4

The next morning came too soon for Anakin. He woke groggily, realizing with a start that he had actually…slept. Sitting up, he rubbed his neck as it had a rather bad kink in it. When that didn't work, he soothed it with the Force, letting all tension wash away from his muscles.

I must have slept because of Padmé…Anakin thought. For a second, his heart warmed at the thought of her. Then he remembered the circumstances under which they had parted and he leaned forward, putting his head in his hands.

Everything came rushing back…Sidious, the Council, Padmé…

Anakin felt that perhaps sleeping wasn't such a good thing. The few short hours of sleep left him feeling worse, even more tired and thin. His eyes were raw from the lack of sleep over the past few months, and Anakin wanted most of all to drive his fingers into them – anything to stop the burning.

Moving slowly, as he might expect Yoda would after a restless night, Anakin left his room for the refresher and perhaps even a shower. There was no denying the magic the warm, soothing water cascading over him would have. Yes, a shower would be very nice indeed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had one.

Maybe that's what was wrong with Padmé, he tried to joke to himself.

There was something she was keeping from him; she didn't want him close to her for fear of having him find out something. In the back of his mind, Anakin vowed to find out whatever it was she was hiding. As he thought it, he neglected to think about what he kept from her, such as his nightmares…

Anakin shook his head, stepping under the water in the shower. Thinking about such things led him nowhere. It was best to leave them alone, let them rest in the back of his mind where he could ignore them.

After he was refreshed and smelling much better, the grime and grit of space travel washed away, he made his way to the kitchens. There, he forced down a meager breakfast. The food tasted stale and dull to Anakin, feeling like sandpaper as it went down his throat.

No, he couldn't even get simple joy out of the usually good food the Temple served.

Pushing his plate away, he set his forehead down on the table. When a custodial droid came by and took away his half-eaten meal, he did not protest.

He just wanted to sink into the floor and never have to deal with anything again.

"Anakin?"

The voice spoke to him softly. A soothing presence in the Force reached out to Anakin.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan said again.

Slowly, the former Padawan turned around to face him.

"Master?"

For a moment Obi-Wan paused, wondering what to say. Finally, he replied, "I wanted to see how you were doing."

How I'm doing? He wants to see how I'm doing? If he cared so much, then why didn't he get hold of me earlier – when it could have made a difference?

"Same as always," Anakin muttered bitterly.

"Perhaps we should go somewhere else…?" Obi-Wan suggested neutrally.

Anakin nodded in agreement. There was no way he was going to discuss anything with Obi-Wan where a good portion of the Order would hear about it. In three days everyone would know what plagued Anakin Skywalker, and then some.

Walking past Obi-Wan, Anakin made his way through the Temple out to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. He remembered the first time he saw it – he could not believe all the water before his eyes. The idea of keeping so much water in one place, and making it do such fantastic things, captivated him. To this day, thirteen years later, it remained his favorite place in the Temple.

Besides sparring with Obi-Wan, of course.

Patiently behind him, Obi-Wan followed. He knew that his former Padawan was headed out to the fountains. Sure enough, Anakin went to his favorite fountain.

Water cascaded out of a central prism, shooting into eight separate streams. Each one reflected a rainbow of colors, landing in eight concentric points from the center prism. The soft splash of the flows of water was barely heard over the rest of the fountains, but Anakin knew how to concentrate in just a way to hear each of the different eight streams hitting the pool at the bottom of the fountain. With a subtle nudge of the Force, he could make one of the streams bend, sometimes creating brightly concentrated colors in the water from the light refraction.

Just now he was doing exactly that. The water stream before him was bent into a large curve, starting where the red light reflected through it. Anakin found the exact point where he could refract the red light through the entire stream.

Red.

Such a bright color.

Such passion – and evil.

Like almost everything else, even the Force itself, the mere color of red stood for two things. It was the color of lovers, signifying the wonderful beauty of two beings uniting in love. It was the color of blind rage, and ultimately evil, the exact opposite of love. There was no coincidence why the Sith used red Adegan crystals in their deadly weapons.

Sensing Obi-Wan coming up behind him, Anakin dropped the connection and the water went back to its usual flow.

"Anakin…the Council only is doing what is sees as best for you. They only want to help you," Obi-Wan said.

"It doesn't seem that way," came the stony reply.

Obi-Wan sighed.

Anakin turned around, his face unreadable. "Why didn't you get back to me? I sent you a message. I needed your help."

