Lies – 41
"So what'll it be? You probably like Gran Turismo better, huh? I've never seen your Playstation; where is it at your house?" Seth put Summer down on the couch and settled in next to her. "It's getting much easier to shlep you around." He flexed his arms, checking out each bicep. "Either I'm getting buff, or you're losing weight. Just - don't tell me if it's the latter. Let me have this moment, ok?"
"Deal." Summer smiled. "I don't have a Playstation, and I've never played."
Seth appeared to be crushed. "What? I thought – "
"I want to learn, though, if you want to teach me." She gazed up at him hopefully.
Seth stared at her, perplexed. "Wait a minute. You've never played, and now all of a sudden you want to learn how? Why?"
"Why not? It's one of your favorite things." She rubbed her arm, wincing.
Seth watched her for a minute, then made a decision. "Summer, as thrilled as I am that you're interested in learning about my extracurricular activities, I think you've had enough for one day. Why don't we just relax?" He sniffed the air. "Smells good already. We can have dinner and you can go to bed. You look beat."
She shook her head. "I am tired, but I want to stay up like a big girl, and do something fun for a change. I feel like I'm on a toddler's schedule, or – a nursing home's. I know! You go ahead and play until dinner's ready, and I'll watch and try to get the hang of it."
"You got it. One tutorial coming up." He showed her the game controller, explaining what each button did, then started a solo game, talking her through it as he played. She leaned her head on his shoulder to see the controller in his hands better. Seth played a while, then looked down to find her eyes closed, fast asleep. Smiling, he ended the game and slipped his arm around her, resting his head on top of hers. She snuggled into his chest and sighed contentedly.
"Hey!" Summer raised her head and looked around, speaking sleepily. "What happened to Grand Halo?"
Seth looked up from his comic book. "It appears that your big girl plan went geriatric on you. And it's Gran Turismo."
"That's what I said. Did I learn how to play before I passed out?"
"Not sure. I'm planning on quizzing you later. Are you hungry?"
"Are you kidding?" Summer headed for the kitchen. "You DID take out the meatloaf, right?"
"You think I would let the precious non-take-out, home-made-by-you-and-me dinner burn? That's just crazy talk. And it's very tasty." He got up and followed her.
Summer caught sight of her purse on the island, with the edge of the manila envelope sticking up out of it. She stopped in her tracks, and Seth ran into the back of her.
"Whoa! Sorry! You must have pulled your emergency brake." He stepped from behind her to her side, curious when she didn't move. "What's up? Did I hurt you? Or - crap! Did I scare you?"
She finally turned to look at him, shaking her head. "No." A slow smile grew on her face. "You don't scare me at all." Instead of going to the stove, she walked to the island and grabbed the envelope out of her purse, her hunger completely forgotten. "Come here and look at this."
Seth, not hearing her, was already pulling the meatloaf pan out of the oven with his back to her. "How much do you want?"
Summer looked from the envelope to him uncertainly. "I know it's asking a lot after ……"
"Not really, after all, you made it. You can have as much as you want." He picked up the spatula and held it over the pan, waiting for her reply.
She was very quiet. "I want it all, Cohen."
Her tone of voice and hesitant delivery sent a tingle up his spine. He slowly laid the spatula down and turned to her. "I think I missed a hairpin curve in the conversation. Just to make sure, though - are we, uh, discussing food here?"
She mutely shook her head, staring at him with huge eyes.
Not sure exactly what was happening, Seth literally bit his tongue to stop the usual, nervous long-winded chatter from spilling out of his mouth. He intuitively sensed that he should shut up and listen, and let her take her time with whatever she had to say. He leaned back with his elbows against the counter, trying to look casual and not even a little bit hopeful.
After taking a deep breath and looking down at the envelope in her hand, she lifted her eyes to his again. "I'm sorry. I let the damage 'that man' did scare me away from you, and honestly, Seth, what we have together is what I need most right now. All of this stuff going on – Coop, and worrying about ending up like her, and her being … gone, and the things that happened when I was little, and my mom, and what he did to me the other day; it's all been wrapped up in a huge, like, knot – that I couldn't unravel. Then Julie told me her boyfriend of 2 years left after she was raped. I heard things at the meeting today that made me see how lucky I am to have someone like you in my life." She pulled the cards and photo from the envelope. "And I got these at the hospital today." She slid the picture and the card the employees had signed across the island toward him.
