2005

GRAVEYARD SHIFT

CHAPTER FOUR – Dignity and Care –

"Helping families depends on a high level of dignity and care for your deceased loved one."

Xelloss, pleased that Lina agreed to a few minutes alone with him, let his mind go wild exploring the possibilities for them, which would explain why he didn't notice the mountain of firm flesh that had entered the kitchen until he plowed into it, or him as it turned out..

"Hey!" Gourry laughed. "There you are! I was wondering what was keeping you so long. You know, this drink is good. Listen to all it has in it: ginkgo, ginseng, and guw...ara...na..."

"You mean guar-a-na? That's a natural source of caffeine," Lina said.

"Yeah," Gourry smiled down at her. "With all that stuff in me, I oughtta feel great! Maybe we should get this at the club? Whaddya think, Lina?"

"Fine with me," she said.

Xelloss was about to beckon Lina onwards, when his name was screeched from the front room. "Xelloss!"

"What?" he bit off peevishly. As host, his duty was to keep the party rolling before engaging in his own activities, but was leaving Lina with Mr. Tall-Blonde-Hunk a wise decision? Well, it just wasn't going to be his night, he feared. "Just a minute, Lina. Don't run off."

It turned out that Martina was upset that Xelloss would use her scrip as a side table. He was forced to sit by her side and console her, which gave him the opportunity to get to know Martina; a grueling and uninteresting venture.

Amelia and Valgaav had ensconced themselves near the CD player where they took command of the song order. They discovered a common interest in music and indulged themselves as they sought out conversation topics.

"You have a distinctive voice, Mr. Valgaav. I'm sure there are oodles of parts needing a guy like you. My daddy has connections in network media and the movie industry. What film company do you usually work for?"

"Oh, ah... independents mostly. You've never heard of any of them," he answered. He hated having to continue lying to this nice girl. He could see the similarities between Amelia and Nahga, and there weren't many-like the hair, eyes, and complexion. Oh, and the figure. Amelia looked to be developing along the lines of her sister, but in a less overtly sexual way, and that made her strangely compelling to him.

Zelgadiss was dancing with Filia and feeling that life was good. Amelia had found someone to entertain her so he didn't feel guilty about neglecting her. He had the hottest girl in the room a fingertip's-length away.

"Umm, I love your hair," Filia said. She rubbed up against his chest as she stroked and caressed a heavy handful of his dark locks. "Never cut it, okay? Promise me that?"

Deciding to grow out his hair past his shoulders had been an epiphany of sorts: "Grow it long and girls will flock."

"For now," he smiled. In a daring move, he turned and bent toward her face, secured her with a firm grip to her bare, strapless shoulder, and kissed her in a sudden lurch.

His overtly aggressive action was unexpected and caught her unprepared, but Filia didn't pull away. She recognized tons of potential in this guy. Good-looking, well-off, college-bound, and flexible to her will. She'd have to give a little to get a lot, but it would be a worthwhile investment. She returned the kiss, winding her hand into his hair and holding him, and then deepened it significantly. I'm interested.

From that point on, Zelgadiss was unaware of the rest of the party happening around him.

Immersed in his own inner ruminations on Amelia's better features distracted Valgaav from attending to the object of his musing. He had neglected to follow Amelia's affirmative speech, which was directed in his best interests, until he noticed that she was staring at him, anticipating some meaty reply. He just plunged in and asked, "What's that again?"

"I said," she blurted out enthusiastically, "Talent like yours should not be wasted. I vow to find you the very best roles!"

"Oh, that's not really necessary," he began, and then lost contact with his vocal cords when she leveled her big blue eyes at him.

"Of course it is. I believe in you, Mr. Valgaav."

And for a second, Valgaav felt like 'the man', and then he felt like a deceitful schmuck. He felt even worse when he heard a bewildering wail from the beyond.

"Ohhh! How could you disrespect my work like that? I poured my soul...hear that? My soooul into that script and there it is, suffering in disgrace as an end table!" Martina had consumed a couple glasses of wine and wasn't used to it. She yanked at her mousey blonde hair, bringing tears to her eyes. She was going down hard.

