~ Lies17 ~
So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return,
Oh, will I ever learn?
It's never over,
My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles
when I slept so soft against her...
It's never over,
All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear
That hangs inside my soul forever
- Jeff Buckley -
Seth drove back to Summer's house feeling miserable, fearful that he'd just destroyed their friendship. He hadn't known what else to do, though, other than reveal that he knew about her past and hope that she'd want to discuss it. He knew she wouldn't be thrilled that he read her date book, but he didn't expect the reaction he got - complete and instant withdrawal. After all they'd been through, and with the knowledge that she really did care about him, had he killed any chance he had with her? Maybe he should have kept quiet. It was possible that she'd come to trust him anyway someday, but he wanted so badly to help her now. It must be incredibly painful to have all those feelings about her family inside, and not be able to talk to anyone. She was so fearful of caring for someone and having the rug pulled out from under her feet again it was easier to just push everyone away with her bitch persona. For the thousandth time he wished he could go back and tell Anna that Summer was the one he wanted to be with. He'd had a taste of the real Summer when they dated, and now he wanted to see it all. He thought back to glancing up from his book in class once and doing a double take when he caught her paying no attention at all to the teacher, instead watching him with a little smile on her face. He would come up behind her at her locker and her eyes would light up when she saw him. He never got past the urge to glance over his shoulder to find out who she was so happy to see. It didn't seem possible that it was HIM. She was so special, such an amazing mix of personality; it was almost disturbing how deep his feelings ran for her, and how much he longed to be more than a friend to her. How damned much he wanted her to feel the same way about him.
He'd had an idea in the shower of a way he could show his feelings to her, but now he was wondering if that also was a bad idea. The realization finally struck him that this situation was way over his head. Handling an accident and some hospital time was child's play compared to incest and the repercussions years later. He got out his cell phone. "Hey Dad. What's the word on Marissa?"
"Hello Seth. I was just about to call you. She's out of surgery now, and they say it went well. Now we wait for her to wake up."
"Ah yes, the waiting. Something I am much too familiar with. Some good news about Cooper is a welcome change, though. And Ryan?"
"He's sleeping, which is what he needs to do. When he's awake, he's back in brooding mode."
"I was afraid of that. He's blaming himself for the whole thing, isn't he?"
"I don't know, son, he won't talk about it. Why do you say that, anyway?"
"I'll give you a short recap of the weekend. Summer and I each discovered that Marissa has been up to some alarming things of late and is not doing as well as she led everyone to believe. We decided finally to tell Ryan, but circumstances occurred that kept us from doing that until it was too late. Ryan had broken up with her, she lost her slim grasp on sanity, and here we are."
"Oh, no. As if Ryan needs more to deal with. Jimmy is blaming himself, too." Sandy sighed. "I'm gonna be scared to death to ever leave for a weekend again."
"Oh yeah, just so you know, Summer's been sprung from the hospital and we're at her place. So Dad. I need advice. You saw everything horrible parents do to their kids when you were a public defender, right?"
"Unfortunately, I'd have to say yes."
"Ok. What about incest? Is there any technique or common method used to get through to a victim who's still dealing with the aftermath years later?" Seth was hoping he wouldn't ask questions. It wouldn't be right to out Summer as the person he was referring to.
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment. "Seth, I thank you for your confidence in me, but I'm not a shrink."
"I am aware of your occupation, father, and I also know you do a lot more than just defend your clients. Witness my brother Ryan. How do you get through to these kids?"
"Can I ask why you're interested in this?"
"School paper."
"I'm not buying that for that a second, but considering the subject matter I understand your reluctance to tell me. Look, sometimes I didn't reach them; they were too far gone for a non-professional, or just didn't want to be helped. A kid is supposed to be taught HOW to love and express themselves, etc. by BEING loved. That's the first and foremost job of a parent. Any child that's been abused by a parent is going to have trust and communication issues because the learning bond for those things has been broken, if it was ever there to start with. Ryan is the perfect example. He barely spoke when he first got here; it took a long time for him to open up to you at all, and even longer to us. Look at the problems he had telling Marissa he cares about her. He's probably never said those words before in his life other than to pacify his mother in the remorseful cycles of her alcoholism. There is no magic wand you can wave, Seth. You just have to stay close and keep encouraging them to open up. Show them you can be trusted and at some point they'll feel comfortable enough. These are things you probably already knew, but I can't help you beyond that."