The words hung heavy with accusation in the air. Anakin watched as Obi-Wan shifted on his feet. He knew what that meant. His former Master was thinking of something to say, something to excuse his behavior. One too many times had Anakin seen Obi-Wan make that exact movement before discussing something with the Council, and usually it was to cover up something he, Anakin, had done.

Anakin braced himself, waiting for the excuse to come…

"I…had a meeting with the Council," Obi-Wan said carefully.

He was with Padmé, the dark voice in Anakin's mind whispered. You know he was.

"She's worried about you, Anakin. We all are."

Somehow Obi-Wan knowing he was thinking about Padmé did not surprise him. After so many years together, they easily knew the basic idea of what the other was thinking. Anakin looked back at the fountain, not sure what to say.

"It sure seems like everyone's doing a whole lot of worrying," he scowled. "But nobody's actually doing anything."

"Well, what do you want us to do?" Obi-Wan pressed.

Anakin sighed. There was so much…how could he ever explain it all? It would get him kicked out of the Order, Obi-Wan would not understand his love for Padmé, and there would be a rebuking about how sensing the future with the Force is such a tricky business.

He wanted none of it right now.

Instead, all he wanted was one moment of peace, where there was no danger from Sith Lords, or battles, or any of the other million things pressing down on him. If he could just have one moment to stand here, looking at the way the water came from this beautiful fountain…he might be alright.

"Anakin, what happened at Kashyyyk?"

The younger Jedi stared at his mentor, jaw hanging open slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell it's been resting heavily on you. And not to mention…there's no denying what everyone felt through the Force."

"I don't know what happened," Anakin admitted softly, looking back to the fountain.

At first, Obi-Wan opened his mouth to rebuke Anakin, thinking that the other Jedi was being sarcastic in his answer. Then he realized that Anakin did not understand what happened. He shut it, letting Anakin continue.

"I don't know…one minute I was linked to everyone, holding them all together. I could even feel the Republic troopers…and then it just snapped. It all just fell apart."

Anakin's voice cracked, and he pulled his arms close about him for comfort. In his mind, the horrible memory of the Master he slaughtered played through his mind and he dreaded the sound of that last scream of the Master's. It came though, echoing through his mind as if he were hearing it for the first time again, out there in space above Kashyyyk. Anakin squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears from welling up.

He stopped there, not wanting Obi-Wan to know exactly what he had done. That would earn him only another nasty session in front of the Council…

"I could feel their deaths as my own," Anakin said softly, his voice choked. Obi-Wan knew he was talking about the Jedi that were lost in the battle.

"It's natural for people to die in battle, Anakin. It's the way of things," Obi-Wan explained hollowly. The words offered little comfort, sounding dead even to him. As soon as he said them he looked down at the ground, feeling stupid.

"Have you ever felt someone's death so close to you that you think it's your own? That you think it's your own spacecraft blowing up, your own body ripping apart?"

Obi-Wan shook his head, as he had no such experience.

"That, and their deaths were my fault."

"Anakin, you can't save everyone. You should know this," the other Jedi tried again to comfort Anakin and failed miserably.

Anakin sighed. Obi-Wan just didn't get it. He never would. "I knew you wouldn't understand," he accused.

"Then tell me so that I can understand. You're still not telling me half of what happened, I can tell. I know you better than you think," Obi-Wan let out, exasperated.

And I know you better than you think. Anakin snorted, knowing that Obi-Wan was not telling him all there was to his story.

"I'm not lying, as you seem to believe, when I say that I want what's best for you, Anakin. I didn't take the time to train you for nothing; I wouldn't have done it if I didn't care about you. And, the Council does too."

"How would you know what the Council cares about?"

"As I said, I have to attend meetings with them. Including ones about your recent return."

In confusion, Anakin narrowed his eyes.

"I'm on the Council, Anakin."

And with those words, a wall went up in Anakin's eyes. Obi-Wan knew that look well. Too many times had he seen his Padawan glaze over, captive to his emotions.

"If you were there, why didn't you say something? You know I wouldn't do something unless I thought it absolutely necessary!"

"I didn't say anything because I don't know why you came back. You did defy a direct order, as you have the habit of doing." Obi-Wan crossed his arms, irritated. He gave Anakin a long and hard look, trying to figure out what was going on in the other Jedi's mind.

There was nothing to find. Anakin was completely shut down, his eyes stony and flat. Nothing of their usual warmth remained. He turned back to the fountain.

"So now you're just spying on me for the Council, is that it?"

