A/N Thanks to all of you who keep reviewing and e-mailing me, prodding me to post. Your interest in this story, and the fact that you're reading, or re-reading my other ones, too, is extremely flattering and I'm like, humbled. The next chapter is already started, so guaranteed not to take too long to post. Thank You!!
A/N – I don't know about y'all, but Season 2 starting like this with Seth and Summer apart makes it hurt to watch the show. It's so sad. But then, maybe I'm obsessed.
A/N – This chapter is dark, dealing mostly with Summer's abuse. Be forewarned.
Lies 31
Summer woke, eyes adjusting to what looked like a mid-morning version of sparkling Pacific Ocean just beyond the bluffs and beaches. Blue sky reflected off the ever-changing surface of the water as waves rolled endlessly onto bone colored sand. The colors were vibrant, with the deep green of leaves on trees growing at the edge of the bluffs complementing the scene. Webster should have this picture beside the word "serenity" in his dictionary. She felt Seth, warm and cozy, against her back and the pressure of his arm across her waist, quietly savoring the moment. It was still new, yet already so comfortable sleeping with him beside her; how totally awful that this was the last time it would happen. She allowed a brief second of sadness to pass before returning to relish the mood of contentment and peace that waking up with the person she loved gave her. The person that loved her. It still seemed a little like something she was reading in a book instead of something that was actually happening, but without a doubt, he loved her. A rush of goose bumps followed by a shiver ran through her as memories of the way he'd shown his affection last night came to mind. A glance over her shoulder at him now brought a smile to her face. He looked so innocent while asleep, hair all crazy and messy, that one would never guess that deep inside he was as world-weary as she was. The thought of finding ways to fill up those raw, dark spaces inside him made her laugh at herself. Normally she'd get up in the morning with nothing more than the thought of making herself happy first on her list of things to do. And second and third. Clothes, jewelry, purses, shoes, those were the fun things that made Summer Roberts' world go around - the things that always made everything that was wrong feel better. Momentarily, anyway.
She drank in the tranquility - the peaceful view outside; Seth's reassuring arm around her; the sound of his slow quiet breaths. When she stayed at this house from now on, it would be here in the guest suite. Her room upstairs, with its pink and flowery décor, seemed too young for her now. That room had belonged to a different person.
She got up slowly, being careful not to wake Seth, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast.
Seth lay back against the pillows with a groan. "I ate too much. It's entirely possible that I'll explode any second now, miss the rest of my life, and disgust your housekeeper beyond reason when she has to clean pieces of me out of the carpet and sheets."
Summer made a face as she moved the breakfast tray to the nightstand. "Nice visual, Cohen. Thanks so much for that. More coffee?"
He eyed her as she sat next to him on the bed. "No way it'll fit. Did you know I've never had breakfast in bed before? It was pretty nice. Decidedly weird to eat a meal off a tray, instead of, say… snacks from a plastic bag, after which you wake up with Cheetos stuck to the side of your face and in your hair – oh my god, it would be horrible to wake up with French Toast and eggs grafted to my skin – quite slimy. And sticky. You know, once? I had a bowl of ice cream and it - " Catching her raised eyebrow and obvious "you're such a dork" expression, he stopped. "Not, uh, that the Cheetos thing really happened. I'm just sayin'. …… It was cool. Thanks."
She leaned forward for a kiss, then sat back, running a finger down his chest. "Last night was amazingly cool, too. You are definitely worthy of breakfast in bed."
"So you're saying that if I hadn't brought you orgasmic ecstasy last night I wouldn't be worthy of such an extravagance?"
"I did not say that. The orgasmic ecstasy was just a capper to a long list of things that make you worthy of breakfast in bed."
"Oh."
"That's all you're gonna say?"
"Summer, listen. It's gonna take a little while for compliments from you to be NOT like your lips are moving in Japanese, but I'm hearing badly dubbed English like in the "Godzilla" movies because I'm expecting rejection immediately followed by dismissal from you. Moving on, though, do I get this again tomorrow? Huh? Cuz that would be cool. Oh man, Ryan and Dad are gonna be so jealous; breakfast at the Cohen house normally comes down to a race and a wrestle for the last bagel."
