Title: Will You Fall for Me?
Show: One Tree Hill
Pairing: Peyton/Jake
Chapter Fifteen: Phase Two
"You know what, I should have had a choice in the matter," Peyton said, folding her arms across her chest. She had felt so strongly that things were going so right; and she was even beginning to believe her life wasn't jinxed, but then Jake had to go prove her wrong. She didn't get to be happy in this lifetime. "I thought you understood that? This was a relationship supposedly built on friendship and trust."Part of her felt like she was blowing this out of proportion; but it had hurt - the thought of Jake being able to leave her at a drop of a hat, no matter what the situation. It wasn't like she even got the option to choose to go with him.
"I know," Jake sighed. He had messed this one up royally. But his life had been about making decisions for the ones he loved. Because if they had a choice they would always be there, even though it may not be for their best interest, and so he had to make the tough call. Although this time, he realized his choices might have been slightly fallible. "You're able to make your own decisions."
"Well then," she paused, surprised at the swiftness of his acquiesence, "uh, good." Peyton had been ready for him to argue his point. She wanted him to argue his point, then she could remain mad at him. As it was, she could only feel the anger dissipate, and she was left with no words.
"Peyt, I know it would be hard to get over something like this," he said softly. "But I want you to know that it wasn't about you and not trusting you. Ever since I made that mistake of ever getting involved with Nikki, I've been asking other people to pay the price for my mistakes. I've watched my parents struggle to keep afloat, having to help me raise another kid. It's just not right."
He hated this. He was only a couple of feet away from her, but it felt like miles - like there was a canyon between them. Turned slightly at an angle, Jake couldn't tell how or if any of this was registering, or whether it mattered at all. Maybe it was too late? It had been for Lucas.
"Stop." Jake's anxious expression told her how much this had not been about her.
He had freaked out at the idea of a custody suit. How could she really blame him for loving his daughter that much. She saw that every day and she had loved him for it.
Jake could see her mind churning as she turned slightly towards him. He didn't know what this meant. What was he asking from her right now?
"Look, I understand that you were scared Jake," she said slowly, trying to bide her time and figure out exactly what she was feeling about this whole thing. "And part of me totally agreed that at the time, maybe running away might have seemed like the only option..." Peyton took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. "But you have to know that it really hurt."
"I know," he whispered, stepping forward and reaching out his hand to her. "And I'm so sorry."
She felt herself sway forward; even with the distance between them, she could feel the warmth of his body. Peyton wanted more than anything just to fall into his arms and forgive him for hurting her like that. But there was a tiny voice inside her head that wouldn't be silenced. He just didn't bother to think about what you wanted. And what does that say about what he feels for you?
Suddenly she jerked back, shaking her head, as backed away towards the kitchen door. "I just can't do this right now," she said choking up. Her chest felt like it was being shredded into tiny pieces. And she didn't know whether it was for her or him. "I'm sorry."
Jake felt his heart sink, as he watched her walk out the door without another word.
>>>
"The door is opening!" Brooke squealed with anticipation. "I can see Peyton," she said excitedly, squeezing Lucas knee as her other hand was occupied with the binoculars.
Lucas fought to keep himself from laughing. He knew she wouldn't have it. They were working together on getting Jake and Peyton back together, but they were far from anything resembling friends. He was in her good graces for actually playing along in her scheme to manipulate their two angst-bound teenage friends. "Are you going to give me the play by play?" he said with a smirk.
Brooke lowered the binoculars and narrowed her eyes. "Are you going to be a downer this entire time? Or are you going to get with the game, Scott?" She didn't have patience for unbelievers. Party poopers were her nemesisesss...nemeses?
"Sorry," he raised his hands in mock surrender. "You're the boss."
"I don't know why I brought you into this in the first place," she huffed, turning her sights onto her little project in motion. "I knew you weren't going to be much help...seeing as this is probably the last thing you want."
Lucas grabbed the binoculars from her hand, hearing a stiffled whimper from his ex-girlfriend, and stared intently at her. "I'm going to say this for the last time, Brooke," he frowned, "I do not want Peyton."
Brooke tossed her hair back, trying to look casual about the topic discussion they had stumbled into...again. "Not something I care about," she dismissed, while holding her hand out for her stolen binoculars. "So if you will give those back?"
"Look, Jake is my friend, and so is Peyton," Lucas explained. "And I've realized that whatever chance there was between Peyton and I was wrecked when we screwed up the way we did." His feelings had been so long and unbidden until the reality of being with her actually came about, that he didn't care about whoever else he hurt. It had been about seizing his chance - carpe diem.