He quickly scanned the card and then scrutinized the picture, smiling as he realized what their friends at the hospital were up to.
Summer slid the tiny card from the flowers at him. "We forgot this. And I – I forgot what it meant."
He glanced at his own handwriting, then back up to her brown eyes, a question in his own.
She pointed to the photo. "Look at my face there. I had to see this to feel it. I wouldn't let myself trust you like I promised I would. But my expression when this was taken says it all, doesn't it?"
"You look relaxed – happy, even," he agreed with her.
"You know, as much as I like your dad, and I've actually been thinking of him as sort of a dad-like person? When he grabbed my elbow today it made my skin crawl. And I felt really bad about it."
"That's normal, Summer. It should pass in time."
"I know, but still. What I mean - is you? All I feel is good when you – touch me." They shared a quick smile before she turned serious again. She looked down at her ring. "I'm so sorry. I didn't trust you – or us – and I haven't been honest with you." She looked up, as if scared to see his reaction.
"I know it's been very hard for you, and, and really confusing. Apology accepted, even though I'm not quite sure if you even need to. Apologize, I mean." Not able to hold the question back a second longer, he finally said it. "So what are you telling me, Summer? Just in case I'm jumping to a conclusion that shouldn't be - jumped on."
"I shouldn't have pushed you away, Cohen, or broke up with you. I'm saying I need you." Her voice softened. "I love you."
Seth closed his eyes for a moment and let the words carried on that amazing voice wash over him. He wanted to inhale them and somehow hold them prisoner, letting them echo around inside his head forever. He quickly decided, however, that a few seconds would be fine, as there were far more important things to do now. After circling the end of the island, he reached out for her.
She quickly put up a hand, stopping him cold. "Wait. I have to tell you something first - I've been afraid to tell you."
"Ok … Afraid because …?"
She squirmed uncomfortably. "Because you might not want to - um, be my boyfriend."
"I'm sorry, have you met me? Because apparently you missed the part where I've wanted to be your boyfriend since I was six." He smiled, trying to ease her tension.
She ignored his joke, still looking anxious. "Look, Cohen. I'm scared. I'm scared of… Um … Sex." She hadn't yet met his gaze. "Which – really doesn't make me much of a girlfriend."
He was quiet.
She felt the need to explain herself further. "Because I don't know if it'll ever be ok, and – and, you've been so patient and tried so hard and I don't think it's fair that you should have to wait around for something that might never happen. Something – important like that, I mean." She waited and he still didn't speak. "Look, I had to tell you; I couldn't let us get back together without you knowing that." She finally looked up at him. "Cohen! Say something!"
He watched her gravely. "I'm glad you told me. And I'm pretty sure it's up to ME if I want to hang around and wait, not you. And considering my actions so far, what do you suppose I want to do?" He crossed his arms.
Her voice was very small, but full of hope. "You – you want to hang around?"
"Ding, ding, ding, ding! You win! Um… Me."
She smiled, and it grew into a big grin.
"Summer, I can assure you that, while it may take time, we can work through the sex thing. It may be much easier than you think it will, even."
She looked at him doubtfully. "How?"
"Well, believe it or not, this very thing, the sex issue, I mean, was mentioned in several of the websites I researched. And, being the very thorough sort of investigator that I am, I felt that I should learn everything I could about your situation, whether it pertained to OUR situation or not. As it were." He couldn't stop staring at her lips. The swelling and small cuts from the beating looked much less pronounced today, and the urge to finally kiss her again was overwhelming.
She nodded knowingly. "Uh huh. Because you're thorough."
"Exactly. Summer?"
"Yes, Cohen?"
