Title: "After the Wars"
Author: BalianswordChapter: 4, "Purify"
"Legolas," Aragorn sighed as he held the elf in his arms. He pulled him close as he uttered these words. He pressed his warm lips then against Legolas' forehead, kissing his brow lightly, and inadvertently forcing the elf's eyes to open. "Forgive me for leaving you, and forgive me for my selfishness, but I cannot let you go so easily."
His eyes barely open the elf let out a slow breath of air, "What is in your head King of Men? Do you think that you can save those that do not wish to be saved?"
"What keeps you in the darkness, prince of Mirkwood," the king asked. For the first time he was aware of how close Legolas was to him. He realized that the elf's smooth bare skin was pressed against his, and for the first time, he realized that he perhaps desired this touch more than he did the touches Arwen affectioned him with.
It was perhaps those light cerulean eyes, framed by high cheekbones, and his long golden locks that drove him wild. Even when they had been together before, fighting side by side, Aragorn had felt something for him. At first he had thought it the bond of the Fellowship. Yet now he knew that it was not just that alone, it was something more, something far different than just a simple love between men. For a man to love a man for what he stood for, for his ideals, now this was not frowned upon. For a man to desire another man in the way of lust, that was frowned upon, but this was how Aragorn felt for Legolas now.
Aragorn desired to know what they had done to Legolas, just so that he could go back to killing them all in his mind, making each one suffer in the way that Legolas did now. Such a pure soul had not been corrupted in the entirety of their journey. Yet, a year in isolation as nothing but a battle slave, this had caused his hope to fail. Aragorn looked at him now.
His eyes were the same, the same cerulean, with the same elven beauty that only his breed could possess. Moreover there was a feeling that used to be behind those eyes that was now gone. He did not hold the same child like curiosity, or the elven maturity, or anything else that he had once held in those orbs. Now he seemed just to have eyes, which stared out at the world, but truly took nothing in. All he needed to know was that no one was to be trusted.
What would keep him in the darkness? That was the question that now plagued at Aragorn's mind. Legolas had been saved from the world of darkness that he had been in. He had been brought back! He was now surrounded with love, which he must be able to feel, so why did he feel alone when Aragorn was pressed so close against him?
"It changes," Legolas said, still allowing himself to be held. He would not say it aloud, but it comforted him, to be so close to someone. It could have been anyone holding him, but it was not, it was Aragorn. Aragorn, the only man that he could ever love, and the only person in the world that he still wished he could love. If only he knew, he would not hold him so close.
"What changes?"
Legolas stared at him for a moment. He tried to see what it was that captivated him about this man. It was not his looks, even though he was for a man gorgeous, it was something far different. It was not even his eyes, which held the secrets of his life. It was his warmth. It was the way that he held him close, the way that he walked into a room, the way that he could smile without doing so, the way he could make a sad man feel better with a look –it was his warmth, the essence of his body that surrounded him, his aura.
"It all does," He replied after swallowing, his throat seeming to be getting dryer and dryer by the moment. "I used to think that things would never change. I was a fool Aragorn, we all were. There is no good, there is only evil, and an occasional lack of evil conquering the hearts of all."
"No," Aragorn disagreed in a whisper. "There is good in this world Legolas, you of all should know this, with your purity."
"I am no longer pure," the elf disagreed. "I saw myself one day, while I sat in the dark, I saw my spirit leave my body. What was once Legolas sailed away to the Undying Lands, and what is left is this, what you hold now. I am nothing to anyone now, and saving me is impossible, and not worth your efforts."
Aragorn put a hand on Legolas' cheek. Deep in the back of his mind he knew that to touch him so would only lead to more touching, to more feelings, and eventually to what was forbidden between them. He did not care though. He only wanted to comfort Legolas in his time of need. He ran his hand over his smooth features before he leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips. Their lips met, but only briefly before Aragorn pulled back, only enough for Legolas to feel his lips.
"If you are a shell," he whispered to the prince of Mirkwood, "how is it that you are able to feel? Do you feel, Legolas?"
"I felt that," the prince said under his breath. "It is the first touch that I have felt since they took me."
Aragorn leaned forward and kissed him again. This time he kissed him fully. He let his lips press hard against the elf's. He let his tongue split Legolas' lips so that he may taste him. If it was wrong it should not have been because it felt only right as he held Legolas in his arms. When the kiss broke, due to the fact that his passions had caused him to be unable to breathe, Aragorn placed his forehead against Legolas'.
"Legolas," Aragorn whispered, "come to bed with me."
"I can't," Legolas responded, his breathing still rapid, taking a great toll on his broken lungs. He reached up, putting both hands on the sides of Aragorn's neck, wrapping his fingers in his hair. "I do not know how to love. I cannot seem to leave that place Aragorn. I cannot love you, not in the way you deserve to be loved, not in the way that you should be loved."
"I will not be far from you again," Aragorn replied. "Legolas, what is it that you fear now that you did not when we were in the Fellowship?"
Legolas could not even answer himself. At least not now, because the truth was buried under scars. He looked down, holding back what very well could have been tears, and did not look up again. Before he could answer Aragorn lifted the two of them off of the floor, Legolas in his arms, and went back to the bedchamber. The sheets were already drawn back and Aragorn had but to put Legolas beneath them.
"Promise me that you will sleep through the night," Aragorn asked of him as he pulled the sheets back over him. "I will go only if you make me such a promise, Legolas."
"Pledges mean nothing among men Aragorn, they never have, and never will. They are only hollow words meant to be used as a weapon against the one that said them. Yet air cannot hurt a man, can it?"
"You," Aragorn said, "are not just a man. You are Legolas, the prince of Mirkwood, and a member of the Fellowship of the Ring. Yet, above all of this, you are simply Legolas."
The king placed a soft kiss on the elf's forehead before he stood. He then turned and left the room. As soon as the door shut Legolas once again felt that he was in the dark. Besides this, he felt that the warmth that he had felt moments ago, was gone. He could only hope that Aragorn would come back, and hope, he had learned, was only a waste of time.
xvi
