~ Chapter 22 ~
Anna looked around the expansive room trying to think of a way to get Ryan's mind off of the accident. She recognized one of Marissa's jackets hanging next to Ryan's near the door. A pair of her shoes sat next to his under the shelves by the bathroom. A framed photo of the two of them laughing was on his bedside table, capturing a happy moment of time on the beach. A large image of the couple hung behind the bar, both of them dressed formally. "Ryan? Are you awake?"
"Yeah." He sighed. "Sorry. I'm a lot of fun to hang out with, huh?"
"Stop it. I didn't stay for the entertainment value of the situation. I was just wondering if you felt like getting out of here for a while? Maybe we could drive down to the beach. If you feel up to it, of course. What do you think?" Leaving a room filled with memories of his girlfriend could only help.
He looked doubtfully at his ankle, then to his crutches. "It sounds good, but...sand?"
"Don't worry about that. You won't even have to get out of the car." She knew of a secluded stretch of beach where you could park near the water.
"Ok." He still looked miserable.
"Great! I'll run in and tell Mr. Cohen. Be right back." She got as far as the door, then stopped and spun around. "Or – do you need help?" He didn't seem strong enough to make it across the room on his own, never mind all the way out to the front of the house to the car.
He gave her a small, amused smile. "I think I got it. Thanks."
She put a hand on her hip. "Don't sound so condescending, tough guy. Have you LOOKED in a mirror lately?"
After one of his inscrutable side-ways glances, he said nothing.
Anna shook her head. "Sorry, but you don't intimidate me. But hey, look at it this way. You've proven to everyone in Newport that a car is the only thing able to thoroughly kick your ass."
Ryan finally laughed. "I'll meet you out front. Hurry, in case your car wants a piece of me, too."
****
Seth looked around the small room from his chair. "Can you believe they let me come in here with you?"
"It's not the same as last time, Cohen. I'm not unconscious after being like, attacked by my own car." She turned her head to look at him from the bed. "I'm glad you're here, though."
He smiled warmly at her. "Me too. Oh hey. Here's something weird - Why do you suppose it feels so very wrong for you to be in bed without me? Is that normal?"
Summer made an exaggerated "Ah ha!" face. "I KNEW something was wrong!" She patted the bed beside her. "There's plenty of room here."
He glanced quickly at the door, and then back to her with a grin. "Doctors' always take forever to show up." After sitting on the bed, he leaned over to kiss her. Her arms went around his neck, and uncomfortable, he got on one knee and shifted to his other side, facing her and lying down on the edge of the small bed. He broke a kiss and looked at her, preparing to speak.
She put a hand over his mouth. "Cohen, if you ask me if you're hurting me, I swear I'll call for security," she warned him, then removed her hand.
He immediately looked hurt. "I wasn't! I was going to say something sweet - and extraordinarily charming, too – about, uh - how wonderful you are, but – but now you've ruined it."
She rolled her eyes and stared at him, not buying it.
"Ok! So I might have been concerned about you. Is that so bad?" He went in for the kill, using the puppy dog eyes against her.
She sighed, not able to resist him. She smiled softly. "No, it's not bad. But how many times do we have to do this? I know you're just taking care of me, but you need to trust that I'll tell you if you hurt me, ok?"
"Yeah, like you did last night? You could barely move again this morning, Summer."
"Seth, for the LAST time - it didn't HURT last night! It was incredible, baby - I didn't feel bad until I woke up."
"Oh. You never told me that part. You promise?"
"YES! Now shut up and kiss me."
He kissed her and she put her arms around him again.
The door opened. "Miss Ro-"
Seth sat up quickly, turning to look at the door in surprise. He promptly lost his balance and fell to the floor.
"-berts? Mr. Cohen!! Seth? Are you all right?!"
Summer looked over the side of the bed in horror. Seth was sprawled on his back, groaning. "OhmyGod, Seth! Are you ok?"