Xelloss was sitting head in hand, unable to console Martina while her boyfriend was partying elsewhere and simultaneously trying to keep Lina in his line of sight. His cousin Valgaav, he couldn't help but notice, seemed to be enjoying himself, as was Zelgadiss. Xel sighed, feeling rather the martyr as he suffered Martina's rants rather than rudely ignore her. He sighed again, and again. What he wouldn't give to be standing over there beside Lina or making out on the couch with Lina or in the bedroom making love to Lina. His ever-present smile grew from wistful to dangerous as his eyes opened to follow Lina's movements more closely.

In fact, Lina was deep in a discussion with Martina's said boyfriend, Zangalus, and Gourry, mostly arguing over whether a sword should have a name or not.

Lina said, "Hell, no. Who'd wanna do a dumb thing like that?"

Gourry was equivocal, "Some do, some don't. It's gotta be a special sword and the name cool and evocative of its uniqueness, but then that one of yours don't deserve nothing like that."

Lina was staring at her tall, blonde boy-space-friend wondering when his vocabulary had grown to include so many multi-syllable words. "This is making me thirsty."

Xelloss was longing to join Lina, even if that meant entering into an ineffectual argument, but Martina was practically orgasmic in her passion for her 'script'. She had him pinned to the floor, sitting in his lap and taking turns petting his hair and his 'end table'. But then Lina was leaving his field of vision, and he had to crane his neck to see her leave the room. "Where was she off to?" he wondered aloud.

He desperately wanted to get up and find out where she had gone. Xelloss tried to be reasonable with Martina, "First of all, isn't that your glass leaving a ring on the top paper? I simply put the...um...document where there was room. I think you've jumped to conclusions."

"Oh? Well. Um," she said, and then she started to cry.

"Now, now," he sighed in exasperation and cast about for a salvage team. Everyone seemed to be ignoring him and his plight. He patted Martina's back and hoped she'd run out of steam, but she didn't. She appeared to have reserves, no reservoirs of the stuff remaining. Xelloss hung tough, but eventually he cracked, "Okay, listen, I'll read it. I'll read the whole damn thing this weekend, but only if you'll let me get up."

Valgaav recognized misery when he saw it and as much as he thought Xel deserved a portion of it for initiating their false-job story, he recognized that it had been his fault for devising the lie. There was no reason his cousin should have to suffer unduly, as much as he secretly enjoyed watching the other man squirm.

"Amelia, can you excuse me justa min? I need to extricate Xel from your friend over there."

Valgaav knelt beside Xelloss/Martina. He gave Xel a wink and said to Martina, "Hey, you the talented writer? Wanna tell me about the...plot?"

She glommed onto his arm and allowed herself to be lifted to her feet. Her eyes were glassy and glued to his. "You're...you're...?"

"Valgaav."

"You are strong. What arm muscles you have!"

"I climb. Mountains, walls. I do caves too. Spelunking."

"Really?" She had no idea what he was talking about, but she was fascinated. "Wow, your hair's so cool. Who does your hair? I mean, if I wanted to go green, I'd want it like yours. Are those tattoos on your face?" She leaned it and scrutinized his face closely. "Is that eye make-up you're wearing? You actor types are sure weird that way."

Valgaav sighed, not knowing which question to answer. Yes, he lined his eyes in kohl and smudged it slightly at the corners. Ancient Egyptian was the current Atlas City fashion, as were the facial stripes, also done in makeup, but, it wasn't the girl's business. Being an introvert ordinarily, Valgaav was not forthcoming with the details she was looking for. "Yeah, it's an actor's thing."

"Oh...You're moving too fast. The room's starting to spin." Martina stumbled and grabbed his arm for support.

Great. Valgaav wondered where she'd found the booze she must have drunk and why no one was taking care of her. "Where is that dude you came in with? He your boyfriend?"

Martina slowly turned her head, scanning the room. "Over there. There he is. Zangalus."

While Valgaav had been playing the good host, Zangalus and Gourry's argument had escalated. They had moved from sword-naming to name-calling and Lina was nowhere to be found to referee.

