A/N - I just wanted to say thanks again to you awesome reviewers out there! You make me want to keep on writing! Thank you Mooony, Boogie, SpikesDreamer, Southern Charm83, tigerlily727, Lennexa, Tera Earth, Pauly-85, innocence, Triste1, prettybeka, AmberJupiter, oOo The Skittle Queen oOo, Lily Evans Potter Black Lupin, crystalwish, Magicalflame, little mimi, Maiyuko-chan, and avchocaholic (wow, try saying that all in one breath).
I think I'm really close to wrapping this up! The next chapter may be the last if I can fit it all in.
6
Hermione watched with disbelieving eyes the drama unfolding at the head table. No. Oh no, no, no, no! Her heart stuttered like a cornered rabbit about to become a meal. No, this just couldn't be happening!
How had the blasted spell gotten sent to the head table? She tried to swallow down the panic that threatened to overtake her. It had been meant for Ron and the twins. Dobby had promised he'd get it to the right goblets. He'd promised! Oh, she was going to be expelled, Hermione thought, unable to tamp down the rising hysteria bubbling up in her throat. She was never going to get a chance to take her beloved OWLS. She was never going to graduate at the top of her class. She was going to be sent home in utter disgrace!
The rest of the hall was exploding into utter pandemonium with outbreaks of laughter and shrieks of hilarity going off like links in a pack of firecrackers, getting louder and louder and accompanied by pointing and, in a few cases, actual rolling in the aisles as the students took in the bespelled staff.
Ron was completely beside himself with laughter, unable to speak at all, instead reduced to pointing weakly at the horrified Snape who had grabbed the edge of the tablecloth before him and was frantically pulling it up in an attempt to cover his bikini clad figure while jabbing his wand wildly with the other hand, muttering frantic spell after spell to try and counter the effects.
Harry was also doubled over with laughter at the sight although he seemed to be trying to muffle it somewhat out of respect for Professor Dumbledore. The humor of the situation, however, seemed to be winning.
Besides Hermione and the professors, Fred and George may have been the only ones in the entire hall who weren't overcome with laughter. Instead the twins watched the scene unfolding at the head table with mouths agape, overcome with professional respect and not a little professional jealousy that they hadn't been the ones to pull this off. They also watched Hermione watch the head table, taking in the expression of utmost horror currently decorating her pale face.
"It's just not possible." Fred murmured, eyebrows raising in disbelief.
"She just wouldn't have," George protested weakly, head moving rapidly back and forth to look between the girl and the head table.
They both watched the guilt and panic bloom, sitting side by side with the horror.
"She did," they both whispered in awe.
"Fred," George's eyes were wide as saucers as he took in the beautiful chaos surrounding them.
"What?" Fred responded distractedly.
"I think I'm in love," George whispered fervently, staring at the feminine source of the pandemonium.
This caught Fred's full attention. Turning he frowned at George. "I saw her first," he responded firmly. His gaze was drawn back to the girl of his dreams unable to stop a somewhat goofy smile from forming. This girl was soo perfect for him.
"Fred," George whispered again.
"What?"
"We have got to get that woman to work for us."
Dumbledore watched with bemused interest as he waved his now petite little hands back and forth, waggling the small fingers. A most intriguing bit of magic, really. Elements of the polyjuice potion but combined most cunningly with a combination of several charm spells and, if he was not mistaken, and he did not think he was, a rather ingenious addition of the Bazzmodus enchantment. He wondered curiously whether the likeable scoundrels, Fred and George Weasley, were behind this current escapade. Certainly the two were devoted enough to their art and perhaps even clever enough to have engineered this event. Although, in his opinion, this was a bit advanced for those two even as clever as they were. Still, with enough planning and diligent experimentation, he supposed they could indeed have managed to pull off just such a feat.
Ah well, it was perhaps time to restore some order to the evening. Pulling out his wand from where it was currently tucked into his belly dancing skirt, Dumbledore let his mind slowly focus around the different components of the spell and, once he felt his mind taking sufficient grasp of all the elements of the enchantment, he purposefully waved his wand and incanted "Finite Incantatem!" After a brief flash, he was suddenly much taller, much more of the male persuasion and wearing the much more traditional robes he had started the evening with (although the belly dancing costume had been most interesting).