"So it sounds like you would have liked another chance," Brooke said, with a hint of accusation.
"No, I don't. Not anymore."
So he did. She could tell from the expression on his face. Well she really couldn't tell, as he held the same expression that he always did when he said anything in earnest. It had been the expression that told her that he had cared about her. It had also been the expression that he had when he finally admitted he cared about Peyton. Brooke closed her eyes, wanting to scream out loud. Why do I still even care!
"Brooke, I want us to be friends. Please?" Lucas hated the way he had made her feel. And finally they were at a point where they could possibly hash some of this stuff out. "I care about you. I never lied to you about that," he explained. "It was totally sincere. I love that you have such a big heart, and when you care about someone you go all out - no reservations."
"Well, both of you taught me never to do that again," she muttered.
"And that's the worst thing I could imagine happening," he interrupted, grasping her open palm, which was demanding the binoculars. "Your letting what Peyton and I did change you like that. It had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with us."
"Except that it totally involved me, you jerk!" she screamed, pulling away and hitting him hard in the shoulder. She didn't know where that came from. Pausing a moment, she took a deep breath. God that felt good.
"I know," he said softly. "I know that I hurt you. I hate that I showed you that men weren't any different than you had thought. Because it isn't true."
"Well it doesn't matter," Brooke said calmly. "Because I'm seeing men for what they are and treating them the way they deserve."
"But is it what you deserve, Brooke?" He rested his hand upon her arm.
Turning away, she could still feel his eyes burning into the back of her head. She didn't want this. She didn't want the emotion. It had taken weeks, but she had managed to turn every relationship she had with a guy into 'just fun'. That's all she would ever let it be. She would use them and abuse them to her liking. It was cleaner that way.
"Brooke." He had seen her morph back into a girl who had no sense of self-worth. She had run with any, and all guys who would give her the time of day. But that spark he had seen in her, that she had let him see, was fading. Brooke was just going through the motions. "Look at me," he said commandingly.
"No," she said, with a catch in her throat.
"It doesn't have to be that way."
"What way?" she sniffed, cautiously lifting the hand hidden by her body to wipe away the forming tears.
"The way it was at the dance."
Her thoughts turned back to the night of the Spring Formal. It had been beautiful, really. She had helped with the decor. But on a night so special, she could only feel regret, and darkness shadow her every memory. Her date had been...well, all hands. She had pretended to want it. I did want it. But the feeling of ickiness and dirt under his touch kept her from fully believing that lie. "I had a good time."
"With that guy you hardly knew?" Lucas scoffed incredulously. "I know you, Brooke. You let me see a deeper side of you, and I know you didn't want that. You didn't want that to be the memory of your Spring Formal."
"Lucas." Her tone was dark and urgent. "I'm warning you..."
"Warning me to what?" he challenged. "To not care?"
"You DON"T care!" she cried angrily. "That was the whole problem! Wasn't it? You didn't care about me - not enough to stay away from my best friend, and not enough to tell me face to face about your real feelings about her!"
"I do. But I'm human, Brooke. And we make mistakes," he sighed heavily. "Or don't you ever make mistakes?"
"Not like that." She felt the tears burning her cheeks. She hated being weak. She had always been weak. Never able to say no to a guy, or choosing not to. She didn't know which was worse. And not being able to control her feelings, steeling herself to the hurts of the world, whether it was her parents indifference or the ease of being discarded by a boy. "I couldn't have hurt you like that," she said through her tears. "I thought I lov..." Brooke stopped herself. Get yourself together woman!
Lucas heart ached. Her tears burned him as much as they did her. Had he been the one to cause all of this pain? He never thought he was capable of such hurt. It disgusted him. "I'm sorry." It was all that he had left to say. The words would not heal the wounds he had inflicted on her soft spirit, hidden under so many layers of bravado she had developed; but it was all he had to offer.
Brooke quickly wiped away the salty tears, leaving a stain upon her cheeks that never seemed to want to fade. "It's over," she said stoically. "There's no point in dwelling on it forever."
Yeah if only it was that easy.
"But..." He furrowed his brow at how easily and quickly she managed to bury her feelings.
"Besides," she said, pasting on the plastic Barbie smile she had perfected over the years. She turned her focus back to Peyton, who was in need of her assistance right now. She watched the blonde get into her car alone, with Jake standing at the door looking out after her. "Phase two of my plan needs to be put into effect now."