"I, uh, I really want to – " He leaned forward to kiss her and they bumped noses. He immediately straightened up. "Sorry, sorry. I just – maybe I'm a little overeager. I'd hate for our first kiss after getting back together to be as off the mark as THAT just was. It's probably not a good idea anyway, I might hurt your - lips." He tore his eyes away and went back to the stove. "You haven't eaten yet." After cutting a slice of meatloaf, he went to the refrigerator and opened the door, grabbing the salad bowl. A warm hand touched his back and he froze, watching the racks inside disappear as the refrigerator slowly swung closed. He looked over his shoulder at her, then turned, locking on her eyes as she gently pushed him back against the door he'd just shut. Anticipation had him feeling like a kid on Christmukka morning, waiting for the best present ever. Summer placed both hands on his chest and stood on her tiptoes while he slid lower against the refrigerator to meet her. When her lips touched his, there were no fireworks, just warmth spreading through his chest and a huge lump in his throat. It was a tentative kiss, short and light but devastatingly sweet. He groaned in frustration when she pulled away, so far gone that the salad bowl he'd been awkwardly holding out to the side was completely forgotten, beginning to slip towards the floor. She took it out of his hand and set it on the counter, quickly looking back up at him with a smile. "That didn't hurt."
"Are you sure? I'd hate to put you in any pain. So maybe - maybe you should check it out again, just to be safe." He nodded vigorously in encouragement.
She was already moving closer, murmuring to him. "What a good idea …"
She kissed him a little harder this time, slowly exploring until his lips parted and he began kissing her back as gently as he could. The warm flush spread through his body and one hand strayed to the hair behind her ear, his fingers tangling through it. Her hand went to his cheek, and she pulled back just far enough to whisper to him. "Doesn't hurt yet." Without answering, he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close, relishing the feel of her against him, warm and familiar. He bent his head and kissed her, gentleness becoming difficult with his every nerve ending suddenly highly aware of her lush curves in such close proximity.
The dining room door slid open, with neither of them registering it.
"Hey, gu – OhMyGod. Sorry. We'll just be – um, somewhere else." Anna averted her eyes as she and Ryan went through the kitchen.
Seth raised his head and sighed deeply. "There's meatloaf."
Ryan stopped in his tracks. "Did you say meatloaf?"
Summer and Seth smiled at each other. Seth answered. "Yes, my friend, I did. It's the beginning of good times in Casa Cohen. A new, wonderful era with much fewer bagels and take-out and more deliciousness than this kitchen has ever seen."
Summer reluctantly turned away from Seth, having to tug against his hold as he was unwilling to let her go yet. "I'll get more plates." She finally turned back and leveled a stare at him. "Later, Cohen."
He looked at her with a mixture of hope and anxiety. "Promise?"
She immediately lost her harsh expression, kissing him quickly on the cheek and whispering in his ear. "I promise, sweetie. I swear I won't change my mind about us." She raised her left hand, showing him the ring she still wore.
He laced his fingers through hers, and kissed her again.
Ryan cleared his throat. "Plates? Please? I'd get them, but you're kind of standing in front of them."
Summer pulled away from Seth and he let her go this time. She grabbed two more plates out of the cabinet next to the refrigerator, setting them on the stove. "I haven't eaten yet, either." She finished fixing her plate and sat at the table in the dining room, motioning to Seth. "I know you'll eat more. Come her and help me."
He slid into a chair next to her as Ryan and Anna joined them. "So how was your excursion?" He explained to Summer that the other couple had driven along the coast all day.
Ryan and Anna exchanged a quick glance, grinning. "It was good." Ryan took a bite and looked at Summer. "So's this!"
"Thanks. Seth actually made it, though. I just supervised."
Ryan looked from her to Seth, then back at Summer. "You're kidding."
She shook her head.
"Completely true, Ryan. There's sm… smu… something like sled dogs involved? But in reality, the mystery that has always been meatloaf is quite simply solved." He took a bite off of Summer's fork.
Anna glanced at Ryan, then back to Seth. "Sled dogs? I don't think I want to know. But it's really good."
