My Darling, My Sweet, My Tourniquet
I have been kidnaped, tortured, raped and starved all for one thing...information. But how dare they think they will get anything out of me! I will die before I betray the Order...But I know my time is running short. They are growing more and more tired of me every second...I must escape and soon...
I am sitting in this musty old cell alone as usual. I have been here for a while now, but I have lost count of the days. I am not even sure of what time of the day it ever is. When I feel like sleeping I sleep. There is no night or day there is only darkness. I am very hungry. I cannot remember the last time I ate, but it has been a while. They might have even forgot about me down here. I cannot tell but I am probably very pale as I haven't seen sun since I was taken. Taken away from my family and my friends. Away from my freedom and fun and health. But I mustn't show how weak I am. That will give them pleasure. They do not deserve pleasure. They do not even deserve the life they possess within their foul, evil bodies.
I take in a shaky breath. The smell was once horrible. When I first came anyway. I am used to it now, thankfully. It was a terrible, musty smell. It reminded me a bit of Grimmauld Place when we first started to renovate it and make it livable.
Grimmauld Place. A wave of sadness washes over me like a tidal wave. I miss that place. Now after five years it is a wonderful house. Lupin even got Mrs.Black to shut up somehow. We are not sure exactly how, just that it is a powerful spell. It reminds me of my family and friends and how much I missed them. I missed my long endless talks with Hermione and quidditch with the boys. I remember cooking with mum and talking with her. Tears are welling up in my eyes but I force them back. No I tell myself I mustn't cry. I mustn't give them that happiness that I am suffering.
I am tired but I cannot sleep. I haven't been able to sleep for a while now. It is like I am deprived of it permanently. I am scared but I never show it. Even when they are at my throat trying to make me talk, I refuse. They will get nothing out of me. No matter how much pain I am in. But there is something else. Almost every night until recently I have been raped. What if I was pregnant? Would they take pity on me and give me a better cell? No, no they wouldn't. That would be too nice.
Sitting in this cell has given me time to think, to regret, and to wish I had been more grateful at times. I think back to all the hearts I broke back when I was in school. I know many boys had been crushed when I turned them down. I regret many things. I regret ever being cross or rude to anybody. I regretted the rumors I had started in school and how I had never truly realized how important the many people around me really were to me. It seems so surreal now that i am regretting these things. I now realize how ungrateful I had always been to people. I had never stopped to smell the flowers or admire the beauty of small things. I had never stopped to say hi to those people I knew looked up to me. I wish I hadn't been so popular and so many people had liked me. I hurt people and now I wished I hadn't. But most of all I regret not listening to my mother. She had told me not to go outside for a walk that night, but I had gone anyway. Of course I never thought this could happen.
Now that I think about it I was as stuck-up as Malfoy. I didn't care for others who were not in my group, as you might call it. I might not have had brand name clothes but all of my friends did and they shared. Plus with a bit of magic, mine were made to look like designer brands. Now my clothes were rags.
I hear someone coming and I push myself into a sitting position and leaned against the wall. If I was lucky someone would be bringing me my food. I tried to mask my pain with a bored look. The door swung open and Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Crabbe, and Goyle entered. Zabini was carrying a small package. I recoiled slightly. Crabbe and Goyle both had rather large bumps in their pants. I couldn't help but scrunch my nose at this. Malfoy nodded to Zabini and he stepped forward to hand me my food.
"Stay here with her,"Malfoy turned back to the door. "And you owe me, Zabini"he called over his shoulder. Crabbe and Goyle took one last look at me and followed Malfoy down the corridor.
Zabini stood at the door and watched them walk away. When he was sure they were long gone he turned back to me. Walking towards me I couldn't stop myself before I recoiled. He stopped but then shook his head and kept walking towards me. I thought he was going to rape me. He didn't. Instead he pulled out of his pocket another package. It was much larger than the one that was sitting in my lap. Opening it for me, he revealed more food. My mouth watered at the very sight of so much food.
Zabini sat down on the ground not far from me. His eyes followed my every movement. I slowly ate even though I was simply ravenous. They didn't need to know how incredibly hungry I was. Zabini rolled his eyes dramatically.
"Just eat the food,"he snapped "I know your starving, that is kinda why I put my neck on the line to give you extra food"
I looked up surprised. "Don't look so surprised"he edged closer to me. "And don't wake me force feed you"he added with a small smile.
I smiled back and nodded. In minutes every last crumb of food had been devoured. I leaned back and took a deep breath. I couldn't remember I had eaten so much food.
"Full?"Zabini asked me.
I nodded feeling much stronger now.
