I Am So Not Okay
"Well let's see," Kurt sighed as he sat down with a huge ice cream sundae. "To recap my family tree: My mother Mystique is a mutant terrorist who has tried to kill us several times. On her side of the family I have an older human half brother who founded the FOH and tried to kill us."
"Whose father is Sabertooth," Rogue added as she took a spoonful of ice cream and ate it. "Then there's me, whose dad is none other than Mag-not-so-neato, a maniac who wants to rule the world." All the X-Men and Misfits were sitting around eating ice cream in the living room. Despite the long night no one felt like sleeping.
"And his other kids are Quicksilver, The Scarlet Witch…" Kurt added.
"Don't forget Polaris," Pietro pointed out. "Daddy's little suck up."
"She took over your job pretty quickly," Wanda grunted.
"And then Mystique had my younger brother a few months ago, who we had to give away in order to save his life from vengeful ninjas," Kurt went on. "Thanks to his father Zartan, leader of the Dreadnoks."
"Because Zartan killed of my teacher Storm Shadow's uncle, leader of a clan of ninjas," Althea added. "But that's a different story."
"A long different story," Pietro rolled his eyes.
"And Zartan has younger twin siblings and a homicidal maniac of a daughter," Althea went on.
"And as if my family tree wasn't insane enough tonight I find out that my biological father is not really a British Secret agent but a Demon Lord trapped in the form of a British Secret Agent!" Kurt groaned. "And I have no idea how many other half brothers and sisters I have on that side of the family! And something tells me I don't want to know. It's official, my life is screwed up."
"No, it's just your family that's screwed up," Pietro told him as he ate.
"You ought to know…" Lance snickered.
"Yeah well I can totally relate to you, Kurt," Jubilee groaned. "Just a few weeks ago I find out my aunt is a worldwide known assassin and then I lose her in a gunfight! How screwed up is that?"
"Well at least she didn't try to drag you into the 'family business'," Remy grumbled as he played with his ice cream. "Now that Remy thinks about it, my adopted father trying to get me married off to the head of the Assassin's Guild was probably the nicest thing he ever did!"
"How was that nice?" Betsy asked.
"You never met her cousins," Remy grunted. "Trust Remy, out of all of 'em she was the pick of the litter!"
"Oh yeah?" Kitty challenged. "You wanna talk dysfunction? Doug and I could write a book on dysfunction!"
"One book?" Doug looked at her. "We could write a whole mini series!"
"At least your mom didn't run off with a guy who lives under the sea," Althea reminded her.
"Or your relatives didn't break out of jail and are wanted by the federal government of two different countries," Fred sighed. "Granny ran into a little legal trouble in the Bahamas where she had her bar."
"What kind of legal trouble?" Lina asked.
"Let's just say it involves fire insurance fraud, the governor of the island, a few local drug dealers and a very confused seal," Fred sighed.
"We don't wanna know about this, do we?" Scott asked Lance.
"No," Lance shook his head. "Trust us on this one."
"Well at least your families still wanted you in some way," Lina sighed.
"Yeah, they didn't kick you to the curb when they couldn't handle your mutations," Bobby grumbled.
"Technically Mystique did," Todd pointed out.
"For the last time her dropping me off that bridge was an accident!" Kurt snapped.
"Sure it was, Blue Boy," Todd rolled his eyes. "And my old man merely mistook me for a Thanksgiving Turkey when he tried to take a carving knife to me!"
"Makes you glad our family isn't as weird as this doesn't it?" Scott looked at Jean.
"Scott, hello?" Kitty said. "Daughter popping in from a future alternate reality?"
"Oh yeah," Scott sighed. "I guess that does count as weird huh?"
"Yeah, kind of," Lance scoffed.
"Don't forget my hateful witch of a grandmother," Jean grumbled.
"If only we could forget her," Tabitha rolled her eyes. "And I wish I could forget my criminal father and alcoholic mother."
"Is she back in rehab again?" Sam asked.
"She never made it out in the first place," Tabitha groaned. "I have no idea how she was able to score those two cases of vodka two hours before she was supposed to be released!"