>>>
"So, Jake," Brooke smiled generously as she spotted at the somewhat cloddish oaf down the school hallway. "What are you going to do about my bestest friend being in the dumps?"
"Wh-what?" It was too early in the morning. Jake hadn't expected to be jumped by Tree Hill's own matchmakers so early in the morning.
"My best friend, Peyton," she said slowly, patting him on the back and guiding him down the hallway. "You know, usually perky blonde girl, with an odd taste in music?" She watched as nothing seemed to be registering. "Okay, maybe not 'perky'..."
"Brooke, I'm not in the mood for this right now," he sighed. After his encounter with Peyton, which had left her near tears, he had decided to back off. He didn't want to pressure her. He knew he had hurt her, and maybe she didn't want to forgive him. Though the thought of that made him ill.
"And that, sir, is your whole problem!" she declared pointedly. "Your whole attitude is completely wrong."
"Oh really?" he said skeptically. Jake couldn't wait to hear the sage advice from the brunette pep squad leader.
"Yes! Peyton doesn't want you to stay away. She wants you to stay...permanently." Brooke had never seen Peyton so happy when she was with Jake. He seemed to understand her. Their personalities totally coincided. It may not have been General Hospital's Sonny and Brenda explosive, but it was something that worked for them. Oooh, Sonny...dark brooding eyes, chiseled features... She shook her head. Okay. Focus.
Peyton love life was definitely the antithesis of hers. Her friend had dated Nathan, then there was the Lucas debacle, and now Jake; while she on the other hand, had dated...well numerous others that she couldn't possibly recount even now. And the quiet life, a truly attentive and loving guy like Jake, was something Brooke knew Peyton had secretly wanted since she was a girl. She wanted the life she once had before her mother had died.
"Look, Brooke, I know you're Peyton's best friend and all, but I'm sure you know by now, that she asked for some time. Which means, I don't get in her face and stuff," he explained. Although he wished he could explain. Except there really wasn't anything to explain. He had let her down at a time when she didn't need another person to do that for her. "So can you and Lucas just back off?"
"Listen Jagielski," she stepped in front of him, causing him to stop midstride, "you're admitting you screwed up, right?" She didn't bother to wait for an answer. "And I'll give you the fact that Nikki is an extreme case that we can give you a little leeway for; that plus the fact that this is probably the first date I've seen you on since...well, ever," she said matter-of-factly. "So I can see you need a little help. I'm sure you can see you need a little nudge in the right direction when it comes to Peyton right now."
"Can we not do..." Before he could finish, she interrupted him again.
"I adore Peyton," Brooke rambled on, "and I can see how good you are for her. And vice versa, no?"
Jake opened his mouth to dispute, but she was eyeing him knowingly and he nodded, closing his mouth. "Yes," he said exasperatingly. "But you can't just push us together like this, Brooke. That isn't the way it works."
"Oh brother!" she cried out loudly. "Men and their thick skulls. Do you think we get there, to that place of forgiveness, without any help? Do you think anyone does? She needs a little convincing, and you're not holding up your end of the bargain buster!"
Jake's head was spinning. Brooke world was definitely fast-paced. Her non-stop, endless chatter...He didn't know how Peyton kept up with her. "Wh-what do you mean?" he asked slightly confused.
"You have to woo her dummy!" she exclaimed incredulously. Brooke couldn't believe how clueless the guy was. If Peyton didn't like him so much, she would have told her best friend the sad truth. "You have to show her, tell her, do grand gestures declaring your love for her!"
"What?"
"Oh, Jake, sorry to say, but the secret's out," Brooke cried, rolling her head back and almost dropping to her knees. "You guys are so head over heels for each other, I could almost gag. You guys are sweeter and drippier than chocolate syrup. I get a toothache just hearing about you from Peyton."
"Really?" The thought of this made the blood rush to his cheeks. He knew they talked, as all girls do, but what had she been saying to Brooke?
The corners of her lips curled slightly at the attention this received and the obvious rose-colored tint appearing upon his cheeks. He was too damn cute for Peyton to just walk away because she was too scared to lose him. It was definitely circular logic on her part. Whoa, had she just made a little bit of sense? Stop. She couldn't lose focus. She had finally managed to get Jake to a point of actually paying attention to her, that she couldn't lose that momentum. "Uh, duh?
"And any blind girl can see that you two belong together. It's just you guys just need a little fire lit under your little patooties!" She bounced up and down, placing her hands on her chest. "By moi, of course!"
