A/N - Thanks again to those reading and reviewing. Even if you aren't
reviewing, thanks for taking the time to read.
A/N2 - To Reviewer "kelly" - Dude. You crack me up!! Thanks for all your
reviews and I appreciate your suggestions. ( Also, "but hey! O.C.!"
and "Death to Anna!!" won my endless respect and love. You rock.
~Lies-6~
I let you get back under my skin, I let you break me down again. I let you get close, way too close But I see through it.
You gave me that smile and I gave in And you knew that I would. Time and time again you pulled me in Just to give me up, give me up again.
~Jonny Lang~
Seth ignored the phone. It was probably Ryan, not knowing he was sitting 30 feet from the house in the driveway for some unknown reason. Well, there was a reason - he was thinking, but mostly he didn't want Ryan to see his unmanly display of tears. He wondered if Ryan ever let loose and cried when he was sure no one was around. No one could blame him, that was for sure, since Ryan's entire life was worth throwing a lay-on-the- floor, kicking legs and flailing arms tantrum over. You're sniveling over a girl and a decision that has to be made. It involved Ryan's happiness, yes, but it wasn't life or death. So suck it up, Cohen. Get over yourself.
The phone had stopped ringing. He scanned the Caller ID. Yep. Ryan. He set it on the seat beside him and it began chirping at him again. He sighed and picked it up. "Hey Ryan. I'm right out -"
"Seth?" A very quiet voice, almost timid.
"Yeah, speaking. - Summer?" He barely recognized her. She sounded strange. His heart twisted inside him like it was trying to escape her voice.
"It's me."
There was an awkward pause. Seth took a deep breath and kept his voice soft. " I'm really sorry about that whole scene. The last thing I wanted to do was fight with you. And I won't do it again, if that's what you're -"
"I don't want to fight. I - I just talked to Coop. You were right. We have to do something, and I can't...by myself. I can come there."
Her voice was still so quiet and lacked emotion. Her normal singsong delivery had vanished. He didn't remember ever hearing her use that tone. "No, Ryan's here. You really want to do this now?"
"Yes. If you don't mind. I know I shouldn't even ask after, you know... but after talking with her, it's killing me. Busting her might actually help her somehow. You know? All the stuff she's been doing? I'm really worried about her."
Seth nodded, then realized that was useless, since she couldn't see him. "Yeah. Me too. I'll be by in a little while."
"Thanks." She hung up.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the seat. This was going to be awkward and probably quite painful, since he'd so handily outed his feelings for her at the top of his lungs less than an hour ago. Feelings that she clearly didn't return. He had no one to blame but himself. He sighed and realized seeing her now couldn't be that bad. After all, THIS scenario he was kind of comfortable with - it was exactly how it had been between he and Summer since he was ten, barring a few recent weeks. Just like riding a bike. He'd probably never forget how to do it.
****
Summer slowly washed her face and then ran cold water over the cloth, covering her eyes with it. She was strangely numb inside. While walking through the house to the bathroom she'd felt like she was running on autopilot, not actually processing what she was doing. She sat down in a chair outside the bathroom and let her head fall back, feeling the cold cloth sooth her burning eyes. Two images kept coming to her. One would flow into the other and back again, over and over. Seth wrapped warmly around her on his couch, stroking her hair. Seth standing in front of her, his face red, dark eyes angry and voice raised in a way she'd never heard before. How could one scene turn into the other like that? How did that happen between two people? And how exactly, could a guy that was so pissed off blurt out, still shouting, that he'd made a mistake and wanted her after all? Shouldn't that sort of thing happen in a soft voice when you're tangled up together on a couch, so comfortable with each other you can fall dead asleep in two minutes? It didn't make any sense. It also meant believing what he'd said was an enormous risk.
While denial was something she'd gone pro at early in life, even Summer had to admit now that it would be pretty dumb to keep telling herself she was over Seth and hated him. Clearly that wasn't true since all it took was a phone conversation and seeing him open his stupid front door for the ache to start up inside her gut all over again. When she woke up on the couch today, her hand had traced over his back and shoulder, feeling him beneath her fingers, warm and solid and incredibly comforting. Real. Her head was against his chest and she could hear his heart beating. She was half asleep and blissfully happy until reality hit like a fist to her stomach. He didn't really want to be there with her. He was only doing this out of pity. He wasn't hers any more and what in the hell was she doing? The gnawing ache had erupted into anguish racing through her like wildfire. She could not get that close to Seth. Apparently she hadn't learned anything from her stupid, miserable Thanksgiving and Christmas. She'd fled his house in a panic.