"Finite Incantatem!" He repeated, aiming his wand at Professor Snape who shuddered with relief as his bikini clad figure became once more male and swathed in sober black robes. Snape stood for a moment, as if in shock, realized he was still clutching the tablecloth to himself and quickly released his death grip upon the material, straightening himself up to assume a more dignified pose.
Dumbledore pointed his wand at the prone figure of Sybill and repeated one final time "Finite Incantatem!" before turning to view the students spread out below him, considering. Most of the children below were still caught up in helpless laughter. His eyes sought out the twin Weasleys and noticed astutely that they were, in fact, not laughing but appeared to be having a rather intense discussion. Interesting. Interesting indeed.
"Headmaster," Snape's face was a cold mask of fury, his wand held up at the ready in a clenched fist, as if restraining the urge to hurl curses down upon the entire student body below. "Might I suggest we begin immediate search for the depraved culprits who no doubt will have the last name Weasley," the last word was accompanied by a sneer. "Expel the guilty parties, and conclude by sending their cold and lifeless bodies back to their parents with a note." He somehow managed to end his sentence with a hiss.
"Now Severus," Dumbledore motioned soothingly at the Potions Professor. "No real harm has been done here. It was a childish prank."
"No harm?" Snape began to turn a mottled red. "Headmaster," he managed to state somewhat calmly, if through gritted teeth, "the authority of the teaching staff has been undermined. Such reckless disrespect deserves immediate and heavy consequences."
"I must agree with Severus," Minerva McGonnagal contributed irritably, looking up from her position on the floor where she was fanning the still unconscious Sybill Trelawney. "This is really going too far Albus. There must be consequences for the guilty parties. Perhaps not death." At this she raised an acerbic eyebrow at Severus before continuing to Dumbledore, "but there must be consequences for those involved."
"And so there shall be Minerva," Dumbledore agreed calmly. "But the consequences will be determined with cool and thoughtful heads." He stared down at the stirring Sybill consideringly. "Minerva, if you and Dolores would be so kind as to escort Sybill to Madame Pomfrey's offices, I'm sure she would be most grateful." Watching the two haul the now conscious but somewhat woozy Sybill upright, Dumbledore raised an eyebrow at the remaining staff members before retaking his seat and calmly taking a bite of the chicken and bean casserole which, as the whole incident had lasted less than five minutes, was thankfully still quite warm. The other staff slowly retook their own seats, muttering amongst themselves. The names Fred and George Weasley came up in the mutterings quite a bit for some reason.
The students seeing that Professor Dumbledore had taken control of the situation and with the changed Professors back to normal were slowly settling down, retaking their seats, talking and laughing animatedly, the buzz of conversation still louder than usual.
"That was completely brilliant!" Ron chortled gleefully at his mates as his laughter finally wound down, his ire at Fred and George completely forgotten. "I wonder how they pulled it off?"
"You think it was them then?" Harry asked pulling off his spectacles to wipe at the tears of laughter.
"Of course," Ron rejoined. "Who else but Fred and George could pull something like this." He shook his head admiringly. "I tell you Harry this has got to be the best prank that they've ever pulled. They'll go down in the history of Hogwarts for sure now. Imagine it!" His eyes were alight with enthusiasm. "They actually pranked Trelawney, Snape and Dumbledore in front of the entire school!"
"D'you think they'll get in much trouble for it?" Harry asked curiously. He wasn't really too worried. While it didn't seem like this was the sort of thing that the teachers would just ignore, Fred and George seemed to have a sheer genius for wiggling their way out of serious trouble.
"What d'you think Hermione?" Harry turned to his right and immediately frowned in conern. Hermione was sitting frozen, her face a ghostly white and she seemed to be having trouble breathing.
"Hermione?" He asked tentatively. "Are you all right?"
Hermione turned panic stricken eyes to Harry. "Oh Harry, I…I…I"
"Herm, are you sick?" Harry asked, getting really concerned now. It was a rare sight indeed for Hermione to be unable to speak. He cast an alarmed gaze at Ron who returned the favor. "You're not going to throw up are you?" Ron asked, leaning away from her a little, just in case, as he took in her pasty features.
