Disclaimer: The Power Rangers aren't mine. Andros isn't mine... yet.

Mz. Daydream: I hope you did good on your test! Tawny was still too busy playing on the slide, and will be for a while... :P

Jenny: Yeah, Tawny likes cookies. I actually had a really good idea for a scene with cookies, but that's in my next story. :P That was pretty lame in POTC, but the sweetness of it kinda balanced it out. Not really... Anyway, I tried hard not to make this lame...

Ashley Hammond/Astro Yellow: Yeah, you have to pay attention now. :P I'm working on DD, don't worry, but it'll be awhile before I actually get anywhere...

PinkRanger4Evr: Nope, not close to the end. I think this is only about halfway...

Mel: Have fun snowboarding!

Chapter 15

Ashley's face was wiped blank of even the smallest trace of emotion for perhaps ten seconds; the longest ten seconds of Andros's life. He groaned softly and very carefully focused his gaze on the green blades of faux grass, still hearing his words reverberating in his mind, berating himself harshly for letting the words slip out. There was only one way he wouldn't lose her now, and he couldn't dare hope that she loved him back.

"You... did you just... you love... you can't..." Ashley stammered her way through several aborted attempts to form sentences and simply stared at him, not daring to believe that he'd meant what he'd just said. "Andros, please say something!"

"Ash, I love you." He forced himself to repeat the words calmly, but there was nothing on earth that could have made him bring his eyes up to meet hers. "This isn't how I should have told you, but I can't keep pretending that I don't anymore."

"You love me?" Ashley whispered, the words finally piercing through the haze of emotions clouding her mind. The full import of what he was saying to her hit her hard, and she swallowed, desperately trying to summon up the courage to say the words in return. Briefly, she wondered why it was so hard. It should have been easy for her; she knew how Andros felt. He was the one staring at the ground, unable to look her in the eye for fear of what he might find there. "Andros, I..."

"You don't have to say anything," he interrupted her, spitting the words out quickly, thinking that he wouldn't be able to bear her rejection, no matter how much he deserved it. "It's all right, Ash. I know you must hate me, especially after I kissed you like that."

His facade of understanding and acceptance struck him as utterly false at it must have her, but he didn't care. Anything was better than hearing the words 'I hate you' from Ashley's mouth while directed towards him.

"I love you, Andros."

"You do?" Andros's head snapped up, pure joy flooding his hazel eyes. He took a slow step towards her, intending to gather her into his arms and never let her go. The look on Ashley's face stopped him cold, and he gave her one long pleading glance before she tore her gaze away from his. "Ash, please..."

She shook her head firmly, miraculously transforming her unshed tears to an iron will. "You deserve someone better than me, Andros."

"There isn't anyone better than you," Andros told her softly, feeling her slowly crushing his heart yet again. "Ash, if you're not ready, I'll wait for you."

"I know you would," Ashley said quietly. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" he cried, desperate to keep her no matter what he had to do. "Is it Tawny?"

"Partly," she muttered. "I can't ask you to-"

"Ash, I love her too," Andros admitted. "You don't have to worry about that."

"Andros," Ashley said slowly. "I have to think about Tawny, too. If we were together again, you'd be a huge part of her life. She attatches herself to people very easily, and if she starts to think of you as her daddy, and then one day you're not there..."

"I'll always be there," Andros promised her softly, by now feeling almost sick with guilt. He could see the conflicting emotions flitting across Ashley's face and eyes, and he knew that he had to be tearing her apart, but something refused to let him stop now.

"You don't know that," she said sadly and much more calmly than she felt. "Andros, you don't understand. It wouldn't just be the two of us. You'd be helping to raise someone else's daughter."

"But she's your daughter," he said quietly. "That's all that matters to me."

"Andros, you don't want to be with me," Ashley said, large tears rolling down her cheeks as she turned away from him. "Just trust me on that."

"No," he said, stepping closer to her before it occured to her to stop him. "Ash, I love you and I don't think I can live without you anymore. Whatever else happens, it won't matter to me nearly as much as you do."

"Andros..." Ashley stared at him, unable to fathom how he could love her. "You don't want me."

"Stop saying that!" Ashley flinched at the anger she heard in his voice. A moment later, he was standing directly in front of her, his eyes locked onto hers. Ashley held his gaze until her eyes started to water and burn. As she finally blinked, he continued, his voice much softer now, "You're worth everything to me, Ash."

"Why?" she whispered. "There are so many reasons why I shouldn't be..."

"Then tell me," he begged softly. "Ash, please, just tell me, and let me decide for myself."

She considered it for a few minutes, conscious of the fact that Andros's eyes never left her during the long silence. He can't possibly be telling me the truth... but I love him. If there's a chance that he'll want me, I should take it... but what if he changes his mind? I don't think I could stand that on top of everything else...

"Ash, please," he pleaded again, forcing the words out as his throat contracted painfully. "There's nothing that can make me not want you."

"You can't know that," she whispered, her throat as tight as his. "Andros, what does it even matter?"

"It matters because I love you," he said forcefully. "I love you Ash, and I think I always will. Whatever there is, it can't change that."

Ashley glared at him for an instant, the expression fading into one of uncertainty. "You mean that?" she asked softly. "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes," he said instantly, nodding his head firmly. "I mean it more than anything I've ever said."

Ashley hesitated and took a deep breath, saying the words quickly before she could change her mind. "There were complications when Tawny was born, and I... and I can't have more children."