Summer shook her head, smiling. "You're so twelve. We'll see, sweetie. Maybe I'll make breakfast for, like, everyone. That might be good. And I'm uh, actually really sorry about the "Godzilla" thingy. I know I was horrible to you."
He waved a hand, dismissing it. "You really don't have to fix breakfast, you know."
"I know. But a family breakfast sounds, well, interesting, actually. Weirdness, huh?"
Seth put an arm around her. "Not really. You've probably never had one. But I'm warning you, we'll bore you back to sleep within 5 minutes."
Summer turned to him and climbed onto his lap, putting her arms around his neck. "Nuh uh."
"You will undoubtedly fit right in." He hugged her, burying his face in her hair. "Mmm, you smell nice. You must've been up for a while; you already took a shower. Which brings us to the question, Miss 'Fixin' breakfast and showerin' by myself' - How are you feelin' today?"
She pulled away and shifted on his lap, straddling him, then winked. "Why? You wanna fool around, lover?" Her lips went to his neck, then down his chest.
He sighed. "Oh God yes. No. Ok I do. But, I mean, we – Summer? Summer!" He grabbed her hands and pulled them away from his stomach, where they'd been making a slow descent.
She stuck out her lower lip, working her wiles like a pro. "But I feel really good! I got lots of sleep and, and I'm ok! C'mon, you won't hurt me, I promise." Resting her head on one of his hands still holding hers up in the air between them, she added sad eyes to her routine. "Please?" She kissed a knuckle then ran her tongue slowly down his thumb. "You didn't get to have any fun last night and we need to make up for that." She began kissing his neck again, lifting her lips to smile as he let out a low moan.
Seth took a deep breath, grabbed her shoulders lightly and pushed her away. "Summer, stop torturing me. It's mean and just plain wrong because you know I want nothing more than to- to do you. Hey, did you hear that? Proof that it's wired into all males' brains that once they have sex they must talk about it like Neanderthals, generally while in a group competing to see who's manlier." He made a face. "Call me abnormal, but I'll skip the group part."
She rolled her eyes. "You think saying 'do you' is talking like a Neanderthal? I've heard much worse. Nail, di -"
Seth quickly freed one hand and covered her mouth. "Do NOT give me any ideas, and stop changing the subject. I meant what I said! No porn star practice until you're better."
She sat back and frowned at him, pulling her hand from his. "OhMyGod, Cohen. I HATE it when you're all firm and decisivey." She sighed heavily. "Fine, we won't have sex." Her face brightened suddenly. Scrambling off his lap, she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of bed. Summer glanced back as she led him into the bathroom. "But I can repay a favor. Who knew this giving unselfishly crap would actually sound fun?"
"Uh, what are we doing again? Giving unselfishly in the bathroom sounds, um, well - " Seth followed blindly, uncomprehending.
"I'm going to help you take a shower, genius. You know, hit those spots you can't reach so well." Reaching the glass enclosure, she pulled her big t-shirt off and motioned for him to get out of his pajama bottoms.
"Oo-oo-ohhhh." He smiled shyly and looked at the floor while she grabbed some towels and set them on the counter. Suddenly remembering their conversation the night before, he looked up, dismayed. "But the bribery! The extortion! I was so looking forward to it, and now I won't have one up on you!"
She adjusted the water temperature, then turned to stare at him. "Are you seriously, like, thinking about that? Right now?"
Seth thought about what he was saying for a second. "Uh, temporary insanity? Will that fly?"
"With you, always. Get in here, big fella."
"Yes, ma'am." He shut the glass door behind him.
"Besides, there's no rule that says you can't, well, do another good deed and have one up on me again."
"Whoa. Killer rule. I like this game."
"Me too."
"Relationships are fun."
"This one is. Mmmn hmmmn. Good, clean, fun…"
Summer walked into the bedroom area, humming quietly while she chose clothing out of her bag. She would have to remember to try the stairs, or send Seth up for some different outfits before they left for the Cohen's today. She broke into a smile, wondering if he'd be able to make it up the stairs either. When she'd stepped out of the shower, he'd still been backed up against the side wall trying to catch his breath, curly dark hair plastered onto the glass, barely able to prop himself up with elbows on the safety rail. Giggling to herself at the memory, she was delighted by his reaction. She'd gotten an alarming amount of satisfaction from hearing his enthusiastic mutterings during her performance, escalating into a downright disorderly vocal appreciation of her skills when he came; quickly followed by a look of dumbfounded amazement as his knees buckled and he slid down the slick shower wall. Heh. It was good to hear genuine gratitude like that. Good thing there were no neighbors living close by, though.
