Disclaimer: Nothing here is really mine... yet.

Chylea3784: Thanks. Here's some more.

Ashley Hammond/Astro Yellow: It's all right you didn't babble, it's enough that you remembered to review. :P I'll write more when you do. :P

Jenny: Wow... : blinks: I think by now I automatically put red and yellow together, but I'm still not quite sure where I got the sparkle from... Yay, you're writing again! And you and Marieke both remembered to review! Now get back to writing:P

Chapter 11

"Andros?"

"Come in," Andros called reluctantly. He was no longer hibernating, as he had been the day before, but he wasn't exactly in a particularly cheery mood, either. He grew even less cheery when the door opened, and instead of just Karone, the entire team, minus Ashley, filed into his room. "What now?"

"We just thought we'd come see how you were doing," Zhane said in a tone of near perfect compassion.

Andros raised an eyebrow at him, and shrugged. "I'm fine. You guys can go now."

"Okay, so that's not really why we're here," Zhane admitted with a sheepish smile that was met by a glare.

"I'm not talking about Ashley," Andros said in a tone that left absolutely no room for argument.

"We don't want you to talk about her," TJ said. "We want you to talk to her."

"I can't do that," Andros replied tonelessly. He sighed. "Look, I know most of you guys mean well, but Ashley doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Andros, she does," Cassie insisted.

"No," Andros said firmly. "Listen, if Zhane comes up with some crazy scheme to get us back together, just laugh about it and then forget it. Ashley told me that she didn't want to be with me, and if you guys try to force us, you'll just end up hurting her more than she already is."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Of course I'm not," Andros exclaimed, trying as hard as he could to be angry, to dam the tears threatening to flood his eyes. "I'd rather be with her. But it's not what she wants, and I... I have to live with that."

"You're taking it pretty calmly," Carlos remarked. By this point, Andros had had enough.

"Ashley did tell you what happened to her, didn't she?" he snapped, glaring around the room at his friends. "It might have happened almost three years ago, but it didn't really sink in for her until she was telling me what happened. You guys are her friends. Don't be so cruel. Don't hurt her."

By the end of his little speech, Andros's voice had slipped into a pleading, plantive tone, and despite his best effort to hide it, he was on the verge of tears. Karone sighed, and touched his shoulder gently.

"That's not what we're trying to do," she said softly. "We just needed to be sure of how you felt."

"Why?" Andros demanded. "It's none of your business."

"Because Ashley needs you," Cassie told him quietly.

"Ashley doesn't want me around," Andros replied, unable to meet her eyes, unable to meet anyone's eyes. "I told you."

"That doesn't mean she doesn't need you," Cassie sighed. "Look, just hear us out, all right? Then we'll go, and you can make up your own mind."

"Fine," Andros agreed through grit teeth. "But hurry up."

"We know that Ashley didn't tell us everything," Cassie said. Andros opened his mouth, and she quickly added, "She doesn't have to tell us. But she told you."

"Yes," Andros admitted quietly. "She did. What's the point?"

"Karone and I were with her in her room last night. Her cell phone kept ringing. It was her brother Jeff, but she wouldn't answer. I know how close Jeff is to her, and she was telling us how much he helped her out with Tawny. Andros, we saw the messages on her phone. Jeff's tried to call her at least two hundred times, but she's never answered."

"What do I have to do with all this?"

"Andros, she's scared," Karone said. "She knows her brother is worried about her, but she's too scared even to talk to him. She's too scared to talk to anyone, except maybe you."

"Karone, she's scared of me too," Andros pointed out much more calmly than he felt. "I can't even be in the same room as her without scaring her half to death."

"She didn't seem to have a problem storming in here to scream at you," Zhane said. Andros shot his friend a sharp glare; for a moment, he thought Zhane might have been laughing.

"Could you at least try to talk to her?" Cassie pleaded. "Andros, Ashley trusts you more than anyone. She needs someone that she trusts."

Andros sighed. "I can try."

"Thank you," Cassie said, satisfied. "We'll get out of your room now."