"What?" Andros prayed he'd heard wrong, for her sake more than for his, but the expression on his love's face convinced him that he'd heard her correctly. "Oh, Ash..."

"Don't," she snapped, shaking her head, a fire that had been lost for too long blazing in her eyes. "If I want pity, I can find it somewhere else."

"It's not pity," Andros insisted. "Ash, please, give me a chance."

"A chance?" Ashley repeated dimly, oddly close to laughter. "Andros did you even hear me? I can't give you children! Are you telling me you don't want any, or that you won't? I know we're only eighteen, but if we're together long enough, you'll change your mind and regret it."

"Ash, I want children someday," he said slowly, trying to piece together his thoughts, arriving at his conclusion mere seconds later. He could picture himself raising Tawny, and only Tawny, as his daughter, but a picture of his life without Ashley was nothing but a blur of shadow and darkness. "But I want you more."

"You say that now, but Andros, sooner or later, you'll realize that you've just been wasting your time with me," Ashley said sadly. "How long do you think we'd last? A year? Two?"

"Forever," Andros said quietly. If by some miracle he could convince her that there was nothing that could ever make him not love her, he had no intention of spending another day of his life without her. "Ash, you're the one who's not hearing me. I love you, and no matter what, I will always love you. You... you're the one who showed me how to love."

"I did?" Ashley cast him a skeptical look that softened as she saw the pained expression on his face. Uncertainly, she added, "I can't be the first person you've ever loved."

"You're not," Andros agreed readily, never letting his eyes leave hers. "You're just the first who ever loved me back."

Ashley's face was slowly starting to crumple again. "Andros..."

"Ash, just listen to me for a minute," he pleaded with her, plowing ahead without giving her a chance to respond. "You shared the darkest parts of your life with me, and I shared mine with you. If you didn't mean more to me than anyone or anything else, I wouldn't have been able to do so. Ash, I trust you more than anyone. There's no one who knows me better than you. You're the only person who's never judged me. You're the only person that I can cry in front of without feeling ashamed. Ash, I know you're hurting right now, and I know that I'm hurting you even more by telling you this, but if I lose you now, like this, then I'll never be able to forgive myself for letting you go."

Ashley had kept quiet throughout Andros's rant, but now she spoke, fighting hard to keep her voice calm and cool. "What if what I wanted was to be let go?"

"Is it?" Andros challenged her, too late realizing what he'd just done. He'd forced Ashley to choose, and if she told him to let her go, he supposed he'd have to whether he liked it or not. Cursing himself, yet some small measure of hope still alive within him, he held her gaze steadily until she finally cast her eyes downwad.

"No," she admitted in a whisper. "I don't want to lose you, Andros. It just isn't fair to you..."

"Ash," he said as gently as he could, somehow forcing away all traces of the exasperation that he was feeling. "What's not fair to me is you trying to decide my life for me. I know you're scared that I'll change my mind about you, but if we end up apart, I promise you, it won't be because of this. I love you, Ash, and I need you more than I'll ever be able to tell you."

"I need you too," Ashley mumbled, biting her lip hard. "I just can't bring myself to ask you to hold me every night while I cry myself to sleep, especially since I don't know if I'll be able to stand the sight of you the next day."

"Ash, it's all right," he assured her softly, not quite able to meet her eyes as he added, "There were some nights... after Karone was taken the second time... I just wanted to run to you and beg you to hold me while I cried, but I just couldn't bring myself to, not when I'd pushed you away all those times before."

"It's not the same thing," Ashley protested weakly, but her resolve was nearly gone, and they both knew it.

"It is, Ash," Andros insisted. He hated half of himself for pushing her this way, but the other half of him was crying out for her loudly enough to drown out the guilty chanting several times over. "I needed you and wouldn't let myself go to you. I don't care where or when, if you need me, I want you to know that you can come to me."

"I know that I can," Ashley assured him, and sighed. "Andros, I just... if we're going to have any kind of relationship at all, I don't want it to be me running to you whenever I feel like crying. You deserve better than that, and I don't... I can't let myself use you like that."

"You know I wouldn't see it that way," he told her gently.

"But I would," she mumbled, a few stray tears leaking out of her troubled eyes. "Andros, no matter what you say, I know you have better things to do than let me cry on your shoulder all the time."

"What about all the times I cried on yours?" he said softly, more than anything needing to just feel her in his arms again. "Ash, you definitely had better things to do than comfort me, but you did anyway. There's no way I'd just ignore you if you needed me."

"Andros..." Ashley broke off as she hesitated, casting about for another excuse and finding none. All the walls that she had managed to barricade herself inside slowly began to crumble, leaving her completely defenseless against anything or anyone that sought to hurt her.

Andros staggered back at the force with which Ashley fell into his arms. Catching ahold of her, he wasted no time in wrapping his arms firmly around her, holding her to him as she buried her face in his shoulder. Her entire body was trembling but her eyes were suddenly dry.

"I love you," he heard her murmur into his shoulder. "Andros, I love you, and I'm so sorry that I-"

"Ash, please just stop apologizing," he pleaded, lifting one hand to grip her chin. He slowly raised her eyes to his, leaving her unable to doubt the sincerity of his words. "I love you."

Ashley nodded weakly and hid her face against him again, clinging to him with nearly as much strength as with which he was clinging to her. Seconds turned into minutes as they stood wrapped in each other's arms, oblivious to the rest of the world.