"Not all of it. Thanks, Dad. I know I never say it, but you and mom know that I think you're passable, as far as parents go, don't you? I mean, the only thing you're going to scar me for life with is your relentless need to make out all over the house in front of me."
"Well, thanks, kid. But you're gonna have to be scarred, because the making out will continue. Your mom's a hottie, you know."
"Ok Dad? No. Just - just don't. No. Well will you look at that? Summer's house. Gotta go now! See ya!" Seth hung up hearing his father's laughter.
****
He entered the guest suite cautiously, still not sure if he should keep his mouth shut and leave her alone, acting like nothing happened. His other choice was his dad's advice - stay close and keep encouraging talk. The harder, but more logical option was to stick with it. He'd opened Pandora's box; it was his responsibility to see what was inside, not run like a scared kid from it. He left the food on the coffee table, and went to the bed. She appeared to be asleep, so he sat on the side next to her and took her hand. "Summer? Hey, I've got dinner for you."
She turned her head and sighed with her eyes barely open. Seeing him sitting there sent her instantly into a panic. She scrambled back and across the big bed away from him, moaning "Noooooo!" The sudden movement sent pain spiking through her and she collapsed, sobbing and repeating "No. No. No..."
Seth was as panicked as she was. "What the hell? Summer, what is it? Oh Jesus, I scared you. How did I scare you? Did you think -? Oh God, I am such an IDIOT!" Brilliant, Cohen! The girl's struggling with past unwanted sexual advances that most likely occurred in a BED, so what do you do after stirring it all up for her by telling her you know? Sit on the side of her bed while she's asleep and wake her UP! THAT wouldn't remind her of anything, would it, dumbass? He raced around the bed to her, being careful not to touch her. "Summer? It's me. I'm so sorry I frightened you. I didn't mean to. It's Seth - look over here at me. Summer! I AM NOT your FATHER! Look. At. Me. I'm Seth."
She turned her head warily toward him. "S - Seth?"
The expression on her face was like a dagger to the heart. Beyond terrified and utterly betrayed. "Yes, it's me. You're ok. You don't have to be scared." He waited anxiously while she pushed herself slowly to a seated position. As she looked up at him, the panic melted from her eyes. Without words she reached out to him like a child. He sighed in relief then went to her and hugged her as tightly as he could. She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed. Seth was near tears himself. "God, I am so incredibly sorry, sweetheart. I never meant to scare you like that. Shhh, baby. It's ok. You're ok now." He rocked her until she stopped crying, then pulled away a little to look at her. "Are you all right now? Do you still hurt anywhere?" She tugged on his shirt and pulled him back against her. "Ok" was muffled against his shoulder, and he rested his cheek on top of her head.
After a while, he checked his watch. Reaching over to the nightstand, he grabbed her instruction sheet from the hospital and read while holding it over her shoulder. "It's time for your pills, and that means you have to eat first. The pain medication will help you relax. I'll be right back; I brought home dinner."
He returned to the bed with the food, and she shook her head. "You have to eat something. Your meds will make you sick if you take them on an empty stomach." She shook her head again. He got a fork full of chicken and held it out to her. "Come on, Summer, you have to. Just a little." She reluctantly took a bite, and he fed her a few more.
After giving her the medication, he built up the fire, then took off his shoes and got on the bed, leaning on the headboard. He patted a spot between his knees and she settled there with her back against his chest. His arms slid around her. "We can watch the sunset."
He was a bit concerned that she wasn't speaking, but he didn't want to push anything as long as she wasn't trying to throw him out again. Maybe talking was just too much for her after he'd scared her into another trauma. He began talking softly to her. He told her again how much he wanted to help her, how he wished she could trust him and talk to him, and how he'd always be there for her as her friend. He went into detail about places he'd always wanted to take her, Playstation games he could teach her; concerts and movies they would see when she felt better. The sun was long gone when he stopped. "Are you asleep?"
She shook her head.