Andros glared after them as they trooped out of his room, uneasy in the sudden emptiness. Ashley needed someone, true enough, but why did it have to be him? He could hide behind the mask he had worn for so many years only in front of everyone else; Ashley would read right through him, as she had always been able to do. If he was around her long enough, he knew he wasn't going to be able to hide how he truly felt about her. If he hurt her, even without meaning to, he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

But... this was a chance to be with Ashley again, even if it wasn't as her boyfriend. And Andros very much wanted that chance.

"Deca, is Ashley awake?"

"She is," Deca replied. Andros sighed heavily and stood up. This was a bad idea, this was a stupid idea, he was only going to hurt the both of them more than they were already hurting... and half of him didn't care.

"Ashley?" he called softly, rapping on her door with his knuckles. "Can I talk to you?"

"What do you want?" Ashley's answer was hesitant and more than a little wary. He supposed he couldn't blame her much for that.

"To talk to you," he repeated. If the door opened at all, he was expecting to see Ashley huddled on her bunk, much as she had been the night that she'd broken up with him, and his surprise showed on his face when Ashley herself opened the door.

"You can come in," she said quietly, her eyes focued on the wall directly behind him as opposed to him, but she was in a much better state than she had been in the last time he'd seen her.

He saw her tense as he stepped forward, and stopped, giving her time to retreat a little more before he entered the room. He looked around awkwardly for a few moments before sitting down on the floor, his back against the wall. He saw Tawny asleep on Ashley's bunk again, and smiled slightly.

"I'd never hurt you, you know," he said softly, half without meaning to.

Ashley just nodded mutely, at a complete loss for words. Why was he here? To taunt her? He had to know what he was doing to her.

"You said you wanted to talk," she said finally, coming closer to meeting his gaze, but still not quite looking at him.

"Right," Andros said uneasily. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

Ashley was sorely tempted to kick him out just for that, but there was something in his face that made her unable to do that. A second later it was gone, and Ashley wondered if it had even been there at all, or if she was just remembering the way he used to look at her.

"I don't know," she answered him honestly, sitting down slowly, not wanting Tawny to wake, at least not while Andros was still in her room. "Are you?"

Andros looked startled at the question, and he turned his head as far away from her as he could without making it look like he had done it on purpose. Ashley bit her lip; she hadn't meant to ask him that, and she half hoped he wouldn't answer. The other half of her needed to know.

"Do you want the truth?" Andros asked softly after a long silence. He met her eyes before she could look away, and Ashley saw for the first time how torn he was.

"Yeah." Ashley nodded, unable to tear her eyes away from his. "I do."

Andros sighed. "I miss you," he told her, his voice still deceptively calm and quiet. "I can't just stop caring about you."

"I miss you too," Ashley admitted. Andros cast his eyes downward at that, not wanting her to see the wild hope that had flashed through him for a few seconds before he managed to quash it. It meant nothing, he told himself.

"Ash?" Ashley's eyes had wandered away, but she looked over at Andros as he said her name, surprised to see the same shy look on his face that he'd had on the day that he had finally managed to spit out a date invitation. "Can we be friends?"

"What?"

Ashley had several ex-boyfriends that she was still 'friends' with, or had been, at least, but Andros couldn't possibly know that. He couldn't possibly know what it meant to be 'friends' with someone you had broken up with, and Ashley realized that he was asking her a legitimate question.

"You want us to be friends?"

Andros nodded his head, his hair falling forward as he did so, making him appear much less intimidating than he had a moment before. Not that he had looked all that intimidating then, she thought wryly.

"You don't need a boyfriend right now," he said, deliberately looking away as he spoke, "but maybe you need a friend?"

"Andros..." Ashley stopped speaking, and stared at him, the sad look on his face making her want to cry. "Don't you think that if we were friends that might be sort of uncomfortable for both of us?"

"I know I'm being selfish, Ash," Andros told her earnestly, misinterpreting her question, "and if you never want to see me again, then I'll leave, but I just don't want to lose you completely."

Ashley stared at him dumbly, completely taken aback, just as much by his words as by the revelation that he meant them. She wondered when they had switched roles. Suddenly, she was the one keeping everyone out, and he was begging her to let him in, even for the briefest passing moment. She wondered if this was how he had felt, wanting to say yes more than anything that she could ever remember wanting, but the want almost completely driven away by fear. She wondered what would happen if she said yes, or what would happen if she refused.