He nodded slowly, his eyes closed. "I'm good. Awesome, really. Could you both look the other way please? Because I may cry. And uh, yeah. Ouch."
Dr. Mead knelt beside him. "What hurts?"
"Besides my shredded pride? Let me just narrow this down for you to what hurts the worst. And that would be my arm -" he tried to raise it and quickly abandoned that idea, "Owww! And my ass-uh, rear end."
The doctor quickly felt her way along Seth's arm. "Well, we'll have to X- ray, but I'm fairly certain that you and Miss Roberts will have matching broken arms, Mr. Cohen."
"Oh no!" Summer slid as far to the side of the bed as she could, reaching down to him. He lifted his good arm and gratefully held onto her hand.
Dr. Mead went to the phone. "Margaret, can you see if another bed is available?...Good. Send some orderlies with another gurney to room 2, please. Yes, Miss Roberts' room. Thank you." She turned and looked down at Seth. "Are your parents available this time?"
"My dad's at home."
"We'll need to contact him."
"Um, Dr. Mead?" Summer looked at her hopefully. "Could I – maybe – call him? I don't know if he can take another strange voice giving him bad news on the phone. You know, with Seth's brother and everything?"
"Of course." She moved the phone onto the bed with Summer.
"Thanks."
Seth spoke up from the floor. "So Dr. Mead. How long before the entire hospital knows?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well, we're aware that the whole place was talking about us last time we were here, so it stands to reason that..."
"Oh, I see. It won't take much time for Margaret to figure it out."
"Fabulous."
Dr. Mead smiled down at him. "They can only speculate on what happened for sure, Seth. Will it help if I say you fell, not that you fell off the bed you were for some reason sharing with your 'maybe – maybe not' um, friend?"
He closed his eyes. "Yes. Thank you. I'd hate to give anyone an advantage in the 'are we or aren't we together' betting pool."
There was a tap on the door, and the orderlies came in and moved Seth onto the gurney.
"I guess I'll see you in a while, Summer." He smiled wanly at her as they rolled him out the door.
"Bye, sweetie. I'll find you when I get done."
****
He heard the door close, and opened his eyes to see his father. "Hey, Dad."
"Are you all right, son? What happened? Summer wouldn't give me any details." Sandy took a chair by the bed.
Seth closed his eyes again and silently thanked Jesus and Moses for the best girlfriend in the world. "I fell. I – uh – tripped. Over something trip-worthy. Here's the good news – my ass isn't broken. The bad news? My arm is."
"Oh no! Seth, I'm sorry. Can a person really break their ass, though?"
Seth sighed. "Yes, Dad. Hey, where's Ryan? You didn't leave him home alone, did you?"
"Not at all. Anna took him somewhere before Summer called; she thought it might do him good to get out of the house. I agreed with her."
Seth was surprised. "She did? That's pretty cool, I guess."
Sandy nodded. "I didn't know she and Ryan were friendly."
"They are. We've all hung out."
Another doctor came in, and Sandy left while they cast Seth's arm. After taking care of both sets of paperwork and getting directions from Margaret, he tapped on Summer's door. Dr. Mead answered. "Hello, doctor, I'm Sandy Cohen. I'm looking for Summer Roberts?"
"Please come in, Mr. Cohen. I've just finished her examination."
Summer looked up, surprised. "Hey, Mr. Cohen. Seth's in another room."
"I know; he's getting his cast right now. I came to see YOU. How are you doing?"
"Oh. Really?" She smiled, pleased and a little shy. "Thanks! I'm fine, just like I told everyone. Oh, I'm sorry. Dr. Mead, this is Seth's dad; Mr. Cohen, this is Dr. Mead. She was my doctor last time, too. And her husband drove my ambulance. Isn't that cool?"
"Very cool, indeed. Now I know how Seth knew so much that he shouldn't have. Thank you for helping my son and Summer out so much."
"It's our pleasure, Mr. Cohen. These two remind my husband and myself of another young couple ten years ago." She lifted Summer's hand and checked out her new ring. "Except I didn't have a ring like that! Summer, it's beautiful! Is that from Seth?"