"Ok. So." He reached into a pocket and brought out a tiny box. "I got you a present. I tried to find something that will remind you of how much I care about you whenever you look at it. It had to say "Summer" in a big way, and this - well, this is what I found. I hope you like it." He opened the box and passed it over her shoulder, getting increasingly nervous. Inside was a ring with a sizeable diamond bezel-set into the band, and a smaller stone on each side. "I know it looks kind of like an engagement ring, the saleslady even asked if it was, but I told her it was a friendship ring for an amazing girl, because we're like, only seventeen, and the clincher being that you're uh - not my girlfriend. Oh, and don't be thinking this is a bribe of some sort to BE the afore-mentioned girlfriend, because it's so not. Whatever happens, that's your ring. Do you like it? Because I'm actually pretty damned nervous right now, and I'll most likely either keep talking or pass out unless you tell me if I got at least a B- in 'Jewelry for Chicks 101'.
She nodded, and he saw her raise a knuckle to her eye.
He slid around partly beside her. "Summer, don't cry. It doesn't matter if you don't like it, you can exchange it."
She shook her head as tears slipped down.
"You do like it?"
She closed her eyes and nodded, wiping more tears away.
"Then why are you -? Oh hey! Is that the happy and/or moved cry?"
She nodded and leaned to the side, against him again.
"That's uh - that's awesome, because I was really starting to sweat it there. Ok. Cool. You like it. Fantastic. Let's see if it fits; I had to guess your size." He removed it from the box, and held it up in front of her. "I had it engraved inside, too. Can you see it?"
She took the ring from him and turned it around until the engraving was visible. One side read "Trust" and the other "Honesty". She caught his eyes with a touched, disbelieving gaze and then kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you," she whispered.
He smiled shyly. "The pleasure is all mine, my friend. Does it fit?"
She slid it on her finger and held up her hand so he could see it.
"Cool. I knew it would look perfect on you as soon as I saw it in the case." He moved around behind her again. "Is this ok, or would you feel better if you were lying down?"
She shook her head and settled back against him again. They watched the moonlight play on the water down below while the fire popped and crackled nearby.
****
The fire had burned down to embers and Seth was dozing, too comfortable to move and sure she was asleep.
"I was so little when it started that as I grew up I didn't realize it wasn't something ALL fathers did to their little girls. Not for years. I just knew it was wrong." She was speaking in a soft voice, hesitantly.
He opened his eyes, already troubled by her words, but determined to put aside his own feelings and listen.
"Seth?" She sounded so frightened, so unsure.
His arms were already around her, and he hugged her gently against his chest. "I'm here, honey. I'm listening."
"I don't remember much about my mom, just the feeling that she didn't like me. She resented me. I guess I was either an unwanted accident, or I didn't fit the pretty picture she had in her head of what babies would be like."
Seth gritted his teeth at the thought of Summer spending the last ten or so years lying awake at night wondering why her mom didn't want her and had decided to abandoned her.
"When Daddy did - stuff, he always told me it was because he loved me so much he couldn't help it. I was too pretty, or sweet, or adorable to NOT. I was his little angel; and he wanted to show me. It was just touching at first, and then as I got bigger, it was - more. It was so - awful, but I wanted him to love me, you know?"
As he caught the implication of her words, his head started to reel. "Summer, my god. You don't have to explain or justify wanting one of your parents to love you. You were a little tiny girl abandoned by one and horrendously taken advantage of by the other. Their actions are inexcusable. YOU did nothing wrong. You know that, right?" He leaned around her to see her face, but she turned her head away from him.
"I can't - don't look at me."
Seth shook his head and slid out from behind her, moving around to sit facing her on the bed. "You're not doing that either." She dropped her head and looked down so he couldn't see her. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him. "Do you know what I see when I look at you right now? I see the very same smart, witty, sweet, sassy, gorgeous girl that I saw a week ago, before I knew about your past. Nothing about you has changed for me and I don't think about you any differently. Don't you ever hide your face from me or anyone else. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Do you understand me?"
She stared at him for a second, then closed her eyes and took in a sharp breath, about to cry.
He let go of her chin and hugged her. "I'm not mad at you, Summer. It just upsets me that you think of yourself this way. I wish you saw the same girl I do."
She swallowed and nodded. "I've been to counseling, and everything you're saying is what they said too. It's like, deep down, I know it's true, but it just can't get to the surface where I can feel it."
He pulled away and watched as she fought to not look away from him. "That's because of your father. He didn't want you to know that what he was doing was wrong, so he implied it was your fault until it became fact for you."