Summer took the cloth from her eyes and proceeded up to her room to put on some makeup. She sat at the vanity and while rummaging through drawers looking for a particular eye shadow she found a date book she'd been given as a gift. Each page had an "Inspirational Passage To Guide You In Love and Life". Whatever. She'd tried to use it but lost interest back in May, never seeing the purpose since she knew precisely where she had to be and what she had to do without reminding herself by writing it down. She'd decided date books must be for old forgetful people who couldn't figure out a handheld PDA, and had shoved it in a drawer. She applied just a little makeup; what did it matter? Seth had seen her at her worst more than once now. On a whim, she took the book out, turning to today's date. A little inspiration and guidance could never hurt on a day as jacked up as this one had been.
"To truly love is to give all of yourself."
Her first thought was; to give all of yourself? Sounded like what folks politely called "putting out" a hundred years ago. Ha. Must have been a man that wrote that one; it was like the original "if you REALLY loved me, you'd do me" manipulation line. Or not, since she was aware a lot of people weren't as jaded as she was for some reason. So, maybe it meant - to keep trying? Give all your love, like be nice all the time? Don't hold back your left pinkie finger or knee? Whatever. She didn't find herself suddenly inspired or guided. She was pretty much tired as hell and had a headache though, if that counted for anything.
There was a knock on the door and she wondered why he could never ring the bell like the rest of humanity? When asked, he'd said he was "making his own statement". Summer rolled her eyes now at the memory just like she had when he'd said it. The world according to Cohen. God help us all. Heading for the front room, she half expected to meet him in the hallway, but no, this time he'd waited outside.
Summer was suddenly nervous as she opened the door, and stifled the urge to say something harsh to cover it. He was doing her a favor by coming back over. She flashed him a small smile instead. "I expected to find you sprawled out on the couch by the time I got down here."
Seth looked up quickly, not sure if her words were a challenge, and very obviously relaxed in relief when he saw her smile. "No, I only break and enter when possessed by evil and forced to do Satan's bidding. And hey, you know what? I have no memory of what occurs while possessed. Isn't that the strangest thing? So. Summer. I haven't seen you since you fell asleep on my couch earlier. I woke up and you were gone, and I just decided that since we fell asleep instead of eating you must be hungry, because me? I'm pretty starved so I brought Chinese. Shrimp fried rice?"
She had to laugh and waved him through the door. Seth put the food on the coffee table. "You are hungry, right?"
"Starved. I was just dreaming about Chinese food. You must be psychic, Cohen." She watched as his face lit up at her words and felt a tug inside. It felt so good to get a reaction like that. Until he pissed her off again, of course.
He looked at her carefully. "You're really tired, aren't you? Park it and I'll get forks and stuff."
She started to protest but he was already in the hallway. And she WAS tired. Why did he have to be so sweet?
He came back with forks, napkins, two cans of Sprite, and a bottle of Tylenol balanced against his chest. He placed it all on the table, opened her can and shook two tablets out of the bottle, handing them to her. "Here. Take these and eat and you'll feel better."
Summer raised an eyebrow and tried not to smile. "What are you, my mom now?"
Seth looked down at himself, turning this way and that, then raised his eyes back up to hers. "Uh, Summer? Unless I'm missing something, and for the love of God tell me if I am, I have no features or um - parts that would suggest I am, ever have been, or ever could be anyone's mother. And the very least of all, yours. SO not what I was going for. Damn."
She got out "What exactly were you going for?" before a giggle erupted.
"Definitely more of a concerned friend thing. A very manly - concerned friend. Type thing. Way to give a guy a complex." He shot her an accusing stare, then sat down.
She took her pills, then smiled at him. He caught her glance and grinned back. Her smile faded. "I'm sorry."
"Dude, it was a joke." He shook his head, still smiling, and dug into his carton of Chinese.
"I'm talking about before." He swallowed, but didn't look at her. "It wasn't ALL your fault. That - fight."
