Creed

Chapter 19

Buffy had passed the cemetery only thirty seconds before the engine stuttered, backfired, and then died. She sat frozen for a moment, staring at the flashing light in horror. How on earth could she have forgotten to fill up on petrol? It seemed stupid that of all things to stop her this night it was running out ofpetrol that would keep her from finding Faith.

She slammed her fists onto the dashboard with a frustrated groan. An ugly thought reared in her mind. What ifall the obstacles she had faced that day were signs? What if these signs were trying to tell her that she and Faith just weren't meant to be? Buffy bit her lip, staring at her hands on the steering wheel. Then she shook her head and managed a smile. She wasn't going to let a few set backs stop her. She was going to find Faith tonight.

Buffy pushed open her car door and leapt out, slamming it shut behind her. She had only jogged five paces before pausing. She glanced over her shoulder, rolled her eyes and raced back to the car, fervently wishing that Xander had invested in central locking as she quickly locked the door. Then she pocketed her keys and raced into the night, determined to find the woman she loved.

Faith was too lost in her constant denials of Spike's claim to notice the prickling just beneath her skin. It was only when a thrill shot down her neck that her head snapped up, just in time to see gloomy figures emerge from the trees. Her chest constricted as the number of vampires circling her became apparent. Too many, a voice whispered in her mind. She forcefully suppressed the doubts that had surfaced, and was surprised when her ex-Watcher's voice sprang into her head.

"Doubt only leads to death. If you want to win, you must believe that you can win."

Faith flicked her hair back, and eyed the vampire in front of her with calculation. He had a short but bulky build, and stocky legs. She grinned. His weakness is speed, she thought. The two behind him were much bigger, but the one on the left was lightly built and his walk was refined. He would be agile, and a challenge. The one on the right had a dim-witted look about him. She decided he wouldn't be too much trouble. She quickly flicked her gaze around the circle, weighing up her odds and guessing weaknesses she could exploit. Less than ten seconds had passed before she casually placed her hands on her hips and pouted.

"You wouldn't all be after little ol' me, would you?" she said,cringing inwardly at her ability to make fun of such a deadly situation. "'Cause I don't think that's fair at all, boys. I'll try to hold back for a while to make it seem like you guys have a chance."

The short, stocky vampire let out a growl and lashed out first, but she quickly ducked, spun and staked it through the back. The next one- the one she had thought dim-witted- was surprisingly quicker, managing to get a jab to her cheekbone before she kicked out sideways, connecting with his knee. He fell to his knees and her stake plunged into his chest. More dust blocked her view. A few more met the end of her stake before the lightly built vampire stepped forward. The others formed a tight circle around them, and Faith realized they were going to play with her first before actually trying to kill her. The lean vampire stepped forward, his feet seeming togliding across the grass. His skin was paler than most of the others, but it wasn't until she saw his dark blue eyes that she knew he was ancient. There was a hollow depth about his eyes that the other did not have, and Faith began to feel doubt creep back into her mind.

He gazed up at her, and a smile- although it looked more like a sneer- slowly appeared on his lips. He knew she was afraid.

Faith watched him, and slowly realized that she was afraid. She was afraid that she would not be able to defeat this vampire. She was afraid that tonight would be the night her calling ended. But most of all, Faith was terrified that she would never see Buffy again. She imagined what Buffy would do if she died. Would she be upset? Would she cry? Or would she be glad that Faith was gone- another problem dealt with?

Faith stopped the thoughts gyrating through her mind, and cleared her head. She knew that Buffy would cry for her if she died… and Faith hated to see Buffy cry. She gazed back at the vampire, squared her shoulders, and grinned. She would not die tonight.

His sneer faltered at her new-found confidence, but he leapt forward and kept her from forming any new thoughts. She let go of her fears and her doubts, seeing only the vampire in front of her. Her body moved without conscience thought; it simply reacted to the vampire's offensive, allowing the intuition of the Slayer to guide her. The fight seemed to be playing out in slow-motion, but her breathing was ragged and her body was drenched with sweat. Then she finally saw an opening, and she took it. She dropped to a crouch and punched up into the vampire's left side, where his no-longer functioning kidney would be. He roared in pain and stumbled back, but he recovered faster than she had predicted and slammed his fist into her face. She felt her lip split open and tasted blood.

He followed with two quick jabs to her abdomen and then dropped to the grass and swept her feet out from under her. She rolled as soon as her back hit the ground and forced herself back onto her feet. The barrage of attacks did not let up. She found her energy was rapidly depleting. Faith was wearying quickly, and her punches no longer held enough strength to serious hurt or hinder him. Uncertainty began to make her hesitate, and every time she faltered he pushed harder. She was fading fast.

Faith lost all sense of time and feeling. She felt heavy and slow, and she no longer focused on the fight. Her thoughts began to wander. What would it feel like to die? She knew it would sting when the fangs pierced her skin, knew it would ache when the blood was drained from her body. Would it be fast, or slow? Would she pass out before she slipped into death? Or would she go in a moment of clarity, knowing that this breath would be her last?