Her gaze finally leveled on his face. "I was scared to tell you. I wanted to tell you why being with you was so hard, and I even tried, but I couldn't. I know you said I could talk to you about anything, but this is so - huge and awful. I mean, it's not like telling you another guy asked me out and I want to go. I was sure you'd find me - disgusting, or just stick around out of pity."
He smiled sadly. "Were you scared to tell me that right now?"
She nodded.
"Good. We're making progress. For the record, from the top of your head to your horsy pajamas and on down to those cute toes, you could never be disgusting to me, and why would I pity someone as strong as you? You've raised yourself remarkably well, and appear to the rest of the world like a typical Newport girl. I would never have known what you've overcome if I hadn't somehow finally gotten on your radar, and for some unexplainable reason, you liked me back. I feel horrible that this happened to you, but there's no need for pity."
She looked down at the bed. "You're saying all the right things."
"No kidding? Cuz that would be a first for me. We'll have to write this on the calendar: 'Seth said all the right things'. Then the next time I piss you off, I can point to this date and argue my case a little better."
She gave him a little laugh.
"Finally! Laughter. But you look incredibly tired. Do you want to lie down? We can still talk, I just think you'd be more comfortable."
She nodded. "Which side of the bed do you want?"
Seth stared at her blankly. "The -the -the side? I was going to - " he pointed to the couch.
"No. You're not. We're going to talk until we fall asleep. You've been up since what - Friday? - with nothing but a couple of naps and you ARE going to sleep in a comfortable bed." She looked across it. "A car hit me and I'm hurt, and you can deny me nothing right now. So which side, Cohen?"
"Good Lord, am I that easy to see through? You KNOW that I can't tell you no?" He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. "I'm a disgrace to men. That's it. It's over; I can't be seen in public ever again. Everyone knows. Everyone knows that I'm whipped by a girl who's not even my girlfriend." He fell backward onto the bed, covering his eyes with his arm.
She crawled under the covers next to him. "I'm assuming that's the side you want, drama boy. It doesn't mean you're whipped, Seth, it means you have a big heart. You'd do the same thing for anyone."
He pulled his arm off of his eyes and turned his head on the pillow to look at her. "Is that what you really think?"
"Well yeah. You've never had a problem putting me in my place, so if you're whipped by anyone, it certainly isn't me."
He looked up at the ceiling. "Whew! Good to know. But I was talking about the other thing, actually."
"No way. You're stuck with that side of the bed now."
"Keep up with me, Roberts. The OTHER other thing. I would NOT do this for anyone. I might help them out, but not to this extent. You are my friend, and you are special. Now. Regarding this side of the bed." He raised his head to look around. "You mean this acre of bed, don't you? I've never seen such a huge bed. If you get lost in the middle of the night, just scream and when I finally hear your distant voice I'll guide you back to safety."
She giggled. "Maybe we should each have a flashlight so we can signal each other."
"Another brilliant idea."
"Seth, it IS the middle of the night."
"Oh yeah." He turned to look at her again. "Are you lost, little girl?"
She looked over at him with a smile. "I might be. Can you help me?"
He rolled his eyes at her. "Do you have to ask after the past few days?"
"Just checking. You might be sick of helping me."
"Not gonna happen, foolish girl."
"Good. Then you need to go get some PJ's out of the dresser, change, and come back to bed."
It took him a full thirty seconds to get past the thrill of hearing her say "come back to bed". "There are pajamas here that will fit me?"
"Seth, there are pajamas here that will fit half the town. We stock all sizes. You never know which of my dad's friends or business people will blow through and need a place to stay."
"Yes. Because it's good to be - prepared. For half the town. But first I need to ask a question."
"What?"
"Did another guy really ask you out and you want to go, or was that just an analogy to fit the conversation?"
"What? Oh. That was a half hour ago, Cohen!"
"And the timing of the question is important because...?"
"Because it should be gone from your mind by now. I think I'll let you suffer awhile. Go get ready for bed."
"Brat."
"Jealous."
"Hardly."
"Liar. What happened to honesty?"
He swallowed. "You want the truth?"
"Always."
"Ok, then. The thought of you with someone else makes me sick to my stomach. I would also have much need to kick his ass all over Newport, but I'd probably have to get Ryan involved there, cuz I'm not much with the ass- kickings. Except on Playstation, of course. I just really can't think of anyone that's good enough for you. But that hardly makes me jealous. Just protective. You know."
She nodded. " Right. Uh huh. Go get ready for bed. Hurry up."