"I have to go, but I'll be back tomorrow"Zabini stood up and brushed off his robes. "Good bye, Ginny"He said at the door.
"Thanks and good bye, Zabini"I replied.
"Please, it's Blaise"he winked before wrenching open the door and walking down the stone corridor.
I sat there listening to his footsteps until they echoed into nothing. Had I just made a friend? And what did Malfoy mean by "You owe me, Zabini". Were they both trying to help me? But why would Malfoy want to help me? In his eyes I was filth, and in his eyes unworthy to call myself pureblood. It didn't make sense to me. Nothing made sense anymore.
Blaise came back the next day with food and a robe. He sat and talked with me for a couple hours. His company os quite enjoyable. He talks a lot and smiles which makes me smile. He even has really cute dimples on the sides of his face that come out quite clearly when he smiles and laughs. Wait did I just think that? No bad Ginny bad! He so doesn't have cute dimples.
The next couple weeks I lived for my few hours with Blaise. They were wonderful. It was the only time in the day when I was with another human being. Sometimes Malfoy would come down with him.
One day I was sitting with Blaise. Over time he had began sitting close to me and I didn't mind. We were talking about our families. I told him all about it, not mentioning Grimmauld Place of course. I spilled my soul onto him and he listened to every word of it. I was stunned to acknowledge how terrible his father had been to him. I even caught myself pushing a piece of hair behind his ear. We looked into each other's eyes before the unthinkable happened.
Slowly Blaise leaned into me. For a second our lips met and a sudden shock of pleasure swept through my body. His hand was on my waist and my hand on the side of his neck. We pulled away and looked into each others eyes again. His eyes were dark, almost black and held warmth, passion and love. He leaned back and pressed his lips against mine. Blaise ran his tongue along my bottom lip asking for entrance. I granted it to him and deepened the kiss. Soon we were snogging our heads off.
When we were done snogging I curled up on Blaise's lap. He had an arm around my small body. My head was resting on his well built chest. I could have fallen asleep as he ran his hand through my hair. I probably would have but Malfoy came and knocked on the door.
"Blaise, come on Melissa is looking for you"Blaise's eyes went wide. Malfoy grimaced.
"I know, but your dad will be after your blood if you don't go at least acknowledge her"Malfoy said solemnly.
I slipped off Blaise's lap and stood up. Blaise stood up as well and taking my chin in his hand he pressed his lips gently on mine. He had told me all about Melissa. She was an evil, cruel, sadistic bitch. She and Blaise were betrothed. She adored Blaise to no end but he felt nothing for her. This infuriated her and she tried to keep him in her eyesight. It didn't seem to be working though because everyday he managed to get away for a few hours to be with me.
I slept fitfully that night. My dreams were full of a black haired girl and a bloody Blaise. Then a grave with illegible writing on it. I woke up in a cold sweat and sat up sitting around and doing the usual. My head pounded and it felt like it was going to split in two. I leaned against the cold wall and tried to sooth my head. I heard the door opened but paid it no heed.
"Ginny, Ginny, are you awake"I heard Blaise's voice whisper but it hurt like hell. I groaned in response to him. He walked over to me and kneeled down.
"You don't look to good"Blaise muttered to himself. "Here can you walk?"he asked putting an arm around my waist picking me up.
I walked a few feet before I felt queasy. As fast as I could I ran over to a bucket that was supposed to be my toilet. I felt Blaise's hands on my neck as he pulled my hair back out of face with one hand and rubbed my back with the other. When I was done I collapsed against the wall, weak and sweaty. Blaise put a hand to my forehead.
"Stay here, I'll be right back"he got up and left me in the room alone.
A few minutes later he returned with malfoy and Parkinson. I noticed Parkinson's swollen stomach and Malfoy's arm around her. I was happy for them, surprisingly enough. Probably because Pansy hurried over and felt my forehead and began asking me questions to do with my health.
"Have you thrown up lately; Does your head hurt; Has your stomach been hurting you recently; Do you feel sick right now"she asked to many questions for me to keep up with.
After what seemed like forever she was quiet and stood up "Blaise"she barked "Hurry up and pick her up, she has to get to the Hospital Wing we set up for the 'POW' and hurry"Pansy was very in control and bossy.
Blaise picked me up bridal style and carefully carried me out of the room. We seemed to be traveling up stairs. The more we walked the warmer it got. I felt myself being set down in a very comfy bed, but anything but a stone floor would feel good after spending so much time in a dungeon. I was covered up with a blanket and felt the bed sink a few inches.
"Here dear drink this, it will make you sleep"Pansy was obviously trying to give me a potion. I was a bit hesitant about drinking it though.
"Don't worry Ginny"Blaise soothed in my ear.
