Buffy woke the next morning and found herself stiff and sore from lying on the cool, hard tiles. Groaning as she arched her back and stretched her arms above her head, she didn't notice as Faith stirred in her position against the wall. She stood up and gripped the edge of the sink, staring at her reflection.
Nothing had changed. Her eyes were still empty, void of anything that remotely resembled spark. Her blonde hair wasn't dirty but the lifeless, dull locks had long ago lost their shine and bounce. The dark circles around her eyes were gradually fading, mostly thanks to the dreamless nights of sleep that she had managed lately.
Faith watched Buffy study herself through narrow slits. She saw how Buffy had changed; gone was the fire that had once filled her eyes. Gone were the witty retorts and relaxed laughter. There was no energy radiating from the lithe body as she moved, and the bounce no longer followed her step. This couldn't happen- not to Buffy. Buffy was the only person Faith had looked up to, the only person Faith had wanted to be. If that person was gone, what hope was left for her?
Faith yawned loudly to warn Buffy and give her time to recuperate. She stretched in an effort to appear as though she were only waking and opened her eyes. Buffy straightened and smoothed her hair, shooting Faith a quick smile.
"Sleep well?" she asked.
Faith nodded, "Yeah, not bad. Bit stiff though. You all right?"
Buffy winced, remembering last night's performance. "Yeah. No food jumping in my stomach this morning."
There was a moment of silence. Faith debated whether to do anything, and then snorted inwardly at her hesitance. She never hesitated about anything. Faith had always been the type of girl who acted without thinking, and this new sensation felt extremely weird.
"B..." she began. "You know I ain't one to intrude or anything, but you look like crap."
"Thanks, but I don't need the looking-after-my-own-health pep talk I know is coming."
"I'm not Giles, but I'll give you one if you keep this stupid starving thing going," she replied.
Buffy glared at her and noticed Faith casually leap to her feet in a move Buffy always used to do. Feeling the nausea about to hit her again and suddenly feeling helpless in the presence of the other girl, she stormed from the bathroom. Faith heard her grab her jacket and slam the motel room door behind her. She remained slouched against the bathroom wall, scowling at herself for not being able to control her sharp tongue. That girl was just wound so tight that anything could set her off.
Buffy wrapped her leather duster around her small frame and hugged it to herself tightly. It had been a gift from Dawn for Buffy's help in studying for a history exam. Buffy had been surprising useful, thanks to the many hours of researching, and Dawn had passed. Buffy knew Spike had helped choose it, and she was grateful. Although Dawn had many good qualities, knowing good leather was not one of them.
The harsh wind whipped her hair back and she wished she had tied it up before leaving the motel room. The early morning air held a distinct chill, and her body was cold within minutes. There were only a few people outside this morning, most of them walking their dogs or rushing to work. She watched them go about their lives, wondering if any of them had any idea how she was feeling. It occurred to her that many of them could question their existence, their identity, and never find an answer. She bit her lip and ducked her head.
Where did Faith get off on telling her how to live? She had no right considering her track record with life experiences. She had been in jail for years and here she was, telling Buffy what to do. She doesn't know how to live...
But she knew how to be the Slayer, and what it meant. That was the only thing that kept Buffy from jumping on a bus and heading straight back to Sunnydale. Well, maybe not the only thing. The way her friends had argued with her decision to take this trip made her even more reluctant to go back home.
She grimaced as the memory of their expressions, ranging from disbelieving to opposed, floated through her head.She had returned from the cemetery to be overwhelmed with their apologies and worried expressions, which turned to sour and distasteful glares when Angel had followed her through the door.
"What's dead-boy doing here?" Xander had asked with obvious displeasure.
"He came to see how I was...holding up," Buffy had replied, rather testy at the way they were treating him.
"Angel," Giles had stated dryly. "Do come in." Giles' relationship with Angel had always been rocky at best, and Buffy couldn't hold his reluctance to accept the vampire against him.
Angel had just nodded his thanks and waited patiently for Buffy to inform the rest of them of her decision. Attempting to work up the courage to say it and failing miserably, she plastered a fake smile on her face and told them she was sorry for walking out before.
"Buffy, don't even apologize," Giles had replied. "We just worry, that's all."
"Yeah, um...Look guys, there's something I need to do," she had blurted out, deciding to just say it instead of thinking about it. Seeing their anxious faces she had hastened on. "And you probably won't like it, but I really need to do it."
"Uh, Buffy?" Dawn had interrupted. "You're scaring me."
"Oh, God, sorry Dawnie. It's just... I need to go away for a while, to clear my head and move on. It's been hard, these last few days, and I need to-" Buffy had trailed off after that, not willing to disclose the last detail.
"Where will you go?" Giles had demanded. "What will you do? Who will you see?"
"What he asked," Xander had said, pointing to the Watcher.
"Um, I'm going back to L.A with Angel. I really need to figure all this out...what it all means. I need to see Faith."
"What?" Xander had exploded, followed by more offensive expletives. "Why? How is that two-faced lunatic going to help you? Or have you already forgotten the whole trying-to-kill-us thing?"