****
So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return,
Oh, will I ever learn?
It's never over,
My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles
when I slept so soft against her...
It's never over,
All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear
That hangs inside my soul forever
- Jeff Buckley -
Seth drove back to Summer's house feeling miserable, fearful that he'd just destroyed their friendship. He hadn't known what else to do, though, other than reveal that he knew about her past and hope that she'd want to discuss it. He knew she wouldn't be thrilled that he read her date book, but he didn't expect the reaction he got - complete and instant withdrawal. After all they'd been through, and with the knowledge that she really did care about him, had he killed any chance he had with her? Maybe he should have kept quiet. It was possible that she'd come to trust him anyway someday, but he wanted so badly to help her now. It must be incredibly painful to have all those feelings about her family inside, and not be able to talk to anyone. She was so fearful of caring for someone and having the rug pulled out from under her feet again it was easier to just push everyone away with her bitch persona. For the thousandth time he wished he could go back and tell Anna that Summer was the one he wanted to be with. He'd had a taste of the real Summer when they dated, and now he wanted to see it all. He thought back to glancing up from his book in class once and doing a double take when he caught her paying no attention at all to the teacher, instead watching him with a little smile on her face. He would come up behind her at her locker and her eyes would light up when she saw him. He never got past the urge to glance over his shoulder to find out who she was so happy to see. It didn't seem possible that it was HIM. She was so special, such an amazing mix of personality; it was almost disturbing how deep his feelings ran for her, and how much he longed to be more than a friend to her. How damned much he wanted her to feel the same way about him.
He'd had an idea in the shower of a way he could show his feelings to her, but now he was wondering if that also was a bad idea. The realization finally struck him that this situation was way over his head. Handling an accident and some hospital time was child's play compared to incest and the repercussions years later. He got out his cell phone. "Hey Dad. What's the word on Marissa?"
"Hello Seth. I was just about to call you. She's out of surgery now, and they say it went well. Now we wait for her to wake up."
"Ah yes, the waiting. Something I am much too familiar with. Some good news about Cooper is a welcome change, though. And Ryan?"
"He's sleeping, which is what he needs to do. When he's awake, he's back in brooding mode."
"I was afraid of that. He's blaming himself for the whole thing, isn't he?"
"I don't know, son, he won't talk about it. Why do you say that, anyway?"
"I'll give you a short recap of the weekend. Summer and I each discovered that Marissa has been up to some alarming things of late and is not doing as well as she led everyone to believe. We decided finally to tell Ryan, but circumstances occurred that kept us from doing that until it was too late. Ryan had broken up with her, she lost her slim grasp on sanity, and here we are."
"Oh, no. As if Ryan needs more to deal with. Jimmy is blaming himself, too." Sandy sighed. "I'm gonna be scared to death to ever leave for a weekend again."
"Oh yeah, just so you know, Summer's been sprung from the hospital and we're at her place. So Dad. I need advice. You saw everything horrible parents do to their kids when you were a public defender, right?"
"Unfortunately, I'd have to say yes."
"Ok. What about incest? Is there any technique or common method used to get through to a victim who's still dealing with the aftermath years later?" Seth was hoping he wouldn't ask questions. It wouldn't be right to out Summer as the person he was referring to.
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment. "Seth, I thank you for your confidence in me, but I'm not a shrink."
"I am aware of your occupation, father, and I also know you do a lot more than just defend your clients. Witness my brother Ryan. How do you get through to these kids?"
"Can I ask why you're interested in this?"
"School paper."
"I'm not buying that for that a second, but considering the subject matter I understand your reluctance to tell me. Look, sometimes I didn't reach them; they were too far gone for a non-professional, or just didn't want to be helped. A kid is supposed to be taught HOW to love and express themselves, etc. by BEING loved. That's the first and foremost job of a parent. Any child that's been abused by a parent is going to have trust and communication issues because the learning bond for those things has been broken, if it was ever there to start with. Ryan is the perfect example. He barely spoke when he first got here; it took a long time for him to open up to you at all, and even longer to us. Look at the problems he had telling Marissa he cares about her. He's probably never said those words before in his life other than to pacify his mother in the remorseful cycles of her alcoholism. There is no magic wand you can wave, Seth. You just have to stay close and keep encouraging them to open up. Show them you can be trusted and at some point they'll feel comfortable enough. These are things you probably already knew, but I can't help you beyond that."
