A/N - Many thanks to "sammy11" for always reading and reviewing. You make
my day!
~ Lies-7 ~
Summer fell back against the couch. She was full and the pull of sleep was almost overwhelming now. She forced herself to stand and started cleaning up the leftovers and empty cans.
Seth jumped up. "I can do that. Why don't you sit down?"
"Because if I don't move I'll be asleep again and we'll get nothing accomplished. Again." She realized how sharp her tone was and softened it. "Really, Seth. Relax. You brought dinner. The least I can do is clean up."
"Then I'll help. I'm about to pass out too." They quickly carried everything to the kitchen. Seth leaned against the counter and watched as she put silverware into the dishwasher. "What did Marissa say when you called her?"
Summer gave a short laugh. "I didn't call her, she called me and kept going on and on about how boring it was not being able to leave the apartment."
Seth snorted. "Really? Well, unless "bored" has suddenly become new slang for moaning and gasp - Ooooooh. Ouch. There's that mental picture again. Um, "bored" is not the word I would use to describe how she sounded last night." He noted Summer's lip curled in disgust. "Not that I would know that much about um, sounds, that uh - between two people - well. You think I should stop talking now, don't you? Yes. I think I should too." He was quiet for a moment. "But if it has nothing to do with sounds, can I talk?"
"Yes, Cohen. Come on. I need to sit down." He followed her back into the front room.
"Did you talk to her yesterday?"
Summer arranged herself on the couch, then answered. "Yeah. We talked in the afternoon. Why?"
"Did she know for sure you were going to the party? When I called her she just said you might be there." Seth leaned forward in the chair, elbows on his knees.
"You called her - ? Oh." Of course. Seth had called Coop to find out where she was. Because he'd gone to the party looking for her. Moving on. "Let me think. No, I told her I might go." She looked up at him, understanding flooding her eyes. "But that it would be pretty late if I did. Did you tell her you were going?"
He slowly shook his head. "I told her I wasn't. I changed my mind later on."
"So she thought the party was safe as long as she left before I got there. She showed up, hung out and drank for a while, met Jake in a room later, and. And." She couldn't finish the thought.
He smoothed it over for her. "Yeah. Then that happened. Did she ask what you were doing tonight, by chance?"
"Yeah, she asked if I had plans. I told her I was tired and staying in tonight. Do you think she's going out again?" Summer was getting increasingly worried.
"Well, it sounds like it to me. We can always go find out, if you want." He shrugged.
Summer heaved a sigh. "But how? I don't know of anything going on. Do you?"
He smiled wryly. "No. I'm not on the social list that "hears" about things going on. But, we can check her place and see if she's home."
"Oh. Yeah." Summer got up to get her bag. "Ok. I'll drive."
Seth shook his head. "We should take mine. It's stealthier."
Summer rolled her eyes. "It's as big as a house and this is not one of your covert operations, Cohen."
He stood up too. "Summer. Think about it. Mine is black. Yours is red. Mine fades into the night. Yours? One can see the glow from 2 blocks away and it might as well have a PA system shouting " Hi! I'm Summer's car. Want to go shopping?"
"Ha. So amusing. Except not. Although I have to admit having the only red classic Corvette in the county does sort of give me away."
He nodded very solemnly. "Sort of. Mine then?"
"Whatev. I'm too tired to argue. Let's go, already." She headed for the door.
As they left the house, Seth threw a fist in the air in victory. "Yes! I've cheated death once again!"
She turned and glared. He self-consciously lowered his arm as he opened the passenger side door for her.
"You have a problem with my driving, Cohen?"
He shut her door and got in his side. "Of course not. I have no problem with it as long as I'm not in the vehicle. Or on the same stretch of road as you." She reached across and hit him. "Ow! Back to your side and buckle up, violent girl. Need I remind you what happened last time you argued with the driver of this truck?"
"No need. But we're not moving right now so it's perfectly safe for me to beat the crap out of you." She smiled sweetly at him.
"Do you know how disturbing that is? Do you? That you look like an angel while threatening me with violence? How's a guy supposed to sleep at night?" He started the truck and pulled out.
She was quiet so he glanced over to make sure she wasn't advancing for the kill. He had to do a double take. She was staring at him wide eyed, tears brimming. He pulled the truck over to the side of the road and stopped. "What? Summer, what happened? Did I say something wrong? It was a joke!"
She shook her head and looked away, embarrassed. "You didn't. Just drive, Seth. I'm really tired and a little over-emotional today." He started to say something and she talked over him. "Please. Let's just go. I'm fine."