Summer looked from the doctor to Sandy, suddenly timid. Sandy's face had gone white and he looked as though he needed to sit down. "Yes. He bought it last night. But it's not an engagement ring, Mr. Cohen – Sandy, "she hurried to add. "It's just a friendship ring."
Taking a chair, he let out a long breath. "Good to know. Now. I'm not sure if I want you to tell Kirsten that or not, because the diamond in your 'friendship' ring is bigger than the one in her engagement ring."
Summer laughed. "Well, don't say anything to Seth about the size of the diamond; I told him it was too much and he got all offended. But you know something? It's not like your wife couldn't go get a bigger ring if she wanted to. I'm sure she totally loves the one you got her and wants to keep it, because it's from you."
"You think?" Sandy, surprised, looked from Summer to the doctor.
Dr. Mead and Summer both nodded.
He crossed the room and hugged Summer, then stepped back. "I KNEW we should have had a daughter, too. Men need help with these things, you know? Seth and Ryan and I don't have a clue what's going on half the time with Kirsten! We need another female around to help us out. I have a great idea! Summer, you could be the newest honorary Cohen. The boys and I definitely need you. And Kirsten wouldn't feel so outnumbered!"
Summer immediately teared up and looked quickly down at the sheet she was lying under. Being wanted or needed in a family was a completely unfamiliar feeling and she didn't trust herself to speak without breaking down. Nobody needed to know how touched she was; she didn't want either of them pitying her or her life. It wasn't so bad, and she had Seth now.
Sandy continued. "Of course I know you have your own home, but you can stay with us anytime you want. Sometimes it's nice to have a crowd around. But then you'd be the lucky one, because you can leave when we start driving you crazy."
A voice came from the doorway. "And we will, without a doubt. Father, I'm all for this idea, but –"he looked over his shoulder into the hall, then came in and shut the door. "-you must never, ever, under any circumstances, think of her as my sister." Seth walked to the bed and kissed Summer. "Because of that."
Summer held on to him, concerned. "Hey. Are you ok, baby?"
"Ha! I knew it!" Dr. Mead blushed as they all turned to look at her. "Sorry. First person to confirm you two are together wins the pot."
"There really is a bet?!" Seth shook his head. "How much do you win?"
"It was up to $500 last I heard." Seth and Summer stared at her, surprised by the amount of money involved. She shrugged. "We have fun when we can. Different bets all the time. It helps everyone focus on the good – we see a lot of awful things here. This will be the first time I've won, though!"
"Well, I'm glad it was you. Seth said you and your husband kept him out of the psych ward when he brought me in." Summer smiled. "Do we need to like, make an announcement or something?"
"If you'd like. But first we'll throw the men out and I'll go get your paperwork together while you get dressed. Out, gentlemen."
****
Anna looked over at her passenger and smiled. Ryan had the seat back a little and was watching out the open car door as the waves rolled into the sand. He looked relaxed for the first time today. "The sun's going down soon. Are you comfortable?"
He nodded. "Thanks."
"I'm a little cold; I think I have a sweater in here somewhere." She turned and leaned over the seat into the back, unzipping her bag and pulling out a warmer top. "Hey! I forgot – I've got a blanket back here. I can spread it out right by your door so you can get out, if you wanted."
He turned to look at her as she settled back into her seat. "Do you want to?"
"Sure. It seems more natural to be on the beach when you're on the beach. You know?"
He raised an eyebrow. "I think so. Let's do it then."
She spread the blanket and he got out, holding on to the door for support as he lowered himself to the ground.
Sitting next to him, she shook her head. "You're so independent. I could have helped you."
"Hey, I'm learning to ask for help sometimes. Just not that time." He leaned back onto his hands, and finding that uncomfortable, sat back up. He turned away from her. "You are helping me."
She laughed. "How? By dragging you to the beach?"