"And I thought my old man and uncle ditching me and my mom OD-ing in a drug overdose was tough," Shane sighed.
"You want to talk tough?" Lance asked. "You should have seen some of the foster families some of us ended up with."
"At least you all had families," Xi pointed out. "You weren't created in a lab." He then noticed Rogue and Rina. "Well most of you…"
"Is it just me or do our lives really suck?" Ray asked.
"Here's a hint," Roberto said. "For once it's not you."
"What I can't believe is that all the adults knew about this and didn't say anything to me," Kurt grumbled. "Especially the Professor!"
"Gee the Professor keeping secrets," Jean said sarcastically. "What a shock."
"Well what was he going to say, Kurt?" Wanda asked. "Guess what? Your Dad is really a Demon Lord who keeps plotting to take over the world? And you actually are half demon?"
"Quarter demon," Kurt corrected. "Technically."
"Technically?" Todd asked. "How can you technically be only a quarter demon when your father is a full demon?"
"Because he was in a human body with his demon DNA locked away," Wanda explained.
"But his demon DNA was full blown into Kurt," Bobby said. "Thanks to Magneto's experiments."
"And combined with Mystique's mutant DNA…" Sam thought. "Which makes Kurt a mutant half-quarter demon…I can't do this. My head is starting to hurt."
"Your head is starting to hurt?" Kurt snapped. "What am I saying? Of course the Professor couldn't tell me! This is something I definitely didn't want to know about!"
"Look no matter which way you look at it," Todd shrugged. "You're still a mutant and your family's nuts. That's all you need to know."
"Way to simplify things Toad," Pietro rolled his eyes.
"Actually that does help," Kurt admitted. "At least that way it will keep me from screaming all night and into the morning."
"It is morning," Jean pointed out.
"So it is," Lance noticed the sun coming up. "And another insane dance has ended. We really gotta stop going to these things."
"Well it was no exploding volcano but it was a memorable prom to say the least," Tabitha quipped. "I don't want any more ice cream."
"Yeah it is breakfast," Fred nodded. "How about pancakes?"
"How about ice cream on pancakes?" Kurt suggested.
"Oh Kurt…" Kitty winced. "Gross!"
"Now we all know where your eating habits come from," Scott groaned.
"It does explain a lot doesn't it?" Sam nodded.
"You know what?" Roberto looked up. "I could go for something too. How about waffles?"
"Waffles are good," Ray said.
"Wow you two agree on something," Tabitha noticed. "Things are desperate around here."
"I don't want anything too heavy," Amara said. "We have Danger Room practice in about a couple of hours. What am I saying? I just can't do it. Scott can I please be excused? Just this once?"
"We just literally escaped certain death," Scott looked at her. "Even I'm not in the mood for Danger Room practice."
"Good lord Hell has frozen over," Bobby rolled his eyes. "Oh wait I froze it myself."
"I say we celebrate," Tabitha turned on some music.
"Why not?" Doug groaned. "Any day could be my last! Why not party?"
The students kept celebrating all through the morning. Eating, dancing, watching videos and playing games. Talking, laughing…Just having a good time. And none of the adults interfered. Most of them were too busy hanging out in the Professor's study trying to wind down. "I can't believe this place barely has any dents in it," Logan grunted. "And now the kids are starting another party."
"I don't think this party has stopped yet," Hank admitted. "We've been going on since we got back."
"I think we're all overstressed," Xavier admitted as he poured himself another glass. "We've had a rough year."
"I thought last year was our rough year?" Logan grumbled.
"It was until we got to this year," Shipwreck told him.
"Great. I can't wait until next year," Low Light groaned.
"I think the next couple of days we should just focus on resting," Ororo nodded.
"We seriously need the downtime," Hank said. "Not to mention a few refills."
"It does seem like all of you have just been going on and on," Margali said. "And that's me talking. I mean you can't just live the way you've all been living with everything snowballing and not relieve some stress."
"True," Xavier sighed. "Shouldn't you call your husband and let him know that you and your daughter aren't coming home?"
