A/N - Heh. This started out as a one chapter short story. And then I figured ok, I'll take it a little further and wrap it up in 2 or 3 tops. As I post 4 and work at home on wrapping up 5 uh, it'll be done by 6 or 7. Tops :)
Thank you wonderful reviewers for the encouragement! Thank you Fairy Roses, AmberJupiter, oOo The Skittle Queen oOo, SpikesDreamer, grey-skies3228, Boogie, Ilovebuffythevampireslayerandharrypotter, tigerlily727, avchocaholic and Queen of Duct Tape!
4
"So, if we talk Hagrid out of the centaur hairs…"
"And spell the exploding chocolate…"
"And time it just right with the inflatable…"
"Fred!"
The twins looked up from their plotting to see their younger brother stalking towards them in what appeared to be a murderous rage. Rather unconcerned, they looked past him and saw Harry a few steps behind, a look of worry peering out beneath his shock of messy hair.
Exchanging a swift glance the twins straightened up, Fred tapping the paper he'd been listing ingredients on with his wand. Muttering "Polly wants a butterbeer" he stuffed the paper now sporting a badly spelled essay on the eighteenth goblin war into his pocket. Turning, he grimaced at the approaching Ron. "What d'you want?" he asked, irritated at the interruption. He and George had just been getting to the heart of the 'Hermione Will Be Mine' plan and Fred hated having the creative process interrupted.
Reaching them Ron reached into his robes and pulled his wand out brandishing it angrily at Fred. "Who d'you think you are pulling a prank like that on Hermione?" Outrage shone on his young face. The walk over had only increased his ire as he had time to relive the many occasions in his life Fred and George had pranked him and gotten him into trouble. And this time they'd pranked Hermione! And he'd still ended up in trouble!
At the mention of Hermione's name Fred blinked once in surprise before a lazy smile found its way across his mobile face, his eyes lighting with wicked glee. Oh, now this was just too good a chance to pass up. Tweaking Ron was like a sacred duty, really. It was in the older brother handbook, paragraph thirty-seven, sub-section c.
Leaning back nonchalantly against the corridor wall Fred eyed the wand his brother was brandishing so angrily but he wasn't really concerned. The day he, Frederick Theodopholus Weasley, couldn't out-curse his little brother…well, that would be the day he'd go to work for the Ministry of Magic. As Percy's assistant.
"Pull what prank on Hermione?" he asked innocently. George, meanwhile, was leaning back against the opposite wall with an identical expression of innocent inquiry, perfectly in tune with his twin. The fact that he was out of the line of Ron's wand so that their little brother couldn't curse them both at once wasn't a coincidence. Strategy was everything after all. In love, in war and most definitely in pranking.
"You know what prank you git!" Ron returned furiously. "You asked Hermione out on a date!"
"Well, yeah," Fred answered, eyes wide with just the right hint of surprised sincerity. "I've been meaning to ask her all year you know. Swell girl is our Hermione. Brilliant brain. Cute as a button." Fred paused, distracted for a second about just why it was that he did like Hermione Granger so much. "Girl's got the sweetest smile really, a little bashful around the edge y'know?" He mused, almost to himself now. "And it's cute the way she studies all the time and the way she wrinkles her nose when she's trying to solve a really thorny problem and er,…well, uhm" Fred blinked in sudden consternation, cutting himself off. Bloody hell, he'd sounded way too serious there! Even worse he'd bloody been serious. Oy. Being in love was interfering with his game. Fred aimed a furtive glance around. George was looking at him like he was mental, Harry was eyeing him with quiet speculation and Ron looked like he was actually starting to bloody think.
Well, when in trouble, redirect. "Why Ron." He straightened up as if a new insight had just struck him. "You're not mad because you've got plans for her yourself are you?"
"What?" Ron jolted, taken aback for a brief moment. Recovering, he tried and failed to stop a crimson blush that Fred's words caused to sweep up his neck and face. "No! Hermione's my friend and I'm looking out for her."
