What's Draco-ing On?
"IT'S OFFICIAL! I HATE MY LIFE!" Doug screamed as they ran from the monsters. "I HATE MY LIFE!"
"Well good, because at this rate you won't have it much longer!" Shane snapped as he fired off a few rounds at the monsters. They just kept coming.
"I knew I shouldn't have worn these shoes!" Jubilee struggled to run faster. She tripped and fell, tearing her dress on some rocks. "My dress!"
"We're trapped!" Kitty shouted as they found themselves cornered against a rock wall. "Bobby make a barrier!"
"It's too hot in here," Bobby said. "And not enough moisture to get my frost up!"
"My heat blasts aren't doing much!" Angelica shouted. "They must be too used to the heat!"
"Well they only live in a place full of fire and lava!" Doug screamed.
"MY DRESS!" Jubilee shouted turning up the strength of her powers to maximum, blinding all the monsters and injuring them with her fireworks. "NOBODY WRECKS MY DRESS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"
This made the monsters very mad. "This looks to be our last stand…" Peter growled as he punched some monsters in his armored form. Kitty dodged several attacking monsters by phasing just at the right time.
"Always thought I'd buy it in a shootout…" Shane grumbled as he hit several more dinosaurs. "This ain't exactly how I'd pictured how I'd go…"
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Doug clung to Bobby for support.
"Will you get a grip?" Bobby shouted. "And I don't mean around my waist!"
An optic beam from behind hit one of the monsters. Then a few time bombs. "Get outta here you Barney Rejects!" Tabitha shouted. Scott, Jean, Rogue, Remy, Rina, Logan, Ororo, Tabitha, Tim, Ray, Roberto, Amara, Althea, Lance, Todd, Fred, Pietro, Wanda, Xi, Amanda and Margali were running up to rescue them. The mutants were all in their uniforms and Amanda and Margali were in some kind of armor as well.
"You okay?" Scott asked as the monsters scattered.
"No! I broke a nail and my dress is torn!" Jubilee stomped her foot.
"My shoes are ruined!" Kitty huffed.
"My shoes and my dressare ruined and I broke two nails!" Angelica shouted.
"Yeah they're fine," Wanda groaned.
"How did you find us so fast?" Jubilee panted.
"Are you kidding?" Pietro asked. "Dougie here was screaming so loud we could hear him before we stepped out of the portal."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you…" Doug grabbed Pietro and hugged him.
"Okay this is not the kind of adoration I wanted…" Pietro tried to get loose. "Will you get off of me?"
"Thank you, thank you, thank you..." Doug kept hugging.
"This is so humiliating…" Peter put his hand on his head.
"Cypher will you pull it together?" Logan snapped. "You're embarrassing every X-Man here!"
"You're embarrassing every man here…" Shane groaned. "Not that we don't appreciate the rescue but aren't there a lot of you for just us?"
"Sorry to burst your bubble Shooter, but we're not here just for you," Lance said. "We gotta go fight Kurt's dad."
"Apparently Burke was really a mutant demon lord trapped in human form," Jean said cynically. "And surprise, the Professor never bothered to tell us!"
"So the super spy is really a demon lord?" Peter asked.
"Yes and he's probably planning on using Forge's device to invade the Earth with his army," Margali explained. "We have to stop him and get the device back before he uses it."
"Don't worry," Althea grinned. "Thanks to my sisters, we've got a few tricks of our own."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Kurt drifted out of slumber feeling very good. Very relaxed. When he opened his eyes he found out why.
He was lying down on a large group of pillows in the throne room. On top of him, massaging his bare chest was a young female blue demon with large wings. "Just relax," she purred. "You seemed so tense…"
"Whaaaaaa…" Kurt looked down and found his shirt was gone and he was only wearing his pants.
"You are so cute…" The female demon purred.
"Uh thanks…" Kurt tried to back away. "But aren't you one of my sisters?"
"Yeah, So?" She blinked. Then leaned in for a kiss.
"Down girl!" Azazel yanked her off Kurt. He flung her to the side. She landed on her feet. "Now go prepare for battle. Go on!" He waved her off.
"All right," She sighed before giving Kurt a wink and flying off.
"Sorry," Azazel sighed. "Her mother was a slut too."
"As if this night was not traumatic enough," Kurt groaned as he sat up. "So…Demons are really mutants?"