Seth gave a guilty start as he turned from Summer to look at Ryan and found him pointing a finger, head cocked to one side. "Dude, that raised eyebrow is fairly screaming at the irony of it all." He rolled his eyes. "All right. I apologize for giving you a hard time about Anna feeding you this morning. I was in a highly bitter and completely jaded place back then. I'm better now." He kissed Summer quickly.
Ryan nodded. "I see that. I guess I don't need to ask how your day went."
Seth shook his head. "Anything that happened before … " He checked his watch. "… 45 minutes ago is irrelevant. So the drive was good?" He turned to Anna.
"Oh yes. We stopped whenever we felt like it and looked in shops and sat at the beaches and then drove some more until we found someplace new that looked interesting."
"That sounds really fun! Something different. Different places." Summer sounded wistful.
"It felt good to get away from here." Ryan looked quickly at Seth. "I don't mean "here" here."
"No need to explain, bro. Maybe we could all go sometime soon. Summer could certainly use a day away from all this. And I'm always up for a road trip." He slid his arm along the back of Summer's chair.
"Oh! Oh! And we could all go in the Hummer!" Summer was enthusiastic, remembering why she'd wanted it in the first place. "If we got tired and didn't want to drive home, we could just sleep in it. There's so much room!" She turned to Seth. "Right?"
"We certainly could. It's like a 2 bedroom double-wide sitting out there in our very own driveway. Complete with DVD - and a cooler? Becomes the kitchen."
"But no bathrooms," Ryan pointed out.
"Sure there is. That's why the windows roll down."
Ryan looked exasperated. "For us. What are the girls supposed to do?"
"Hmmn. I guess they hold it until we find a gas station." He shrugged. "Bushes by the side of the road?"
Anna and Summer rolled their eyes at each other. "Don't worry about us; we'll manage." Summer looked around the table. "Ok then. Who's up for a game of Gran … Tur… ismo!" She finished triumphantly, looking to Seth for confirmation.
"I'm impressed, Summer. You got the name right."
Ryan seemed slightly shocked. "You have a PlayStation?"
Summer shook her head. "No. But I'm determined to learn." She kissed Seth on the cheek as he beamed at Anna and Ryan.
"You are?" Anna looked dubious.
"Yep. Looks like fun." Summer stood and began gathering plates.
Shrugging, Anna helped with the dishes, carrying them to the sink. "Then I am too."
"What do ya say, Ryan? Shall we pass our superior skills with the controller on to the girls?"
Ryan shrugged. "Sure. But girls can never play as well as men, for some reason."
Anna bristled. "Excuse me?"
He flashed her a smile. "You really want to prove me wrong now, don't you?"
"Yes. Is that your idea of motivation, Atwood?"
"Seemed to work pretty well." He grinned.
"Just remember this moment in a few weeks when I'm kicking your ass up one side of the Playstation and down the other."
There was a chorus of "Oooooooh's".
Seth nudged Ryan. "Dude. I think you over-motivated her."
Ryan just smiled. "She's right where I want her."
Seth kept trying to stare at the ceiling over his bed, wanting to relive certain key moments of the day, but his eyes kept closing on him. Quite the turn of events since the last time he'd tried to sleep in his own bed. They'd spent the rest of the evening teaching the girls to play, and they'd both caught on pretty well. Anna was determined to learn and beat Ryan as soon as she could, but Summer just appeared to really have fun and enjoy the competition and companionship. Either way, both he and Ryan had been impressed with both girls. Ryan had finally claimed exhaustion from the day of traveling, and he and Anna headed out to the pool house. Summer was tired, too, and obviously hurting so he'd helped her up to her room and fed her pain medication. He grinned, remembering how excited and happy she'd been when she saw that he'd gone to her house today and brought back a lot more of her clothes. He'd taken over half of her closet, several things from each drawer in her dressers, and of course, many, many pairs of shoes, folding it all into her luggage, then unpacking it again in her new room after driving home. He'd helped her into bed, and then sat with her for a while, just talking. He was quietly elated that she'd changed her mind about their relationship, and found himself stealing shy looks at her during silent moments, feeling as though he was dreaming. Or in 7th grade again. He'd kissed her goodnight – and oh yeah, what a perfect ending to any day. Just as good, if not better, than their interrupted kiss in the kitchen earlier, certainly longer; he finally had to force his lips off of her and let her go to sleep. Knowing she was just across the hall and still in love with him left him content and happy; all the stress from the past few weeks seemed to have been sucked out of him and shot into space, maybe. It was somewhere else now, anyway. Realizing his eyes had closed again, he opened them, studying the lines in the paint on the ceiling that could only be seen at night with the dim light coming through the window. Hearing a faint noise, he slowly rolled his head on the pillow, and now he was imagining Summer standing in his room, wearing a lavender negligee, smiling shyly. Her hair was no longer in the loose ponytail it was in earlier - of course he would imagine her with it down; long dark silk reflecting moonlight in sort of an aura around her head, accenting those breathtaking facial features of hers. And Good. Lord … did she EVER look smokin' in her barely-there nightwear; if he was really awake and she'd showed up looking like that he'd probably have a heart attack or a stroke. His visual senses were overloading right now in this dream, nerve endings throughout his body snapping to attention and saluting Queen Summer of the Lavender Negligee clan. He felt sweat popping out on his forehead.