And it did hurt. The fangs were thicker than she expected, and there was nothing gentle about it. The vampire ripped into her throat, drawing her blood noisily and sloppily. She felt the warm rush of blood down her shoulder, and her head began to feel light and her eyesight became hazy. She thought she heard someone call "Slayer!", but it sounded so far away. The fangs suddenly disappeared. Her body hit the ground, but the agony in her neck was too intense to leave much room for her other aches and pains. The surface beneath her was actually soft, and she felt herself drifting away…

"No! Faith!"

That voice. She had heard it many times before, but never had it spoken her name like that. Faith felt her chest constrict and a sob escaped her throat. Why couldn't they have hadone day together?

"B-Buffy?" She tried to whisper, but it came out as a husky croak.

"Shh," Buffy whispered. "You'll be okay. Oh God, what happened?"

"There were too many of them."

Buffy tried to staunch the flow of blood, but there was so much of it already. The grass was stained crimson.

"'s kinda funny," Faith whispered.

"What is?"

"This. I'm finally where I've always wanted to be, and now I get to die. Life's a bitch."

Then Faith's world went black, and Buffy clung to the limp body in her arms.

Faith was certain she was dead. There was no pain. There were no harsh noises. There was no smell of dirt and dust. There were no memories. There was no darkness. There was nothing. And yet…there was something that told her she was not, in fact, dead. Maybe it was the notion that death was supposed to bring a content happiness and relief, and she felt none of that. Instead, she felt slightly incomplete, like something was missing and she would find it if she could only open her eyes…

The blinding light stung and she blinked rapidly, holding back the fluid that began to trickle from the corners of her eyes. She was definitely alive. Although, the white surrounding her was reminiscent of what she had always thought the afterlife to be. It was pure, untainted light, unaffected by the darkness that had hounded her during her life. It was too bright, though, too harsh and violent. The insistent beeping pierced her silent ponderings, although it sounded so far away. With every beep she felt something pulse within her, and it took her a moment to realize it was her own heart.

"Faith…"

That voice. It was familiar, so familiar. It was achingly familiar, only Faith couldn't grasp who it belonged to. It was someone important- she needed to know who it was. She opened her eyes and saw the vision above her, anxiously chewing her lip and gazing down on her from worried, frowning green eyes.

"Buffy?"

Buffy startled and almost fell from her perch on the side of Faith's hospital bed. "Yeah, it's me."

Faith winced at the volume of her voice, wondering how it could go from beautiful to insanely painful in half a second. Buffy must have noticed her discomfit, because she frowned and lowered her voice to a whisper.

"How're you feeling?"

"Like I got demoted to after-dinner snack," she replied, earning a grin from the blonde beside her.

Faith tried to smile but found that it hurt. She couldn't move much, actually. Beginning to panic, she tried to move her hands, and then her arms, and finally her legs. Nothing happened.

"Don't try to move," Buffy warned. "The doctor's said your neck was nearly broken, which could give you temporary paralysis. It won't last long. You know, with the Slayer fast-healing package.

Faith suppressed the panic welling inside her, but hated the vulnerability it made her feel. If there was something she couldn't stand, it was not being able to do something. Not being able to do something as simple and everyday as moving a limb, was making her angrier by the second.

It was then, as she looked up and caught Buffy's eye, that the past few weeks caught up with her and she remembered. It hit her suddenly.

"I was right," she said.

Buffy's head snapped up. "What?"

"You killed those vampires," Faith clarified. "You killed them and saved me."

Buffy shook her head sadly. "Nah, I didn't. I went looking for you but I wasn't having much luck. I came around the side gate and pretty much bumped into a group of them.Someone must have seen me becauseI heard themshout "Slayer" and they all took one look at me and ran away. I dusted the one drinking from you with the stake you dropped. Look." She held up a bandaged wrist. "I dislocated my wrist. I never knew how hard it was for the other guys to dust vamps."

Faith felt the frustration set in again. She knew Buffy was returning to her old ways. She had felt it, even seen a hint of it. Giles and the others were trying to get her to accept that she wasn't the Slayer anymore, and Buffy was slowly conforming to their ideas. She shut her eyes briefly, forcing the same old circle of thoughts to cease. Buffy didn't love her. Buffy didn't need her. Maybe she should just let her go.

Faith was out of the hospital a few days later, and after assuring the reluctant doctors that she would be well cared for, Buffy and Giles escorted her from the confining white walls of the hospital. She was taken to Buffy's bed and ordered to rest, but Faith couldn't sleep. Her skin was crawling, and the bruises were beginning to ache as the drugs wore off. She tossed and turned in the soft bed, trying to find a comfortable position. She had dreamed of being in Buffy's bed, but never like this. Not like this helpless, beaten-down, little girl.

Buffy checked in on Faith every hour or so, and she hoped Faith found it more comforting than annoying. She looked at the pale skin of the usually tanned Slayer and almost cringed. Her thick, lifeless hair fell about her eyes, which were underlined by black circles. Her lips were cracked and parched, and Buffy left a glass of water on the table and came back to find it empty. The defenceless position Faith was in made her feel uneasy. Faith was always hard and unrelenting, someone who could be relied on to always be okay. The vulnerability showed a different side to the brunette Slayer, a side which Buffy had always wondered about. If only she had seen it a few years ago, she could have helped Faith before her fall.