"I…I…I"
"Do you need some air?" Harry asked somewhat urgently.
Hermione nodded gratefully, still seemingly unable to speak. She was now starting to turn a rather alarming shade of green.
Ron and Harry quickly stood and, supporting Hermione, led her out the Great Hall and into a small nearby classroom, dusty with disuse. As soon as they entered Hermione sank to the ground against a wall burying her head in her hands and moaning piteously.
The boys exchanged another alarmed gaze. "Do you want to go to the Infirmary, Herm?" Harry asked worriedly.
They heard a muffled denial.
"Was it the site of Snape in a bikini?" Ron asked helpfully. "That's a site to make anyone sick, really."
Another muffled groan.
"Well, what is it then?" Ron asked, baffled and starting to get a little irritated. "Fred and George have just pulled off the most brilliant prank of their careers. What're you having a mental breakdown about?"
"It wasn't Fred and George," the words were barely audible.
"What?" Ron asked, puzzled. "Of course it was Fred 'n George. Who else could it have been?"
"It was me," Hermione looked up, staring miserably at Ron and Harry.
"Oh, c'mon, don't be stupid. Of course it wasn't you." Ron laughed at the thought. "Come up with something more believable why don't you?" He rolled his eyes. "Like, I dunno, like you becoming the head seeker for Ireland."
Harry, meanwhile, was no longer smiling. Instead he was watching Hermione with a growing feeling of awe. "Hermione," he said slowly, "are you telling me you really are behind this prank?" He didn't know whether to applaud her for her sheer brilliance or yell at her for the amount of trouble she was in if she got caught.
She met his gaze miserably and nodded. "I didn't mean to do it Harry. It was an accident."
Harry blinked in disbelief. "You accidentally transformed Professor Trelawney into a hairy giant, Professor Snape into a…a, well, half a female, and Professor Dumbledore into a belly dancing old woman?" he asked skeptically. "How, exactly, does that happen by accident?"
"It was meant for Ron and the twins," Hermione explained woefully.
"What? Wait a minute," Ron jerked upright in disbelief. "It was what? It was meant for what? Are you telling me you really are the one behind this prank? And what do you mean it was meant for me and the twins?" Ron howled in outrage, ignoring Harry's calming gestures.
"I mean it was intended for you three imbeciles," Hermione shot back angrily, some of her misery being overtaken by irritation.
"Which one was I supposed to be?" Ron asked, furious now at the thought of being pranked twice in one day, even if the second prank hadn't actually succeeded. On him that is.
"You were supposed to be the ugly, oafish, hairy ape," Hermione practically spat at him. "That way your outsides would have finally matched your great big stupid insides!"
"Why you…" Ron began only to be cut off by Harry who physically pulled Ron back, hurriedly coming to stand in between the two.
"Come on guys, that's not important now," he said as firmly as possible.
"Not important?" Ron asked in disbelief. "She was going to turn me into a hairy ape man! And she just called me stupid!"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Well, compared to her, we are stupid," he pointed out logically. "Anyway, we've got to make sure Hermione doesn't get caught."
"Oh Harry, I'm going to be expelled." Hermione sank back down again, the horror of the situation overcoming her brief flare of anger at Ron.
Ron looked like he wanted to continue yelling at Hermione but Harry frowned ferociously at him and the two engaged in a brief flurry of raised eyebrows, scowls and pointed looks before Ron finally shrugged irritably and went to lean against a table. He crossed his arms mutinously and his scowl was kept firmly in place, but he did remain silent.
Harry turned back to Hermione. "Alright, first thing first, how did a spell that was meant for Ron and the twins end up affecting the Head Table?"
"I don't know," Hermione shrugged her shoulders helplessly. "I swear I don't know."
"Well, how did you plan to get them to Ron and the twins?" Harry asked reasonably.
"I got Dobby to help me," Hermione explained, still unsure of what could possibly have caused Dobby to get it so wrong. "I knew I wouldn't likely be able to cast a spell in the dining hall without being noticed," she continued her explanation. "So I cast a spell to call Dobby and I asked him to make sure that when the food and drink got transported up to the dining hall that he transported the powder I'd enchanted up to Ron and Fred and George's drinking goblets."