He looked kind of sideways at her and she thought immediately of Ryan. They were picking up each other's habits now. The thought made her smile for some reason; until she thought of how Ryan would take this news they'd been sitting on.
"Summer, I just didn't -"
"I know. I came to you to talk about Coop and then I didn't want to talk anymore. I couldn't, um, I - uh. Look, Cohen. Let's just figure out Coop's deal, ok?" She didn't want to talk about them or her feelings or how much she liked him joking around with her in the living room.
Seth turned to face her. "Please don't get upset when I ask you this. I'm not trying to make you say anything you don't want to here. Don't answer if you don't, you know, want to answer, but you didn't finish something there. You said you didn't want to talk about it anymore, then you couldn't - what? What couldn't you do? Can you tell me?"
Summer scanned his features, so full of guarded concern and curiosity. Ryan had a face you could read like a book, but only if he wanted you to. Seth had the sweetest eyes she'd ever seen. So trusting still, after all of his years of torment, with intelligence you could see a mile away. While not puppy-like, unless he was working it to get his own way, of course, they were just so warm and expressive. Soulful was a good word for his hazel eyes, singing out his every emotion whether he wanted them to or not. The way he'd worded his question didn't make her feel threatened, and she wanted to just fall in there, in those warm sweet eyes and tell him everything he wanted to know. Lay it all out. To her amazement, she actually tried to but it was like her tongue was in a vice. The harder she tried, the more it upset her. She was suddenly tearing up again, eyes stinging, so she drug her gaze away from his. "I can't," she choked out.
She felt his hand on her shoulder, lightly. "You don't have to, Summer. It's ok."
She nodded without looking at him.
"Hey. I believe I gave you a direct order not to get upset, missy. You're not over there leaking, are you? The dam didn't break, did it, or the bridge wash out? Ok. Listen. This is a little known secret men are sworn to keep from women for life, but a girl crying can give a guy a split personality if you're not careful, what with his urge to flee and the urge to hug coexisting in the same space at full throttle. Don't tell a soul I told you that. It could be ugly if anyone finds out I told a female. Let's go ahead and name my other personality before he shows up, ok? Less confusion for you and all. How do you feel about Aragorn? If you don't like that, Legolas would totally work me. Er, for him. Bob? What do you think?"
Summer burst out laughing. "Bob?!! You've completely lost it, Cohen."
"Hey. Look at me, Summer." She turned to him and found a very serious Seth. "Aragorn or Legolas?"
She giggled again at his grave expression. Only Seth. "Which one is which again?"
He sadly shook his head at her apparent lack of obsession. "Aragorn - Human. Kick-ass warrior, fated to claim the throne of Gondor. Legolas - Elf. Another kick-ass warrior. Prince of - "
"The elf. Legolas."
"Just like that? You'd choose an elf prince over a human king?" Seth was astonished.
"In a Rivendell second, baby. That is one HOT-assed elf."
"Well. I am completely heartened by your well thought out and informed decision regarding their strengths and weaknesses, character, and choice of weapons."
She rolled her eyes at him. "Do I need to cry again to get Legolas to show up? I really want him to teach me Elvish. And I'm dying to find out if elf sex if better than human sex. It would have to be, don't you think? Just look at him, I mean. Those sexy ears and that hair and the way he rides his horse. Oh yeah. I'll bet elves do it better."
Seth sucked in an exaggeratedly large breath. "You would just sleep with him? Just like that? Without knowing what his favorite cookies are or who his favorite super hero is?"
Summer cocked her head to one side and regarded him as if he were an extremely slow eight year-old. "Seth. He's so obviously an Oreo man and Gandalf? Duh! Like you wouldn't kick it with Arwen if she so much as breathed your direction, no questions asked."
He lifted his chin and looked away in mock indignation. "I most certainly would not."
Summer snorted. "Riiight. Everyone knows about your Liv Tyler lust."
"Granted, ARWEN is gorgeous. But she's a little too laid back for my taste. Now Eowyn? Feisty, sword-swinging babe? Yeah, I'd be all over that. Definitely."
She leaned over and poked him in the chest with a finger. "Hah! So don't be passing judgment on my elf desire then, dork."
"Deal. Dorkette. I had no idea you were so knowledgeable about "The Rings". I'm impressed beyond words." He admired her, grinning.