"Yeah. It's good here. I can think."
Anna wasn't sure if he'd would, but thought it worth the effort to try getting Ryan to open up. "Do you want to talk about it?"
He shook his head slowly. "There's nothing to say." He still wouldn't look at her.
"Sure there is. You could tell me how you're feeling. Or what you're thinking." He was silent and she felt like she'd crossed a line, or pushed him too far. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It helps to talk sometimes, is all."
He lifted a hand to wave off her apology. He took a deep breath. "I feel guilty. Like it's my fault."
"Ryan, no. It was an accident, an awful one, but completely not your fault. Summer's ok, and Marissa will be too."
He turned back to her. "Not the car accident."
Anna stared at him, puzzled, then realized what he was saying. "No. Don't even think it. Look, you're not responsible for her mental health. You couldn't save her from it because that's just not how it works. It was never up to you."
"If I'd paid more attention I might have seen it. If I'd looked harder, I might have realized she was slipping. I should have known."
"I don't understand, Ryan. I thought she snapped when you broke up with her?"
He looked down at the sand in front of them. His voice was low. "When I look back now, I see things that should have tipped me off and showed me she wasn't doing so well. What if I didn't care enough? I thought I did." His voice broke. "I LOVED her. Why wasn't that enough?"
She put a hand on his shoulder. "Someone else's love doesn't keep people sane. Their OWN emotions do that. You were nothing but a good influence on her, and unless you're psychic, you had no way of knowing what she was feeling. She covered it too well. I'll bet her parents didn't even know she was losing her grip."
He continued to stare at the sand. "If I was such a good influence, then why was she cheating on me? Why did she go to someone else?"
"Oh Ryan. She was -? "Anna was shocked. This she hadn't expected. "She wasn't in her right mind. And that proves it, because she loves you, I know it."
He sighed heavily. "Can we go back now?"
"Of course. Whatever you want." He pulled himself back into the car, and she folded the blanket, throwing it in the back seat. During the ride home, he stared out the window, quiet.
****
Anna looked around the expansive room trying to think of a way to get Ryan's mind off of the accident. She recognized one of Marissa's jackets hanging next to Ryan's near the door. A pair of her shoes sat next to his under the shelves by the bathroom. A framed photo of the two of them laughing was on his bedside table, capturing a happy moment of time on the beach. A large image of the couple hung behind the bar, both of them dressed formally. "Ryan? Are you awake?"
"Yeah." He sighed. "Sorry. I'm a lot of fun to hang out with, huh?"
"Stop it. I didn't stay for the entertainment value of the situation. I was just wondering if you felt like getting out of here for a while? Maybe we could drive down to the beach. If you feel up to it, of course. What do you think?" Leaving a room filled with memories of his girlfriend could only help.
He looked doubtfully at his ankle, then to his crutches. "It sounds good, but...sand?"
"Don't worry about that. You won't even have to get out of the car." She knew of a secluded stretch of beach where you could park near the water.
"Ok." He still looked miserable.
"Great! I'll run in and tell Mr. Cohen. Be right back." She got as far as the door, then stopped and spun around. "Or – do you need help?" He didn't seem strong enough to make it across the room on his own, never mind all the way out to the front of the house to the car.
He gave her a small, amused smile. "I think I got it. Thanks."
She put a hand on her hip. "Don't sound so condescending, tough guy. Have you LOOKED in a mirror lately?"
After one of his inscrutable side-ways glances, he said nothing.
Anna shook her head. "Sorry, but you don't intimidate me. But hey, look at it this way. You've proven to everyone in Newport that a car is the only thing able to thoroughly kick your ass."
Ryan finally laughed. "I'll meet you out front. Hurry, in case your car wants a piece of me, too."
****
Seth looked around the small room from his chair. "Can you believe they let me come in here with you?"
"It's not the same as last time, Cohen. I'm not unconscious after being like, attacked by my own car." She turned her head to look at him from the bed. "I'm glad you're here, though."