As soon as he said the words, he regretted them. Anakin could feel the spike in anger and Obi-Wan's attempt to control it. In the back of his mind, he felt a little jolt of pleasure that he made his former Master so flustered.

"Be careful," Obi-Wan warned. "You might just drive everyone away."

With that, he turned and left Anakin standing by the fountain.

When he was out of earshot, Anakin muttered, "I thought Jedi weren't supposed to have attachments."

Bitter, he stared at the water for a few more minutes. The battle played over and over in his mind. After a few moments, unsuccessful at getting the memory to leave him, he gave into it.

With a deep breath, Anakin submersed himself in all he could remember of the battle. Under everything, he could feel the same power he had right before everything went haywire. It was the Force, but somehow different. He tapped into it, just a little bit, afraid that opening himself all the way up like he did during the battle would end in just as dangerous a disaster as last time.

From this angle, the Force was amazing. He could bend it to his will; he could bend almost anything to his will. It took almost no effort at all to make the water dance in a series of colors to his liking.

The sound of younglings made Anakin's focus break. A few of them were standing at another fountain, shooting water at each other with the Force. They were still rather unskilled, however, and so the water shot away from the fountain for a couple inches then fell back into it.

Watching them gave Anakin an idea.

Younglings were so delicate because their abilities had not been trained. Only training made them into stable Jedi. Anakin watched them for a few more minutes, and found himself smiling at their innocence. At one point, he decided to tease them; reaching out with the Force he shot one of the jets of water at one of them.

The young Bith squealed in surprise. One of the younglings looked around, knowing that her companions could not have accomplished the feat. She spotted Anakin and pointed to him, whispering to her friends.

Meanwhile Anakin, watching all of this from his spot, could not help but smile. He glanced down at his feet, blushing. He gave the younglings a small wave then left the garden. His troubles forced away, into the corners of his mind, he had something new to think about.

Master Yoda would be very interested in it indeed.

The next few days passed in a haze for Anakin. Sometimes he stayed in his quarters for hours on end, not wanting to venture out into the rest of the Temple. His heart ached for Padmé, but he was unsure of how to fix things with her, and part of him wanted nothing to do with her for the time being.

Tensions still ran high between him and Obi-Wan. They had reached a truce of sorts; Anakin asked Obi-Wan nothing about the Council or Padmé, and Obi-Wan asked Anakin nothing of Kashyyyk or Padmé.

A couple times, he even practiced with Barriss on their lightsaber skills. She was quite a match for Anakin, and he for her. Not even the lighthearted sparring sessions could brighten Anakin's mood, though. Finally, he decided to seek out the one Master who might be able to help him – Yoda.

Anakin sat before Yoda, surrounded by so many green and living things that he felt like he were stuck in some mysterious swamp on some faraway world. Privately, Anakin wondered if maybe the décor in Yoda's chambers reflected the alien's homeworld, whatever it may be. Regardless, there was one thing that could be solidly said about Yoda's quarters: they teemed with life.

"Come to see me, have you, young Skywalker. And what brings you here?" Yoda asked calmly, a little smile in his voice. "Something troubling you, I sense."

Yoda fell silent, patiently looking Anakin over and waiting for him to speak. Nine hundred years taught Yoda the value of patience, especially when it came to a troubled Jedi.

For a second, Anakin regarded the green Master, wondering where to begin. Surely he knew that he and Obi-Wan were not on the best of terms, already that rumor seemed to have spread through the Temple. Anakin thought it might have had something to do with those younglings he spotted just before he left the gardens.

"Master…" Anakin began then stopped. Talking with Obi-Wan and talking with Yoda were two completely different things. Yoda could pick up so much more than Obi-Wan; he could understand the hidden meaning of words that were said – and unsaid.

"Many things rest on your mind, Anakin. See this I can. But only through speaking of them can you gain help." Yoda leaned back in his seat, giving Anakin a gentle smile.

Deciding to take the plunge, Anakin continued:

"Master, what does the Order believe about immersing yourself completely in the Force?"

Yoda took a deep breath before answering. A delicate question this was, indeed. Steadily, he replied, "Tricky such power is. If not used with care, to the dark side it can lead. Taking advantage of the raw power of the Force it is, and careful one must be when using it. Only a thing for the highest Masters, not even attempted by most is it."

Anakin nodded. This answer was close to what he expected. "But Master…would it not be wise to train someone who has the innate ability to make use of such talents?"

"Of yourself you speak."

Yoda was not asking him a question, merely affirming Anakin's unsaid words. Anakin's silence gave Yoda the confirmation he needed.