Shrugging, he pulled out again.
Summer closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The only other person that had ever said she was an angel was her now usually absent father. She'd been little but never forgot it. After being punished for stomping her foot and yelling back at her nanny, her father had come home and found her sobbing in her room. He'd wiped her tears and, always aware of her looks even then, she'd asked if she looked ugly after crying. He'd smiled down at her. "No, no, no. You look like an angel, Summer." She'd sat up on the bed and told him that nanny always called her a "little devil". Her daddy had crouched down in front of her. "She might see a little devil, but I'll always see the angel in you." Little Summer had hung on to those words for a long time, until it became obvious that her father didn't really see her at all anymore. She was like a ghost in the house to him, even on the rare occasions that he was home.
That was just like Seth though. He didn't think twice about what he said. While she felt the need to keep things inside, he would just say what he was thinking, good or bad. She envied him.
They turned down the Cooper's street and Seth slowed as he came to their apartment building. "I don't see any lights, but then we can only see the one room from here."
Summer sat up. "Go around to the parking lot and see if her Jeep is there."
They drove around the building and cruised the lot. No Jeep. "Maybe her dad has it?"
She shook her head. "His car isn't here either. Pull in somewhere. I want to go look in a window."
"Well now we know how she's getting out. There's no one babysitting. Wait. Did you just say you wanted to invade someone's privacy by being a peeping tom?" Seth pulled into a parking space and shut off the truck, dimming the lights.
"No, Seth. I'm just going to go look in my best friends' window to see if she's home. Now wait here."
"Sounds a lot cooler my way. More dangerous." He took the keys out of the ignition. "I'm coming with." She shot him a look that made him jerk his hand away from the door handle like it was on fire. "Or not."
"I'll be right back. Don't move." She opened the door and got out while he muttered about being the stealthy one that had lots of practice.
True to her word, she was back very quickly. "There's no one there. No lights, no TV. Maybe she's with Ryan." She had a hopeful tone in her voice.
Seth didn't think so, but it wouldn't hurt to make sure. "We'll go by the house. Summer, you know it doesn't make anything better if she is with him tonight, right?"
"Yeah," she replied sadly. "But in my head it might mean she hasn't completely lost it."
He turned back onto the main street. "Do you think anyone else knows? Did Neelander tell you in front of everyone, or say everyone had seen them?"
"No. He actually pulled me away from the crowd. He thought he was the only one that saw them because almost everyone had gone out to the bonfire on the beach. I don't think he'd tell everyone either. He had a huge crush on Coop a while back and still likes her. I got the impression he's worried about her too."
Seth ran his hand through his hair. " All right. I was kind of scared someone else would tell Ryan."
"Is that what you want to do, then? Tell him?"
He quickly thought of her feelings toward Marissa. "What do you want to do? Would you rather talk to her first? I just can't pretend like it didn't happen. Sounds like the easiest thing, but I can't do it."
"I know. I can't either." There was a pause. "I think Ryan needs to know." She looked sadly out the window. It hurt like hell to say that out loud.
He reached across and grabbed her hand. His words were soft. "Are you sure? You don't want to talk to her first?"
She watched the beach race by in the moonlight. "No. It wouldn't do any good. She straight up lied to me. She even told me what movie she was watching tonight while stuck at home." Turning to Seth, she wiped away a stray tear. "Did you know I knew she liked Ryan more than Luke all along? She told me everything going through her mind when she was deciding between the two of them. I know more about Luke and Ryan than anyone, I'll bet. We used to tell each other everything about everything."
He squeezed her hand. "It's going to be ok, Summer. She just needs a little more help than everyone thought, and then she'll be back to her old self again."
She tried to smile. "I hope so."
They pulled into Seth's driveway. Marissa's Jeep wasn't there. "Let's see if Ryan's here. Maybe he went with her somewhere."
They got out and she followed him into the house. Seth quickly walked through, and with no sign of Ryan , he looked out the windows of the sunroom at the pool house. No lights. He turned to her. "I'm going to go see if he's asleep. He was up really early this morning to meet some of the guys that work for mom. Summer, if he's here, I'm going to tell him. Ok?"
"I'll come with you. You don't have to do this by yourself."
He nodded, grateful for her support. This was not going to be easy at all.
They walked outside and he tapped lightly on the glass door. He opened it and stuck his head inside. "Ryan? You here?" He tried to see through the dark if there was anyone in the bed and jumped when a voice came from another direction.
"I'm here." Ryan sounded exhausted.
