Under the Influence

Ten: Cheating Fate

There were hands on her shoulders, a whisper in her ears. Her body twitched. The voice was indiscernible, could have been a man or a woman, but it was comforting and warm. Where was she? It seemed as if she were lying on a cold, hard floor. She was afraid to open her eyes.

The last thing she remembered was clinging to Simon for dear life before she fell back into the ground, into her grave. Everything had gone dark. She couldn't see. She couldn't hear. She couldn't feel. She had died all over again.

A scent of jasmine filled her nose. Why did that smell so familiar…? It took her a moment, but then: my mother's perfume. A sudden feeling of calm washed over her. Slowly, she cracked open one eye, not really expecting anything.

"Finally," Annie said exasperatedly. "You're alarm was going off like crazy. I'm surprised you didn't wake up."

Ruthie stared at her mother blankly. "Huh?"

"Get up, or you'll be late for school." Confident her daughter would do as she was told, Annie turned and left the room without another word.

Ruthie pushed herself up into a sitting position. She looked around her room as if she were seeing it for the first time. Everything was the same. Her pictures were still on the walls, the other day's clothes in a pile on the floor. Ruthie looked down. She wasn't wearing her pajamas. Her heart beat faster. She was wearing the same teal dress that she had been buried in.

"What day is it?" she said to herself frantically. Jumping out of bed, Ruthie scrambled to her desk. She grabbed her calendar. September 10, 2006.

She ran into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. Her reflection was exactly the same. She poked at her face, at her flesh, and then at the walls. Nothing happened; she was really there. Unexpectedly, she began to laugh. It was a dream. It had to have been a dream.

"Just a dream," she assured herself.

On her way down to breakfast, she and Simon met at the top landing of the stairs. They shared no words, but a look that unnerved her. Their eyes held the same expression, both thinking the same thoughts. Then the moment passed. Ruthie gave a polite smile and left.

Ruthie was gathering her books from her locker when she spotted Brian coming at her from the corner of her eye. She closed the metal door and turned as he came to stand in front of her. He kissed her on the cheek in greeting. Ruthie smiled.

"What are you doing tonight?" Brian asked her as he leaned against the wall of lockers.

Ruthie thought. "Nothing," she replied. "Why? You have something in mind?"

He shrugged. "Well, I heard about this really raving party tonight, and I was thinking about going."

"No!" Ruthie screamed suddenly on impulse. The kids around them threw her odd glances and continued walking, whispering.

"What's the matter?" he asked, giving her a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

Ruthie looked away, and replied. "No. I'm, yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to…go see a movie with you tonight instead."

Brian nodded. "Sure, that's sounds better. It'll be fun spending time with just you." He smiled and gave her a kiss on the lips.

She smiled. "Good. I'll see you tonight, around…seven then?"

"Seven is perfect." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and walked her to class.

Ruthie couldn't help but feel uneasy. She was sure it was just a coincidence, but she couldn't shake the feeling that it was more than that.

Ruthie waved over her shoulder to her parents as she walked out the door with Brian. He opened the car door for her as another thought crept into her mind. She latched her seatbelt and he started the car.

"Brian?" she said softly, staring at her hands in her lap. "Is everything okay with you?"

He seemed to laugh. "Sure. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know," she said. "We don't really talk about your parents, and I was just wondering why."

The smile faded from his face slightly. "I just don't really like to talk about them, that's all."

Ruthie pushed on. "But we talk about my parents all the time, I just want to know about yours."

Brian's hands tightened on the wheel and Ruthie knew she had hit a nerve. Of course, she knew that going into it.

"I never asked you to talk about your parents," he said trying not to sound too angry or rude. "Besides, your parents are happy."

Ruthie sighed. "Brian, I just want you to be able to talk to me. I want to be here for you the way you're here for me."

"What do you want to know?"

"Just tell me the truth."

"Okay, you want to know the truth? The truth is, Ruthie, they don't give a damn about me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Ruthie said.

"Yes, it is. All they care about is who gets what out of their divorce. They fight all the time, but never over me. Not even once."