With his soothing words I took the cup from Pansy and drained it. Almost instantly I felt sleepy and perfectly at ease. Before I knew what was happening I had fallen asleep.
I awoke to a lot of loud screaming that seemed to be very close. My head felt like it was going to split in two again. I really wished more than anything that whoever was screaming would shut the hell up. They were so inconsiderate for screaming near me. As I lay there the pain slowly ebbed away and now I could hear what was being said.
"What the fuck is wrong with you! Do you think I'm fucking stupid! You are such a jack-ass! You don't even pay attention to the people that love you." A woman's voice screeched at what seemed to be my feet.
"Oh really who loves me, huh? Definitely not you because your too busy wrapped up in your own stupid problems to care too much about me." A man's voice that I registered as Blaise's snarled back.
"At least I don't take care of blood-traitor whores who deserve no pity. At least I am loyal to my future husband"the woman, who I assumed was Melissa, yelled and I felt my blood boil. She was evidently talking about me.
"I took pity on someone who needed it and your just mad because I hate you"Blaise roared "I just wish you would hate me back"
"Well you know what I think now I love you more because you want me to hate you." I could practically feel the smirk radiating off of her.
"Hey Lapis that smirk is mine." I heard a door close and Malfoy's smooth voice virtually slithered through the room I was in.
"What is all this screaming." Pansy seemed to have entered the room with Malfoy and didn't sound happy. "I have a patient here who needs rest and relaxation, so please get your assess out of my ward and fight somewhere else."
"Ha," Melissa sounded amused "You don't have a patient you have a disgusting whore."
"Get out Lapis," Malfoy's voice was full of venom "Your not welcome here."
"Keep yourself in line Malfoy, I don't have to take orders form you." She scoffed.
"No but you have to take them from me since I run this ward"Pansy intervened "Now kindly remove your sorry low life bitchy ass out of my ward."
I heard no further argument but a door slammed loudly signaling she had left the ward. My bed sunk a few inches and I felt someone take my hand in their's.
"Is she going to be okay." Blaise's voice whispered above her.
"She should be after a good deal of rest. Don't worry." Pansy consoled Blaise warmly.
Blaise nodded and looked back down at Ginny. Her once brilliant red hair was now more brown and hung limply at her shoulders. Her milky white skin had changed to be more sallow. But her eyes had never lost its gleam and never would. She was still proud and brave. Still the same girl he had fell in love with. Blaise wondered if she would give up the baby now growing inside of her or is she would give it up.
Ginny slowly opened her eyes deciding it was useless to pretend to be sleeping any longer.Opening them I saw Blaise sitting on the bed next to me with Pansy at his shoulder. Draco was sitting in a chair on the other side of me.
"Oh good your up." Pansy jumped to attention and began riffling through some potion vials on a table near me.
She found the one she was looking for and handed it to me, gesturing that I should drink it. I put it to my lips and slowly let it slide down my throat. It scalded my mouth and throat making me blanch and start couching. Blaise patted my back to help me and the cough soon subsided. I laid back on my pillows taking a breath.
"Um...Ginny...There is something you should know. You see when I was checking to see what was wrong with you well I um came across something rather interesting." Pansy stuttered pulling a piece of paper out of a folder.
It was all black on one side and had lots of white blotches that appeared to make out some shape. I gulped knowing what it was.
"I...I'm pregnant." I squeaked in barely a whisper.
Pansy nodded solemnly. "Yes I'm afraid so, but you do have the option of giving up the baby. You don't have to keep it." She said taking back the paper and putting it away.
"I...I have to think about it." I whispered not sure of what I wanted to do.
"Okay." Pansy said with a small smile. "We'll leave you alone." She nodded to Blaise and Draco who got out of their seats and ran out of the ward as if they had been scalded with hot water.
"Don't worry dear you'll know what to do." Pansy comforted before leaving into her office.
I leaned back on the pillows and closed my eyes. At least I knew who the father was. He was the last person who had me and the only willing one. He grew on me deeply in the past few months. We had been drunk that night but it was okay. I knew what I wanted to do though. There was no other option.
One night a month or so later I was shaken awake roughly by familiar hands.
My eyes snapped open and I came face to face with Blaise. "What is it?" I yawned sitting up.
"You have to go, now!" Blaise practically dragged me out of bed.
"Go? Go where?" I asked before Blaise's lips crashed down on mine.
"Home." He whispered against my lips. "Follow me."
I nodded as he took my hand and pulled me into Pansy's office. He walked to the back wall and pulled out his wand.
Blaise tapped three times quickly then twice more slowly. "Tericula." He muttered before the wall slid open and a secret passageway opened up.
