Fizzing Whizbees! 40 reviews! WOOT! First of all, I'd like to thank all the fabulous readers and reviewers of Chapter One. Your positive and honest feedback was extremely inspiring and helpful! A huge thank you goes out to: ShadowHexx771, Violet Kefira, SafetyXPins, Mrs. Phineas Nigellus, katie, SilentRaven987, Sing-my-heart-out, miss mcGonagle, BansheeGirl, EponineWeasley, BeaumontRulz, One With a Constant Sugar High, kitotterkat, Freelancer, -TheSingingBlob-, Lady Epur, Lumos2000, Ron Lover 2005, suckr4romance, brickabrack, ThePhantomIt14, Lara Potter, unknownspecies, Palanfanaiel, AshEllie, mAlFoYiSaWeSoMe, Pihllyactress, EM, skysongscry, Quill of Minerva, Ange Cavaliere, Loku, SherbetKitty, phunkymunky, HMS Frivolity and Felines, FairyKisses, Kaima, draco n hermione foreva, and last, but certainly NOT least, sportsnightnut.

Did anyone see GOF yet? I had theopportunity to attenda showing last night, and let me tell you..I was a bit disappointed. Many awesome parts of the book were cut out, and some were overly exaggerated and took up way too much time. Random lines were added, and canon lines were changed around or said by a different character. How hard is it to just stick to the book? I understand that under the time constraint, things do have to be shortened or cut out all together. Butat least the events that were included in the movie should be accurate to the book! Grrr...I'm still extremely irritated! Tons of things were just messed up. And, worst of all, the graveyard scene was WAY too short and just...blegh. I mean, that IS the climax of the book! Double grrr! However, I thought the Yule Ball scene was awesome, the tasks portrayed fairly well, etc. And, of course, Draco and Cedric were extremely hot. And Ron was rather adorable! And the interactions between those two... :sighs: Enough of my girly giggling...onto Chapter Numero Dos!

Read, review, and above all else, ENJOY, my friends!

Oh, just a quick note: This is NOT going to turn into a Severus and Minerva romance. I assure you of that.You'll understand this note better after reading this chapter.

October 1st, 1994.
10:08 PM

Classes were absolute hell today. Those snotty first years burned three cauldrons. One in particular, a pathetic little boy by the name of James Linkle, burned two all by himself. Another Neville Longbottom...I would dearly love to give that boy SUCH a spanking, but Albus unfortunately forbids us professors to physically punish our students, which is truly a pity. That sexy Angelina Johnson...whew...would truly delight in physically punishing her...could think of many, many, many wicked ways...

Igor is coming in less than a month, as Albus kindly reminded me at breakfast. We shall have a grand ole time reminiscing about our days running around together with those damn white masks on, killing, torturing, and seducing innocent Muggles. I shall take particular pleasure in reminding about that one time he tried to hit on one fine looking specimen of a female, only to later discover that "she" was Alastor, on an undercover, top-secret assignment in a clever disguise.

Number of detentions given: 10 – all to Gryffindors:-)

Number of times hit on by females: 5, all at dinner :-)

Number of times hit on by males: 0, thank Salazar :-)

Number of times I hit on Minerva: 2 :-)

Number of times Minerva hit on me: 0 :-(

All in all... a decent day.

October 4th, 1994
4:45 PM

What in Merlin does she see in that man? He's old. He's decrepit. He has white hair, for the sake of Salazar! And she seems to find that attractive?

Top Ten Reasons Why Minerva McGonagall Should Madly Lust After Severus Snape Instead of Albus Dumbledore

1. I have long, silky black hair.

2. I have a damn good body, if I say so myself. Not some frail, delicate pale thing. Not that I've ever seen his naked body, thank Merlin.

3. I actually have muscles.

4. I am an experienced man. Never mind the fact that my only experience was in my sixth year at Hogwarts, when I was absolutely dead drunk after a party in honor of Slytherin's winning the Quidditch Cup...