Seth followed the voice and found his friend. He was sitting in a chair, outlined against the soft light reflecting off the pool.
"Seth, if you don't mind, I don't really feel like talking right now."
"Everything all right? You ok, dude? Look, I really kind of need to talk to you." Something was wrong here.
Ryan sighed. "I'm fine, man. Everything's good. Really. I've just got a lot on my mind and need to think. We'll catch up tomorrow, I promise."
His tone of voice left no room for discussion, so Seth backed out slowly. "Totally cool. G'nite."
He shut the door and followed Summer along the sidewalk to the driveway. They got in the Range Rover, and he headed back to Summer's house. "So that was weird."
"Do you think he already knows about Coop?"
Seth shook his head. "Ryan wouldn't lie to me. If something that bad happened, he would at least tell me things were screwed up, even if he didn't want to talk about it. He knows I wouldn't pressure him."
Summer watched him drive thoughtfully. "You guys are really close friends, aren't you?"
He shook his head. "More. In my head I'm aware someone other than my mother gave birth to him, but the rest of me doesn't feel it. He's my brother in every way. I'd do anything for him." He glanced over at her quickly before returning his eyes to the road. "That probably sounds stupid, but that's how it is. I can't explain it."
She smiled softly at him. "It doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds really great. I'm glad for you. And him."
"Thanks." He pulled into her driveway and looked over to her. "Are you going to be ok?"
"As soon as I get some sleep. I do feel better now that we made a decision, though. That was kind of haunting me." She gave him a half smile. "So would you call me tomorrow before you tell him? I want to - I think I - I should be there too." For you. Why couldn't she just say that? Seth, I want to support you because I know how hard this will be for you and that it's probably going to kill you to break his heart. Say it!
He looked surprised. "Summer, you don't have to."
"I know. I just want - " Damn it! Why couldn't she say it? "Call me, ok? Before. I'll come over." He seemed to understand. She hoped.
"If you insist. What time will you be getting up? I don't want to wake you."
"Don't worry about it. Just whenever you're ready. And thanks for dinner. And coming back over." She smiled and got out.
He watched until she got inside and locked her door, moderately shocked. She must be awfully tired. She'd just thanked him, twice, and told him not to worry about waking her up. Waking Summer up was punishable by death, even when they'd been dating.
****
Summer reached her bedroom and flipped on the light. She caught a glimpse of herself in the vanity, and crossed the room to sit down, staring intently at the dark haired girl in the mirror. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she say what was on her mind to him? That was something she'd always admired about Seth. He was so open, willing to put it all out there, not caring if it made her mad. His refusal to let her always have her way when they were together had made her respect him. His not allowing her to take advantage of his feelings for her own purposes had intrigued her. He was so different from the idiots that would kiss her ass in hopes of getting a piece of it.
But yet he was able to give compliments and show how sweet he was and how he cared. He had no problem at all talking about how much Ryan meant to him. And even tonight after that horrible fight they'd had he'd been kind and thoughtful with her. She bet he slept easily at night, never tossing and turning because unsaid thoughts and emotions were clashing violently in his head with the ones that had actually come out of his mouth. She could express only the bad. Talking about the good feelings was usually beyond her.
Then there was her polar opposite, Coop. She would never confront anything bad that was bothering her, instead glossing over her problems with big smiles and "I'm ok. Nothing's wrong." Along with gallons of vodka. She'd rather be miserable in silence than argue with someone or stand up for herself. Look where that had gotten her now.
Was she headed down the same road as her best friend? The thought sent fingers of ice through her heart.
"To truly love is to give all of yourself."
The date book was still open where'd she left it. That quote made perfect sense to her now.
She had really WANTED to tell him it hurt too much to wake up with him, and that was why she ran away and suddenly didn't want to talk about Coop, but couldn't get it out. She wanted to be there when he broke the news to Ryan. She hadn't been able to tell him she was worried about him.
And the reason was: Summer, you are scared to death. It will HURT if you are rejected again. He got the first real chance you gave anyone after your father betrayed you. Even though he told you he wants you back now, you don't want him to know that you still care. Easy enough to figure that out. So what to do about it? Just because the reason was a conscious thought in her head now didn't mean she would be able to miraculously say everything she felt in beautiful, eloquent words. That only happened in Disney cartoons and soap operas.
The empty page of the date book lay before her, blank and unused. She looked longingly from it to her bed. She might as well try it; she probably couldn't sleep anyway. The only time she'd slept well lately had been - with Seth. Maybe writing it all out would help somehow. She picked up a pen.
