front of an audience, and the subject matter being a disclosure of your depraved fantasies.'

'Well, then you really don't know me at all by now, do you?' he said, grinning at her as he did so. 'Come on, after all that attention I lavished on you last night, the least you can do now is buy me a cup of hideously overpriced coffee. I wanna play the next scene in front of a much bigger audience.'