Disclaimer: Power Rangers... Disney. Story... mine.
Ashley Hammond/Astro Yellow: Yay, you remembered to review! Of course Andros is too loyal for that! That and he's hopelessly in love with her. :P Sleepwalking can be fun, but I'm guessing that's not the kind of sleepwalking you were doing. I'll talk to ya when you're awake, then. I had an idea for a sequel to Three Little Words, and for a prequel too, so we'll see...
Chapter 10
Ashley took a deep breath, willing herself not to cry as she sat at one of the tables in the holding bay meeting the accusing eyes of her best friends, all waiting to hear the cause of her self-imposed exile. Cassie laid a sympathic hand on her arm, silently encouraging her. She tried to force a weak smile back at her, but doubted that the gesture fully formed on her pale face.
"I..." she began shakily, not wanting to start with "I have a two year old daughter and she's living here with me," but not about to tell them the same tale that she'd told Andros. Finally, she settled for saying, "You guys are my best friends, and I know that this is going to shock you, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier."
"Tell us what, Ash?" Carlos finally asked, when a pause for breath became a five minute long uneasy pause.
"When I was fifteen, I was raped," she spat out in a rush, before the words could slip away from her again. She opened her mouth to continue, but the utter silence of her audience prompted her to look up to be sure that she'd actually said the words, and that they'd heard them. The five stricken faces staring back at her told her that they had.
They didn't look angry with her, and that was encouraging, but they didn't know all of it yet. Taking a deep breath, Ashley plowed forward. "I... I had a baby."
"What?" Carlos asked before he could help himself. "A baby?"
Ashley winced, and nodded. "I kept her, against my mother's wishes, and she's two years old now."
"Ash, you don't need to-" Karone started to say, but Ashley cut her off with a shake of the head.
"I have to get it all out," she mumbled. "I hated lying to you guys, but I... I was so afraid..."
"Why didn't you just tell us?" Carlos asked, in as gentle a tone as he could manage. He wasn't angry, exactly, but stunned that Ashley would and could keep something so huge from them for so long.
Ashley shrugged miserably. "I wouldn't let myself hope that you'd all still care about me. If I should have, I'm sorry, but I... I didn't want you to think that I was weak."
"We'd never think that," Carlos said quickly. Ashley let her face fall forward into her hands, unable to look at any of them. Cassie and TJ gave Carlos warning glares. He took the hint and shut up, realizing that he might be overdoing it.
Ashley flinched when she felt a hand on her arm, and lifted her eyes to meet TJ's. The former blue ranger quickly removed his hand from her, and gave her an apologetic look before saying, "Ash, it's not weakness. When bad stuff happens, you do what you need to do to protect yourself and stay alive."
"I know that," Ashley admitted. "But when I see you guys, I just..."
"Our lives aren't perfect," Cassie was quick to assure her. "We've all got some secrets. I'll tell you mine, if it'd make you feel better."
Ashley felt a wan smile on her face, probably the first in weeks. "Thanks, Cass, but you don't have to..."
"I know," Cassie said. "But you're not alone, Ash. There's darkness in all our lives."
"That's right," TJ was quick to agree. "We've all got stuff we're afraid to trust other people with."
"My parents were drunks," Cassie admitted. "Some of my earliest memories are of them screaming at each other. My mother got violent when she was angry, and after awhile, my dad couldn't take it anymore. I haven't seen him since I was three."
Ashley's eyes widened as she stared at her best friend. "I had no idea it was that bad for you."
Cassie shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "It's no big deal anymore." She paused. "This is going to sound really awful, Ash, but it's supposed to be a good thing. Knowing what happened to you, I feel more comfortable around you, because... I'm saying it badly, but do you get it?"
"Yeah," Ashley whispered, hugging Cassie, starting to cry again. "I do, and I'm really sorry. I should have trusted you of all people."
"No, it's okay, Ash," Cassie said, tears forming in her own eyes. "You've got enough to worry about without blaming yourself for something that doesn't matter."
"Thank you," Ashley whispered through her tears, squeezing the other girl hard before stepping back.
"My parents were murdered," TJ said quietly, following Cassie's lead. "I was five years old when it happened, and I was just in the kitchen with my parents, eating dinner. I heard a car outside, and then the next thing I knew, there was window glass everywhere, and my left shoulder was hurting worse than anything I'd ever felt before. We never knew why. This wasn't the kind of neighborhood where you here sirens every night. It was just..."
He couldn't think of the right word to complete his sentence, and finished with a shake of his head. With his right hand, he rolled up the left sleeve of his T-shirt for them all to see the circular scar on his shoulder. Cassie shuddered slightly, thinking of how close he had come to dying.
"I was Astronema," Karone said softy. "You guys all know that, but I'm the one who has to live with it. I grew up laughing at other people's pain, and when I was old enough, I helped cause it. Turning good in the end doesn't make it better for those people, the ones that are dead, the ones whose families and friends are dead."
"My twin brother died right before KO-35 was invaded." Zhane's voice was uncharacteristically subdued. "We were in the same hover, and I was the one driving. There was this tree... I didn't see it... Zeph died instantly."
"Thanks, you guys," Ashley whispered. Hearing her friends stories did nothing to lessen her own pain, but Cassie was right. She felt closer to them now, knowing that they had all experienced their own tribulations.
"Don't worry about it, Ash," Cassie said. "We should have let all this out a long time ago."
"I think we could use a break from all this misery," TJ put in. "When do we get to meet this little girl of yours, Ash?"
Ashley stared at him uncertainly. "You guys really want to meet her?"