"Not all of it. Thanks, Dad. I know I never say it, but you and mom know that I think you're passable, as far as parents go, don't you? I mean, the only thing you're going to scar me for life with is your relentless need to make out all over the house in front of me."
"Well, thanks, kid. But you're gonna have to be scarred, because the making out will continue. Your mom's a hottie, you know."
"Ok Dad? No. Just - just don't. No. Well will you look at that? Summer's house. Gotta go now! See ya!" Seth hung up hearing his father's laughter.
****
He entered the guest suite cautiously, still not sure if he should keep his mouth shut and leave her alone, acting like nothing happened. His other choice was his dad's advice - stay close and keep encouraging talk. The harder, but more logical option was to stick with it. He'd opened Pandora's box; it was his responsibility to see what was inside, not run like a scared kid from it. He left the food on the coffee table, and went to the bed. She appeared to be asleep, so he sat on the side next to her and took her hand. "Summer? Hey, I've got dinner for you."
She turned her head and sighed with her eyes barely open. Seeing him sitting there sent her instantly into a panic. She scrambled back and across the big bed away from him, moaning "Noooooo!" The sudden movement sent pain spiking through her and she collapsed, sobbing and repeating "No. No. No..."
Seth was as panicked as she was. "What the hell? Summer, what is it? Oh Jesus, I scared you. How did I scare you? Did you think -? Oh God, I am such an IDIOT!" Brilliant, Cohen! The girl's struggling with past unwanted sexual advances that most likely occurred in a BED, so what do you do after stirring it all up for her by telling her you know? Sit on the side of her bed while she's asleep and wake her UP! THAT wouldn't remind her of anything, would it, dumbass? He raced around the bed to her, being careful not to touch her. "Summer? It's me. I'm so sorry I frightened you. I didn't mean to. It's Seth - look over here at me. Summer! I AM NOT your FATHER! Look. At. Me. I'm Seth."
She turned her head warily toward him. "S - Seth?"
The expression on her face was like a dagger to the heart. Beyond terrified and utterly betrayed. "Yes, it's me. You're ok. You don't have to be scared." He waited anxiously while she pushed herself slowly to a seated position. As she looked up at him, the panic melted from her eyes. Without words she reached out to him like a child. He sighed in relief then went to her and hugged her as tightly as he could. She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed. Seth was near tears himself. "God, I am so incredibly sorry, sweetheart. I never meant to scare you like that. Shhh, baby. It's ok. You're ok now." He rocked her until she stopped crying, then pulled away a little to look at her. "Are you all right now? Do you still hurt anywhere?" She tugged on his shirt and pulled him back against her. "Ok" was muffled against his shoulder, and he rested his cheek on top of her head.
After a while, he checked his watch. Reaching over to the nightstand, he grabbed her instruction sheet from the hospital and read while holding it over her shoulder. "It's time for your pills, and that means you have to eat first. The pain medication will help you relax. I'll be right back; I brought home dinner."
He returned to the bed with the food, and she shook her head. "You have to eat something. Your meds will make you sick if you take them on an empty stomach." She shook her head again. He got a fork full of chicken and held it out to her. "Come on, Summer, you have to. Just a little." She reluctantly took a bite, and he fed her a few more.
After giving her the medication, he built up the fire, then took off his shoes and got on the bed, leaning on the headboard. He patted a spot between his knees and she settled there with her back against his chest. His arms slid around her. "We can watch the sunset."
He was a bit concerned that she wasn't speaking, but he didn't want to push anything as long as she wasn't trying to throw him out again. Maybe talking was just too much for her after he'd scared her into another trauma. He began talking softly to her. He told her again how much he wanted to help her, how he wished she could trust him and talk to him, and how he'd always be there for her as her friend. He went into detail about places he'd always wanted to take her, Playstation games he could teach her; concerts and movies they would see when she felt better. The sun was long gone when he stopped. "Are you asleep?"
She shook her head.