****
~ Lies-7 ~
Summer fell back against the couch. She was full and the pull of sleep was almost overwhelming now. She forced herself to stand and started cleaning up the leftovers and empty cans.
Seth jumped up. "I can do that. Why don't you sit down?"
"Because if I don't move I'll be asleep again and we'll get nothing accomplished. Again." She realized how sharp her tone was and softened it. "Really, Seth. Relax. You brought dinner. The least I can do is clean up."
"Then I'll help. I'm about to pass out too." They quickly carried everything to the kitchen. Seth leaned against the counter and watched as she put silverware into the dishwasher. "What did Marissa say when you called her?"
Summer gave a short laugh. "I didn't call her, she called me and kept going on and on about how boring it was not being able to leave the apartment."
Seth snorted. "Really? Well, unless "bored" has suddenly become new slang for moaning and gasp - Ooooooh. Ouch. There's that mental picture again. Um, "bored" is not the word I would use to describe how she sounded last night." He noted Summer's lip curled in disgust. "Not that I would know that much about um, sounds, that uh - between two people - well. You think I should stop talking now, don't you? Yes. I think I should too." He was quiet for a moment. "But if it has nothing to do with sounds, can I talk?"
"Yes, Cohen. Come on. I need to sit down." He followed her back into the front room.
"Did you talk to her yesterday?"
Summer arranged herself on the couch, then answered. "Yeah. We talked in the afternoon. Why?"
"Did she know for sure you were going to the party? When I called her she just said you might be there." Seth leaned forward in the chair, elbows on his knees.
"You called her - ? Oh." Of course. Seth had called Coop to find out where she was. Because he'd gone to the party looking for her. Moving on. "Let me think. No, I told her I might go." She looked up at him, understanding flooding her eyes. "But that it would be pretty late if I did. Did you tell her you were going?"
He slowly shook his head. "I told her I wasn't. I changed my mind later on."
"So she thought the party was safe as long as she left before I got there. She showed up, hung out and drank for a while, met Jake in a room later, and. And." She couldn't finish the thought.
He smoothed it over for her. "Yeah. Then that happened. Did she ask what you were doing tonight, by chance?"
"Yeah, she asked if I had plans. I told her I was tired and staying in tonight. Do you think she's going out again?" Summer was getting increasingly worried.
"Well, it sounds like it to me. We can always go find out, if you want." He shrugged.
Summer heaved a sigh. "But how? I don't know of anything going on. Do you?"
He smiled wryly. "No. I'm not on the social list that "hears" about things going on. But, we can check her place and see if she's home."
"Oh. Yeah." Summer got up to get her bag. "Ok. I'll drive."
Seth shook his head. "We should take mine. It's stealthier."
Summer rolled her eyes. "It's as big as a house and this is not one of your covert operations, Cohen."
He stood up too. "Summer. Think about it. Mine is black. Yours is red. Mine fades into the night. Yours? One can see the glow from 2 blocks away and it might as well have a PA system shouting " Hi! I'm Summer's car. Want to go shopping?"
"Ha. So amusing. Except not. Although I have to admit having the only red classic Corvette in the county does sort of give me away."
He nodded very solemnly. "Sort of. Mine then?"
"Whatev. I'm too tired to argue. Let's go, already." She headed for the door.
As they left the house, Seth threw a fist in the air in victory. "Yes! I've cheated death once again!"
She turned and glared. He self-consciously lowered his arm as he opened the passenger side door for her.
"You have a problem with my driving, Cohen?"
He shut her door and got in his side. "Of course not. I have no problem with it as long as I'm not in the vehicle. Or on the same stretch of road as you." She reached across and hit him. "Ow! Back to your side and buckle up, violent girl. Need I remind you what happened last time you argued with the driver of this truck?"
"No need. But we're not moving right now so it's perfectly safe for me to beat the crap out of you." She smiled sweetly at him.
"Do you know how disturbing that is? Do you? That you look like an angel while threatening me with violence? How's a guy supposed to sleep at night?" He started the truck and pulled out.
She was quiet so he glanced over to make sure she wasn't advancing for the kill. He had to do a double take. She was staring at him wide eyed, tears brimming. He pulled the truck over to the side of the road and stopped. "What? Summer, what happened? Did I say something wrong? It was a joke!"
She shook her head and looked away, embarrassed. "You didn't. Just drive, Seth. I'm really tired and a little over-emotional today." He started to say something and she talked over him. "Please. Let's just go. I'm fine."