"Buffy, I agree with Xander," Willow had added. "What can she do that we can't?"
"She can understand," Tara had whispered, causing Buffy to glance at the girl in surprise. Buffy had never become close friends with the blonde witch, but Tara always seemed to see everything.
"Exactly."
"What do you mean, understand?" Dawn had cried. "Why can't we understand? We're your family! If we can't help you, how is that stupid bitch supposed to?"
"Bit, she's trying to tell 'ya," Spike had interrupted, again arriving without anybody noticing. "It's a Slayer thing. It ain't something you just know."
"Spike's right, Dawnie," Buffy had said, smiling gratefully at the blonde vampire.
"What the hell is he doing here?" Angel had demanded, virtually growling at Spike.
"I've been helping the Slayer and the Bite Size," Spike had replied with a smirk. "Unlike you running around with your bleedin' city mates."
"Spike..."
"Hey, not to interrupt the testosterone display between you two, but I'm trying to speak, okay?" Buffy had interrupted, mentally cursing herself for not informing Angel of his Childe's new 'situation'. "Right, anyway, I need to go. I know it's sudden and everything and I'm grateful for all you've done, but..."
"It's not enough," Spike had finished, and Buffy had nodded hesitantly. A heavy silence had followed, which Buffy had been helpless to break.
"Go then," Dawn had finally said, but it held no animosity. "Whatever you need to make you better."
"I'm not sick, Dawnie-"
"I know, but you do need help. Sorry to say this so bluntly, but lately you haven't been anything more than a walking corpse."
"Thanks."
"No problem," Dawn had replied with a smile, but although she was all right with Buffy's plan of action, the rest were not. Only Tara and Spike seemed to realize that she needed to go.
Unable to stop her, the others had helped her pack, but the air had been thick with unresolved tension. Reluctant to leave with this hostility between them, but having no other choice, she had kissed Dawn hugged the rest. Angel had growled when she wrapped her arms around Spike's waist and whispered in his ear to protect her sister.
Buffy was pulled from her memories when a sharp scream pierced the air. Acting on instinct she immediately jumped into action, rounding the corner and finding herself at the mouth of an alley. She found herself face to face with two rather large vampires, hidden in the shadows of the long building and threatening a young woman.
She ran forward and attempted to thrust her stake at vampire number one's heart, only to be dodged and sent sprawling with one swift punch. She hit the wall with a sickening crunch, and crumbled to the ground.
Too late she realized her mistake. She wasn't the Slayer anymore. No Slayer meant no super strength, and no super strength meant no possible way of escaping this seemingly grim situation. God, she was an idiot... How could she forget? This was the reason she was in L.A, and the moment vampires had come along she had fallen back into old habits. Old habits that would more than likely get her killed if she didn't cease.
Shaking her head against the dizziness that threatened to overcome her, Buffy opened her eyes and froze when she saw the vampire slip his fangs into the woman's neck. Fury trembled through her body as he drank her life force, and Buffy pushed the throbbing pain and dizziness away. As soon as she straightened she felt a heavy blow connect with her head. She glimpsed the vampire that had knocked her as she stumbled forward. She mentally blocked out the discomfort and landed lightly. She raised her head back to the woman, and focused all her energy on getting to her. Standing once more, Buffy hobbled towards the vampire's turned back. Vaguely acknowledging the sound of the first vampire being dusted, she picked up her fallen stake and jammed it into the second vampire's back. It required a lot more effort than she was accustomed to, but it pierced the heart nonetheless.
As the dust blew into the light breeze, Buffy caught the women's body as she collapsed, lowering her gently to the ground.
"Y-you saved me," she whispered.
"Shh, it's all right. You're okay now," Buffy replied, wincing as her mental barriers collapsed and the pain came rushing over her body in a wave of suffering. The girl lapsed into unconsciousness, but she wasn't in any immediate danger.
"She's safe now," said a familiar deep voice from behind her, "because of you, Buffy. And if that isn't what a Slayer does, then stake me, because I haven't spent the best five years of my life knowing and loving the Slayer."
"It's not the same, Angel," Buffy replied without turning around, her only thought of wanting the pain to go away. "I'm not the same..."
"Who is the same as they once were?" he continued. "Everyone changes, Buffy, you know that."
Buffy continued to gaze at the still woman. "Why does it hurt so much?" she whispered. "Angel, you knew how much I hated it...Why do I need it?"
"Because it's who you are," came the reply, but it wasn't Angel who spoke. Buffy turned to face Faith, startled to find her cheeks wet from falling tears. Faith and Angel exchanged a worried glance and an unspoken agreement was made between them. Angel gently pried the woman's body from Buffy's hands, and Faith pulled her into a tight hug.
She placed a light kiss on Buffy's forehead and scooped the blonde girl into her arms.
"Who am I now, then?" Buffy whispered to herself, but both the vampire and the Slayer heard it.
To Be Continued…
I'll be eternally grateful if you ease my curiosity and tell me what you thought of this chapter, or this fic as a whole, or even the way I write. Until next time.