Seth staggered into the room wearing only a towel around his waist and quickly dropped onto the bed. "Good Lord! You could kill a guy doing that, Summer! I want to see 18, for the voting and if only to prove to my parents that my adulthood won't ever be as yawn-inducingly boring as theirs, ok?"
"Awww. So the poor baby couldn't handle the fun new game? I'll never do it again, then." She walked over to him and he grabbed her hand, pulling her down onto the bed beside him.
"Ha! Don't underestimate what Seth Cohen can handle. The poor baby wasn't talking about the fun new game - You can do that any time you want, preferably once every ½ an hour or so. I was talking about you leaving me dazed and incapacitated inside of a shower with the water running. I could have drowned!" He kissed her.
Summer was unfazed. "You have a pool. You know how to swim."
"One cannot swim, or even move, when all of one's nerve endings are completely shorted out. Apparently you weren't paying attention in that class." Seth lay back on the bed.
"There was a class on showering? Huh. I guess you'll have to tutor me. I had no idea you were in mortal danger. I thought you were, like, bulletproof, or something." She teased him.
He sat up and kissed the top of her head. "Yes, there will be tutoring, and no, that's you, with your bullet deflecting bracelets, Wonder Woman." He got to his feet, briefly steadying himself with a hand on her shoulder. "Ok, I think I can stand upright long enough to shave now." He headed back to the bathroom.
She shook her head, amused, and went back to the bag for her clothes. Dropping them on the bed, she was surprised to hear a short knock at the door. Before she could even move to answer it, the doorknob turned and it opened.
"Bill? I thought you were going to be here 2 weeks ago. I would have – Summer! What are you doing down here? You have a room of your own!"
Summer stiffened in shock as her father stepped into the suite. As he stared, she nervously pulled the towel that covered her up further towards her neck. "Daddy? What – what are you doing here? I thought you were in Pakistan. Or something." Her voice was small.
"I heard something about needing a new car. I was going to leave a note, but then I saw the truck in the driveway and thought Bill Hagerty was here." He looked around the room, everywhere but at her. "Why aren't you in your own room?"
"I got hurt - I can't get up the stairs. You – you came all the way from Pakistan to bring me a car?"
Seth could hear the hope infused in the question from his position just inside the bathroom doorway. He closed his eyes, steeling himself for her father's answer. He desperately wanted to go to Summer, but was sure the fact that they were both dressed only in towels would not go over well. He was already doing a slow burn, since, so far, the only interest "Daddy" had shown in her health had to do with why she wasn't in her room, which, basically - wasn't a show of interest. Maybe if she'd had her mother, or any kind of real parental relationship, her need to feel a connection with her dad wouldn't be there and she wouldn't keep getting hurt by him. He had a bad feeling the conversation was about to go further downhill.
"I've been in LA for a month, Summer, opening a new branch. It's a real shame about the Corvette; that was a one-of-a-kind classic."
Seth's jaw literally dropped at the casual cruelty of the remark. His heart twisted inside him as he watched all the color drain from Summer's face. She instantly looked like one of those porcelain figurines he'd seen in the Hallmark shops, with statuesque, unmoving beauty captured on an inexpressive face. Any second now it would crumble into shards of glass. She'd been so emotional this last week, dissolving into tears when almost any feeling hit her, good or bad; but of course, this week she'd also been run over by a car, lost her best friend, dealt with needless shame and embarrassment after finding out he knew about her childhood, took a difficult leap of faith and trusted him, etc… . That was a huge pool of profound, provocative feelings she'd been swimming in. He figured, from what he knew about girls, all that crying was pretty normal. But this? This was going to be a full-fledged meltdown, and he wasn't about to stand in the doorway and watch while it happened.
Her voice came again, small, soft, disbelieving. She looked at the ground, still showing no emotion on her face. "You were in LA? But I sent messages, I was in the hospital……you didn't even call……" Seth tightened his towel as he strode quickly across the room to her, then put an arm around a shoulder and tried to turn her away. "C'mon, Summer. We're just gonna – "
"Who in the hell are you? Get out of my house right now!"