The finality of it hit her with force. She loved Faith. She had known before she went to L.A. that she had feelings for the other girl that ran deep. But she hadn't actually considered what they meant. Now that she thought about it, she was thunder-struck. She loved Faith.Not in a sisterly-Slayer way. Not in a friendship way. No, she actually loved Faith as in passionate, absolute, need-and-want-to-kiss-her-right-now. She loved Faith as she had loved Angel. She loved Faith as she had Riley. Since when had she been gay? But it wasn't the gay issue which caused her the whirling thoughts to stop. It was the memory of sending Faith away after the incident outside the Bronze. God, what had she done?

She spun on her heel and hurried from the room. Her self admittance of her love for Faith never left her thoughts, and although she had thought the brunette returned the feelings, now she wasn't sure. Faith's eyes were empty when they fell on her these days, and her voice was flat, void of emotion. Maybe she had been mistaken in believe Faith loved her back. Buffy couldn't stand the thought. What if Faith didn't love her? What would she do? Buffy didn't think she could just move on from her feelings for Faith like it was a passing crush. Passing crushes didn't hurt this much. They didn't confuse you this much and they certainly didn't make you feel this much.

Buffy eventually feel asleep on the couch downstairs sometime around late afternoon, and when she woke she immediately hurried up the stairs to her room. She pushed the door open and peered inside. The bed was empty. Buffy glanced around in confusion, and moved to the bathroom. Faith wasn't there either. She raced down the stairs, thinking that maybe Faith was well enough to move around the house. She found Giles and Dawn in the kitchen making sandwiches.

"Where is she?" she demanded, glancing anxiously into the living room.

"Who?" Dawn asked.

"Faith!"

"She's upstairs, Buffy," Giles said, his forehead creasing with frown lines. "In your bedroom."

"No, she's not."

Giles dropped the knife he was holding onto the bench. "Are you sure?"

"I think I'd know if she was in my bed," Buffy snapped. "There's not a lot of places she could be hiding in it."

"Relax, Buffy," Dawn said, resting her hand lightly on Buffy's arm. There was a worried glint in her eyes. "I'm sure she's just gone for a walk or something."

Buffy shrugged off her sister's hand and rushed back up the stairs. She looked in the draw she had cleared for some of Faith's things. It was empty. When she turned around, Giles and Dawn were standing in the doorway.

"Since when do you need a toothbrush to go for a walk?" she muttered.

The three of them called Willow and Tara and picked them up from the café they were lunching at. Xander and Anya promised to search a few of the cemeteries and drive through the main part of town. Buffy fidgeted nervously in the front seat of Giles' car, and she peered through the window the entire drive. He pulled up outside the cemetery Faith had been attacked in that night and Buffy leapt from the car. She ran through the graveyard, dodging crypts and weaving through headstones. She called out Faith's name, and vaguely noticed the others doing the same. It was daylight, and there wasn't much threat of alerting vampires to their presence.

Buffy had a fleeting reminder of a day back in high school where she had blown off a chemistry test to slay vampires with Faith during the day. The excitement and novelty of it had gripped her, and she suddenly ached for the days of worrying about skipping classes and dealing with high school bitches.

Buffy was so caught up in her memories that she didn't notice she had wandered into the shade of a mausoleum.

"Slayer."

She jumped in fright, instinctively leaping for the safety of sunlight.

"Just me, pet," Spike said, lifting her head and sucking on the butt of a cigarette.

"Spike," she breathed, cursing herself for what could have been a fatal mistake.

"Did'a find her, then?"

Buffy detected the hint of jealously that had crept into his voice, and actually felt guilty. She had begun to take Spike for granted, and she realized with a start how much he had done for her. He had protected Dawn from Glory, had protected her and the others while she had been in LA, and had apparently taken up her Slaying duties. Why was she even questioning his motives anymore?

"Spike…" she began, but he cut her off.

"I know you'll never love me," he said, flicking the cigarette away. "But like I said before, you treated me like a man, and that's enough for me. So did'a find her?"

"Yes," she replied, nodding. "She was attacked. She's been in hospital the last few days. She's okay now, I guess. But she's gone missing agin."

"Might wanna check the Bronze then, luv," he advised, lifting up a drain cover.

"Spike… wait," she called out, stepping back into the shadows. He paused, and before she could think about it too much she reached out and touched his shoulder. He stiffened, but gently pushed her away, mourning what he could never have. "Thank you," she said.

"No need to thank me, pet. I told Faith you had a dip at me. Was probably why she was hanging round the cemetery in the first place." He grinned lopsidedly, watching her body stiffen in anger. Buffy looked livid.

"You're a… a…"

"A what, luv?" he said. "Gotta get my kicks somehow."

Buffy punched him square in the nose. He clutched his bloodied nose and swore, but she had already turned and fled in the direction of the Bronze. The grin reappeared on his lips when he realized his nose was broken.

Buffy was strong again.

To Be Continued…