Hello again. I'd like to thank iluvrobbie for her two lovely reviews, and midnightsasha for his/hers esteem-rebuilding commentary. Since the latter has told me not to worry about what others think, I'll disregard the other stuff they wrote. Now then, let the concert resume!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Teen Titans, "Weird Al" Yankovic, Pentium processors (though my computer might), Hewlett Packard, Doritos, or any other trademarked names and/or intellectual properties mentioned in my fic or others' song lyrics found in my fic, with the exception of Overactive Mind, who is me. Anyone trying to sue me better be doing it for something else.
RUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKNINERUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKNINERUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKNINE
Overactive Mind gave some applause to Robin as well, and resumed his announcer duties. "Very nice! Next up, everyone is teh 13373$7, ahem, sorry, the most tech-savvy member of the Titans, Cyborg, performing 'It's All About the Pentiums!' "
Cyborg hopped up on stage, eagerly awaiting similar ovation to Robin's. Sadly, his reception was a bit more lukewarm. There were some half-hearted cheers, and several shouted insults from the villains section, but not a single garment flew into the air. He was briefly happy to see a banner, but it appeared to not only be written in ASCII binary, but it was being held aloft by several of the robots attending Fixit. Cyborg grimaced and nearly fled from the stage when he realized Fixit was giving him a "call me" gesture.
Just in time, Overactive Mind popped up on his communicator/right forearm. "OK, big guy, here are your lyrics." With that, the protuding piece of Cyborg's chest armor printed out the words he had to sing.
After briefly looking over the printout, Cyborg brightened. "Now that's more like it!" he exclaimed, "OK, O.M., let's do this."
Suddenly the stage altered itself to accomodate this next song. It expanded, and the edges rose somewhat, creating three distinct platforms. Starfire appeared on one side platform, Raven on the other. Beast Boy suddenly popped up next to Cyborg, and microphones clanged into place in front of each Titan (other than Robin, who hadn't stopped washing his hands since his song.) The music began, and Overactive Mind's insidious control took over:
(A/N: (Star and Raven) BB Cyborg)
(It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
(It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
(It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Yeah
What y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard?
Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills
Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills
I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM
I never feed trolls and I don't read spam
Installed a T1 line in my house
Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse
Upgrade my system at least twice a day
I'm strictly plug-and-play Uh-huh, I ain't afraid of Y2K
I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him "Money" for short Yeah!
I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support
It's all about the Pentiums, what?
You've gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen
You've got white-out all over your screen
You think your Commodore 64 is really neato
What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?
You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh
Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half?
You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette
You're the biggest joke on the Internet
Your database is a disaster
You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster
Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er
I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
You're just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller
(Chorus)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
(End of chorus)
Uh, uh, loggin' in now
Wanna run wit my crew, huh?
Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? Uh huh
They call me the king of the spreadsheets
Got 'em printed out on my bedsheets
My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks
But it was obsolete before I opened the box
You say you've had your desktop for over a week? Uh huh
Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique C'mon!
Your laptop is a month old? Yeah! Well that's great
If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight
My digital media is write-protected
Every file inspected, no viruses detected
I beta tested every operation system
Gave props to some, and others? I dissed 'em
While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin'
It does all my work without me even askin'
Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide wide
I believe that your says "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side
In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user C'mon!
You've got your own newsgroup, "alt.total-loser" C'mon!
Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax C'mon!
Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? C'mon!
Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you
If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you
What? What? What? What? What?
(Chorus)
What?
With Beast Boy's last agonized entreaty, the music finished, and even non-robotic members of the audience cheered Cyborg. He had won the girls, pwned the n00b, and ruled the stage. The applause died, but Cy was still hamming it up. Eventually, Overactive Mind had to type up a giant hook and drag the mechanoman back behind the stage. From his position on the Jumbotron, the typist surveyed the audience, smiled, and called "OK people. If you liked that performance, you'll love this one. Next up is none other than..."
ENDCHAPTERTHREEENDCHAPTERTHREEENDCHAPTERTHREEENDCHAPTERTHREEENDCHAPTERTHREE
What fun would it be (for me) if you knew who was going up next? Of course, if you're reading this after I post the next chapter, this little teaser will be pointless, but for now it's fun. For those of you wondering, Cyborg's song is a parody of "All About the Benjamins", by the artist then known as Puff Daddy. I haven't the slightest idea what he's dubbed himself now. Anyway, free cybermuffin to each person who correctly guesses who's up next. Kindly press the pretty button, and you could win a muffin.