Summer turned at the same time Seth did. "Daddy, no! This is Seth, he's my – "
"Oh, I know what he is." Her father looked around the room, taking in the breakfast tray by the rumpled bed, their two bags of clothing, and finally their wet hair and the towels covering them both. "But this one's scrawny; did you already go through the water-polo and football teams? The housekeeper's told me all about your adventures, Summer. I'm so disappointed that you turned out just like your mother. She was quite a little whore, also."
The only noise in the room was of her sharp intake of breath.
Seth felt as though time stopped as he turned to catch her expression of open-mouthed shock dissolve into crushed bewilderment. He found himself lunging across the room, unaware of anything other than his desire to destroy. "Hey!" The word, perhaps in unfamiliar territory, came out as only a squeak. He cleared his throat, stopping in front of Mr. Roberts. "Hey! You don't talk to her like that! She – she's not like that – don't EVER call her that again!!" Seth realized Summer's father was the same height, but quite a bit broader and heavier than him. He faintly registered that this move could end quite badly, but stood his ground, not caring.
The older man just smiled. "And what are you going to do about it, son?" He turned to Summer. "So you've got a white knight this time, huh? From the looks of him, he's just grateful a pretty girl let him touch her. He probably doesn't know he's just one in a long line of – "
Seth saw white and grabbed the man by the throat, pulling his good arm back and making a fist. His tone was matter of fact, but his eyes were dangerous. "I know everything about her, and I know ALL about you. Pervert." His tone dropped. "I really don't do this sort of thing? But I am already quite motivated to hit you, just on principle, so I'd. STOP. TALKING. If I were you."
Seth knew excessive satisfaction when the older man's expression changed from cocky to alarmed and his face went white. He wasn't sure if "Dad" was reacting to his threatened violence, or the suggested knowledge of his crimes, but at this point, he didn't care. His head was in a new, protective, and potentially dark place, and he was seriously HOPING the man would say something else, anything, so he could hit him. Stepping up beside them, Summer grabbed Seth's arm. He lowered his fist reluctantly, then stepped back, letting go of her dad's throat and breaking their locked glare to glance at Summer, finally realizing what he was doing and what he'd said. "OhMyGod. I - I've become Ryan. Sorry. I shouldn't have – " Expecting her to be in tears, he was surprised when she interrupted him with a sad smile and a shake of the head.
She squeezed his hand quickly and kissed him on the cheek. "I got this, Cohen. Thanks, but I got this one."
He hesitated, unsure, but she nodded so he reluctantly backed away. "OK. But I'm not leavin'." He crossed his arms.
Summer walked over to the bar where her dad had retreated. He'd just knocked back a quickly poured shot when she slapped him across the face. Stunned, he gaped at her. She slapped him once more.
Seth's jaw dropped again, shocked. He hadn't seen that coming.
"How DARE you call me a whore when you're the one that Taught. Me. How to BE ONE! What - did you think I didn't remember, Daddy? I've NEVER forgotten how much it hurt the first time you did it, how confused I was, how scared! I grew up thinking sex meant love because THAT'S. WHAT. YOU. TAUGHT ME!" Each word was emphasized by a poke in his chest with her finger.
Mr. Roberts nervously eyed Seth, who had one hand over his mouth in dismay. "Summer, I hardly think this is – "
"OH, no, YOU don't get to talk. I've been waiting all these years for you to talk about it, and you NEVER. DID… Your turn's over - now it's mine." She cocked her head to one side, studying him as if she was seeing him for the first time. "You made me believe it was all my fault! You spent years twisting my mind, getting me ready, and then - " a sob escaped her and her face contorted in rage and horror. Refusing to break down, she shook her head and went on. " - and then you made me think that somehow, with my obviously sexy, wanton 6 year-old ways, I SEDUCED YOU into raping me." She was silent a moment, suddenly struggling for words. She stared at the floor. "…………God… and I believed you…" Her voice began to crack as she looked back at him and sarcastically mimicked his words from long ago. " 'Take off your clothes and show daddy how much you love him, angel.' " Furious, she suddenly pushed him, advancing again as he caught his balance on the bar behind him. "I believed you loved me because you were SCREWING ME –"
His face had gone from ash white to bright red. "Summer – That's ENOUGH!"
