Author's Note! First off, a disclaimer: I do not own Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'm just having fun with his characters and plot and stuff, and I'm not making any money off this. (
Secondly, I'm sorry it's been such a long time. I'm lazy, and I don't have much time for anything now that school has started. It'll be winter break soon, though, so maybe I'll have time for writing and stuff then!
It's fairly amazing, really. I just sent out the tickets yesterday, and now it's not even six o'clock yet and the only thing of the television is "FIRST GOLDEN TICKET FOUND!" and "WONKA TO OPEN FACTORY TO PUBLIC –– FIRST OF FIVE LUCKY BAS- … I mean, uh, WINNERS FOUND!" Not that I watch much television. It's just, you know, when you're in the right mood for a bit of a laugh at the world's expense, there's simply nothing better.
Obviously, I'm positively aghast at this, so I stop flipping through the channels and just listen for a few moments. After a few seconds, I have a Thought and rush to get a sheet of paper and a pen. I must take notes! This information could be useful. I write, "Augustus Gloop: Winner #1" at the top of the page and settle into my armchair to watch the rest of the show.
.The first thing one notices about Augustus Gloop is how enormously fat he is. He's like a small whale, except he's feasting on chocolate bars instead of krill. He's just inhaling my precious candy bars that I put so much time and effort into… It's repulsive, and downright disrespectful. How on earth does he manage to savor the delicious taste when he's eating that fast? For that matter, why do I never see him unwrapping them? Does he just eat the wrappers, too? Good gracious, even if the boy's hobby is eating, you'd think he might want to be able to taste what he's eating. Honestly, you could slip a live squirrel into his pile of candy bars and he'd never tell the difference!
Now, I'd just like to say that I'm not judging the boy. Heaven knows I'd never do that; I've never even met the glutton! I'm just being honest. Really, what can one say about a boy whose mother has to proclaim that his hobby is eating because he's too busy stuffing chocolate down his gullet to respond to the reporters?
He would be a dreadful addition to my factory. It simply would not do to have him tasting everything –– that's what the Oompa Loompas are for! Well, also for any sort of hard labor that must be done, but they also taste things… –– and, good gracious me, what large samples he would take… I must have some left for the customers…
Oh, look! His mother is speaking again. Like her son, Mrs. Gloop is also ginormous. They're like a family of elephants, these people… Oops! I seem to have missed what it is she was saying… That's alright, then; it can't have been too important.
Glancing down at my paper, I see that I've written the word "FAT" all over the page. Well, isn't that odd! I hadn't even noticed I'd been writing! Well, now I have a conscious thought that I ought to write down: Lose early on. Annoying pra … rap … pagdjjek … PARENTS. Chocolate room?"
Hm. It seems I can't even write the p-word without messing it up. I should probably see the Doktor about that…
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Author's Note! Well, that was pointless…
I actually wrote this, like, a long time ago but never got around to typing it up and posting it until now… But, you know, it's been a really long time and I thought I'd put this up, just for the hell of it.
School is a bitch, and I've been hung up on this new character of mine, Cael. He's lovely, and he's developing nicely, but it'll be a while before I can actually use him for anything. But look for him, okay? He might just pop in all random-like in something , and then you can tell me what you think of him.