"Mutant offshoots of humanity but close enough," Azazel shrugged.
"This is unbelievable…" Kurt put his hand on his head.
"Is it really so hard to believe that mutants existed in the past?" Azazel asked. "Mutation is the core of evolution my boy. Old as time itself. Even older than Phyillis Diller's hairstyle."
"My head hurts so much right now..." Kurt groaned.
Azazel continued his lecture. "It has occurred throughout human civilization as well as nature. Rapid changes in the environment, adaptation to the world is necessary for survival, blah blah blah. You know the lecture. And the world has changed so drastically since my time way back then. And I don't mean the invention of Starbucks. Have you seen the world Kurt? The pictures NASA sends from space? Or Google? Ever notice all that brown and gray junk around all the cities? Particularly on the coasts? It's lovely!"
"You never liked humans at all did you?" Kurt asked.
"Well I was never exactly crazy about the males of the species. It's not that hard to figure out why! Any fool can see what humanity has done to the Earth!" Azazel snapped. "Instead of living in harmony with the world it's become a cancer, feeding off the Earth's life force and draining its resources! Literally destroying the world! And they call us evil?"
"Yeah and you've done such a great job here," Kurt pointed to the barren wasteland outside.
"You should have seen this place before," Azazel told him. "Believe me, this is an improvement. Don't worry when we take over the Earth, I'll spend a lot more time fixing the planet."
"Excuse me, you want to what?" Kurt's jaw dropped. "But you were always fighting to save the world!"
"I was," Azazel nodded. "And I'll be damned if I let fifty years of hard work go to waste while some greedy idiot decides to blow it up or pollute it beyond oblivion! And thanks to you I finally have the means to do it." He pointed to the machine on a table next to his throne.
"Forge's device…" Kurt put two and two together. "I won't teleport back for you!"
"You don't have to," Azazel said. "Now that I have my demonic powers back I can use the machine to teleport our entire clan to Earth."
"This is a lot for one night…" Kurt moaned.
"Kurt, it's the perfect plan," Azazel told him. "We teleport right into the Hellfire Club's inner sanctum. Kill 'em all, and take over their vast wealth. We use that wealth to buy ourselves all the power we need. Just like the Japanese only better. And those we can't buy we kill. Then we can use our influence to make the world better for everyone. Think about it Kurt, mutants will no longer be persecuted. Pollution will stop. Wars will end. The world's oceans will become clean again! Earth will be restored to its former emerald and azure brilliance! We'll even bring back the rainforest! Okay a lot of it will be in Cleveland but..."
"Kill them all?" Kurt gasped.
"It's an expression," Azazel covered. "You know how you say you're going to kill someone but you don't really do it. You beat them into submission instead. Except for the French. I'm sorry Kurt but they gotta go. The line has to be drawn somewhere. And obviously the FOH and all those other hate groups. People with no tolerance for others have to be wiped out! And definitely Paris Hilton. As if her acting or lack of it wasn't reason enough alone…That'll teach her to give me the…"
Azazel stopped and looked at Kurt. "Uh, bad birthday present," He covered. "The point is this is all for the better. Oh don't look at me like that. Humanity has had the Earth for a very long time and look at how they've abused it. Trust me, taking over the planet is the best thing for everyone!"
"Except for the people who live on Earth," Kurt strained to teleport but couldn't do it. So he decided to do the next best thing and make a grab for the teleportation device.
Unfortunately for Kurt, Azazel was faster. "Sorry my boy," He lifted him up. "If you're not with me, you're against me."
"You'd kill your own son?" Kurt challenged.
"Not like I haven't done it before," Azazel challenged back.
"I'll never help you!" Kurt shouted. "Never!"
A tense moment stretched out as Azazel held his son by the neck. Then he simply lowered Kurt to the ground. "I have to admit Kurt," Azazel shook his head. "I can't kill you. Out of all the sons I have ever had, you're my favorite."
"I think I'll take that as a complement," Kurt told him.
"I mean it, you remind me of myself at your age," Azazel told him. "Young, idealistic…Full of hope and optimism…Gods I was stupid back then. It's a miracle I survived."
The sounds of fighting could be heard. "Now what?" Azazel looked out the window. "Of course, Margali and your friends have come. And they're fighting tooth and nail with your brothers and sisters. And even though they are outnumbered...They're still winning. Big surprise."