Shrugging, he pulled out again.
Summer closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The only other person that had ever said she was an angel was her now usually absent father. She'd been little but never forgot it. After being punished for stomping her foot and yelling back at her nanny, her father had come home and found her sobbing in her room. He'd wiped her tears and, always aware of her looks even then, she'd asked if she looked ugly after crying. He'd smiled down at her. "No, no, no. You look like an angel, Summer." She'd sat up on the bed and told him that nanny always called her a "little devil". Her daddy had crouched down in front of her. "She might see a little devil, but I'll always see the angel in you." Little Summer had hung on to those words for a long time, until it became obvious that her father didn't really see her at all anymore. She was like a ghost in the house to him, even on the rare occasions that he was home.
That was just like Seth though. He didn't think twice about what he said. While she felt the need to keep things inside, he would just say what he was thinking, good or bad. She envied him.
They turned down the Cooper's street and Seth slowed as he came to their apartment building. "I don't see any lights, but then we can only see the one room from here."
Summer sat up. "Go around to the parking lot and see if her Jeep is there."
They drove around the building and cruised the lot. No Jeep. "Maybe her dad has it?"
She shook her head. "His car isn't here either. Pull in somewhere. I want to go look in a window."
"Well now we know how she's getting out. There's no one babysitting. Wait. Did you just say you wanted to invade someone's privacy by being a peeping tom?" Seth pulled into a parking space and shut off the truck, dimming the lights.
"No, Seth. I'm just going to go look in my best friends' window to see if she's home. Now wait here."
"Sounds a lot cooler my way. More dangerous." He took the keys out of the ignition. "I'm coming with." She shot him a look that made him jerk his hand away from the door handle like it was on fire. "Or not."
"I'll be right back. Don't move." She opened the door and got out while he muttered about being the stealthy one that had lots of practice.
True to her word, she was back very quickly. "There's no one there. No lights, no TV. Maybe she's with Ryan." She had a hopeful tone in her voice.
Seth didn't think so, but it wouldn't hurt to make sure. "We'll go by the house. Summer, you know it doesn't make anything better if she is with him tonight, right?"
"Yeah," she replied sadly. "But in my head it might mean she hasn't completely lost it."
He turned back onto the main street. "Do you think anyone else knows? Did Neelander tell you in front of everyone, or say everyone had seen them?"
"No. He actually pulled me away from the crowd. He thought he was the only one that saw them because almost everyone had gone out to the bonfire on the beach. I don't think he'd tell everyone either. He had a huge crush on Coop a while back and still likes her. I got the impression he's worried about her too."
Seth ran his hand through his hair. " All right. I was kind of scared someone else would tell Ryan."
"Is that what you want to do, then? Tell him?"
He quickly thought of her feelings toward Marissa. "What do you want to do? Would you rather talk to her first? I just can't pretend like it didn't happen. Sounds like the easiest thing, but I can't do it."
"I know. I can't either." There was a pause. "I think Ryan needs to know." She looked sadly out the window. It hurt like hell to say that out loud.
He reached across and grabbed her hand. His words were soft. "Are you sure? You don't want to talk to her first?"
She watched the beach race by in the moonlight. "No. It wouldn't do any good. She straight up lied to me. She even told me what movie she was watching tonight while stuck at home." Turning to Seth, she wiped away a stray tear. "Did you know I knew she liked Ryan more than Luke all along? She told me everything going through her mind when she was deciding between the two of them. I know more about Luke and Ryan than anyone, I'll bet. We used to tell each other everything about everything."
He squeezed her hand. "It's going to be ok, Summer. She just needs a little more help than everyone thought, and then she'll be back to her old self again."
She tried to smile. "I hope so."
They pulled into Seth's driveway. Marissa's Jeep wasn't there. "Let's see if Ryan's here. Maybe he went with her somewhere."
They got out and she followed him into the house. Seth quickly walked through, and with no sign of Ryan , he looked out the windows of the sunroom at the pool house. No lights. He turned to her. "I'm going to go see if he's asleep. He was up really early this morning to meet some of the guys that work for mom. Summer, if he's here, I'm going to tell him. Ok?"
"I'll come with you. You don't have to do this by yourself."
He nodded, grateful for her support. This was not going to be easy at all.
They walked outside and he tapped lightly on the glass door. He opened it and stuck his head inside. "Ryan? You here?" He tried to see through the dark if there was anyone in the bed and jumped when a voice came from another direction.
"I'm here." Ryan sounded exhausted.
