Ugly, Stupid, Fat, Gay but New Beautiful Love

Crabbe and Goyle weren't the smartest people at Hogwarts. They weren't the funniest either, and heaven knows they weren't the best looking ones there. But everyone needs somebody, right?

They were best friends. Maybe not the greatest best friends they could be, but best friends all they same. They helped each other bully younger students to do their homework for them. They had a great relationship together.

They had a great life too. But when they weren't torturing small children, playing henchmen for their closest friend Draco Malfoy, or being dragged to death eater meetings by their parents, they got lonely, very lonely.

So at night time...when the common room was empty and lonely, they sat down and talked about everything. Once they had too much fire whiskey and ended up giving each other pedicures and manicures.

After they had been fully groomed and had the nails of super models, the subject of gay people came up. This subject didn't come up very often as it usually resulted in awkward silences. But the fire whiskey was out, and so was the topic.

"So, Greggy, who do you like?" Crabbe said while falling onto the couch with a loud thump.

"You promise not to laugh?" Goyle said while spilling more fire whiskey down his front.

"I wont...Is it just me... or is one of my feet bigger then the other?" Crabbe said they both exchanged glances

"Vinny, your feet are perfect, just like you," Goyle said fondly as he leaned over to give Vincent's feet an affectionate pat, tipping his drink on the stone floor of the dungeon as he went.

There it was the awkward silence.

"..." Crabbe didn't say. After a few seconds he plucked up the courage to tell Goyle what he really thought: "That was just about the gayest thing you've ever said."

"Well you see Vinny, I am gay." With that Crabbe dropped his goblet with a clunk and stared at Goyle in utter disbelief.

"What do you mean...you're gay?"
"I'm gay. As in; I'm a flaming homosexual homosapien."

Crabbe was shocked. Very shocked. Shocked that his closest friend was gay, and shocked that Goyle could use such be words.

But slowly the news started to sink in and suddenly the little things his friend did made sense.

Like the fact that when they were doing each others nails he'd insisted on bright pink and in year 4 when he asked Crabbe to go to the Yule Ball with him. It all made sense in his walnut sized brain. "Greggy, I have a confession to make." Crabbe stood up and strolled over to Goyle in less then two step and grabbed his face ever so gently and pulled him into a kiss, a warm, comforting kiss.

Goyle was shocked. The kiss lasted a good two minutes and by the time Crabbe slowly pulled away, the shock hadn't subsided.

"Greg?" their eyes met. "I love you."

Goyle swallowed hard. "I love you to, Vinny-poo." with that they embraced again.

Next minute Draco Malfoy appeared. "What do you think you two ninkumpoops are doing?'

They pulled apart suddenly. "Nothing!" "Nothing!" they protested.

Draco looked at them disbelieving but shrugged and went back to bed. "Well keep it down. 'Night. Fags."

The next morning Crabbe and Goyle approached the great hall holding hands. Goyle went to let go but Crabbe wouldn't allowed. "We have to be proud of who we are." With that they enter the hall.

AN: hope u enjoy the latest addition to collection by Krip and Jax...Krip, I think this is, by far, the gayest thing we've ever written.