"SHUT UP! Did you know that after you got caught and went away for so long, I was convinced I was too ugly and not good enough to care about? And then you came back and would barely look at me, barely TALK to me, ME - your little angel - and I thought I was bad and no one would ever love me. I'd climb in your bed, remember that? - And you'd throw me out and lock me in my room, and I DIDN'T KNOW... WHAT... I'D DONE WRONG to make you not love me anymore."
Seth felt sick, and simultaneously tried to keep tears at bay and his breakfast in his stomach. At first he'd thought his girlfriend would just talk her dad into leaving, but he'd messed that up by losing his cool, trying to punch the guy, and running his mouth; he'd figured she would just explain that they were serious about each other, and – and his brain was short-circuited - hell, he wasn't sure what he'd thought would happen! Everything had gone bad so quickly. The last thing he'd expected, though, was for her to confront him about the sexual abuse right now. Had he started this with his thoughtless stupid mouth? His brain felt fried and was suddenly full of mental pictures of this disgusting creature calling himself a father forcing himself on a tiny wide-eyed Summer. He swallowed hard and ran a hand quickly across his eyes. His concern for the girl he loved was increasing by the second, but she didn't look like she wanted to cry anymore, oh no. She looked ready to kill.
"I – I – I - didn't know – really, Summer – "
She interrupted her dad again. "Hey, guess what? I didn't know what was going on either, because I was JUST A BABY WHEN YOU STARTED DOING IT TO ME! You BRAINWASHED ME and I was just a little SEX TOY for you. I was never a daughter; I was a TOY! And you know what's totally sick? All this time I just wanted to be loved by you. Still. A pervert like you! That's all I've ever wanted."
Wrongly sensing a chance to make things right, her dad carelessly said the first thing to come to mind. "I do! I do love you! You're my only child. I love you - I always have!"
Summer jerked as if he'd slapped her. Her entire body shaking, she turned her head and backed away from him, not looking at him until she regained control. "Don't make me PUKE! You don't know the meaning of the word. It's been, like, never since we had a real conversation; you haven't been interested in anything I've done since you stopped molesting me! Not ONCE have you asked me how I feel after getting hit by a freaking CAR! You never called, you never came, and you were only in LA!! You're more worried about the stupid Corvette than me!!!! Did you know that my best friend is brain dead now? Yeah, she was in the Corvette when that happened. Now THAT? THAT'S a shame. Not that the CLASSIC FUCKING CAR IS TOTALED!" Her voice kept rising, and she stopped to take a deep breath.
"I'm sorry! I didn't know – "
"We left messages for you! Your attorney and Seth's dad left messages for you! It was all over the news – Seth's brother was hurt too! HOW could you NOT KNOW?… YOU!!! KNEW!!! ……But - Oh, that's right, YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AND YOU NEVER HAVE! I wanted a dad, but all you are is a SICK-ASSED FREAK! THAT is what became clear to me today."
Her father began to talk quickly. "That's not true! I knew what I was doing was wrong, but – but I couldn't stop myself! When the nanny caught us, I was ashamed of what I'd done – I thought you'd be better off if I wasn't around. I left for – for YOU. Because I DID care about you – I've never done it again, I've been– I thought you'd forgotten - "
Summer threw her head back, raisingclenched fists and screamed. "NO, NO, NO, NO!!! You've had at least 8 YEARS TO TELL ME THAT!!!! IT'S WAY TOO LATE NOW!!!" She breathed in, a long, deep lungful of air. Then another one. "Tell it to your attorney."
"Wh-what? I don't think –"
"Seth's dad? He's an attorney. And his mom? Is Caleb Nichols' daughter. I'm sure Seth's dad could help me if I want to bring charges against you, and ohhhh, the publicity would be so good for business. And if Mr. Nicol decides he doesn't like you? A few well-placed phone calls could - "
"But Summer, please, you don't want –"
"Oh, yes I do. I'm just not sure yet when the best time would be. All that courtroom drama might be a hassle……Hmm. I'll have to think about it. Oh hey, I know! Maybe you should live for a while at MY mercy, always wondering when I'm gonna drop this little bomb on you. God knows I've spent my whole life in a form of hell because of YOU. Payback's a bitch, Daddy."
