Story # 5

He felt her weight being lifted from the bedside as she moved to get up and leave, and it was then that his fifth realization hit him. It was time to face the truth. Or at least, now was as good a time as any.

"Nina."

She turned back around.

"Hey," she smiled, leaning in for a kiss. "I was wondering if you were going to wake up before it gets dark again."

"Sorry," he mumbled, reaching for her hand and interlacing his fingers with hers.

She dismissed the apology silently and then watched their hands for a moment before looking up again.

"I know you don't want me to go on about it as well but you really are working too much right now."

He sighed at the familiarity of her statement. "I know." He had never denied it. But the fact that even Nina seemed concerned now should probably tell him something, shouldn't it? After all, her tolerance concerning his work was naturally a lot higher than Teri's ever had been. "I know it's been a lot of extra hours and shifts lately, for both of us. And I've been thinking - maybe we could take a week off and go some place…just the two of us."

"Right," she sneered.

"What?"

A frown blended into her smile. "Are you sure you're awake?" But he just gave her a questioning look. "Come on, Jack, we can't both take time off at the same time. Besides giving people a really good reason to start talking – I'm your second in command. I'm supposed to be there and run the office when you're not."

"Then maybe I'll just have to promote Tony," he grinned.

"Don't you dare," she played along.

"Only on a temporarily basis, of course. You get reinstated as soon as we're back."

She smiled but shook her head then. "It would be nice."

"Yeah," he nodded. "So let's do it."

More shaking of the head. "Are you serious?" she frowned.

No. Yes. He wanted to be.

"Maybe not about Tony," he conceded, "but about the getting away part – yes."

"Well, you can't always get what you want, Jack."

"Says who?" he countered, and she shot him an incredulous look.

"Are you telling me you don't care anymore if people know about us?"

"No."

"No what? No, you don't care or no you're not telling me," she inquired.

"I…" he started, but cut himself off to start over again, sitting up in bed now. "There's something I need to tell you."

She leaned back a little as well, repositioning herself, waiting for him to continue.

"Teri called and asked to see me. I went over there yesterday."

He saw realization appearing on her face, and she cast her eyes round the room. "I know."

"What?" He had no idea she knew about it. "How?"

She looked at him again, sighing heavily.

"Teri called at work after you'd left. She wanted to know if you were on your way."

He nodded. "I'm sorry." He had told her he was heading over to Division.

"It's okay," Nina assured dismissive. "What did she want?"

He looked at her and…was it hurt he saw in her eyes? Disappointment? It certainly wasn't curiosity. She seemed sure to know what he was about to reveal to her. Something within him felt like it was about to break.

"She asked me to move back in," he said, noticing he hadn't said moving back home.

"Can't say that comes as a surprise," Nina shrugged. "It was a matter of time."

Was it? There had been a time when he had wished to be that confident.

"So – what did you tell her?"

He swallowed. "That I needed time to think about it."

She nodded pensively, staring at their hands once more, then withdrawing her own.

"Look, Jack, it's okay. I understand…"

"No," he cut her off. "No, I don't think you do." He reached out to reclaim her hand. "I meant what I said. I really want us to go somewhere, to spend some time just the two of us, away from work, away from everything…"

"Yeah, Jack…" she interrupted, "it's not like I don't believe you. And it's not like I wouldn't want that too." She eyed him intensely. "But no matter where we go, it won't change anything. It will all still be there when we get back," she argued. "Work, Teri, you being married…" She sighed and once again shook her head. "We both know you'll eventually go back to your family. And no matter how you feel about me right now or how I feel about you – I can't do it. It sounds nice, being together one last time, but I can't." Sounding so sad now. "I'm sorry but I can't."

He closed his eyes for a moment, unable to bear the look on her face. This was not how he had imagined this conversation. This was not what he had planned. Planned? Okay, he hadn't exactly planned anything but... Why were things so messed up?

"Nina…"

"No, Jack…"

"Nina, just stop talking for a second," he cut her off. "Stop talking and listen to me."

She rolled her eyes but kept quiet, and he let go of her hand, reaching for her face instead to make her look at him again.

"I'm trying to tell you that I want to be with you. And not with Teri." He observed the expression in her eyes as she seemed to hold her breath. "I love my family and I would do anything for them. But I also realize that it won't help anyone if I move back in with them. It would just be the same all over again. It won't help Teri or Kim and it certainly won't help me." Slowly, slowly the sadness faded from her features as his words began to sink in. "Maybe we can't always get what we want but I think I deserve to at least try. And I want you."

He couldn't believe that she was actually speechless but her silence proved she really was. She seemed overwhelmed by a range of emotions, her face showing them all at the same time. Relief, joy, shock, surprise, embarrassment…

"So, if you would stop trying to talk me out of it," he remarked mockingly but didn't get to finish the sentence as she leaned forward to kiss him.

"Is that a yes on the going away?" he asked when she was resting against his chest. "We could just take a weekend. How do you feel about Santa Barbara?" he grinned.