Part of Jake was flattered that Brooke and Lucas cared enough to put forth such effort in something that really didn't involve them, but the things she was proposing just weren't going to happen for him. He was broke, as any single father would be. He was counting his blessings that his lawyer was doing this pro bono, although outside costs not withstanding; and even then, he was barely making ends meet. "Even if I could," he said slowly, "provide grand gestures, which is highly unlikely, what with bills and all, I just don't think Peyton's ready to accept them.
"Heck, I don't know if I know what I want to say..."
"Don't say another word," she squealed excitedly, placing her index finger on his lips. Brooke was ready to jump up and down, as he seemed like he was leaning towards participating in Phase Three - the final phase of her plan. "Are you saying that you would consider it?"
Jake pulled her finger away from him and thought carefully as to what the 'it', Brooke might be referring to. He knew his feelings had deepened over the months they had been hanging out with each other and then in the last few weeks they had been dating. Everything had been a jumble inside. But he definitely remembered the feelings that were being stirred up inside of him. They had been similar to his feelings for Nikki, yet all together different. There had been no real turmoil with Peyton. He always knew where he stood with her once they had decided to 'be together'. She was easy to be around. And there was no other place he would have rather been than with her.
'So what are you waiting for?' a small voice prodded.
Taking a deep breath, Jake winced as the words left his mouth, "Okay?"
Brooke stared at him, suspicious he may be playing with her emotions, taunting her with the possibility of rapturous victory in wooing him into joining her in her brilliant scheme, before clapping her hands and letting out a loud whoop. "Yes!" She danced around a little before noticing her fellow students' confused and critical stares. "What?" she asked hautishly. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she turned her attention back to Jake. "It was a 'yes', right?" Her voice was almost a whisper, as she waited for anxious confirmation.
"Uh, yes." Part of him was already regretting to agree to this after watching the frighteningly giddy display put on by Brooke; but for the most part, Jake was glad that there was something he could do - even if it was something planned by Brooke. He felt a shiver run down his back. "You won't regret this!" Brooke squealed with glee.
He looked at her somewhat skeptically. Oh please God, don't let it be something I regret.
>>>
Trust is a huge thing.
Peyton never thought she had a lot of trust issues; but it took both Lucas and Jake to make her realize that she indeed had those horrible chest tightening, flip flopping feelings of fear. Vulnerability was never something she did very well. At least, she never did it well in front of anyone.
Lucas had reached down and finally made her feel like she was ready to take that step - believe someone really wanted to 'know' or cared enough to see her as something more than a body. And that ended so badly, it had almost put her off opening up ever again. But instead she found herself in this relationship with Jake that was different - new and fresh. There was no pressure or heart-tearing angst - well, not until now - and she found herself wanting to trust him. Peyton had wanted to share everything with him.
"Earth to Peyton?" Haley chuckled as she leaned against entrance to the brooding blonde's room. "Are you okay?" she asked, slightly concerned as she saw the morose expression remain on Peyton's face.
"I'm fine," she sighed. "I'm just thinking...you know, being so super-analytical it makes you want to puke, you're thinking so hard."
"Hm, had a few of those days," Haley said understandingly. "It usually was the onset of a Nathan or Lucas, or Nathan and Lucas fight." Slumping down on her stomach, she grabbed a nearby throw pillow and looked up at the girl who had become one of her best friends - at least, one that wasn't a boy.
"Well, it wasn't from a fight." Her thoughts kept drifting to the forlorn expression on Jake's face when she told him she needed space. It was like she had punched him in the gut.
"You're zoning again," Haley sang softly, as she watched her friend slipping into a depression. "Can you tell me what it's about? Did you and Jake have a falling out? Did he do something?" She couldn't imagine what he could have done. She had heard about the custody suit that he was involved in with Jenny, but she had been so busy with sorting things out with Nathan and getting used to being in such an intense relationship that she hadn't been able to really keep in touch with the ongoings of Tree Hill.
"I don't know," Peyton groaned, covering her eyes. "It's all a mess."
"What is?"
Peyton didn't know what to say. It seemed as if everyone knew what was going on with her and Jake. Or at least that was what it felt like, especially with Brooke and Lucas putting their two cents in. "We kind of broke up," she said emotionlessly. "I guess, that's what you would call it?" Would she call it that? She didn't know. It sure felt like they had.
"What?" Haley exclaimed. "Why?"