She blushed a little. "You don't know everything about me, Cohen." She checked her watch and lost her smile. "I suppose we should deal with the icky stuff. It's getting late."
He sighed heavily. "You're right. Finish eating, then we'll decide what to do."
****
~Lies-6~
I let you get back under my skin, I let you break me down again. I let you get close, way too close But I see through it.
You gave me that smile and I gave in And you knew that I would. Time and time again you pulled me in Just to give me up, give me up again.
~Jonny Lang~
Seth ignored the phone. It was probably Ryan, not knowing he was sitting 30 feet from the house in the driveway for some unknown reason. Well, there was a reason - he was thinking, but mostly he didn't want Ryan to see his unmanly display of tears. He wondered if Ryan ever let loose and cried when he was sure no one was around. No one could blame him, that was for sure, since Ryan's entire life was worth throwing a lay-on-the- floor, kicking legs and flailing arms tantrum over. You're sniveling over a girl and a decision that has to be made. It involved Ryan's happiness, yes, but it wasn't life or death. So suck it up, Cohen. Get over yourself.
The phone had stopped ringing. He scanned the Caller ID. Yep. Ryan. He set it on the seat beside him and it began chirping at him again. He sighed and picked it up. "Hey Ryan. I'm right out -"
"Seth?" A very quiet voice, almost timid.
"Yeah, speaking. - Summer?" He barely recognized her. She sounded strange. His heart twisted inside him like it was trying to escape her voice.
"It's me."
There was an awkward pause. Seth took a deep breath and kept his voice soft. " I'm really sorry about that whole scene. The last thing I wanted to do was fight with you. And I won't do it again, if that's what you're -"
"I don't want to fight. I - I just talked to Coop. You were right. We have to do something, and I can't...by myself. I can come there."
Her voice was still so quiet and lacked emotion. Her normal singsong delivery had vanished. He didn't remember ever hearing her use that tone. "No, Ryan's here. You really want to do this now?"
"Yes. If you don't mind. I know I shouldn't even ask after, you know... but after talking with her, it's killing me. Busting her might actually help her somehow. You know? All the stuff she's been doing? I'm really worried about her."
Seth nodded, then realized that was useless, since she couldn't see him. "Yeah. Me too. I'll be by in a little while."
"Thanks." She hung up.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the seat. This was going to be awkward and probably quite painful, since he'd so handily outed his feelings for her at the top of his lungs less than an hour ago. Feelings that she clearly didn't return. He had no one to blame but himself. He sighed and realized seeing her now couldn't be that bad. After all, THIS scenario he was kind of comfortable with - it was exactly how it had been between he and Summer since he was ten, barring a few recent weeks. Just like riding a bike. He'd probably never forget how to do it.
****
Summer slowly washed her face and then ran cold water over the cloth, covering her eyes with it. She was strangely numb inside. While walking through the house to the bathroom she'd felt like she was running on autopilot, not actually processing what she was doing. She sat down in a chair outside the bathroom and let her head fall back, feeling the cold cloth sooth her burning eyes. Two images kept coming to her. One would flow into the other and back again, over and over. Seth wrapped warmly around her on his couch, stroking her hair. Seth standing in front of her, his face red, dark eyes angry and voice raised in a way she'd never heard before. How could one scene turn into the other like that? How did that happen between two people? And how exactly, could a guy that was so pissed off blurt out, still shouting, that he'd made a mistake and wanted her after all? Shouldn't that sort of thing happen in a soft voice when you're tangled up together on a couch, so comfortable with each other you can fall dead asleep in two minutes? It didn't make any sense. It also meant believing what he'd said was an enormous risk.
While denial was something she'd gone pro at early in life, even Summer had to admit now that it would be pretty dumb to keep telling herself she was over Seth and hated him. Clearly that wasn't true since all it took was a phone conversation and seeing him open his stupid front door for the ache to start up inside her gut all over again. When she woke up on the couch today, her hand had traced over his back and shoulder, feeling him beneath her fingers, warm and solid and incredibly comforting. Real. Her head was against his chest and she could hear his heart beating. She was half asleep and blissfully happy until reality hit like a fist to her stomach. He didn't really want to be there with her. He was only doing this out of pity. He wasn't hers any more and what in the hell was she doing? The gnawing ache had erupted into anguish racing through her like wildfire. She could not get that close to Seth. Apparently she hadn't learned anything from her stupid, miserable Thanksgiving and Christmas. She'd fled his house in a panic.