He smiled warmly at her. "Me too. Oh hey. Here's something weird - Why do you suppose it feels so very wrong for you to be in bed without me? Is that normal?"
Summer made an exaggerated "Ah ha!" face. "I KNEW something was wrong!" She patted the bed beside her. "There's plenty of room here."
He glanced quickly at the door, and then back to her with a grin. "Doctors' always take forever to show up." After sitting on the bed, he leaned over to kiss her. Her arms went around his neck, and uncomfortable, he got on one knee and shifted to his other side, facing her and lying down on the edge of the small bed. He broke a kiss and looked at her, preparing to speak.
She put a hand over his mouth. "Cohen, if you ask me if you're hurting me, I swear I'll call for security," she warned him, then removed her hand.
He immediately looked hurt. "I wasn't! I was going to say something sweet - and extraordinarily charming, too – about, uh - how wonderful you are, but – but now you've ruined it."
She rolled her eyes and stared at him, not buying it.
"Ok! So I might have been concerned about you. Is that so bad?" He went in for the kill, using the puppy dog eyes against her.
She sighed, not able to resist him. She smiled softly. "No, it's not bad. But how many times do we have to do this? I know you're just taking care of me, but you need to trust that I'll tell you if you hurt me, ok?"
"Yeah, like you did last night? You could barely move again this morning, Summer."
"Seth, for the LAST time - it didn't HURT last night! It was incredible, baby - I didn't feel bad until I woke up."
"Oh. You never told me that part. You promise?"
"YES! Now shut up and kiss me."
He kissed her and she put her arms around him again.
The door opened. "Miss Ro-"
Seth sat up quickly, turning to look at the door in surprise. He promptly lost his balance and fell to the floor.
"-berts? Mr. Cohen!! Seth? Are you all right?!"
Summer looked over the side of the bed in horror. Seth was sprawled on his back, groaning. "OhmyGod, Seth! Are you ok?"
He nodded slowly, his eyes closed. "I'm good. Awesome, really. Could you both look the other way please? Because I may cry. And uh, yeah. Ouch."
Dr. Mead knelt beside him. "What hurts?"
"Besides my shredded pride? Let me just narrow this down for you to what hurts the worst. And that would be my arm -" he tried to raise it and quickly abandoned that idea, "Owww! And my ass-uh, rear end."
The doctor quickly felt her way along Seth's arm. "Well, we'll have to X- ray, but I'm fairly certain that you and Miss Roberts will have matching broken arms, Mr. Cohen."
"Oh no!" Summer slid as far to the side of the bed as she could, reaching down to him. He lifted his good arm and gratefully held onto her hand.
Dr. Mead went to the phone. "Margaret, can you see if another bed is available?...Good. Send some orderlies with another gurney to room 2, please. Yes, Miss Roberts' room. Thank you." She turned and looked down at Seth. "Are your parents available this time?"
"My dad's at home."
"We'll need to contact him."
"Um, Dr. Mead?" Summer looked at her hopefully. "Could I – maybe – call him? I don't know if he can take another strange voice giving him bad news on the phone. You know, with Seth's brother and everything?"
"Of course." She moved the phone onto the bed with Summer.
"Thanks."
Seth spoke up from the floor. "So Dr. Mead. How long before the entire hospital knows?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well, we're aware that the whole place was talking about us last time we were here, so it stands to reason that..."
"Oh, I see. It won't take much time for Margaret to figure it out."
"Fabulous."
Dr. Mead smiled down at him. "They can only speculate on what happened for sure, Seth. Will it help if I say you fell, not that you fell off the bed you were for some reason sharing with your 'maybe – maybe not' um, friend?"
He closed his eyes. "Yes. Thank you. I'd hate to give anyone an advantage in the 'are we or aren't we together' betting pool."
There was a tap on the door, and the orderlies came in and moved Seth onto the gurney.
"I guess I'll see you in a while, Summer." He smiled wanly at her as they rolled him out the door.