"I guess it just sort of happened," Peyton explained distantly. "It wasn't like this big emotional melodrama that you would expect to come from me lately. Jake was going to go on the run with Jenny...And that was that." She shrugged, not sure what else to say.
"But he's still here?" Now she understood. Haley understood that helpless and torn expression on her face. Oh, she knew that feeling too well. Being apart from Nathan killed her, even when it was a temporary fight that blew over in a couple of days.
"I guess things changed," she said, running her hands through her hair. "When Nikki's parents decided to testify for Jake against their daughter."
"So now he's here and you're still broken up?"
"I guess that would be the jist of it," Peyton nodded. "I just don't know if I..." Her voice trailed off.
"If you can trust him again?" Haley finished her sentence for her.
"Yeah. I mean, every part of me is telling me the worst is over. Once Jake wins custody of Jenny, worrying about him leaving Tree Hill won't even be a question. He never wanted to leave; it was just the threat of Nikki getting her mitts on Jenny that set everything into motion."
"But that still doesn't quell the doubts in your head and heart," Haley said, voicing Peyton's unfinished thoughts. She knew how hard it was to trust a guy, who seemed to give you every reason to doubt him. It hadn't been a picnic, finally getting to the place where she really believed she and Nathan had worked out most of their trust issues. "It's definitely a thing you have to ask yourself about."
"And here I sit."
"But you have to also ask yourself is it just what he's done? Or is it because you're scared as all get out."
Peyton lifted her gaze to meet Haley's. She had really come to appreciate the dirty blonde's level-headedness that had gotten her dubbed as 'Tutor girl'. As much as Haley was all heart, she had such a great grasp on who she was and what she wanted. She didn't seem afraid to trust her heart. And that was a huge deal when it came to the infamous Nathan Scott - a person she knew intimately. "I'm trying to still figure that out," she sighed. "Desperately trying to figure that one out. Of course, something very difficult when you have Brooke bound and determined to lend a helping hand." She felt the corners of her lips curl slightly at what must be going through her best friend's head.
"What is she up to now?" Haley chuckled. She could only imagine. She had never known anyone with that much pep and enthusiasum, who could also make you wither with just a cold stare.
"She's trying to push us back together. In fact, she did it just yesterday."
"And how did that go?"
"Let's just say there's a reason why I've locked myself up in this room, safe and away from my bf's little schemes," she laughed. It was the first time she had done that today. It felt good. "Trust Brooke to have that effect on people."
"Yeah, I guess it's that whole cliche about 'good intentions', huh?"
"Yeah." Peyton stood up from her desk and stretched. She felt a little better getting this off of her chest. "Hey, thanks for listening, Hales," she said with a smile. "I really appreciate this."
"Hey, I'm just glad it's not me who has to be coming to you for advice for once." She paused a moment. "Do you know if you're gonna give Jake another chance?" Haley asked tentatively. Then the thought dawned on her. "He's asking for another one, isn't he?"
"I don't know what he's really asking," she admitted honestly. "I know he's sorry for hurting me and wants me to forgive him. But I don't know that he's asking for another chance. We never got that far during our conversation at Lucas' house. I kind of left before we could finish."
"Oh."
"Yeah," Peyton sighed, making a weird face. "I was getting all emotional and stuff, and I ran out on him."
"Hm, sounds like another girl I know," Haley laughed, sitting up and grabbing Peyton's hand. "So don't feel bad. We girls are allowed that."
"Right," she laughed. "Good to know I'm not the only one."
"Well, look on the bright side," Haley said, embracing Peyton. "Me and Nathan are working things out." Parting slightly, she looked at Peyton face to face. "And if we can make it, I think you and Jake definitely have got a shot."
Peyton shook her head back and laughed. Tutor girl had a point. It was the first good perspective she had in the past few days. Jake definitely was a sweeter and more thoughtful guy than Nathan - no offense to the guy. And if Hales could take a chance on Nathan, wasn't there a shot for her and Jake?
Maybe there was hope after all?
AN: I just wanted to again thank everyone who stuck around for this fanfic. I know it has been a long haul. I've been insanely busy with work and there hasn't been much musing time, as well as the fact that I've got four or five other fics on the go. And those readers are as insanely devotional as you are!
I really can't say enough to those who have been with this fic from the beginning. I'm sorry if there are long stretches in between updates. I hope you're willing to stick around while I sludge through this! XOXO Truly appreciate all of the meaningful and exciting feedback that I'm getting for this fic. It really means the world. J