To my humble reviewers whoI can make review with the snap of a finger: I have mad ethis chapter long and you all best appreciate it. Ittook me a whole freakin' hour! Okay,I know what you are thinking. Whoop-e-freakin'-doo. Yes, I am thinking the same thing. BecauseIhave nothing better to do on a Friday night. I am, alas, soul-mateless.sigh Oh well. I got chapter 4 done. No more scary squirrel threats until next week.I can sleep peacefully. Whatever. I would comment on all of those great reviews, butIdon't feel like it, and since I am the writer I can do what I want. Mu-ahh-haa-haa!Okay, read my fic:
The vodka burned going down. Normally, Jess hated it when I drank, but Jess wasn't here now, was she? Jess was never going to be here. Jess left like everyone else I ever loved in my life. Except mom. Mom stayed. I loved my mom. I loved Jess, too. God, I missed Jess. How would I live without her?
I finally got to sleep. I stayed up four hours after I puked my brains out. Whenever I closed my eyes, that bloody face loomed in front of me.
I woke up after what felt like a few minutes of sleep, but I glanced at my clock and it had been six hours. So much for work. The horrible ringing pulled me from my slumber and I dragged my body down the steps, about to go jack-the-ripper on the stupid person who was calling at one in the morning. Or was it p.m.? Whatever. It felt like a.m.
Surprisingly enough, it was Douglas on the phone when I answered, quite rudely, by the way. His voice was scratchy and he kept clearing his throat. Also, he sounded chocked up and tense. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the dream, but something told me this was bad. Way bad.
"Douglas, what is it? What wrong?" The bloody face loomed in my head again. I shook my head to clear it.
"Rob, it's Jess. She was in an accident. I'm at the hospital. She's in intensive care. She's hurt bad, Rob, real bad. I tried to call you, but--" That was the last I heard before I hung up the phone and ran upstairs to change and get my coat.
Maybe, this was all a bad dream. Maybe I was having another horrible dream and any minute I would wake up and hurl again. I didn't think so. The bartender went by and I asked him for another. The drink still burned, but I was staring to get numb, so not as much. Numb was good. Maybe if I could stop feeling all together, I would never know Jess was gone. Maybe this was a dream.
When I got to the hospital, the entire Mastriani family was there, along with Ruth and her boyfriend, and Tasha and Claire. I was the last one to show up. Probably to get the memo.
Douglas walked up to me. Tasha stood, but he shook his head at her. He looked pretty bad. Liked he hadn't slept in days.
"Hey Rob."
"What happened?"
"She was driving along main street and a semi plowed right into her. Threw the car into a tree and pinned her. When the EMTs showed up, she was chocking on her own blood. It was just flowing into her mouth. Internal bleeding, the doctor said. It took them thirty minutes to get her out of the wreck." Doug covered his face and his shoulders shook, but he breathed deep and wiped his eyes. "Thirty goddamned minutes." He covered his face again, but couldn't control himself this time and turned and mumbled an excuse. Tasha stood and they walked to a hall way.
I took a seat next to Ruth. Her eyes were red and puffy and she was wringing her hands.
My mind was moving at a million miles a second. Jess. Semi. That horrible image. EMTs. Internal bleeding. My eyes filled with tears when it hit me that Jess could die. I shovedthem away with a fist.
A doctor in scrubs came out in blue scrubs. We allstood up. He looked at all of our worried faces with pity.
"Hello. My name is Jesse de Silva I was Jessica Mastriani's surgeon…
I felt a presence next to me and I saw a woman sit down in the bar stool next to me. She was wearing a shirt that was lower cut than anything Jess ever wore. Her black pants were obviously fake leather. They were so tight, she could barely bend her knees. Jess would call her a skank and smack me for looking at her. Why would I check out some other girl when I have Jess? Had Jess. I guess I could look now.
"Hey. I'm Phoebe. You look sad. Hard day?"
I grunted. She didn't get the message. I felt her eye my four empty shot glasses.
"Can I buy you another drink? You look like you need it. I could sure use it." I thought about this a second. Jess wasn't here. She would never be here again. And it was a free drink. I wasn't marrying her or anything.
"Okay. Sure."
"I am sorry to inform you that Jessica didn't make it. I am sorry for your loss." He looked at all of us again with that horrible look again and turned and walked away.
My knees went weak. Oh my god. This wasn't happening. This could not be happening.
I watched as Mrs. Mastriani dissolved into a tidal wave of tears and her husband hugged her tight. Ruth covered her face and shrank to the floor. Her boyfriend helped her to a chair where she cried into his shoulder. Mike and Douglas both went to chairs and cried into their respective lovers. Everyone had someone, but me. I was alone. All alone. The only person who ever loved me was gone. I was alone. Utterly alone.
Tears clouded my vision and I tripped out the door. I drove. Just drove. I don't know how long or where I was when I pulled into the bar, but I knew I was never going back to that town where all I would get was pitying looks and sad feelings. I would miss my mom. I would miss Jess.
I realized I never told her I loved her. I think I was dying. I think I was what I didn't wantJess to be. Alone and Cold.
Dying inside.
This was sorts hard to write sinceI am not a guy and I don't know how a guy morns. Sorry, but I am all estrogene all the time. Its just how it is. But, also, this was really depressing to write. I almost cried a couple times. I am a wusssigh
Anyway, i hoped you enjoyed the soon-to-be-raging-plot.
In case youdidn't notice, the italics is flash-back. I probably should have mentioned that before, huh?
Well, now you know...
G-G:>