Without hesitation he took my hand again and pulled me down the stone steps. Torches on the walls lit up to life as we ran down the stairs. I heard the scraping of stone behind me signaling that the door was closing. It got colder and colder as we ran down the steps. The cold literally seemed to seep through my feet and chill my bones. I then remembered I was wearing no shoes.
"Blaise, we are we going?" I asked urgently as we came to the bottom of the winding steps.
"You have to get home and far away from here. The Final Battle is about to commence." He said looking around to make sure nobody was around before hurrying down a corridor.
"No! I want to fight!" I shrieked pulling back.
Blaise pulled me close to him and pushed a strand of hair out of my face. "No your going home and you are going to run as fast as you can back to Grimmauld Place. You are going to survive and you will make it through to raise the baby." He ordered settling his hand on my abdomen.
I bowed my head and let a single tear fall from my eye.
Blaise kissed the top of my head and took my hand again. We strode quickly through the corridors until we stopped in front of what looked like an underground lake. Before I knew what hit me Blaise had picked me up bridal style. I squalled a bit and threw my arms around his neck. He smiled a bit and sloshed through the water. He had barely set me down on the other side when we heard footsteps in the distance.
"Go hurry!" He hissed pulling me by the hand and running.
We came to a big metal door that seemed to blend into the wall. Blaise grabbed the handle and shoved his body against it. It opened after a few tries and moonlight poured into the passageway. He wasted no time and pulled me out and into the light closing the door behind him.
I could hear fighting in the distance and my blood ran cold. Stepping out onto the cold grass I shivered as the cold chilled my very bones. Blaise turned me towards him and claimed my mouth. I slipped my arms around his neck and kissed back, not knowing when I would be able to taste those luscious lips again.
Blaise pulled back and I saw the hidden tears in his eyes. "You have to go now. Don't look back just keep running. Get out of here as fast as you can." Blaise instructed calmly.
I nodded. "Okay." I said my voice breaking as I turned to go run into the woods but Blaise pulled me back.
"I love you." He whispered into my ear.
I no longer could hold back my tears and let them flow down my face as I pulled his mouth to mine. "I love you, too." I whispered pulling bak.
A loud bang brought us back to earth. "Go now!" Blaise hissed kissing my lips again.
I nodded and began running. I didn't stop until I was on the outskirts of the woods. turning back I saw Blaise running to where all the screams and blasts of light were coming from. I blinked away my tears before turning back and running my heart out through the woods.
A soft mist of rain fell on a small crowd of people, surrounding a rectangular hole. An old man spoke out about the young man being laid to rest on the very day. The crowd was small but full of grief-stricken people. I stood very close to the tombstone silently. Next to her was a woman only a year or so older than her with a swollen abdomen and a man's arm around her.
I was dressed in a black dress that hid my swollen stomach. The tears behind my eyes threatened to fall but I held them back. The crowd slowly dispersed as the rain came down harder and it grew darker.
"Don't stay out too long." The man who was holding the other woman told the younger woman.
I nodded and sat down at the end of the now covered grave. Stretching myself out on the grave like I was just lying down with him, I got comfy. I finally broke down and let the tears fall to the ground.
"Hey Blaise." She murmured. "How are you doing? I'm doing okay. I made it back to grimmauld Place and I never turned around just like you said. Mum and dad weren't happy when I told them and they were even more shocked when I said I was keeping it. I did the right hting and I know I did. I just wish they could understand that but they never will. But I'll keep my promise and raise this baby. Draco and Pansy miss you dearly as well and you could say Melissa does too but she is over you and her father already found someone new for her." I let a sob crash through my body before continuing. "I know your happier this way, Blaise. You lived in a hell and couldn't wait to get out. Is this what you meant? Did you want to die all along? I hope not because I miss you everyday of my life and I always will. It is hard not having you here with me. I try to hold back the tears and I try to be strong, Blaise, but it is so hard." I stopped. It was painful doing this.
"I don't think I will ever be able to love someone as much as I loved you, Blaise. I can't. I have tried though. Harry and I started dating but I didn't feel right so I broke it off. I know you would want me to be happy but I don't know how to anymore. But I can be strong for you...I hope." I looked up as I heard someone approaching.
It was Harry. "Hi Ginny." He greeted softly. "Are your ready to go. Your mum is scared you'll get sick out here."
I sighed knowing I would have to leave eventually. "Yes go ahead on. I'll be there in a minute." He nodded shortly before turning around.
I watched him walk away before I turned back to Blaise's gravestone. "I love you, Blaise." I muttered before kissing the tombstone and standing up. "I'll be back. I promise."