Summer took the cloth from her eyes and proceeded up to her room to put on some makeup. She sat at the vanity and while rummaging through drawers looking for a particular eye shadow she found a date book she'd been given as a gift. Each page had an "Inspirational Passage To Guide You In Love and Life". Whatever. She'd tried to use it but lost interest back in May, never seeing the purpose since she knew precisely where she had to be and what she had to do without reminding herself by writing it down. She'd decided date books must be for old forgetful people who couldn't figure out a handheld PDA, and had shoved it in a drawer. She applied just a little makeup; what did it matter? Seth had seen her at her worst more than once now. On a whim, she took the book out, turning to today's date. A little inspiration and guidance could never hurt on a day as jacked up as this one had been.
"To truly love is to give all of yourself."
Her first thought was; to give all of yourself? Sounded like what folks politely called "putting out" a hundred years ago. Ha. Must have been a man that wrote that one; it was like the original "if you REALLY loved me, you'd do me" manipulation line. Or not, since she was aware a lot of people weren't as jaded as she was for some reason. So, maybe it meant - to keep trying? Give all your love, like be nice all the time? Don't hold back your left pinkie finger or knee? Whatever. She didn't find herself suddenly inspired or guided. She was pretty much tired as hell and had a headache though, if that counted for anything.
There was a knock on the door and she wondered why he could never ring the bell like the rest of humanity? When asked, he'd said he was "making his own statement". Summer rolled her eyes now at the memory just like she had when he'd said it. The world according to Cohen. God help us all. Heading for the front room, she half expected to meet him in the hallway, but no, this time he'd waited outside.
Summer was suddenly nervous as she opened the door, and stifled the urge to say something harsh to cover it. He was doing her a favor by coming back over. She flashed him a small smile instead. "I expected to find you sprawled out on the couch by the time I got down here."
Seth looked up quickly, not sure if her words were a challenge, and very obviously relaxed in relief when he saw her smile. "No, I only break and enter when possessed by evil and forced to do Satan's bidding. And hey, you know what? I have no memory of what occurs while possessed. Isn't that the strangest thing? So. Summer. I haven't seen you since you fell asleep on my couch earlier. I woke up and you were gone, and I just decided that since we fell asleep instead of eating you must be hungry, because me? I'm pretty starved so I brought Chinese. Shrimp fried rice?"
She had to laugh and waved him through the door. Seth put the food on the coffee table. "You are hungry, right?"
"Starved. I was just dreaming about Chinese food. You must be psychic, Cohen." She watched as his face lit up at her words and felt a tug inside. It felt so good to get a reaction like that. Until he pissed her off again, of course.
He looked at her carefully. "You're really tired, aren't you? Park it and I'll get forks and stuff."
She started to protest but he was already in the hallway. And she WAS tired. Why did he have to be so sweet?
He came back with forks, napkins, two cans of Sprite, and a bottle of Tylenol balanced against his chest. He placed it all on the table, opened her can and shook two tablets out of the bottle, handing them to her. "Here. Take these and eat and you'll feel better."
Summer raised an eyebrow and tried not to smile. "What are you, my mom now?"
Seth looked down at himself, turning this way and that, then raised his eyes back up to hers. "Uh, Summer? Unless I'm missing something, and for the love of God tell me if I am, I have no features or um - parts that would suggest I am, ever have been, or ever could be anyone's mother. And the very least of all, yours. SO not what I was going for. Damn."
She got out "What exactly were you going for?" before a giggle erupted.
"Definitely more of a concerned friend thing. A very manly - concerned friend. Type thing. Way to give a guy a complex." He shot her an accusing stare, then sat down.
She took her pills, then smiled at him. He caught her glance and grinned back. Her smile faded. "I'm sorry."
"Dude, it was a joke." He shook his head, still smiling, and dug into his carton of Chinese.
"I'm talking about before." He swallowed, but didn't look at her. "It wasn't ALL your fault. That - fight."
He looked kind of sideways at her and she thought immediately of Ryan. They were picking up each other's habits now. The thought made her smile for some reason; until she thought of how Ryan would take this news they'd been sitting on.
