And Yet The Plots Keep Going On and On

"You wanted to see me Mindbender?" Magneto asked. He loathed meeting with any of the Cobra humans and his irritation clearly showed in his tone.

"Yes, I was wondering if you had a chance to look over my proposal," Mindbender coughed. "I know Cobra promised you help in developing clone mutant armies but, well I admit progress is going slowly."

"Glaciers move slowly Mindbender," Magneto glared at him. "Your work has been virtually at a standstill. Not that I expected much help from you in the first place…"

"Well you know how difficult it is to successfully work and develop life forms with mutant DNA," Mindbender told him. "It took nearly twenty years for Cobra to create our last batch of assassins…"

"And it took twenty minutes for them to revolt and screw up your plans," Magneto folded his arms.

"Yes well that's what makes this proposal so much more interesting…" Mindbender told him. "You see…"

"I know what you proposed, Mindbender. I've read the file!" Magneto glared. "Evolving animals? I ask for new breakthroughs in mutant genetics and the best you can give me is evolving animals?"

"But the technology to do so is already in Cobra's possession," Mindbender told him. "Years ago we combined human subjects with animal DNA. Why not simply reverse the process and have a trained army of animal soldiers within a year?"

"Because it is a mockery of everything I stand for!" Magneto snarled. "A mutant is the highest life form on Earth. To give such gifts to lower creatures is…"

"Technically humans are animals," Mindbender interrupted him. "Would you hesitate to give such a gift to a human if you could?"

"Depends on which human you are talking about."

"Exactly," Mindbender said. "But if you give limited intelligence and power to animal subjects…Well they would not only be grateful, but easier to manage. If you get my drift. And if this war that you're planning for is truly coming, is it wise for you to be so picky where your foot soldiers come from?"

"In other words instead of merely doubling my mutant army within two years I could quadruple it one with this process," Magneto thought. "I must admit your idea has merit."

"There is one little…hiccup, Mindbender coughed. "Uh, it seems that the process is a tad unstable. The Joes have found a way to cure most of the subjects in the past and well…You've read the Project Venom file. It simply wouldn't do to have our armies suddenly turn back into creatures that prefer to eat a banana or something than fight. Years ago there were some scientists that claimed they were able to do this but they disappeared and, well we haven't had that much luck finding any trace of them."

"Actually …I know how to fix this process," Magneto told him. "I've worked with someone who has perfected it. He even grew these creatures in his own lab and they were totally devoted to him."

"Really?" Mindbender was intrigued. "Who is he?"

"Someone I really do not wish to cross paths with again," Magneto sighed. "He prefers his solitude. But in our time together I learned enough so that we can do the job quite accurately."

"Then we can start the process right away?" Mindbender grinned. "Excellent."

"How ironic," Magneto sighed to himself. "Using the High Evolutionary's own work of giving intelligence to dumb animals to further human evolution. But this is war and in war, there must be sacrifices…As well as cannon fodder."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"I'm going to die…" Shane Shooter stumbled into the living room after his first day of training with the Misfits. "That's it. I'm gonna die…You hear me Momma? This is the big one!"

"Come on," Althea walked in with most of the Misfits. (Trinity and Spyder were off somewhere.) "I didn't beat you up that much."

"Yeah you hardly have any marks on you," Pietro remarked.

"If that was the part of the initiation where you establish your cred and authority over me…" Shane grumbled before he crashed onto the couch. "Guess what? It worked."

"Well I have to admit you weren't that bad yourself," Althea casually brushed off her sleeves. "For a rank amateur."

"She considers anyone who hasn't fought ninjas before rank amateurs," Pietro explained. "But I gotta admit I was impressed enough that you were up before reveille."

"You don't make money by lying in bed until noon," Shane told him. "Well unless you're a hooker but even then…"

"Oh I guess there's a lot of call for drug dealing and…" Pietro began before Shane shot him a very hard look.

"Look," Shane's face grew hard. "I may have stolen and shot people, but I was never no drug dealer."

"Oh there's a difference," Pietro mocked.

"Ignore him," Wanda said. "We all do."

"So…" Shane looked at the watches as he sat up. "What's up with the watches you wear?"

"They're teleportation watches that are linked to something called the Mass Device," Lance sat down next to him.

"You mean you can go anywhere with them?" Shane's eyes raised. "When do I get one?"

"Not just yet," Althea said. "You still need breaking in."

"Emphasis on the breaking," Shane grumbled.

"And we need to make a watch that doesn't well, have any hiccups," Angelica added.