Fred and George looked at each other.
"I dunno, he looks kind of jealous to me," Fred mused.
"Y'know, I think you're right brother. There's a definite tinge of green there in his beady eyes," George agreed.
They looked at Harry in tandem. "What d'you think Harry? Does our wittle Ron have a secret throbbing love for Hermione?"
Harry couldn't resist a small grin at Fred and George's baiting. Ron did look pretty funny as he stood rooted to the spot, sputtering out heated denials and protests. But still, he needed to head this off. Best mate and all. Biting back the grin, he tried for a serious look. "C'mon Fred," he smiled seriously at Fred. Or at least to the twin currently responding to the name Fred. "Ron just wants to make sure you were serious about asking Hermione out. You were serious, weren't you." It was a statement rather than a question as Harry studied the lanky red-head intently. "It wasn't a joke."
Seeing that Ron was still sputtering out denials Fred sent Harry a quick wink and grin but didn't answer, instead turning his attention back to Ron. "There, y'see Ron," Fred let out in a wounded voice. "Harry believes us. Harry knows my love is sincere. But you, our own brother come to us with skepticism in your tiny heart. That hurts it does." Fred frowned at Ron seriously. "And I ain't giving her up just because you're in love with her too."
"You could fight for her," George offered helpfully.
"Well, yeah," Fred nodded consideringly. "We could. Duel it out like the manly men we are. Or I am, anyways. Of course I'd hate to have to explain to Mum how little Ron got killed and all but…"
"I am not in love with Hermione Granger!"
Ron, having finally found his voice again, bellowed his outraged protest, his words echoing up and down the long hall.
Fred and George and even Harry looked at Ron with interest.
"Methinks he doth protest a bit much," George whispered rather loudly to Fred.
"Now, now George," Fred whispered back solemnly. "You mustn't doubt our brother. He's blood and all. If he says he's not in love with Hermione then he's not in love with Hermione."
"Yes, exactly! I'm not!" Ron latched on to Fred's comment eagerly, relieved that they could possibly leave this embarrassing turn of conversation behind. How had this become about him anyway?
"So," Fred went on. "If Ron's not in love with Hermione then he can't really object to my dating her now can he?"
"S'true, he really can't." George agreed. "Well…" George paused, considering. "Unless he thinks you're not good enough for the dear girl."
Fred's face became extremely offended. "What d'you mean he doesn't think I'm good enough for her?" He shot Ron a nasty glare. "Here now, who do you think you are judging me like that? Your own brother not good enough for one of your mates? That hurts it does Ronald."
"No! No, I don't think you're not good enough for her," Ron blinked rapidly, dimly aware that he had lost control of the conversation but desperately unaware of how to get it back. "I think that…"
"Well good then!" Fred beamed congenially at him and walked forward to give Ron a friendly pat on the shoulder. "I'm glad you've come around, Ron, old boy. After all, family should stand by each other. Ain't that right George?"
"Wait but I…"
"That's right Fred!" George came up as well, giving Ron a hearty whack of camaraderie on the back. "I tell you little brother, I was getting right worried for a minute there that you were starting to take after Percy." He walked past Ron but turned backwards, facing him and Harry. "But you've set our minds at ease, you have."
"Yeah, you've set our minds at ease," Fred agreed firmly, matching his brother step for step.
"And I'm sure we can count on both of you to put in a good word for old Fred here," George went on wagging a finger at the two boys.
"A good word…" Ron parroted faintly. "But…but you…"
"I tell you George, it's really heartening to know that I can count on my brothers in my time of need." Fred said sincerely.
"But..but I…"
"Aw Fred, that's what family's for." George punched Fred lightly in the arm before tossing a friendly wave at the two fifth years who stood watching them, Ron with his mouth gaping open like a fish and Harry with his mouth clamped shut as if fighting back either a fit of laughter or possibly, but less likely, vomit.
