A/N: this is based on a song by Kelly Clarkson, ' I hate myself for losing you.' I'm going on holz for a week so I might not update any of my stories for a while. I know it's short but i wanted to update before i go away.

I woke up today

Woke up wide awake
In an empty bed
Staring at an empty room
I have myself to blame
For the state I'm in today
And now dying doesn't seem so cruel
And oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway, anymore

I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror

And staring at you is why she's not here


You got what you deserved
Hope you're happy now
'Cause every time I think of both of you
It's killing me inside
And now I dread each day
Knowing that I can't be saved
From the loneliness of living without you
And oh, I don't know what to
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew

I hate myself for losing you
And oh, I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew, I wish you knew
And oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway, anymore
No, no

What do you say, when everything you said
Is the reason why she left you in the end
How do you cry when every day you said
Don't ever bring her back again.

James knew it was his fault. It was entirely his fault. Everything. Lily hated him. Last time he was trying to 'pursue' her it took him almost seven years. James hated himself, it was not right, they were meant to be. Sirius said they would end up together, but how long would it take?

He didn't want it to take that long this time. Anyway, he had already decided to leave her alone for a while. Hopefully some time apart would be good for her, so she could realize that she actually did love him and that she wanted to be with him forever and for always!

He wasn't sure if that would happen, Remus had told him that she was with another man now. James was tired, depressed and homesick. He wanted to go back home, to England. It was winter in England and summer in Australia. It was too hot, he had only brought winter clothing and he was too lazy to transfigure anything. Remus and Sirius visited a few times a day. But James had gone back to his old phase of cursing at them loudly and then throwing something very heavy in their direction.

His routine went like this:

Sit on the bed, leaning against the wall.

Think about Lily

Swear loudly

Throw something through a widow and/or at Sirius or Remus.

Have window fixed by Sirius or Remus.

Repeat.

James decided it was time to go home.
"Sirius, I'm tired, and I want to go home." He whined as Sirius walked in.

"I NEVER SAID COME IN HERE! GET OUT!" James yelled and threw the hotel alarm clock at him.

A/N: Please review!