"Bye, sweetie. I'll find you when I get done."
****
He heard the door close, and opened his eyes to see his father. "Hey, Dad."
"Are you all right, son? What happened? Summer wouldn't give me any details." Sandy took a chair by the bed.
Seth closed his eyes again and silently thanked Jesus and Moses for the best girlfriend in the world. "I fell. I – uh – tripped. Over something trip-worthy. Here's the good news – my ass isn't broken. The bad news? My arm is."
"Oh no! Seth, I'm sorry. Can a person really break their ass, though?"
Seth sighed. "Yes, Dad. Hey, where's Ryan? You didn't leave him home alone, did you?"
"Not at all. Anna took him somewhere before Summer called; she thought it might do him good to get out of the house. I agreed with her."
Seth was surprised. "She did? That's pretty cool, I guess."
Sandy nodded. "I didn't know she and Ryan were friendly."
"They are. We've all hung out."
Another doctor came in, and Sandy left while they cast Seth's arm. After taking care of both sets of paperwork and getting directions from Margaret, he tapped on Summer's door. Dr. Mead answered. "Hello, doctor, I'm Sandy Cohen. I'm looking for Summer Roberts?"
"Please come in, Mr. Cohen. I've just finished her examination."
Summer looked up, surprised. "Hey, Mr. Cohen. Seth's in another room."
"I know; he's getting his cast right now. I came to see YOU. How are you doing?"
"Oh. Really?" She smiled, pleased and a little shy. "Thanks! I'm fine, just like I told everyone. Oh, I'm sorry. Dr. Mead, this is Seth's dad; Mr. Cohen, this is Dr. Mead. She was my doctor last time, too. And her husband drove my ambulance. Isn't that cool?"
"Very cool, indeed. Now I know how Seth knew so much that he shouldn't have. Thank you for helping my son and Summer out so much."
"It's our pleasure, Mr. Cohen. These two remind my husband and myself of another young couple ten years ago." She lifted Summer's hand and checked out her new ring. "Except I didn't have a ring like that! Summer, it's beautiful! Is that from Seth?"
Summer looked from the doctor to Sandy, suddenly timid. Sandy's face had gone white and he looked as though he needed to sit down. "Yes. He bought it last night. But it's not an engagement ring, Mr. Cohen – Sandy, "she hurried to add. "It's just a friendship ring."
Taking a chair, he let out a long breath. "Good to know. Now. I'm not sure if I want you to tell Kirsten that or not, because the diamond in your 'friendship' ring is bigger than the one in her engagement ring."
Summer laughed. "Well, don't say anything to Seth about the size of the diamond; I told him it was too much and he got all offended. But you know something? It's not like your wife couldn't go get a bigger ring if she wanted to. I'm sure she totally loves the one you got her and wants to keep it, because it's from you."
"You think?" Sandy, surprised, looked from Summer to the doctor.
Dr. Mead and Summer both nodded.
He crossed the room and hugged Summer, then stepped back. "I KNEW we should have had a daughter, too. Men need help with these things, you know? Seth and Ryan and I don't have a clue what's going on half the time with Kirsten! We need another female around to help us out. I have a great idea! Summer, you could be the newest honorary Cohen. The boys and I definitely need you. And Kirsten wouldn't feel so outnumbered!"
Summer immediately teared up and looked quickly down at the sheet she was lying under. Being wanted or needed in a family was a completely unfamiliar feeling and she didn't trust herself to speak without breaking down. Nobody needed to know how touched she was; she didn't want either of them pitying her or her life. It wasn't so bad, and she had Seth now.
Sandy continued. "Of course I know you have your own home, but you can stay with us anytime you want. Sometimes it's nice to have a crowd around. But then you'd be the lucky one, because you can leave when we start driving you crazy."
A voice came from the doorway. "And we will, without a doubt. Father, I'm all for this idea, but –"he looked over his shoulder into the hall, then came in and shut the door. "-you must never, ever, under any circumstances, think of her as my sister." Seth walked to the bed and kissed Summer. "Because of that."