"Ok. So." He reached into a pocket and brought out a tiny box. "I got you a present. I tried to find something that will remind you of how much I care about you whenever you look at it. It had to say "Summer" in a big way, and this - well, this is what I found. I hope you like it." He opened the box and passed it over her shoulder, getting increasingly nervous. Inside was a ring with a sizeable diamond bezel-set into the band, and a smaller stone on each side. "I know it looks kind of like an engagement ring, the saleslady even asked if it was, but I told her it was a friendship ring for an amazing girl, because we're like, only seventeen, and the clincher being that you're uh - not my girlfriend. Oh, and don't be thinking this is a bribe of some sort to BE the afore-mentioned girlfriend, because it's so not. Whatever happens, that's your ring. Do you like it? Because I'm actually pretty damned nervous right now, and I'll most likely either keep talking or pass out unless you tell me if I got at least a B- in 'Jewelry for Chicks 101'.
She nodded, and he saw her raise a knuckle to her eye.
He slid around partly beside her. "Summer, don't cry. It doesn't matter if you don't like it, you can exchange it."
She shook her head as tears slipped down.
"You do like it?"
She closed her eyes and nodded, wiping more tears away.
"Then why are you -? Oh hey! Is that the happy and/or moved cry?"
She nodded and leaned to the side, against him again.
"That's uh - that's awesome, because I was really starting to sweat it there. Ok. Cool. You like it. Fantastic. Let's see if it fits; I had to guess your size." He removed it from the box, and held it up in front of her. "I had it engraved inside, too. Can you see it?"
She took the ring from him and turned it around until the engraving was visible. One side read "Trust" and the other "Honesty". She caught his eyes with a touched, disbelieving gaze and then kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you," she whispered.
He smiled shyly. "The pleasure is all mine, my friend. Does it fit?"
She slid it on her finger and held up her hand so he could see it.
"Cool. I knew it would look perfect on you as soon as I saw it in the case." He moved around behind her again. "Is this ok, or would you feel better if you were lying down?"
She shook her head and settled back against him again. They watched the moonlight play on the water down below while the fire popped and crackled nearby.
****
The fire had burned down to embers and Seth was dozing, too comfortable to move and sure she was asleep.
"I was so little when it started that as I grew up I didn't realize it wasn't something ALL fathers did to their little girls. Not for years. I just knew it was wrong." She was speaking in a soft voice, hesitantly.
He opened his eyes, already troubled by her words, but determined to put aside his own feelings and listen.
"Seth?" She sounded so frightened, so unsure.
His arms were already around her, and he hugged her gently against his chest. "I'm here, honey. I'm listening."
"I don't remember much about my mom, just the feeling that she didn't like me. She resented me. I guess I was either an unwanted accident, or I didn't fit the pretty picture she had in her head of what babies would be like."
Seth gritted his teeth at the thought of Summer spending the last ten or so years lying awake at night wondering why her mom didn't want her and had decided to abandoned her.
"When Daddy did - stuff, he always told me it was because he loved me so much he couldn't help it. I was too pretty, or sweet, or adorable to NOT. I was his little angel; and he wanted to show me. It was just touching at first, and then as I got bigger, it was - more. It was so - awful, but I wanted him to love me, you know?"
As he caught the implication of her words, his head started to reel. "Summer, my god. You don't have to explain or justify wanting one of your parents to love you. You were a little tiny girl abandoned by one and horrendously taken advantage of by the other. Their actions are inexcusable. YOU did nothing wrong. You know that, right?" He leaned around her to see her face, but she turned her head away from him.
"I can't - don't look at me."
Seth shook his head and slid out from behind her, moving around to sit facing her on the bed. "You're not doing that either." She dropped her head and looked down so he couldn't see her. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him. "Do you know what I see when I look at you right now? I see the very same smart, witty, sweet, sassy, gorgeous girl that I saw a week ago, before I knew about your past. Nothing about you has changed for me and I don't think about you any differently. Don't you ever hide your face from me or anyone else. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Do you understand me?"
She stared at him for a second, then closed her eyes and took in a sharp breath, about to cry.
He let go of her chin and hugged her. "I'm not mad at you, Summer. It just upsets me that you think of yourself this way. I wish you saw the same girl I do."
She swallowed and nodded. "I've been to counseling, and everything you're saying is what they said too. It's like, deep down, I know it's true, but it just can't get to the surface where I can feel it."
He pulled away and watched as she fought to not look away from him. "That's because of your father. He didn't want you to know that what he was doing was wrong, so he implied it was your fault until it became fact for you."