The twins started off down the hallway. Casting a quick look back Fred smiled a friendly smile back at the boys and waved. "See you blokes at dinner, alright then?" And they were off.
Ron watched them round the hall corner and continued to stare at the spot they had disappeared around for a rather long time. Finally, just as Harry was getting concerned that Ron was in shock or something his best friend turned to look at him, an expression of baffled realization on his face.
"Y'know Harry," Ron said slowly, "I think under all that Fred and George speak, that Fred was actually being serious." It was almost too amazing to believe but he had spent his entire life around the twins and now that they weren't there getting under his skin, he could remember the hints of sincerity that had come off of Fred during the conversation. True, Fred was really an excellent liar but still…
"What do you think?" He asked Harry.
Harry stared at Ron in disbelief for a moment. Wasn't that what he, Harry, been saying this whole bloody time?
Finally, manfully resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Harry merely nodded. "Yeah Ron," he solemnly agreed with his best friend. "I think you may be right."
"Huh." Ron frowned thoughtfully. "Fred likes Hermione."
"Yah." Harry agreed eyeing Ron with concern. "Uh, are you okay with it?"
"Well, yeah, if he's serious," Ron answered, considering. "I mean, Fred and George can be bloody wanks but they're solid underneath you know. If Fred really likes her then he'll be good to her."
"Oh, uh, that's great then." Harry smiled in relief. He hadn't actually meant whether Fred was good enough for Hermione. He liked the twins and Hermione was smart enough to be a match for even those two. He'd been more concerned that Ron might be harboring certain feelings of his own about their best friend. He'd certainly acted jealous enough last term when Viktor Krum had been pursuing her. But if Ron was okay with Fred and Hermione then he, Harry, certainly wasn't going to object.
Anyway, Harry smiled in amusement as a sudden thought struck him. "Y'know, Fred is going to have a horrid time convincing Hermione he's really serious about this."
Ron looked at him in surprise for a moment and then a grin slowly dawned across his face as the thought sunk in. It was a very wide and happy grin. "Hey, you're right! This is going to be brilliant!"
Ron chortled in anticipation as he pictured Fred's potential frustration. "It'll be payback for all the times those two have pranked me!" He happily started to consider the different ways he could sabotage Fred's efforts with Hermione. Just a little bit. After all, he didn't want Hermione to be unhappy or anything but, well, if he could just get her to make Fred suffer for a little while. A week maybe. A month tops. He smiled back at Harry in shared anticipation but his smile faded as he took in the strange look on his friend's face.
"What?"
Harry watched the sunny yellow puff of smoke rising merrily from a spot on Ron's shoulder. He watched as another puff of smoke, this one a pure pastel blue, wafted up from behind Ron's head. "Uh, Ron…" he hesitantly pointed at his best friend even as he backed up a cautious step.
"What?" Ron asked again before his own eyes followed the path of Harry's fascinated stare. Said eyes widened in apprehension as Ron took in the yellow and blue smoke rising up above his head. Craning his neck up he saw the yellow and blue clouds swirl together suddenly into a vivid green miniature whirlwind that sat spinning directly over his head. "Oh sh…"
!CRACK!
The gobs of putrid green ooze clung happily to Ron, coating every square inch of his tall figure and, Ron discovered in consternation, even seemed to be finding its way determinedly into his underpants.
Moodily, he turned to look at Harry who appeared to be in danger of choking to death as he valiantly held back laughter, his whole body shaking with the effort.
Sighing in disgust Ron shook his head as Harry gave in to the inevitable and bent over double in a fit of uncontrollable guffaws.
"Dangerous and untrustworthy blokes, Harry." Ron muttered darkly.
Of course it came out more like "Dangewous 'n 'ntwustwudy bwokes, Hawwy." The green ooze was getting in his mouth too.
It tasted like broccoli.