Guys thank you all for the reviews and sorry again that it's taken so long.

CC McKenna – Thanks again as always for the reviews...I'm so sorry I have made you all wait. Things are a bit hectic around here...

The wonderful words just keep coming and for that I love you as a friend and reviewer. I truly do hope that you like this as I respect your opinions and am so, so grateful for your friend ship. Thanks a lot once again TOTEM.

CGdancer – Hay dude...thanks for the review. You asked if I had AIM: well I have Yahoo and MSN so if you have them leave your address in a review and i'll add you. I'd like to talk to you about charmed and stuff and I Hope you like this chap and I hope to have more soon. Thanks again TOTEM.

Paige fan – Hi Paige fan. I am truly grateful for the reviews and I feel honoured that you have added this to you favourites list. I'm sure that you are pissed that I left it so long to update sorry about that and I'm sure that if you wrote this chap it would be just fine. Thanks again and keep reading TOTEM

Succubus-69 – Hay dude thanks a lot for the heads up about the tenses I hope that this chap is okay. Thanks for the advise though...

Yeah and I know what you mean about Rick I feel his pain, as I write his characters emotions I feel for him. Glad that you like the fic and Rick. Thanks for reviewing. Keep reading TOTEM

And anyone else who has reviewed thanks. Well read...Enjoy ... and tell me what u think.

Part 5 - GRAVESTONE

Phoebe walked out into the garden and Rick followed, she never said anything for a while she just watched as he took deep breaths and pushed his hands threw his hair. "Are you okay?" Phoebe eventually asked.

Rick turned to face her, "Yeah, I'm getting there"

Phoebe nodded, "I'm sorry about that in there. This is just..." he took a seat on the wall, "this is all getting too much"

Phoebe nodded, she understood this couldn't be easy. "I'm sorry" She offered.

Dean looked at her, "You have nothing to apologise for. And I was out of order kicking off in there like I did. Prue must think..."

"She'll get over it" Phoebe said, "I just want to make sure you are okay."

Rick looked at Phoebe, "I'm so far from okay right now. I just...this isn't how it's meant to be. I am meant to come home from travelling. I am meant to go to the loft and surprise her, then we eat take away listen to rock music and talk...like when we were kids...then we'd wake up the next day she'd ditch work and we'd go out to the beach, the bridge, our old neighbourhood. We'd explore our life, remember it all. Today P and I should be in our old town sitting out side our old house, school, and our life. We'd go visit our mom and Dad's grave side. We'd sit there for hours talking to them, to us, we'd reminisce." He looked out at the house, "But I walked into this...as soon as I knocked the door I knew that this time would be different..." Rick smiled, it was a smile filled with sadness...

"We should be playing football now. Or...at some club...instead I am here fighting with her new found family..."

There was silence again, Phoebe walked over and sat next to him on the wall, "Rick we are not going to take her away from you. You are as much a brother to her as you ever have been..."

He shook his head, "You don't understand Phoebe, this hurts so much. But I feel like I have to smile and let Paige have this. When mom and dad died I vowed to never ever let P get hurt...If you guys hurt her Phoebe. You'll have me to deal with"

Phoebe nodded, "Your protective of her I get it. But we will not hurt her. And Rick look...we are not trying to push you away you can live in the manor with us...stay for as long as you like. Rick I'd really like it we could be friends...and I know that Piper and Prue would like that to."

"I don't know if I can do that, I can not stay in the manor with you guys because I'll end up doing this. Every chance I get...having a go at you guys and you do not deserve that. Tell Paige that I'll be in touch..." With this he stood to his feet he started to walk but then he turned back to Phoebe, "Thanks. And one day I hope we can be friends...I just...today..."

"I understand Rick. But don't walk out of here...go out, do what you have to do. What ever you need but come back tonight and talk to her. I can get this lot out of here and you talk to your sister." Rick thought a moment...

"Thanks Phoebe. Thanks a lot"

"No problem" Phoebe stood up, "I'm so sorry this is hard on you. I am. Just remember that you are always welcome in the manor...and you can talk to me if you like"

He walked down a long stretch off grass, seven hours since he spoke to Phoebe after he had argued with Prue. Each side of him was covered with gravestones. It had a peaceful sense and it was something that Rick had always here with his sister, and been together as a family.