5. My lips are a delightfully deadly weapon- oh, if only Albus hadn't come to the rescue, Minerva would've learned that, firsthand...

6. I have excellent fashion sense. I don't flutter about in obnoxiously colored robes. I wear basic black- which, according to Witch Vogue, is SO in.

7. But I'm certainly not queer. Definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY not. I know for a fact that Lucius too subscribes to that particular magazine.

That doesn't make me feel much better.

8. I have big hands, big feet, and a big nose. And you know what they say about men like that...

9. I'm clever, witty and seductive.

And finally...

Darn. I can't think of the tenth reason...

This romance is doomed right from the beginning.

Same Day.
11:42 PM

Minerva did not seem to be overly delighted by my birthday gift for her- five bottles of Firewhiskey. Hehe. I only thought that since she seemed to like it so much at Auriga's party, she'd fancy having a supply of her own to break into once in a while. Obviously not. Hmpph. But she clearly loved Albus's gift to her- a bunch of assorted Muggle sweets. MUGGLE SWEETS! Sweet Merlin, how much more pathetic can a man get?

October 9th, 1994.
12:13 AM

Lucius came to Hogwarts for a few hours this evening, basically to visit Draco, but I also had the opportunity to speak with him. The only thing I really got out of our conversation, especially after downing more than a few shots of something wicked sort of liquor he brought is that... black is the new pink. Or pink is the new black. BUGGER! Anyway, we discussed the newest issue of Witch Vogue and...and...and...and, that was about it. Lucius commented that by taking a revealing quiz on page 28, he discovered that he is a "strong, yet gentle" type of wizard. I question his sanity. I question the author of that quiz's sanity. Most of all, I question my sanity for calling him one of my closest acquaintances! Not to mention that I question his sexuality. And my own at times, too, to be honest. I truly can't help that fact that I live for receiving the newest issue of that magazine via private owl post. If word ever were to get out about my reading preference...Potter and his entourage would be on cloud nine. I must never, never, NEVER let that happen!

October 16th, 1994.
9:08 AM

What have I done to deserve this?

In front of all of my colleagues, I opened an enticing looking package from that dratted owl of mine to find...

A huge bottle of Sheridan's Spectacular Shampoo. Anonymously sent. With a note attached to it though.

Severus,

Use this shampoo well. You certainly need to.

I am highly, highly offended. If this is Lucius's doing, I will castrate him. Very, very, VERY painfully. I have my ways. I also know for a fact that his hair- while it may look attractive- is the result of many, many galleons worth of hair gel- and baby shampoo! As well known as he is in our world, I'm sure many people would find that information highly useful- and amusing.

October 18th, 2004.
1:17 AM

Once again, I am highly, highly offended- and superbly disgusted.

Ponoma tried to seduce me.

She came to my quarters, dressed in a ridiculously skimpy black dress- a piece of clothing a woman over 55 clearly should never consider wearing. She had on so much bright red lipstick, blush, and blue eye shadow that it was unbelievingably tacky. Even I know that makeup is best if worn in small, unnoticeable amounts, just to enhance certain facial features. Anyway...

Me: "Ponoma...how surprising!" And it indeed was surprising. I have never, ever, ever seen that women in anything but those dirt-covered robes of hers- and I truly don't wish to repeat the experience.

Her: "Seeeevvverrrusss" Yes, she purred. Rather frightening, I will assure you. And, for good measure, she batted her eyelashes quite dramatically.

Me...Even I, the great and witty Severus Snape, could not formulate a clever comeback for a remark like that.

Her: "Let's have a little fun tonight, Sev." She ran a finger down my arm. Her fingernails, I noticed, were still caked with dirt. Had I not already been turned-off by then for some obscene reason, that would have done it.

Me: "Hell no, Ponoma!" But that plant-obsessed witch was not deterred.

Her: "Oh, you know you want to, Sev. It's obvious that you are quite... aroused.

Me: "Oh no, I certainly don't want to." And even Irma would excite me more than you at this point in time!