They pulled into the parking lot. As Brian turned off the ignition, they sat in silence.

"I'm sorry I brought it up," Ruthie said.

Brian looked at her, the anger gone from his eyes. He sighed. "Don't be sorry. I'm glad you know."

Ruthie gave him a smile and squeezed his hands. "You can tell me anything, okay?"

Brian laughed softly, uncomfortable with the serious feeling in the air. "I know."

"Good. Now open my door," Ruthie said jokingly.

Brian rolled his eyes playfully and got out of the car.

"There is no way that Johnny Depp is cuter than me!" Brian said defensively.

Ruthie giggled as she took Brian's hand. "I don't know…I think he might be. Just barely."

"Oh, stop." He said as they made there way out of the movies still laughing.

They were almost to the parking lot when Ruthie bumped shoulders with a pale man with dark hair. She turned around to apologize but when she saw whose face she was looking at, the words left her mouth.

The man was dressed in only white with matching shoes. He looked to be about thirty and not a bit ugly. There was sort of a comforting glow about him. He smiled at her and winked.

Ruthie's gaping mouth closed and she smiled as the man disappeared around a corner.

"Who was that?" Brian asked.

Ruthie took his hand once again and they continued their way to the car. "I don't know."

The house was dark when Ruthie arrived home that night. There was a lone glow of light coming from the kitchen. Ruthie knew that it would be her parents waiting up for her. She went to say goodnight, but it wasn't her parents who were at the table.

"Simon? What are you doing up?" Ruthie asked as she removed her coat.

He set down the cookie he had in his hand. "Couldn't sleep," he replied shortly. It wasn't exactly a lie. There was just something in the back of his head that was saying Ruthie might not come home.

"Oh," Ruthie said and nodded. She grabbed a cookie off of Simon's plate. "Well, I should be getting to bed."

She was almost to the top of the stairs when she turned around. She had remembered the look she and Simon shared earlier that day. Simon was putting the remained share of his cookies back into the jar when Ruthie appeared in the kitchen.

She didn't say anything, just looked at him. He seemed to freeze for a moment as he tried to read her. He set the plate in the sink and asked, "What?"

"Um… I wanted to tell you about a dream I had," she said.

"Okay…" Simon sat back down in the chair and Ruthie joined him.

"Well, okay, I had this dream where I...died."

Simon's heart sped up. "Yeah?"

"Well, this morning I woke up and I wasn't wearing my pajamas. I was wearing the dress that I was wearing in my dream…. I'm not saying that it actually happened or anything, but you were there. That's why I'm telling you. When I was 'dieing' you were there and you told me that you hated me."

Simon stared at her, listening to the words coming out of her mouth.

"And then you came to my grave and told me that you didn't really know why you were there and that – "

" – the boys missed you. I said that nothing would be the same…."

"Oh, my God, you remember!" Ruthie almost yelled. It was all she could do not to jump out of her chair with surprise.

"Of course I remember! That was the worst thing that could ever happen to me! I woke up this morning wanting to kill myself."

"But, how?" Ruthie asked. "It was just a dream. How could we both have the same dream?" She was trembling as she remembered the man on the street. It was Kendall.

Simon shook his head.

"It was real," Ruthie whispered. "I got a second chance."

"What?" Simon asked, unable to understand what Ruthie had said.

"There was a man tonight," she explained. "I bumped into him on the street and he sort of winked at me. In my dream, or whatever, he said he was my guardian angel. It must have been him."

"This is impossible," Simon said. "People don't just die and then come back. It's ridiculous."

After a moment, she nodded. "You're right. It is ridiculous. It was just a dream."

"Right," Simon replied firmly, but not a bit satisfied. "Let's go to bed."

Ruthie grabbed her coat from the back of the chair. "Yeah."

Simon flicked the kitchen light off and he and Ruthie said goodnight at the second floor landing. They both knew that something had really happened, that it wasn't just a dream, but it wasn't explainable. It was just easier to say they had the same dream than to have to acknowledge the pain they both still felt. They never spoke of it again.

That night, Ruthie went to bed thanking God for every minute of her life.

The End