"Seth?"
The vision was talking to him. Whoa. Why didn't he dream like this every night?
"Are you awake, sweetie?"
Now why would his dream vision want to know if he was awake? That was just weird ……
Seth sat straight up in bed.
Summer jumped back with a little scream.
"Am I awake?"
She grabbed the closest thing to her hand, and threw the CD at him. "You'd better be after scaring the hell out of me!"
Seth was out of the bed in an instant, hugging her. "I'm sorry! I thought you were just another dream – a recurring dream, that I uh, I have a lot. Often. Sometimes. Fantasy, actually, but I'm just going to stop talking now, because you really don't need to know about that, and ohmygod Summer, you look so – Holy "Stuff" model… There are no words." Quickly letting go of her, he took a step back, as if he'd been touching fire. "Why, uh … why are you in my room, again?" He nervously cleared his throat. "Wearing that?"
"You pretty much ruined the moment, Cohen," she replied dryly.
"Ah, yes, of course I did." He brightened suddenly. "I am more than willing to start over, however, and NOT think you're a product of my overactive imagination when I realize you're standing in my room. You have no idea how well I could play that scene, if you'd only give me another chance."
She crossed her arms, considering it, then smiled and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
Seth lay back on his pillow, attempting to not grin from ear-to-ear. He finally composed himself, closing his eyes. In a few minutes he sensed her presence, never hearing her, and turned his head to look. She was there, closer this time, gloriously gorgeous and once again appearing quite shy when his gaze caught hers.
She gave him an awkward little wave. "Hey. Cohen."
Seth rolled on his side, looking her up and down. He didn't have to pretend to be overwhelmed by her. He could barely speak. "Summer, you are … just… breathtaking." Without even realizing it, he'd stood up and now was being drawn to her like a magnet. He reached out, his fingers gentle on her bruised cheek. She covered his hand with her own. "Summer, I have to tell you one thing. Just one."
She smiled. "Go ahead."
"I want you to be very sure of what you're doing, because I'm no longer going to second guess your decisions or assume I know how bad your aches and pains are. I thought I was taking care of you, but I see that I was probably undermining your confidence by being overly protective of you. I want you to know – I trust that you know what's best for you."
Her eyes widened. "Huh! You mean you won't be asking me if this or that hurts all the time and try to talk me out of sex?"
"There's not one chance in hell, Summer, that I'm going to try to talk you out of sex. Ever." He let his fingers slide slowly down the sides of her neck, then shoulders, and reached around her, pulling her to him. He kissed her forehead. "But. I think we need to talk for a little while." He grabbed his robe and draped it over her shoulders. "I'm confused. You said you were scared earlier." He couldn't stop his hands, they were like somebody else's and he had no control over them – someone else's hands were making their way down her sides and over her hips, back up to the curve of her waist, and down her back now. Feeling soft skin and silky material, and the smell of her hair was intoxicating. Somebody else's hands were almost out of control. He pulled the robe closed and tied it. "Sorry. It's not possible to think with my brain when you look like that."