But today was to be so different...he felt so alone. Not just as he was stood here ever since he walked through that door, to that god damn manor into that god damn family...

He made his way down that familiar rout with a bunch of flowers clasped in one hand.

Rick was now sat with his back up against a tree, right next to him was the greave stone in which scrawled in fancy font was, 'Matthews, Loved dearly by son and daughter missed dearly by all. Taken sadly on the day of September 30th 1991.'

"Hay mom, Dad...I know that It has been a while since I came but remember that trip I was telling you about. I went...I only came back yesterday and of cause I had to be the big brother and go check on P..." he stopped and looked down at his hands, there was silence for a while, then Rick spoke again "I bet you are wondering why she's not here with me...why I'm here on my own for the first time since you died?" he twisted the ring on his finger, a silver band that Paige had given him for his 21st, "She found her birth family?" he said it fast, a quick blow was always best? Right? He was not so sure, as he said it he felt like a knife had been shoved in him and twisted. "three sisters? They are all older than her I think." Rick closed his eyes, and took a deep breath he looked at the grave stone, "Don't worry. I'm looking after her...already had a fight with the oldest..." he shook his head, "it's not working is it? I mean I'm not even reassuring myself here never mind you guys." There was another spell of silence, "truth is I'm scared, for her and myself...I just wish that I knew what to do" he took a deep breath...

"I walked out of there this morning...Pissed that Paige had found them, that she didn't even take the day off work and that I ended up wanting to make her chose. The worst thing is I'm not completely convinced that she would choose me" he stopped and thought, this hurt him deeply been unsure weather his sister loved him. "I went back to our old house again...I remembered when, Dad, you were in the garage...I remember you working on the car?" He smiled, "and mom you were calling us in for dinner. It was chilli, I remember because P asked why were having it again...for the forth time in two weeks...you told her because we like it. But it was really because Dad, you brought too much? That was the last meal that we had together. That was the last time I helped you work on your car. It was the last time that you messed up the shopping dad, and mom...it was the last time that you stuck up for him"

Rick sat in silence after talking about that memory, for a good five minuets thinking before he turned back to messing with the ring on his finger, and started once again to talk. "Then I drove around a bit and found myself at...at the high school." He smiled, "its funny how when P and I actually had to go there to get an education we did everything that we could to get away and now I am sitting in front of it voluntary. But you guys always told me that it's a good thing to remember everything and never forget. Don't give up who you are...and I have not, guys I remember the good times, bad times, the happy times and the times that I thought I would not live through but I'm here now mom Dad. We both got here...P and myself and we do owe that to you. God knows that we were not the easiest of teenagers but...you loved us."

"I know what your saying and your right" he spoke, "I shouldn't be saying all this to you guys, I should be telling P" He stopped and thought, "you'd be proud of her Dad, she stood up to me yesterday like you always told her to...and mom remember the job she was talking about last time we visited well she got it and by the looks of it she's doing really well. I have not really had a chance to talk about anything other than this damn family she has joined but...I know you'd want me to sort it out...to be there for her...me to be her Big brother and I will. I will look after her and do what Rick does best sort P out."

He stopped, "you know that I am delusional...and in this delusional world of mine that, I created as I drove around town today I realised that Prue, Piper and Phoebe are going to be evil sisters. Paige will realise and then she'll move out. Things will be how they used to be. Yeah I'm lying to myself but it's better than the alternative..."

For a while he was stuck in his own thoughts and when he came out he stood up, and then knelt directly in front of the stone..."Sorry guys I know that I have not stayed long today and I have talked about a load of mumble emotions that make no sense but...I have to go and talk to my sister, I have to tell her how I feel and I will be back. Hopefully with her next time. I know that P wants to see you...works hectic though." He leant forward and kissed the top of the stone...

"I love you guys and Mom Dad, how's about you help out a little... I mean there is three on her side I could use a bit of guidance...it I want her back I need you on my side. Don't leave me hanging Okay? Thanks" With this he adjusted the flowers before standing up and making his way back to the car.