But most of all, she wondered what could have possibly been in her head that day that made her throw him away.

"You think you're being selfish?" Ashley finally managed to say.

Andros frowned as he looked up at her. "Aren't I?"

Slowly, Ashley slid off of the bed to sit on the floor, six feet away from him. He wasn't pretending, this wasn't some kind of scheme to win her back. He had absolutely no idea.

"Andros..." she managed to say. Then she lowered her head, tears choking her up too much for her to be able to speak. Ashley drew her knees up to her chin and buried her face in her arms, crying for everything that she had never cried for.

"Ash?" Andros said, alarmed, wondering what he'd done. "Should I leave now?"

Ashley shook her head wildly, not looking up. "Don't go," she sobbed.

"Ash?" Slowly, Andros inched closer to her, until he was sitting directly in front of her. "Did I say something wrong?"

He must have; Ashley started crying harder at his words. He was about to get up and leave despite her earlier words when Ashley looked up, staring at him with her tear-filled brown eyes.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, hit with a fresh wave of tears before she could say any more. Her heart was aching for him to wrap her in his arms and comfort her, but she knew that he never would, and she couldn't bring herself to ask him to.

"Ash?" Andros asked softly, hesitantly. "Can I... Can I hug you?"

Ashley nodded, practically falling into his arms. "Are you reading my mind?"

"No," he said, startled. "Why?"

"You knew I needed a hug," Ashley explained, trying to wipe her eyes.

"Oh," Andros said, suddenly feeling very awkward.

"I'm sorry," Ashley whispered again, burying her face in his chest, her body nearly convulsing with sobs. Andros didn't know what to say, so he said nothing, and just cradled her in his strong arms.

"Do you want me to stay here with you for awhile?" he asked, feeling Ashley nod her head against him, hearing her crying harder instead of softer.

Ashley felt him shift, settling himself with his back against the side of her bed, and then he lifted her into his lap with surprising ease. She burrowed her face into his neck, letting out years worth of terror and anguish kept inside for far too long. Andros held her wordlessly, simply rocking her back and forth until her breathing evened out, and he began to suspect that she'd cried herself to sleep. Not wanting to disturb her, Andros didn't move, his mind wandering as he watched her sleep.

He loved her more than anything or anyone else, but he seriously doubted that he was ever going to be able to bring himself to tell her that. If this was how she reacted when he only admitted that he missed her, and cared about her, he didn't want to know what he would do to her if he broke down and confessed that he thought he would die without her.

Ashely's body began twitching, and the expression on her face was considerably less peaceful than it had been a minute before. Her entire body began trembling, and she whimpered softly, the small sound enough to convey to him that wherever Ashley was, she was petrified with fear.

"Ash, wake up," he whispered, shaking her gently. "Ash!"

Ashley jerked awake, her breath coming in short gasps. She began trembling harder as she took in her surroundings, and just as Andros was about to release her, he felt her arms around his neck in a stranglehold as she burst into tears.

"It was only a nightmare, Ash," Andros tried to soothe her, but she wasn't listening.

"No," she cried out. "No, it wasn't. I was there, and so was he, and I couldn't run fast enough, and then he caught me..."

"You're safe now," Andros whispered, his hold on her tightening instinctively. "He's not here, Ash."

"Then why do I keep seeing him?" Ashley shouted. "Every time I close my eyes, he's there, waiting for me, and I'll never escape." She paused to take a deep, shuddering breath. "I can't sleep anymore. I see more every time, and if I fall asleep again, then... then..."

"Mommy?"

Ashley twisted away, frantically trying to dry her tears before Tawny could see, but it was too late; the little girl had already spotted her face.

"Mommy?" she asked again, sleepily.

Ashley opened her mouth to force out a reply, but all that came out was a choked wail. Frightened by her mother's tears, Tawny started bawling as well, much more loudly. Ashley reached out and pulled Tawny into her arms, cradling the little girl in much the same way that Andros was cradling her.

It occured to Andros that this could have been comical, if he hadn't felt like crying himself. It also occured to him that as physically uncomfortable as it was to be holding two people on his lap, the feet of one of them digging into his stomach almost painfully, he couldn't think of anywhere else that he would rather be, and more than that, he was feeling strangely content.