"Why seek such powers do you?"

In the back of his mind, Anakin was tempted to reply with something along the lines of "Having more power with the Force," but he knew no such answer would satisfy Yoda. It would only get him a long lecture, one he probably had heard on more than one occasion. Instead he said carefully, "I want to understand what it is I'm doing."

Yoda blinked and glanced down at a rather leafy vine at his side. One of his infamous moans came from him.

"Mmmm…" He looked back to Anakin. "And what exactly is it that you are doing?"

That made Anakin shift uncomfortably in his seat. His robes rustled around him.

Now, if I knew the answer to that I wouldn't be here would I?

"I don't really know, Master," Anakin said simply. His eyes on Yoda, he watched the green alien realize that Anakin was not being smart with his words – he truly was looking for answers. "I found something in the Force unlike anything I've ever felt or seen. It was as if I could see everything – everything was laid out before me."

The words came out from Anakin in a rush. Never, in the five months since Kashyyyk, had he opened up so much about what happened. However, there were things that Master Yoda was most definitely not going to know. The memory of Master Stelsus stung in the back of Anakin's mind.

Before him, Yoda suddenly had an expression as if something just dawned on him, that some puzzle now made sense.

"Of the Unifying Force you speak. Not for many centuries have the Jedi seen anything like it, found it in such a way."

"How'd you…?"

Yoda merely smiled at Anakin. Anakin realized there were a thousand ways that Yoda could have known about the connection he made to the Force during the battle. After all, Mace had been there, and so had Obi-Wan…not to mention the fact that it was not entirely impossible for Yoda to sense it through the Force alone. It was more improbable that Yoda had not felt it.

"Master, what of the Unifying Force and the light and dark sides?" Anakin asked desperately, seeking some validation to his actions. He needed it, if Master Yoda told him that it was alright then Anakin knew part of his mistake would be forgiven, that he would be vindicated.

"Bind everything together, the Unifying Force does. Influence life, our actions, does the Living Force. In using the Unifying Force, blurred the line becomes but still matter your actions do," Yoda advised.

In response, Anakin's face turned thoughtful. Yoda's words implied that there was a solid distinction between the light and the dark. Yet what Anakin saw gave a completely different picture. Perhaps Yoda understood this and thus said that actions were important – or the intent to reach certain ends with them.

"Still more on your mind there is," the green alien stated.

Anakin gave a little nod of acknowledgement to Yoda, thinking over how best to describe what he came to realize about the Force during the battle.

"Yes, Master. I think I may have found out what it means to balance the Force."

There. He said it.

Yoda's eyes grew wide, as if he had waited his whole life to hear these words and finally understand what the Prophecy meant.

"Then all shall come to pass," Yoda whispered.

"What? I'm sorry Master, I didn't hear you."

Yoda shook his small head before replying. "Come to understand this, how did you?"

"I don't really know, Master. I was trying to increase the Jedi link, and suddenly – I could see everything, like I said. It was as if I could see the Force, the Unifying Force, itself and all there was to the galaxy was the Force. And it was there that I understood what balance is."

"Interesting this is. A long time it has been since a Jedi discovered such a path to the Force."

"Wait. Don't you want to know how the Force has to be balanced?"

"Your destiny that is, young Anakin. Not mine."

Anakin stared at the wizened Master, trying to understand what he was saying. And then it hit him – Yoda knew that the Force would not be balanced in his lifetime. Now that Anakin came to him, telling him that he knew what it was he had to do, it affirmed that Yoda's time was coming to an end.

All this time he had been so stupid. The Council truly was trying to teach him all it knew, they were expecting him to be the next Yoda. How many of the Masters knew what Yoda believed about his own death, Anakin could not say for sure.

"But Master – if you're not going to be – be here when the Force is balanced, and I have to balance it using this new way, there has to be a Master than can teach me what it is I'm doing."

The corners of Yoda's mouth turned up, and Anakin realized he was looking at one of the few Jedi who did, perhaps the only one in the Order today.

Not knowing how else to put his request, Anakin asked Yoda simply, "Would you teach me how to do it?"

Yoda only gave a sigh in response, and Anakin knew what the answer would be. Already, he could hear the litany of excuses that Yoda would have.

"Too young are you. Too inexperienced."

Anakin predicted that much. It seemed that was the Council's Universal Excuse to Everything Regarding Anakin Skywalker.

"But–" he began to protest.

"Need more control do you, before you begin to learn such mysteries. Too dangerous is it for you to know them, when you have improper control not becoming a Jedi."