Summer held on to him, concerned. "Hey. Are you ok, baby?"
"Ha! I knew it!" Dr. Mead blushed as they all turned to look at her. "Sorry. First person to confirm you two are together wins the pot."
"There really is a bet?!" Seth shook his head. "How much do you win?"
"It was up to $500 last I heard." Seth and Summer stared at her, surprised by the amount of money involved. She shrugged. "We have fun when we can. Different bets all the time. It helps everyone focus on the good – we see a lot of awful things here. This will be the first time I've won, though!"
"Well, I'm glad it was you. Seth said you and your husband kept him out of the psych ward when he brought me in." Summer smiled. "Do we need to like, make an announcement or something?"
"If you'd like. But first we'll throw the men out and I'll go get your paperwork together while you get dressed. Out, gentlemen."
****
Anna looked over at her passenger and smiled. Ryan had the seat back a little and was watching out the open car door as the waves rolled into the sand. He looked relaxed for the first time today. "The sun's going down soon. Are you comfortable?"
He nodded. "Thanks."
"I'm a little cold; I think I have a sweater in here somewhere." She turned and leaned over the seat into the back, unzipping her bag and pulling out a warmer top. "Hey! I forgot – I've got a blanket back here. I can spread it out right by your door so you can get out, if you wanted."
He turned to look at her as she settled back into her seat. "Do you want to?"
"Sure. It seems more natural to be on the beach when you're on the beach. You know?"
He raised an eyebrow. "I think so. Let's do it then."
She spread the blanket and he got out, holding on to the door for support as he lowered himself to the ground.
Sitting next to him, she shook her head. "You're so independent. I could have helped you."
"Hey, I'm learning to ask for help sometimes. Just not that time." He leaned back onto his hands, and finding that uncomfortable, sat back up. He turned away from her. "You are helping me."
She laughed. "How? By dragging you to the beach?"
"Yeah. It's good here. I can think."
Anna wasn't sure if he'd would, but thought it worth the effort to try getting Ryan to open up. "Do you want to talk about it?"
He shook his head slowly. "There's nothing to say." He still wouldn't look at her.
"Sure there is. You could tell me how you're feeling. Or what you're thinking." He was silent and she felt like she'd crossed a line, or pushed him too far. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It helps to talk sometimes, is all."
He lifted a hand to wave off her apology. He took a deep breath. "I feel guilty. Like it's my fault."
"Ryan, no. It was an accident, an awful one, but completely not your fault. Summer's ok, and Marissa will be too."
He turned back to her. "Not the car accident."
Anna stared at him, puzzled, then realized what he was saying. "No. Don't even think it. Look, you're not responsible for her mental health. You couldn't save her from it because that's just not how it works. It was never up to you."
"If I'd paid more attention I might have seen it. If I'd looked harder, I might have realized she was slipping. I should have known."
"I don't understand, Ryan. I thought she snapped when you broke up with her?"
He looked down at the sand in front of them. His voice was low. "When I look back now, I see things that should have tipped me off and showed me she wasn't doing so well. What if I didn't care enough? I thought I did." His voice broke. "I LOVED her. Why wasn't that enough?"
She put a hand on his shoulder. "Someone else's love doesn't keep people sane. Their OWN emotions do that. You were nothing but a good influence on her, and unless you're psychic, you had no way of knowing what she was feeling. She covered it too well. I'll bet her parents didn't even know she was losing her grip."
He continued to stare at the sand. "If I was such a good influence, then why was she cheating on me? Why did she go to someone else?"
"Oh Ryan. She was -? "Anna was shocked. This she hadn't expected. "She wasn't in her right mind. And that proves it, because she loves you, I know it."
He sighed heavily. "Can we go back now?"
"Of course. Whatever you want." He pulled himself back into the car, and she folded the blanket, throwing it in the back seat. During the ride home, he stared out the window, quiet.
****