Mr. Roberts cleared his throat and tried his best corporate owner's negotiating voice. "I'm sure we can work this out without getting – your friends - involved, Summer.Can't we? If I'm arrested the business could fail – I may not be able to afford your credit cards, or buy new cars, or – or - "
Seth relished the man's obvious panic showing clearly through his smooth speech.
"Oh yeah! I almost forgot. New cars! What kind of car did you bring me?"
"What?" Mr. Roberts loosened his tie, starting to sweat. "A BMW. They'll be delivering it this afternoon. It's, uh, very nice."
Summer was quiet, lost in thought. She finally looked back at her dad. "No."
"No? What do you mean, No?"
"I don't want a BMW."
"I don't think –"
"I want a Porsche. A – what's it called, Seth?" She called over her shoulder.
Seth was trying hard to keep up with the subject change. "Uh. Car? Oh. Boxster."
"Yeah, that's what I want. It matches my personality."
Her father looked pained. "Summer, the BMW is already paid for. I can't just –"
"Sure you can. Fix it. I want my Boxster. Oh, and a Hummer, too! I need something that all of our friends will fit in, so we can go places all in one vehicle."
Mr. Roberts shook his head. "I'll get you the Porsche, but you don't need two cars - "
Summer put her hand on her hip. "Oh, I SO totally do. And I really don't think you're in any position to suddenly start deciding what I need. Father." She spit the word out. "Seth can drive one of them when he needs it, so his Mom can have her Range Rover back. It's perfect!" She turned to Seth, beaming, then back to her dad. "You need to find out if there's a PlayStation 4 yet, too. If there is, get me one. No, make it two. We need one at both houses."
Exasperated, her father's face held traces of anger. "A PlayStation? Both houses?? No, Summer. You get a Porsche. That's it. Be happy it's not a BMW."
Summer shook her head, walking over to Seth. "Oh gosh. I so hoped I wouldn't have to do this. Can I use your cell phone? Is your Dad at work, you think?"
Seth blankly handed her the phone off the bedside table. "Uh huh."
Mr. Roberts was instantly shaken, turning white again. "Wait!! I don't think we need to call Seth's dad. A HumVee could be useful. For you and your friends. Of course."
"Oh, that's good, Daddy! I figure if my old nanny got 2 mansions and a truck-load of money from you, you can afford two cars for your beloved only daughter. Right?" She laid the sarcasm on thickly.
He cleared his throat, inching his way toward the door. "Right. I've got to go - make some calls. About the BMW and uh, the others. I'll – uh, … Just don't – don't call anyone. No phone calls, ok?"
"Uh huh! You make those calls, Daddy. Bye!" She called brightly after him. After watching the door close, she covered her eyes with her hands. After a moment she turned to Seth, staring blankly. "That was real?" She whispered.
He nodded slowly, still in shock. "You – uh – he ……yeah. Are you ok?"
She shook her head, then held up her hands, watching them shake.
"I have no idea what to say. I'm not sure I'm ok. Of course I don't matter right now. It's…you…" Seth felt helpless, his emotions in disarray, and his need to help her fenced in by graphic images of what her father had done. He was frozen to the spot, unable to move toward her.
Summer turned her back on him and faced the huge window, stretching down a hand to carefully lower herself to the ground, sitting with knees pulled tightly to her chest.
Holding his stomach and staring out at the ocean, Seth realized that the chaos in his head was familiar. This disjointed, surreal place he was in felt very similar to that period of time immediately after the car had hit Summer. Making a conscious effort to think clearly did no good, and he vaguely wished he'd shut the door to the bathroom, shaved with the water running and been oblivious to the scene that had just played out in front of him. He'd been sick for her, obviously, after first hearing Summer's horror story, but able to brush away thoughts of a faceless man in a distant past fairly easily, in order to concentrate on the wounded girl. Everything had changed. The man had a face now, and witnessing Summer sledgehammer through the huge barricade of denial and unspoken outrage that had grown between them over the years had seared images permanently into his brain . Full of guilt for wishing he hadn't been there, guilt for leaving her small hunched figure in the middle of the room, and guilt for not being able to handle it all, he ran for the bathroom.