"Summer, I just didn't -"
"I know. I came to you to talk about Coop and then I didn't want to talk anymore. I couldn't, um, I - uh. Look, Cohen. Let's just figure out Coop's deal, ok?" She didn't want to talk about them or her feelings or how much she liked him joking around with her in the living room.
Seth turned to face her. "Please don't get upset when I ask you this. I'm not trying to make you say anything you don't want to here. Don't answer if you don't, you know, want to answer, but you didn't finish something there. You said you didn't want to talk about it anymore, then you couldn't - what? What couldn't you do? Can you tell me?"
Summer scanned his features, so full of guarded concern and curiosity. Ryan had a face you could read like a book, but only if he wanted you to. Seth had the sweetest eyes she'd ever seen. So trusting still, after all of his years of torment, with intelligence you could see a mile away. While not puppy-like, unless he was working it to get his own way, of course, they were just so warm and expressive. Soulful was a good word for his hazel eyes, singing out his every emotion whether he wanted them to or not. The way he'd worded his question didn't make her feel threatened, and she wanted to just fall in there, in those warm sweet eyes and tell him everything he wanted to know. Lay it all out. To her amazement, she actually tried to but it was like her tongue was in a vice. The harder she tried, the more it upset her. She was suddenly tearing up again, eyes stinging, so she drug her gaze away from his. "I can't," she choked out.
She felt his hand on her shoulder, lightly. "You don't have to, Summer. It's ok."
She nodded without looking at him.
"Hey. I believe I gave you a direct order not to get upset, missy. You're not over there leaking, are you? The dam didn't break, did it, or the bridge wash out? Ok. Listen. This is a little known secret men are sworn to keep from women for life, but a girl crying can give a guy a split personality if you're not careful, what with his urge to flee and the urge to hug coexisting in the same space at full throttle. Don't tell a soul I told you that. It could be ugly if anyone finds out I told a female. Let's go ahead and name my other personality before he shows up, ok? Less confusion for you and all. How do you feel about Aragorn? If you don't like that, Legolas would totally work me. Er, for him. Bob? What do you think?"
Summer burst out laughing. "Bob?!! You've completely lost it, Cohen."
"Hey. Look at me, Summer." She turned to him and found a very serious Seth. "Aragorn or Legolas?"
She giggled again at his grave expression. Only Seth. "Which one is which again?"
He sadly shook his head at her apparent lack of obsession. "Aragorn - Human. Kick-ass warrior, fated to claim the throne of Gondor. Legolas - Elf. Another kick-ass warrior. Prince of - "
"The elf. Legolas."
"Just like that? You'd choose an elf prince over a human king?" Seth was astonished.
"In a Rivendell second, baby. That is one HOT-assed elf."
"Well. I am completely heartened by your well thought out and informed decision regarding their strengths and weaknesses, character, and choice of weapons."
She rolled her eyes at him. "Do I need to cry again to get Legolas to show up? I really want him to teach me Elvish. And I'm dying to find out if elf sex if better than human sex. It would have to be, don't you think? Just look at him, I mean. Those sexy ears and that hair and the way he rides his horse. Oh yeah. I'll bet elves do it better."
Seth sucked in an exaggeratedly large breath. "You would just sleep with him? Just like that? Without knowing what his favorite cookies are or who his favorite super hero is?"
Summer cocked her head to one side and regarded him as if he were an extremely slow eight year-old. "Seth. He's so obviously an Oreo man and Gandalf? Duh! Like you wouldn't kick it with Arwen if she so much as breathed your direction, no questions asked."
He lifted his chin and looked away in mock indignation. "I most certainly would not."
Summer snorted. "Riiight. Everyone knows about your Liv Tyler lust."
"Granted, ARWEN is gorgeous. But she's a little too laid back for my taste. Now Eowyn? Feisty, sword-swinging babe? Yeah, I'd be all over that. Definitely."
She leaned over and poked him in the chest with a finger. "Hah! So don't be passing judgment on my elf desire then, dork."
"Deal. Dorkette. I had no idea you were so knowledgeable about "The Rings". I'm impressed beyond words." He admired her, grinning.
She blushed a little. "You don't know everything about me, Cohen." She checked her watch and lost her smile. "I suppose we should deal with the icky stuff. It's getting late."
He sighed heavily. "You're right. Finish eating, then we'll decide what to do."
****