Disclaimer- Thank you Santa, I promise to give them back before Twelfth Night
Chapter 31- Below The Belt
Outer Office 9.40am
'People. It's Monday. We meet again. Good weekend everybody?'
House strode (as best he could with only one fully-functioning leg) towards the coffee machine, avoiding eye contact with the group in the process.
'Yeah, very.' Foreman's was the sole response.
'Pleased to hear it.' He looked around at his team. 'Your lack of a response Dr. Chase suggests your weekend was a little too good. Glad you managed to tear your shackles off and escape from Miss Whiplash and her Dungeon of Doom. Dr. Clarkson, you and Ken still on a break? Or did you make up and take Skipper to the park?'
Turning his attention to Cameron, having suitably annoyed her slumber party pal, he took a sip of coffee. 'Dr. Cameron, your presence suggests you ran out of Sarah McLachlan CDs to play and your down-turned mouth tells me you just heard the news that Nick and Jessica didn't make it. Life's a btch ain't it.'
He moved toward the white board and placed his mug down on the table in front of her, replacing one orally based emotional crutch for another in the shape of a pill bottle. As he dry-swallowed two pills, he felt them lodge firmly in his throat, causing him to splutter violently.
Cameron, continuing with her eternal pursuit of canonisation, looked concerned and moved forward in her chair. House, regained his composure, eyes watering and with a peculiar purple tinge slowly rising up from his neck, and took a large gulp of coffee to wash down the source of his aggravation.
'Why do you insist on taking those tablets without water?' Cameron asked, annoyed at the sheer stupidity of the man stood before her.
House, having fully recovered, but still looking as though he had been strangled by his own snark, replied, 'Because unlike you Dr. Cameron, I don't usually have a problem swallowing.'
Cameron winced, Foreman glared, Clarkson shot a surprised glance at her, wondering what exactly had taken place after he'd left her apartment and Chase spat a mouthful of chewed up peanuts across the desk from laughing so hard.
'Anyway, enough about Cameron's sexual proclivities, I'm sure they're fairly well documented. What's the latest on Mr. Fry, Foreman?'
Foreman, still outraged at House's remark toward Cameron, replied, 'No change. Just waiting on a fresh set of bloods to come back from the lab. He had a comfortable night and seems slightly improved this morning.'
'You got it covered. Excellent! No need for me to dirty my hands with the nasty business of work this morning then. So, whilst you and Cameron go check the test results, and Tony raids the linen cupboards to stock up on towels, me and young Robert here can amuse ourselves by spelling out rude words on the calculator.'
Chase perked up immediately and pulled a calculator from his bag, quickly keying in 5318008, turning it upside down and laughing out loud at the word it formed. 'Look,' he squealed, holding the calculator up for House to see. 'Boobies. Mad!'
'Oh we're going to have so much fun. Go.' He gestured at the others to leave. 'For every second you remain, Chase's brain cells continue to deplete at a rate of knots. And I so need him to come up with another gem like the one he just delivered.'
The ducklings stood up, Cameron shooting a disdainful look at House as she did so, House merely meeting it with a look of contrived innocence. As Tony left and Foreman stood holding the door for Allison, and with Chase furiously punching in random number combinations, House looked at Cameron.
'Sorry about the swallowing comment. Below the belt. I have no idea what your position is on the matter.' He turned his eyes to Foreman. 'Couldn't ask her, she wasn't able to talk at the time. Mouth being full and all.'
Foreman puffed his chest out, intent to defend his friend's honour. House, seeing he had got a reaction from the pair of them, as Cameron reddened and adopted her defensive hands on hips stance, smiled and continued drinking the now tepid coffee. 'Still here? What? Dr. Foreman, save your righteous indignation for those who'll appreciate it. It's misplaced anyway. Do you see Princess Pissy here denying my allegations?'
Foreman, still offended, and not articulate enough to respond with anything other than a stream of abuse, which wouldn't exactly do his career any favours, shook his head disgustedly, and put his hand on Cameron's back in order to lead her out of the room.
House smiled to himself, delighted that he had annoyed three quarters of the team, and in the case of Chase, had merely brought the idiot savant qualities House knew had always been latent within him, to the fore.
As Foreman and Cameron left the room, and Chase moved closer to the window so that his solar-powered toy wouldn't fail him when he struck gold in the numerical smuttiness department, House decided that he was cured. Snark returned, emotional nonsense all behind him now. Ha! Worried me there for a while Greggy-boy, thought you'd gone soft. Hoorah. Merely an air bubble in the syringe. No lasting damage done.
He cheerfully poured himself another mugful of full strength Colombian, and joined Chase by the window, eager to satisfy the juvenile component of his brain.