"Hiccups?" Shane asked. "What kind of hiccups are we talking about here?"

"Well it's very rare but every now and then when we teleport we don't exactly end up where we're supposed to be," Althea explained. "Like the time Lance here ended up in Antarctica."

"How could I forget that?" Lance groaned as he rolled his eyes. "That and the stupid volcano ruined my date with Kitty!"

"Volcano?" Shane blinked. "You teleported into a volcano?"

"Once! I had trouble with the dials!" Lance snapped.

"That's The Trouble With Teleportation," Fred nodded.

"And we need to make sure that the watch has you reassembled correctly," Althea added.

"Yeah you know," Todd said. "You see you set turned into a bazillion itty bitty particles of atoms and stuff and are whisked through the air to where you're supposed to be and then you get put back together again. But don't worry it usually works."

"Usually?" Shane asked.

"Once or twice when we try and transport inanimate objects, they kind of end up…Unassembled," Angelica coughed. "But it hasn't happened with people yet."

"Although knowing us we're probably overdue," Lance said.

"It helps not to think about it," Fred told him.

"Some people are more able to do that than others," Pietro snickered.

"Well we all can't keep our minds totally blank for hours like you can Pietro," Arcade said.

"That's right," Pietro grinned. Then he realized that was a shot. "HEY!"

"Good one!" Fred snickered giving Arcade a high five. Unfortunately it was a little too hard and Arcade crashed into a wall. "Sorry man!"

"I'm okay…" Arcade shook his head. "I'm getting used to it."

"Uh, on second thought I'm not in a rush to have one of those," Shane gulped.

"Yeah well…" Lance began then had a strange look in his eye. "I told you I am not talking to you!"

"What did you say to me?" Shane was startled.

"I don't think he's talking to you Shane," Lina said.

"Your little friend is back isn't he?" Wanda smirked.

"He is not my…" Lance began and whirled on an empty space on the couch. "I told you to shut up! We are not friends! We will never be friends you fleabag!"

"Who are you talking to?" Shane asked.

"I'm talking to the coyote…" Lance admitted.

"Coyote?" Shane looked at him.

"The Coyote that lives in my head," Lance snapped. "That loves to annoy me and…And…Great! I hope you're happy!" He whirled on the empty space. "He's thinks I'm crazy now! Are you happy?"

Shane looked at the others. "Is he for real?"

"Yeah that's another thing you ought to know about," Todd remarked. "It's a side effect of an experiment Magneto did to him. Don't worry, the coyote only bothers Lance and he only shows up once a week. Well sometimes twice a week. No more than four times a week. Usually. Five times is the most you'll hear about it."

"LALALALAALA!" Lance held his hands over his ears. "I'm not listening!"

"That dude is crazy," Shane got up from the couch and moved to an empty seat.

"Yeah like he's the only one certifiable around here," Pietro scoffed.

"You'd better not be referring to me, brother dearest…" Wanda hissed.

"Come on Wanda," Todd said. "It ain't his fault that your old man locked you up in a nut…I mean a mental health facility for years."

"What really gets me is that while I was locked up you idiots roamed free!" Wanda groaned.

"It does seem unfair doesn't it?" Althea remarked.

"NOT LISTENING!" Lance shouted. "AND THAT'S FINAL!"

"Are there any other little things I should know about around here?" Shane asked in an annoyed voice. "You know so I don't accidentally die or anything?"

"Well…" Todd began. "Don't give Xi too many cookies unless you want him to hug you all day. And technically Xi isn't a him or a her."

"I was created without gender by Cobra," Xi said. "I am a trained assassin but sometimes I like to hug people instead of eviscerating them. It doesn't make that much of a mess."

"Sometimes Lance tends to sleepwalk," Fred added. "Or sleep terraforms."

"It means he makes holes and mountains and stuff," Todd explained.

"Never go into my sisters' bedroom alone," Althea warned him. An explosion could be heard upstairs. "Trust me on this."

"And watch your back in the shower!" Todd said. "Some of the girls here like to peek!"

"Or my sisters might attack you and just strip the boxers right off you," Althea said.

"Never drink any alcohol in the house," Wanda told him. "The adults get annoyed when they can't get drunk."

"COWABUNGA!" Shipwreck zoomed by the open door blindfolded riding a shopping cart.

"YOU HAVEN'T WON YET!" The Blind Master zoomed by a second after him. "THAT VODKA IS AS GOOD AS MINE!"

"Just don't drink period," Wanda said.

"Not gonna be a problem," Shane blinked. "Anything else?"