That made Anakin freeze.

Did Yoda know about what he had done, how he lost control?

He just stared at Yoda for a second. There was nothing he could think of to say without endangering the rest of his secret. He mulled over what Yoda said, putting his hand to his chin and chewing on the inside of his cheek.

This decision of Yoda's meant one thing: the Masters did not trust him. It was always obvious they did not trust him, but now Anakin realized he had more work cut out for him than he originally thought. Feeling his now familiar flash of anger, he thought about getting up to leave. He did not need to stay where he was not trusted.

"More to say, have you?" Yoda asked suddenly.

Anakin started, it seemed there was nothing that the Master did not know.

"Uh…" he stalled. "Master…what exactly does the Prophecy say?"

"Born a child shall be, during a time of rising darkness. Balance the Force this child shall," Yoda answered.

"That's it? There's no more to it?"

In all his years at the Temple, everyone referred to this prophecy, yet no one ever told Anakin what exactly it said. All he knew was that people believed that he was this child.

"How old is it?" Anakin needed to know if what Lord Sidious said was true – if indeed the Prophecy were made when the Jedi and the Sith were one, all those years before differences drove the two apart.

"Know its origin even I do not," Yoda said. His eyes danced, as if he were glad there was something that was older than he.

"Hmm," was all Anakin could reply with.

So far this was not helping. In fact, it was making a stronger and stronger case for the Sith Lord. And that did nothing to help Anakin's nerves. Now two groups seemingly believed he would balance the Force, and Anakin was not about to go blabbering that this Sith Lord expected it of him.

Not even to Yoda.

"Sense much anxiety in you, I do. Yours to choose is your path. Choose for you no one can. Believe all things work out, do you not?"

Yoda gave him a wizened look.

Yeah, that is what I believe, but I just want to know how it's all going to work out so I can just rest for a moment and not feel like the world's caving in on me.

"Worry not. Fear not! Faith in you I have."

But is it the right faith?

Anakin sat for another second then got up. He knew well enough by Yoda's words that the discussion was over. He mumbled a thank you to the old Master and gave him a cursory bow.

Outside Yoda's quarters, he paused for a second. He felt even more confused than ever. If only something, anything, might offer him a bit of clarity…

The Supreme Chancellor's personal shuttle rocketed toward Coruscant. Two weeks ago, the Separatists sent a message to the Republic, willing to discuss possibility of negotiations with the Chancellor.

Palpatine sighed as he watched the glittering planet become larger in his viewport. It would be good to be home. From here, he could conduct his business so much better. Already his mind was focusing back on what he would report to the Senate.

Negotiations with the Separatists had not gone…well. This, of course, was an understatement. Palpatine was willing only to accept their total surrender, while the Separatists wanted to keep the systems they now controlled.

To the Chancellor, this was completely unacceptable.

It was completely unacceptable to the Republic.

Citizens and delegates alike to the Republic would be outraged. The blame would fall on the Jedi, Palpatine knew that much. To the Republic, he had done all he could – and then some – to keep the Separatist threat at bay.

The thought of the Jedi taking the blame for this made Palpatine smile. Personally, he had no great liking for them. He never had. If they happened to be a casualty of this whole mess…then so be it. They were all so condescending, thinking they were better than the rest of the Republic – the people that loved Palpatine, those that he served.

No, such a rigid institute could not be left intact. At the very least, Palpatine would push for legislation making the Jedi directly accountable to the Supreme Chancellor, or, himself. He would be the one to cut away the cancer of the Republic: the gluttony of the Senate, the inability of the courts to act and, of course, the Jedi.

The Jedi were the rotten glue holding the entire system together.

Perhaps certain philosophical issues could be attributed to the hatred Palpatine had for the Jedi. Most of all he knew they would never stand for the radical changes in had in mind for the galactic government. He knew that as soon as they discovered the truth about his plans, they would take every move necessary to stop him. Already, they had growing suspicions of him.

Even their brightest student, young Anakin Skywalker, had his doubts of the Chancellor. The nervousness the boy had around him was so obvious even a womp rat could pick it up. At the same time, Anakin was the reason that the Chancellor could stand the Jedi – for now.

Having been around for awhile in this galaxy, he knew Anakin was beginning to crack. With a little bit of encouragement, Palpatine might be able to persuade Anakin of a few key ideas – and thus able to influence the rest of the Jedi.

Palpatine did not wish to destroy the entire Jedi Order…yet.

To be continued...