Seth followed the voice and found his friend. He was sitting in a chair, outlined against the soft light reflecting off the pool.
"Seth, if you don't mind, I don't really feel like talking right now."
"Everything all right? You ok, dude? Look, I really kind of need to talk to you." Something was wrong here.
Ryan sighed. "I'm fine, man. Everything's good. Really. I've just got a lot on my mind and need to think. We'll catch up tomorrow, I promise."
His tone of voice left no room for discussion, so Seth backed out slowly. "Totally cool. G'nite."
He shut the door and followed Summer along the sidewalk to the driveway. They got in the Range Rover, and he headed back to Summer's house. "So that was weird."
"Do you think he already knows about Coop?"
Seth shook his head. "Ryan wouldn't lie to me. If something that bad happened, he would at least tell me things were screwed up, even if he didn't want to talk about it. He knows I wouldn't pressure him."
Summer watched him drive thoughtfully. "You guys are really close friends, aren't you?"
He shook his head. "More. In my head I'm aware someone other than my mother gave birth to him, but the rest of me doesn't feel it. He's my brother in every way. I'd do anything for him." He glanced over at her quickly before returning his eyes to the road. "That probably sounds stupid, but that's how it is. I can't explain it."
She smiled softly at him. "It doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds really great. I'm glad for you. And him."
"Thanks." He pulled into her driveway and looked over to her. "Are you going to be ok?"
"As soon as I get some sleep. I do feel better now that we made a decision, though. That was kind of haunting me." She gave him a half smile. "So would you call me tomorrow before you tell him? I want to - I think I - I should be there too." For you. Why couldn't she just say that? Seth, I want to support you because I know how hard this will be for you and that it's probably going to kill you to break his heart. Say it!
He looked surprised. "Summer, you don't have to."
"I know. I just want - " Damn it! Why couldn't she say it? "Call me, ok? Before. I'll come over." He seemed to understand. She hoped.
"If you insist. What time will you be getting up? I don't want to wake you."
"Don't worry about it. Just whenever you're ready. And thanks for dinner. And coming back over." She smiled and got out.
He watched until she got inside and locked her door, moderately shocked. She must be awfully tired. She'd just thanked him, twice, and told him not to worry about waking her up. Waking Summer up was punishable by death, even when they'd been dating.
****
Summer reached her bedroom and flipped on the light. She caught a glimpse of herself in the vanity, and crossed the room to sit down, staring intently at the dark haired girl in the mirror. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she say what was on her mind to him? That was something she'd always admired about Seth. He was so open, willing to put it all out there, not caring if it made her mad. His refusal to let her always have her way when they were together had made her respect him. His not allowing her to take advantage of his feelings for her own purposes had intrigued her. He was so different from the idiots that would kiss her ass in hopes of getting a piece of it.
But yet he was able to give compliments and show how sweet he was and how he cared. He had no problem at all talking about how much Ryan meant to him. And even tonight after that horrible fight they'd had he'd been kind and thoughtful with her. She bet he slept easily at night, never tossing and turning because unsaid thoughts and emotions were clashing violently in his head with the ones that had actually come out of his mouth. She could express only the bad. Talking about the good feelings was usually beyond her.
Then there was her polar opposite, Coop. She would never confront anything bad that was bothering her, instead glossing over her problems with big smiles and "I'm ok. Nothing's wrong." Along with gallons of vodka. She'd rather be miserable in silence than argue with someone or stand up for herself. Look where that had gotten her now.
Was she headed down the same road as her best friend? The thought sent fingers of ice through her heart.
"To truly love is to give all of yourself."
The date book was still open where'd she left it. That quote made perfect sense to her now.
She had really WANTED to tell him it hurt too much to wake up with him, and that was why she ran away and suddenly didn't want to talk about Coop, but couldn't get it out. She wanted to be there when he broke the news to Ryan. She hadn't been able to tell him she was worried about him.
And the reason was: Summer, you are scared to death. It will HURT if you are rejected again. He got the first real chance you gave anyone after your father betrayed you. Even though he told you he wants you back now, you don't want him to know that you still care. Easy enough to figure that out. So what to do about it? Just because the reason was a conscious thought in her head now didn't mean she would be able to miraculously say everything she felt in beautiful, eloquent words. That only happened in Disney cartoons and soap operas.
The empty page of the date book lay before her, blank and unused. She looked longingly from it to her bed. She might as well try it; she probably couldn't sleep anyway. The only time she'd slept well lately had been - with Seth. Maybe writing it all out would help somehow. She picked up a pen.
****