"Oh lots of things," Fred said cheerfully. "You're probably not allowed to pilot the spaceship yet or drive the tanks."

"Yeah I figured…" Shane did a double take. "Spaceship?"

"To get you up to speed aliens are real as well as demons and ancient gods," Angelica told him. "Just thought I'd give you a heads up about that."

"Magic too," Wanda said. "I was trained by a real witch and we know quite a few sorcerers."

"There's this dude Nightcrawler," Todd told him. "Looks like a demon. He's Pietro and Wanda's half sister's brother. His girlfriend is a sorceress in training."

"Considering the witch his mom is…" Wanda grumbled. "Kurt and Rogue's mother is Mystique, a wanted terrorist we used to work for. We don't really like her that much."

"And twice a week we all get to go to therapy together!" Fred said cheerfully. "Sometimes Psyche-Out lets me run the sessions!"

"That one time," Pietro said. "When he was in the hospital after the accident!"

"What accident?" Shane asked.

"The one he had on the golf course mine field in back of the house," Pietro said matter of factly.

"Mine field?" Shane's jaw dropped. "Please tell me you are joking!"

"FORE!" Bazooka shouted in the distance.

BOOM!

"I'm okay…" Bazooka shouted in a funny voice. "Let's make that a par three…"

"I'm living in a nuthouse…" Shane realized.

"Welcome to my world," Lance told him. Then he looked at the empty space on the couch. "No, I don't think he's interested in cutting a rap album with you! You shut up!"

"Freaking nuthouse…" Shane was shocked. "I would have been safer in jail!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Oh no…" Secret Agent Matt Burke groaned as he turned over in his bed. "What the hell do you want?"

"What any woman wants who enters your bed," Selene was lying on top of his sheets. "Your credit card numbers."

"Well this is a sight I'd rather not see first thing in the morning," Burke grumbled as he sat up.

"There was a time when you quite enjoyed my company," Selene purred.

"There was a time I enjoyed chocolate covered eclairs filled with buttery cream," Burke remarked. "It was sweet and fun but very bad for my health!" He got up and yanked on the sheets. This effectively sent her flying off the bed landing right onto her bottom.

"That's not all that's bad for your health," Selene growled as she stood up. Then she sweetened her tone. "But then again you were always one of my favorite paramours so I can forgive your little outbursts."

"Forget it Selene," Burke told her. "I've learned my lesson long ago to never go along with one of your insane schemes again! Whatever it is, I'm not doing it!"

"I'll give you money," Selene said.

"Don't need it," Burke went into the bathroom.

Selene followed him and opened the door. Fortunately Burke was merely washing his face. "I'll give you some more formula to keep you young."

"I think I'm aging rather gracefully, thank you very much."

"Fine…I know a way to turn you back into Azazel."

Burke looked at her. "You're lying. You said it was impossible."

"It was impossible then," Selene told him. "But a lot of time has passed and…Remember when Benny Barumpbump hit you with that spell that changed you back?"

"Yes, but it doesn't work in this dimension," Burke told you.

"But it would work in your old dimension," Selene said. "You know where you and your oh so charming relatives were banished to a millennia ago?"

"Yes?"

"All you have to do is return there for one minute and your powers would return…Permanently," Selene grinned. "You know your magic is strongest in that dimension. All you have to do is…"

"Say the right incantation," Burke folded his arms. "And I suppose you know it?"

"You already do," Selene said. "Remember Dresden in 1562?"

"Yes of course," Burke thought. "How could I forget it? That spell would work perfectly! But there is still the problem of me getting to that dimension in the first place!"

"You're forgetting something, or should I say some one," Selene grinned. "I've been doing a few background checks. It seems young Nightcrawler passes through another dimension when he teleports. Three guesses which dimension it is?"

"Really? But he only stays there a nanosecond," Burke reminded her.

"True but what if I told you there was a way for him to stay longer in there?" Selene grinned. "And it was right within the walls of the Xavier Mansion?"

"I'm listening," Burke looked at her.

"They have an inventor named Forge who makes many interesting inventions…" Selene said.

"Yes and they all backfire like the one…" Burke stopped. "Like the Middleverse machine…And the time of the Sadie Hawkins Dance…OF COURSE!"

"Now you're getting it?" Selene grinned.

"I knew there was a reason I listened to those ridiculous stories of the Misfits!" Burke slammed his hand into his open palm. "Why didn't I think of it before?"

"Because you've been too busy playing secret agent and getting laid," Selene said. "Speaking of which does Kurt know about his other two siblings you fathered in this dimension?"