Her gaze finally leveled on his face. "I was scared to tell you. I wanted to tell you why being with you was so hard, and I even tried, but I couldn't. I know you said I could talk to you about anything, but this is so - huge and awful. I mean, it's not like telling you another guy asked me out and I want to go. I was sure you'd find me - disgusting, or just stick around out of pity."
He smiled sadly. "Were you scared to tell me that right now?"
She nodded.
"Good. We're making progress. For the record, from the top of your head to your horsy pajamas and on down to those cute toes, you could never be disgusting to me, and why would I pity someone as strong as you? You've raised yourself remarkably well, and appear to the rest of the world like a typical Newport girl. I would never have known what you've overcome if I hadn't somehow finally gotten on your radar, and for some unexplainable reason, you liked me back. I feel horrible that this happened to you, but there's no need for pity."
She looked down at the bed. "You're saying all the right things."
"No kidding? Cuz that would be a first for me. We'll have to write this on the calendar: 'Seth said all the right things'. Then the next time I piss you off, I can point to this date and argue my case a little better."
She gave him a little laugh.
"Finally! Laughter. But you look incredibly tired. Do you want to lie down? We can still talk, I just think you'd be more comfortable."
She nodded. "Which side of the bed do you want?"
Seth stared at her blankly. "The -the -the side? I was going to - " he pointed to the couch.
"No. You're not. We're going to talk until we fall asleep. You've been up since what - Friday? - with nothing but a couple of naps and you ARE going to sleep in a comfortable bed." She looked across it. "A car hit me and I'm hurt, and you can deny me nothing right now. So which side, Cohen?"
"Good Lord, am I that easy to see through? You KNOW that I can't tell you no?" He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. "I'm a disgrace to men. That's it. It's over; I can't be seen in public ever again. Everyone knows. Everyone knows that I'm whipped by a girl who's not even my girlfriend." He fell backward onto the bed, covering his eyes with his arm.
She crawled under the covers next to him. "I'm assuming that's the side you want, drama boy. It doesn't mean you're whipped, Seth, it means you have a big heart. You'd do the same thing for anyone."
He pulled his arm off of his eyes and turned his head on the pillow to look at her. "Is that what you really think?"
"Well yeah. You've never had a problem putting me in my place, so if you're whipped by anyone, it certainly isn't me."
He looked up at the ceiling. "Whew! Good to know. But I was talking about the other thing, actually."
"No way. You're stuck with that side of the bed now."
"Keep up with me, Roberts. The OTHER other thing. I would NOT do this for anyone. I might help them out, but not to this extent. You are my friend, and you are special. Now. Regarding this side of the bed." He raised his head to look around. "You mean this acre of bed, don't you? I've never seen such a huge bed. If you get lost in the middle of the night, just scream and when I finally hear your distant voice I'll guide you back to safety."
She giggled. "Maybe we should each have a flashlight so we can signal each other."
"Another brilliant idea."
"Seth, it IS the middle of the night."
"Oh yeah." He turned to look at her again. "Are you lost, little girl?"
She looked over at him with a smile. "I might be. Can you help me?"
He rolled his eyes at her. "Do you have to ask after the past few days?"
"Just checking. You might be sick of helping me."
"Not gonna happen, foolish girl."
"Good. Then you need to go get some PJ's out of the dresser, change, and come back to bed."
It took him a full thirty seconds to get past the thrill of hearing her say "come back to bed". "There are pajamas here that will fit me?"
"Seth, there are pajamas here that will fit half the town. We stock all sizes. You never know which of my dad's friends or business people will blow through and need a place to stay."
"Yes. Because it's good to be - prepared. For half the town. But first I need to ask a question."
"What?"
"Did another guy really ask you out and you want to go, or was that just an analogy to fit the conversation?"
"What? Oh. That was a half hour ago, Cohen!"
"And the timing of the question is important because...?"
"Because it should be gone from your mind by now. I think I'll let you suffer awhile. Go get ready for bed."
"Brat."
"Jealous."
"Hardly."
"Liar. What happened to honesty?"
He swallowed. "You want the truth?"
"Always."
"Ok, then. The thought of you with someone else makes me sick to my stomach. I would also have much need to kick his ass all over Newport, but I'd probably have to get Ryan involved there, cuz I'm not much with the ass- kickings. Except on Playstation, of course. I just really can't think of anyone that's good enough for you. But that hardly makes me jealous. Just protective. You know."
She nodded. " Right. Uh huh. Go get ready for bed. Hurry up."
****