"Of course we do," Karone exclaimed.
"Yeah, go get her, Ash," Carlos encouraged her. Ashley gave him a long look, the fact that he had been the only one not to recount some incident not escaping her notice. She knew he was feeling betrayed, thinking that after being as close as they were, he would have no idea. It was ridiculous, really. She was, or had been, much closer to Andros, and he hadn't reacted so childishly.
"I'll go see if she's awake," Ashley said finally. "If you guys are sure."
"We're sure," Zhane said firmly. "Now, go get that girl so she can come meet all the aunts and uncles who are going to spoil her rotten."
A small but genuine smile appeared on Ashley's face, and she gave a watery laugh, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes. "Wait here," she said, and hurried out of the room, a great weight lifted from her heart.
When she got to her room, she was startled to see Andros sitting cross-legged on her bed, a bemused expression on his face as he watched Tawny, who was arranging her stuffed animals in a circle on the floor. As she did so, she was explaining to him with an air of exaggerated patience why they went in the order that they did. Ashley stopped still in the doorway, wanting to watch.
"No," Ashley heard her say clearly. "Panda not be next to Fluffy. Panda eat her!"
"But panda bears don't eat dogs," Andros protested.
"They do too!"
"Okay," Andros agreed quickly. "They do."
"They do not!"
"But you just said that they didn't!"
"I did not!"
Ashley bit back the sudden urge to laugh, and stepped into the room. The instant Andros saw her, his smile became considerably more strained, and he stared down at his hands.
"Did you tell them?" he asked softly.
"Yeah," Ashley said, as Tawny ran to her, grabbing her around the legs. "But I left the important parts out. I didn't tell them who her father is."
She said the words quickly, not wanting to start crying again, at least not in front of him. Andros nodded, still not quite looking at her.
"I won't say anything," he promised.
"Thanks," Ashley whispered, remembering how she had accused him earlier. Suddenly, she found herself wondering if she hadn't made a huge mistake. Swallowing hard, she bent to pick up her daughter, who was now hugging Fluffy the dog to her, looking like she was considering another nap.
"No," Tawny whined, struggling against Ashley's arms. "Down."
"You'll have to walk, then, sweetie," Ashley warned her, quickly returning the squirming little girl to the floor. "There's some people who want to play with you. They might even give you ice cream."
"I don't wanna go."
"You don't want ice cream?" Andros cut in before Ashley could respond.
"I do too!" Tawny stuck her tongue out at him. Andros looked startled, and frowned for a moment before mimicking her. Tawny laughed delightedly at him, and Ashley found herself now wanting to cry more than ever.
"Come on, then," she said, tugging on the little girl's arm. Tawny stuck her tongue out at Andros again as Ashley led her out of the room. He stood, and followed Ashley and Tawny out of the room, watching them walk hand in hand down the corridor before sighing heavily, and returning to his own room.
Ashley could feel Andros's eyes on her as she led Tawny to the holding bay, and she turned abruptly, thinking that maybe she could meet those eyes now, but when she glanced over her shoulder, Andros was nowhere to be seen.
Stop thinking about him. He was only being nice. Andros doesn't love you. You don't love Andros. It's over with. Concentrate on Tawny and your friends now.
But she did love Andros. And maybe...
Ashley sighed gratefully when she reached the holding bay, now having something to distract her from her thoughts. She knew what conclusion she would eventually arrive at, but she didn't want to get there just yet. She couldn't handle that, not now.
"Hey, everybody," she said softly. The former rangers all fell silent when she entered, waiting for her to continue. "Everyone, this is - this is Tawny. Tawny, this is Cassie, and TJ, and Carlos, and Karone, and Zhane."
"Why am I always last?" the blond boy grumbled, the little girl in front of him finding his expression extremely amusing.
Karone laughed. "You don't want to spend too much time with Zhane, Tawny. I can do magic. Real magic."
"Magic?" Tawny's eyes lit up. "Wanna see!"
Karone smiled smugly as Zhane pouted. "Then come here!"
"Mommy?"
"Go on, sweetie," Ashley said, pushing her daughter towards Karone. There was a mischievous glint in the blond girl's eyes.
"Okay, let's see..." Karone said thoughtfully. "What do you want more than anything else in the world?"
"Pony!" Tawny shrieked instantly.
"Uh..." Karone glanced at Ashley, who winced, and shrugged. Karone laughed, mouthing, "Sorry!" before turning back to Tawny. "What color pony?"
"Yellowredbluegreenpinkwhitesparkle-"
"That's plenty," Karone broke in. "This is a special pony, okay? Since he's magic, he can't stay in this world for very long. He has to go back to... um, Magicland."
"Okay," Tawny agreed. "But pony my pony?"
"For the next five minutes he is... Do you want a talking pony?"
"Talking pony!" Tawny shouted immediately. By now, even Carlos was smiling reluctantly. Karone swept the tables out of the way with a wave of her hand and the others stepped back to allow her plenty of room. Seconds later, Tawny was deep in conversation with a multicolored creature that couldn't possibly be a pony, but the girl neither noticed nor cared.
A small smile graced Ashley's face as she watched her daughter, feeling more hopeful than she had in years. Somehow, everything was going to be all right from now on. Silently, Ashley repeated to herself the vow that she had made when she'd realized that she was pregnant. No matter what it cost her, Tawny was going to grow up happy, and innocent, knowing that her mother loved her.
"Mommy, come talk to Pony," Tawny cried. "Mommy!"
"I'm coming, sweetie," Ashley said, finding it much easier to force a smile to her face when she was surrounded by people she loved.