"Okay I know you know about Kiwi Blackbut what do you mean…?" Burke began. Selene handed him another piece of paper. "Oh…"

"Yeah oh," Selene was enjoying herself. "You really didn't think no one would find out about this? Especially…Well look at him! Why are two of your sons blue? I mean Magneto explains Kurt but this one…"

"Oh well, I guess his genes must have activated naturally," Burke shrugged. "I mean all my brothers were blue. I was just the only one who was red…and survived."

"That's because you killed them darling," Selene reminded him.

"Well it wasn't like they weren't trying to kill me first," Burke snapped. "I'm not going to ask how you found out about this."

"Good because I wasn't going to tell you. So when did you find out about this one?" Selene asked.

"Well shortly after I found out about Kurt I thought of doing some checking up on all my old girlfriends," Burke explained.

"Must have taken you months," Selene snorted.

"Two months actually," Burke sighed. "I haven't met him yet. His mother was always a strange one. She used to work for this multibillionaire tycoon who wanted to flood the world by melting the polar ice caps…Or was it freeze the world? Anyway you know the story, Secret Agent seduces henchgirl, henchgirl falls in love, Secret Agent and henchgirl work together to topple her evil boss…yada, yada, yada…"

"And by that I take it you mean you dumped her the minute the mission was over?"

"I'm not that heartless," Burke said. "Two weekends after that mission was over."

"As fascinating as this has been I'll get to the point," Selene told him. "We both want to save the Earth…in our own way. Why not work together?"

"I am getting rather tired of this human form…" Burke admitted. "But what exactly do you want in return?"

"Remember the M'kran Crystal?"

"How could I forget that debacle?"

"The Hellfire Club has it."

"You're joking?"

"Worse they want to use it."

"I see," Burke thought. "So in return for helping me regain my rightful form…"

"I want you as an ally to steal the crystal or if worse comes to worse…" Selene sighed.

"Allow you refuge into my dimension," Burke folded his arms.

"Well yes…" Selene admitted. "Or help me fight the Phoenix. Hopefully it won't come to that. But you can see why I need your help. And with the device from the X-Men you and your clan will be able to come and go from your dimension with ease."

"You won't harm my son."

"Not a single blue hair on his body will be so much as bent, I promise," Selene told him.

"All right," Burke got a glint in his eye. "You've got a deal."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"I'm ready," Astrid Bloom sat down at the table. "Let's begin."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Mastermind asked the others. "This is a force just as great as Apocalypse. Perhaps even more dangerous."

"Don't be such a worry wart Mastermind," Lucas snorted. "We can handle this."

"This from a man who can barely handle his own separate personalities?" Mastermind glared at him.

"We don't have to handle it, just release it," Mesmero told him. "If we focus all our telepathic energies it should be enough to make a large enough tear in the psychic plane."

"I'm not so sure," Mastermind still had doubts. "My telepathy and Mesmero's are not as strong in a far range capacity. And Miss Bloom…"

"Will do just fine," Astrid told him. "I've been practicing ever since I woke up from my seven year nap."

"Besides I have this to boost my power as well," Lucas took out a small Cerebro like helmet. "It's a copy of the prototype of Cerebro Magneto has in his vault. Dear Lorna was so helpful getting it for me without her father knowing."

"How did you do that?" Mastermind was astonished. "On second thought don't tell me. I don't want to know."

"It's strong enough to do the job," Lucas put it on. "Now let's do this."

"All right," Mastermind resigned to his fate. "Let us begin."

"Just concentrate…" Lucas told them as the psychics focused their mental powers. "Focus…reach your minds into the Astral Plane…"

They used their powers to search what they were looking for. Soon they found it and used every bit of their strength to tear open a small fabric of space and time.

The backlash of psychic energy was strong enough to knock them out of their seats. "No!" Lucas screamed as he threw of the sparkling helmet.

I am free…

"I knew it!" Mastermind screamed in agony. "He's too powerful!"

I am power…

The psychic waves of savagery could be felt across the planet.

Xavier shouted in pain. "NO!"

And I am coming for you…

Ororo sat up and screamed. Lightning flashed across the sky.

Far off in another town her sister Vi screamed as well. "Honey what's wrong?" Carl sat up in bed and turned on the lights.

You will be mine again…

"He's back…" Vi shook in terror. "Lord help us all, he's back…"

Next: The X-Men are forced to fight a terror from the past. A power so strong Xavier is forced to turn to their enemies for help, and I don't mean the Misfits! Find out what will happen next chapter!