He grabbed Kurt's arm with one hand and then took the teleportation device with the other. "Come on," He dragged him outside. "Might as well go say hello!"
The battle was going wild until everyone saw Azazel and Kurt. "Nightcrawler!" Ororo shouted.
"Yes we're here," Azazel shouted. "Look I have Kurt and the device. And if you don't want to see either of them harmed you'll all do as I say and knock it off!"
"But we already do what you ask Father," Benos called out.
"NOT YOU!" Azazel shouted. "THEM!"
"Oh..." Benos nodded. "That makes more sense."
"Now you know why I need your help Kurt," Burke sighed as he rolled his eyes.
"I could always teleport us out of this dimension," Margali said.
"We can't risk Nightcrawler's life!" Scott told her. "And Azazel knows it."
"If only there was enough moisture I'd freeze the smirk off his face…" Bobby growled.
"Oh yeah?" Althea grinned. She took out a box. "Hey Bobby, remember this?"
"That's one of your sisters' inventions," Bobby yelled. "Isn't it…?"
"Yup," Althea began to open the box. "The Portable Ocean…"
"The what now?" Azazel blinked. "Sorry, didn't hear that right."
The next thing Azazel heard was the loud roar of a huge ocean that came out of the box. "Oh…" Azazel sputtered just before the waters came crashing down. "A portable ocean…"
The water washed the demons all around. It also separated Kurt from Azazel. "Help!" Kurt floundered in the raging waters before Rogue flew over and grabbed him. She took him to higher ground where the Misfits and the X-Men were.
"Kurt let me ask you something, if you're always worried about protecting me, why am I always the one saving your sorry butt?" Rogue grumbled as she dumped Kurt onto the solid ground.
"Why didn't you just teleport?" Wanda asked.
"Can't," Kurt gulped for air. "Azazel put a spell on me."
"Is that all?" Margali used her powers and with a wave the spell was broken. "Spell's broken!"
"That enough water for you guys?" Althea called out.
"Oh yeah," Bobby grinned as he drew in the moisture and iced up. "I'm back in action!"
"Okay where did you people get a portable ocean?" Shane's jaw dropped.
"Scenes from a Study Hall," Althea told him. "Last year."
"Storm let's cool this place off!" Bobby called out. Between the two of them soon the entire area was covered in ice and snow.
"T-t-this is not…t-the h-homecoming I wanted," Azazel shivered.
"Can't…move…" One demon was frozen in a block of ice.
"It'll take weeks to freeze out my troops!" Azazel roared.
"Longer if I leave this here," Althea threw the box that spouted the portable ocean into a huge chasm. Soon the chasm was filling up with very cold water.
"Great…" Azazel grunted. "Always wanted a swimming pool. Well at least I still have the…" He realized the teleportation device was not in his hands. "Where did it go?"
"You mean this?" Jean had levitated the device from the water. "The controls are a bit frozen."
"I think we can manage without it," Margali grinned. "Well Azazel you got to go home at least. And now it's time we do the same!"
"Goodbye Father," Kurt glared at Azazel. "Enjoy your kingdom."
"Kurt," Azazel called out to him. "One day you'll know I was right. You'll know that taking over the human world is the only way to save the Earth itself."
"Maybe," Kurt glared at him. "But not today!"
Soon they had all teleported off, leaving Azazel and his family in the cold. "Well this is a bit disappointing," Azazel grunted. "Well what are you waiting for? Go thaw each other out! You want to freeze your tails off? Move it!"
He stormed back into the castle with Stephan trailing him. "Oh well," Azazel sighed as he sat on his throne. "At least I'm myself again. I've been restored to my throne…."
"We can go skiing now!" Stephan said brightly.
Maxx slid past the window. "WHOAAAAH!"
WHUMP!
"I'm okay…" Maxx moaned. "Man this stuff is cold!"
"And besides, tomorrow is another day…" Azazel sighed.
"Oh you wanna watch Gone with the Wind?" Stephan asked brightly.
Azazel responded by smacking Stephan on the head. "I'm back here again…" Azazel grumbled. "I can't believe I'm stuck here again!"
Next: The gang goes home and commiserates on the insane evening they've had. And more insanity continues…