Harry frowned in puzzlement. "You're sure Dobby knew exactly where to send the spells?"
"Of course I'm sure," Hermione frowned at him. "He knows perfectly well who Ron and the twins are and I most assuredly did not tell him to send it up to the Head Table."
Baffled, Harry shook his head. "I don't know how Dobby could have made a mistake like that." Sure, Dobby had a penchant for messing up Harry's life with the house elf's helpful interference but this seemed like a pretty big mistake even for him.
"Why don't you ask him?" Ron cut in, still a bit sour, but beginning to be interested in the puzzle before them.
"What?" Harry asked, startled.
"Why don't you ask him?" Ron said patiently a second time. "Dobby worships you Harry. Just ask him."
"Right," Harry blinked in surprise. "That's a really good idea, actually." Hesitating, he thought hard of Dobby for a moment and then spoke loudly "Dobby!"
Immediately there was a sharp crack and Dobby appeared before them, small and wizened, his large ears drooping. Upon seeing the three of them his eyes widened with apprehension. "Oh, Harry Potter, there has been a most terrible mistake made. It is not Dobby's doing sir, it is not!"
"It's alright Dobby," Harry said soothingly. "Hermione told us she asked you to send up some spells into Ron and the twins' goblets. We just want to know how they ended up at the head table."
"Oh, Harry Potter, Sir!" Dobby shook his head in guilt. "It is too terrible. Dobby should have prevented…but it was Winky Sir!"
"Winky?" Harry frowned, wondering how Barty Crouch's former house elf had gotten involved.
"Yes Sir, Harry Potter, Sir! Winky does not like Harry Potter's female friend at all Sir! Winky is wanting to cause trouble for her."
"What?" Hermione gasped in outrage. "I've never done anything to Winky. I've tried to be nice to her."
"Yes, Harry Potter's best female friend," Dobby nodded in agreement. "Dobby knows that Hermione is good and kind and is wanting freedoms for all elves but Winky is not wanting that. Winky is very angry that other elves might be forced to know freedom as she has."
Harry, now getting an inkling of where Dobby was heading, closed his eyes for a moment as if in pain and groaned. "You're talking about S.P.E.W. aren't you Dobby?" He knew that club had been a bad idea.
"Yes, Harry Potter, sir!" Eyes wide, Dobby nodded his head enthusiastically. "Winky is a sly and unworthy Elf and she stole the spells from Dobby and sent them to the Great Table instead." His huge eyes filled with tears. "Dobby is so sorry Harry Potter!" And with that Dobby looked around wildly and took aim for the large desk at the head of the room, crashing into it head first before Harry or the others could stop him. Harry hurriedly rushed forward and grabbed Dobby before the house elf could punish himself further.
"Stop that Dobby, it wasn't your fault," Harry panted, wrestling the house elf away from the desk.
"Oh, Harry Potter is too kind sir," Dobby groaned. "But Dobby should have kept Winky from doing such a bad, bad thing."
"That's not important now," Harry responded, still trying to hold onto the squirming elf.
"Not important!" Hermione gasped in near hysterical outrage. "Not important? I'm going to be expelled because of Winky."
"You're not going to be expelled," Harry stated firmly, shaking his head in denial. "You're the top student in our year. You never get in trouble…" he turned as Ron coughed subtly. "Uh, unless, it's because of us. And Professor Dumbledore would never expel you."
"Yeah, he's right," Ron chimed in helpfully. "If he didn't expel Harry and me for crashing Dad's flying car into the Whomping Willow then he's surely not going to expel you for this." He raised his eyebrows consideringly. "Of course, Snape'll probably try to make your life a living hell…" he subsided under the force of Harry's glare. "Uh, but you probably won't get expelled," he finished weakly.
Thinking of having to deal with an even more vindictive than usual Snape all year, Hermione, who had been looking hopeful, leaned her head back against the wall and groaned.