"I think he's still passed out," Margali groaned. "He's been medicating himself into a daze ever since the Wolf Clan attacked. He's afraid to leave the house. Thank god he's able to get all his business done by Internet."
"Now he knows how we feel," Warren grumbled. "Most of the time none of us leave the mansion if we can help it."
"Now that I think about it I felt a lot safer fighting demons in another dimension than going into Downtown Bayville," Ororo sighed.
"You think this is bad now, if people ever found out that demons are really an advanced form of mutant life..." Hank began.
"Oh I can hear Pat Roberston now," Warren cringed.
"Anybody wanna drink?" Shipwreck asked. Everyone agreed and took one. And another. And another.
So the strange party continued all through the day. But more than eating, drinking, dancing and frequent trips to the bathroom was going on.
"I don't believe it!" Pietro shouted. The majority of the Misfits were hiding out in one of the bedrooms upstairs.
"I do," Fred grumbled. "I knew the little witch would cheat on him the moment his back was turned. Just like an X-Girl to say one thing and do the opposite."
"This is not about Jean isn't it?" Todd asked. "I thought you were over that?"
"I am," Fred told him. "It's about Tabitha. She totally promised me that I could have the last pint of Chunky Monkey and she ate it! Liars! All of 'em!"
"Honey focus," Lina put her hand on his arm. "Lance first, monkey second."
"Where's Lance now?" Arcade looked around.
"In the bathroom," Xi told him. "He made the mistake of munching on something Kitty made. You would have thought the green stuff on top would have been his first clue not to eat it."
"That's cause Amara told him it was frosting," Fred snorted. "Another liar in the bunch!"
"Well that buys us some time at least," Althea sighed. "But everyone else in the mansion has probably heard it by now. I mean Jubilee is just as bad as Kitty at spreading gossip."
"So that's how everybody found out about me and the stupid dog," Shane grumbled. "Wait if she is talking then maybe Lance will overhear…"
"Hello? Xi said he ate something Kitty made," Todd told him. "No one's gonna even come near that bathroom for a few days!"
"Besides she won't just confront Lance with this," Angelica said. "She's more on Kitty's side I think."
"Doug won't squeal," Wanda thought. "He's too shell shocked. But Bobby would be a problem."
"Nah I don't think Bobby will say anything to Lance," Fred shook his head. "Especially after what happened last year!"
"And what my sisters did to him," Althea smirked. "But maybe we should tell Lance. He has a right to know about this."
"Are you nuts? We can't tell Lance!" Pietro snapped. "Not unless you wanna see a new Grand Canyon right in Bayville!"
"He's right," Wanda agree. "This would kill him. And everyone around him. And possibly a few states over."
"So what do we do?" Todd asked. "We can't just let him get played!"
"We gotta get Lance to break up with Kitty before she can break up with him," Althea said. "That way at least he'll have some dignity."
"And how are we gonna do that?" Arcade asked.
"Give me a moment," Althea grumbled. "I gotta think about this."
Meanwhile in another part of the mansion Jean had confronted Kitty. "Kitty what's this I hear about you and Peter?" She asked. "Is it true that you're cheating on Lance?"
"No, not exactly…" Kitty sighed. "Well maybe technically almost but…"
"Technically almost? So what did happen?" Jean asked.
"We were talking about how we felt for each other. And both of us realized what a mistake we made giving up so fast. Then one thing led to another and the next thing I knew Peter and I were about to kiss," Kitty coughed.
"And?" Jean's eyes widened.
"And Jubilee and Shane burst in arguing," Kitty groaned. "Then Angelica and the others burst in who turned out to be watching the whole time. Nothing happened but I don't know what to do!"
"You're in love with Peter aren't you?" Jean asked. "Kitty you have got to tell Lance."
"But I don't want to hurt Lance," Kitty said. "I love him too. In a different way but I love him."
"Kitty, you can't just string Lance along because you're attracted to him when you're really in love with someone else," Jean told her. "Trust me on this.You'll hurt him even more if you hide the truth."
"I know, I know…" Kitty groaned.