She looked up at him, her expression anxious. "I am scared. But you said it might not be so bad and I thought maybe you could tell me what you found in your research."
He stepped back. "Wait a minute. You came in here dressed like that to find out research information?"
She had the good grace to look a little ashamed. "Well, it was kind of a test. I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it REALLY, I mean, he almost … and he did things …"
Seth shook his head. "You stopped him … and I don't care. None of it was your fault." He took her hand and led her over to the bed, where they both sat. "Were you afraid that I was just going through the motions, and I'd end up leaving when it came down to this, like Julie's ex did?"
She looked down at the carpet. "Well, maybe. It's understandable, really. Julie said that's what made it so hard for her, because she couldn't be mad at him. It's just – too much for some people to deal with. No one's fault, other than the creep that attacked her."
Seth shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere, Summer. You're stuck with me. And I'm fairly certain that I passed your test." He looked quickly at his hands, not sure if they were trustworthy yet. "Would it help to know that I saw a counselor today?"
"You went to another meeting?" She lay down and stretched out on the bed, patting a spot beside her. He followed and they lay on their sides, facing each other.
"Not a meeting, a counselor for me. Because rape and beatings affect me, too, because – well, for obvious reasons. I can help you better if I've got my own head straight. "
"Oh, I'm so glad, Seth. I've been totally worried about how all mydramahas been affecting you. But he didn't rape me. I was lucky."
Seth voice was soft. "He raped you when you were a child."
"And I'm dealing with that, and I refuse to let what he did the other day take away my progress. If I do, then he wins. I want to have a normal life with you." She laughed as Seth made a wry face.
"If you're with me, normal is not going to be in our vocabulary, Summer."
"You know what I mean." She reached over and touched his chest, running her hand over hard muscle. "What do I do? How can we do this? I'm afraid I'll have flashbacks and go all panic-stricken-freak-out-girl in the middle of it. I could scar you psychologically for life!"
"Too late. Elementary school and my parents already took care of that. But seriously Summer, there are things we can do to make it easier for you. When you feel like you're ready." He took her hand. "It doesn't have to be tonight – or – or next week, even, or a month from now. I really don't care – I mean I care; I care a whole lot, but not like that, about that. So don't feel like you're on a countdown clock to sexual liftoff or that I might be harboring resentment or something totally absurd like that. Cuz, just, no."
Summer was afraid if she said anything, she'd cry. Seth had just addressed her worst fear and she was deeply touched by how well he understood her current state of mind. She wanted him more than ever, enough to convince herself to come to his room wearing a negligee, but as much as she loved him, the thought of actually having sex had been a little disturbing. "You are … the sweetest man alive."
Seth laughed. "Yeah, I'll remind you about that the next time you throw something at me. Thank God we weren't in the kitchen; instead of a CD it might have been a small appliance, for instance the blender or toaster. Ouch. And more important - how would we toast bagels?"
"Shut up, Cohen. You want to just make out like high school kids and see how that goes? Would that be too, um –?"
"Summer, we ARE high school kids."
"Oh, no. I think in terms of life experience? We're WAY into our mid-thirties by now. We've both lost our innocence after all this, in a way." Her expression was sad. "Sorry about that."
Seth shook his head. "I'm not… Listen. I hope you know I'm here; I mean, if you want to talk about what happened the other day. If you – whatever you want. I'm here. Right? Ok?"
She smiled fondly. "Aw, baby, I know. But you're my, like, happy place. I'll talk to the shrink about that crap."
"Ok… Huh… I've never been anyone's 'happy place' before. Sounds very "Sound of Music'-ish. In a much cooler and masculine way, of course." He scooted closer and pulled her against him. "I'm in for a make-out session. If anything makes you feel uncomfortable, just let me know. But try not to use violence. Please. If you could just push me away - lightly, or TELL me, that would be completely acceptable, that is, if that's ok with you. No bashing of the head with the lamp or clock radio - "
Summer sighed impatiently and moved in for a kiss, effectively shutting him up.