Her: "Yes you do! Oh, Sevy, if only you were aware of the extent of my feelings for you..."

Me: (rather stiffly) "I do believe I am by now."

Her: "Then you return the affections? Oh, Sevvvvyyyyy..." And then she attempted to jump straight into my arms. Her fairly high weight threw me off balance and we both landed on the floor, her on top of myself, face to face.

Me: "Remove yourself from my body this instant!"

Her: (after a long purr and with a valiant attempt at a seductive tone) "I don't think so, Severus. I have you right where I want you...beneath me!" And with that she puckered her lips up and...

Thank Merlin for Draco Malfoy, is all I have to say.

He rushed into my quarters and said breathlessly, "Professor, I'm sorry I'm late..." (we were going to have a shot of Firewhiskey or two and a man-to-man discussion) and then stopped dead in his tracks.

"Professor, what on EARTH are you doing?"

"A just question, Draco," I snarled, attempting not to gag from the overwhelmingly horrid and dragon-manure-like smell of Ponoma's breath. "My wand, please?"

Draco picked up my wand from where it had fallen on the floor when Ponoma had attacked me and threw it in my general direction. It hit me smack-dab on my forehead.

I managed to shimmy one of my hands out from beneath her plump body (the nerve of that woman- she thought I was trying to touch her chest!) and grabbed my wand. I performed a nifty little spell that promptly gave me extra strength and was therefore able to lift her 90-kilogram body off my own.

"Goodbye, Ponoma," I said through gritted teeth as I forcefully escorted her through the door, setting up a very strong ward on the entrance to my corridors to assure that I would have no more unwanted guests for the rest of the evening.

"Is that the way to treat a woman?" Draco smirked.

"That's the way to treat a 62-year old woman dressed like a skank who is even better than a cold shower," I snorted, flopping back on my black leather couch. "Drink, Draco?"

"If you're having one, sir."

I poured out two shots of Firewhiskey and we downed them in unison.

Halfway through my shot, I suddenly choked as I realized who I was sitting in my quarters with- and who had seen Severus Snape, flat on his back and unable to move, with a 62-year old woman attempting to snog him. Now, had that been Minerva on top of me, it would've been a completely different story. Nevertheless- dear Salazar! If Lucius ever were to find out about this...

There was no need for me to worry. The drink loosened Draco's tongue up enough to share some very interesting and revealing things with me. I highly doubt that he'll be telling his father about the occurrence this night any time soon. After all, I could just casually let it slip to Lucius that his son thinks that Hermione Granger is attractive...

October 21st, 2004.
4:09 PM

The nerve of that girl.

Hermione Granger has once again earned a perfect score on her essay.

Beating even my dear godson, Draco.

No wonder he fancies her- he goes for the smart women.

As do I.

Minerva, oh Minerva, where art thou, Minrerva? Why won't thou pay the least bit of attention to thou's wonderful, charming, sexy colleague?

Number of detentions given: 18

Number of times hit on by females: 40- Fifteen times by Ponoma alone. Will that woman ever give up?

Number of times hit on by males: 3- Argus twice, and I think Hagrid once.

Number of times I hit on Minerva: 10

Number of times Minerva hit on me: 0- once again

Ah. It is hard being the most desired man at Hogwarts.

I am lusted after by everyone from Ponoma Sprout to Argus Filch. Everyone. That is, except for Albus and Minerva. The latter of which is the only person I want to lust after me.

I wonder what color knickers she wears?

Coming up on December 3rd: Probably a chapter by Minerva- I really haven't decided yet. I'm leaning towards having this fiction be an alternation between an excerpt from Minerva's journal and then one from Severus's. I truly have nothing against Dumbledore...it's just that I'm not exactly sure about what I would write for his and in what style...I tried to make Minerva and Severus's writing styles slightly different, seeing as they are of a different gender, but I'm not exactly sure I succeeded. At any rate, look for an update in two weeks! Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone:-)