"And the Misfits probably know too by now," Rogue walked in. "Okay what did I miss?"
"Kitty and Peter almost kissed," Jean said.
"I know that," Rogue told her. "Jubilee's spreading it all along the gossip trail."
"Oh my god Lance!" Kitty gasped. "If he hears about this…""Bayville's pothole problem is gonna get a whole lot bigger," Rogue added. "Don't worry I spoke to everyone and no X-Man is gonna squeal to Lance. Actually no one is going to go near Lance for a while."
"He's still in the bathroom?" Jean asked. "Kitty what did you put in that cake?"
"I have to break it off with him," Kitty wrung her hands.
"Who?" Rogue asked. "Peter or Lance?"
"Lance of course!" Jean told her. She looked at Kitty. "You do mean Lance, right?"
"Yeah…I think…No, I definitely have to break up with him," Kitty sighed. "Lance. I mean Lance. Break up with Lance."
"That's not exactly the most difficult thing in the world," Rogue snorted. "You guys break up every other week."
"Right, only this time it'll be permanent…" Kitty groaned. "The cake! I can blame it on he doesn't appreciate my cooking."
"Oh so he'll think it's all his fault," Rogue mocked. "Brilliant plan."
"Well at least that way he won't go nuts and trash the mansion!" Kitty snapped.
"She's got a point," Jean admitted.
"WHAHOOOOOO!" Shipwreck and Hank zoomed by in the hallways riding some kind of super powered skateboard.
"Worrying about the mansion getting trashed is a pretty moot point by now…" Rogue blinked.
"Great," Jean groaned. "Shipwreck's got them plastered again."
"And they always complain about us wrecking stuff?" Rogue asked. "Do the words personal responsiblity mean anything to anyone over 21 around here?"
"I have to do this now…" Kitty made her way to the door.
"Kitty, are you sure now is such a good time?" Jean stopped her.
"Jean, if I don't do this now I might lose my nerve," Kitty admitted. "I gotta do this." She left the room.
"Five will get you ten she won't do it," Rogue told Jean. "Somehow she'll chicken out."
"Kitty can be very determined when she wants to be," Jean told her.
"Trouble is she doesn't wanna be," Rogue folded her arms. "I can see it in her eyes."
"We'd better go along for moral support," Jean sighed following Kitty.
"Sure the boy's in a world of pain already," Rogue shrugged as she followed Jean. "Why not give him a little more?"
They went down the halls and ran into Althea. "Where's Kitty?" Althea asked. "Where is that two timing little witch? I gotta few words for her?"
"She's going to break up with Lance," Rogue told her.
"Not if I convince him to break up with her first!" Althea started to walk faster. Jean held her back with her telekinesis. "HEY!"
"Sorry but maybe it's best that Kitty break up with Lance," Jean said.
"And how is she going to do something like that without turning the Institute into one giant landfill?" Althea snapped as she struggled to break free. "Give some lame excuse like blame him for not liking her lousy cooking?"
"Uh well…" Jean blinked and let her go. "Wait! What was your plan? You weren't going to tell him…?"
"Of course not!" Althea snapped. She stopped for a second. "I was…thinking of something else."
"You didn't have a plan either did you?" Rogue folded her arms.
"Well at least my goal was to give Lance some dignity in this breakup!" Althea snapped.
"Oh my tummy…" Lance moaned. Tears ran down his face as Kitty supported him. They walked past the three girls. "I feel so bad…I'm sorry…I'm sorrrrr-yyyy."
"No Lance, it's my fault. I made that cake and I wasn't paying attention to the recipe…" Kitty sniffed. "I'm pretty sure what you coughed up wasn't blood. Don't worry I'll take care of you. I promise…"
"Oh god…" Jean rolled her eyes as they left. "Unbelievable…Un-freaking believable!"
"I told you she couldn't do it," Rogue shook her head.
"Oh she's dead," Althea narrowed her eyes. "One way or another she's dead!"
Next: The aftermath of the party has some bizarre consequences! How bizarre? One couple ends up in a compromising position! But which one? Prepare yourselves for a shock!