"Alright look Dobby," Harry looked down at the house elf who had stopped trying to ram himself against the desk and was now twisting his own ear viciously, squeaking at the pain. "Stop that!" Harry ordered irritably, reaching out to grab Dobby's hand and wrestle it away from his ear. "Dobby you can still help us," he ordered somewhat desperately as the house elf began trying to bite his own arm.
At Harry's words Dobby stopped his chomping and looked up in hope. "Dobby can be of use?"
"Yes!" Harry said firmly. "Look, the only way the professors can figure out who was behind the prank is if they question the house elves right?"
"Yeah!" Ron straightened up, catching on to what Harry was getting at. "You're right. How else would they be able to tell who did it?"
"Professor Dumbledore will probably figure out that the spell was in the goblets so it figures if he wants to know who was behind it he'll go down to the kitchens," Harry went on.
Dobby's ears which had perked up at the thought of being helpful began to droop again. "Oh, Harry Potter, Sir, Dobby cannot be lying to Albus Dumbledore. And Winky would also not lie. She will most happily tell any who ask that it was the best female friend of Harry Potter who gave the spells."
"Yeah," Harry muttered frowning in thought. "But, you don't have to answer if you aren't there do you?"
Dobby blinked up at him in surprise. "Harry Potter is wanting Dobby to go away?"
"No, not go away, Dobby," Harry reassured him hastily. "Just hide out for a little while. I mean you're a free elf right? You and Winky both are, so you could sort of pop off somewhere else for awhile couldn't you?" He asked hopefully.
Dobby tilted his head, considering. "The Great Professor Dumbledore did tell me that I could be having 'vacation' when I first started my working in the kitchens."
"Yeah! Yeah, a vacation!" Harry smiled encouragingly. "You and Winky should definitely take a little vacation. Go off and visit, uh, somewhere."
"Oh, but Winky would not want to go," Dobby shook his head sadly. "Winky is only wanting to drink and cry and make trouble for Harry Potter's best female friend."
"Hang on," Ron interrupted. "Won't Winky get in trouble if she tells the truth? I mean, Hermione meant to prank the twins and me," at this he couldn't resist shooting Hermione a nasty glare. "So if she tells Professor Dumbledore what really happened, she's likely to get fired herself ain't she?"
"Oh Ron, the Professor would never do something like that," Hermione chided him, beginning to look a little calmer again.
"Well, yeah, of course he wouldn't," Ron shook his head impatiently. "But Winky don't know that now does she?"
"Yeah Ron!" Harry smiled enthusiastically. "You're right. If Dobby tells Winky that she'll get fired if she lets on to what happened, then she'll probably be willing to make herself scarce for a few days until this blows over. I mean she doesn't have anywhere else to go right?" He added somewhat heartlessly, feeling little sympathy for Winky right then.
"Oh, but that would be wrong…" Hermione protested weakly. "Bullying Winky like that."
"Bollocks that!" Ron interjected furiously. "That house elf tried to get you into trouble and all you've ever tried to do is help her." He manfully bit back the urge to say that he'd thought the whole S.P.E.W. thing was idiotic from the start.
"Yeah, Hermione," Harry hurried to head off any fits of conscience. "Winky's brought this on herself. And we're not hurting her or anything. Maybe a few days off would do her some good."
"Yeah, she could check into a Sanitarium," Ron muttered.
"Well, I suppose you're right," Hermione agreed hesitantly. "But…" she paused considering. "Don't you think that Dumbledore might figure it out anyway?"
"Yeah, he probably could if he really wanted to," Harry admitted. "But the thing is I don't think he'll really care all that much. As long as it's not really obvious I bet he'll let it slide." Harry smiled slightly, recalling some of the pranks he'd learned the Professor had pulled in his own school days. "Snape might not, but…well, he hates us anyway and he'll have to take his cue from Dumbledore."
He took a deep breath, "so it's agreed then," he looked around at the others. Ron nodded vigorously and, after a brief moment, Hermione nodded weakly as well.
Harry looked down at Dobby. "What do you think Dobby? Can you do it?"
Dobby looked up at Harry and squared his shoulders in determination. "Dobby will do as Harry Potter has asked. Dobby will take a," his eyes widened slightly in awe, "a 'vacation.'" His face firmed. "And he will take Winky with him."
With a crack Dobby disappeared.