"Probably back in the kitchen," Valgaav muttered as he walked Martina into the fray, with the plan to stave off an actual scrimmage. He had grown up in a household of fighters and could hold his own, but he didn't want that tonight; no, not tonight. Not with Amelia present. Not on his watch.

"I can call anything whatever and however I damned well please!" Zangalus shot back at Gourry.

"Hey, dude," Valgaav got in Zangalus' face. "Yer girl needs to go home. She's not feeling too sharp."

Lina had chosen to reappear, soda in hand, to put in her opinion. "Stop the howling, Zangalus!"

And then Gourry's face lit up, and forgetting how adamantly Lina had been arguing against it, he suggested a name, "That's it! You can call it the 'Howling Sword'!"

Zangalus looked away from Valgaav, "What's that? Howling...? Yeah, that's a damned righteous name, dude. Yeah." He slapped Gourry on the back. "Cool. Say, I needta get Martina home. You ready to go pretty soon?"

"I don't know," Gourry looked askance at Lina to get her approval first.

"Might as well," she shrugged. "Food's gone for the most part."

Xelloss, now free to roam at will in his house, was on Lina like a starving mosquito on a young, healthy calf. "What's that you say? All that food is g-gone?"

Lina nodded his way smugly, "Yep. Go see for yourself. I told you!"

Xelloss did, and found that the entire spread was gone, as if by magic. He encountered Sylphiel in the kitchen washing out the last of the serving dishes. "Hi!"

"Hello, Sylphiel. Oh, thanks for all that, but there's no need for you to be doing dishes. You're the guest."

"I know, but I wanted to put back a few of the best things for you to eat later, before," and here she demurred and blushed slightly, "everything was gone."

She opened the refrigerator and proudly displayed several small servings of various prepared foods wrapped in neat packages and stacked squarely to the back. If she was trying to impress him with her housekeeping skills, it was working.

"Oh my..." he smiled. "Lovely."

This quiet and warm interlude was disrupted by an intrusive voice.

"You! You serve alcohol at a party with underage minors present. What kind of a monster are you?"

"Filia," he practically growled. The happy vision of his wringing her neck was the only thing helping him keep his composure. "I did not serve any minors alcohol. There are no minors here, for one, and I didn't serve drinks. What's in the refrigerator's there for the taking, most of it mine, Valgaav's, or his father's. It may contain alcohol, but we are big boys."

"No minors? What's Amelia, a pig?" Filia's eyebrow began to twitch.

"Pig?" Xelloss pondered that comparison "No," he decided. She was not a pig in any way. A puppy, maybe. Yes, she was certainly the type that fell naturally into the puppy category.

"I was asking you a question. Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Filia was shaking with emotion.

Xelloss met her eyes with his closed shut and a smile.

Filia sputtered, "Amelia is a minor and a priestess-in-training and everyone else here is minor, except maybe you, and I don't know that you're not!"

Xelloss was mystified and asked, "You think everyone here is under eighteen?"

"Eighteen? No, you idiot! Twenty-one! The legal drinking age in the province of Seyruun is twenty-one! Any moron would know that! It's like the White Shrine capital of the world...where the law, justice and purity rule!"

"I just moved here recently!" he snapped back at her. "And it's eighteen in Atlas City where Valgaav and I were living. And I am...much older than that!"

"Could have fooled me," she sniffed defiantly. "You are the most immature little boy I've ever had the unfortunate experience to meet." She turned on a heel and marched importantly out of the room. "Zelly! I want to go home, now."

"Hey! What did I do to you?" Xelloss shook his head and watched the retreating girl.

Filia's demand caught Zelgadiss off-guard. He had been really enjoying the entire evening. From his standpoint, the party was a brilliant success. They had danced and sung along with the music, ate and talked until late. He smiled when he thought about how Filia had pulled his near-waist-length, silky, dark hair back into a ponytail and told him how 'cool' it was. Zel knew he attracted his fair share of female attention. Only Gourry's hair was longer, and his clothes advertised trendy fashion taste and money. He had a car, tonight anyway, and a hot, gorgeous girlfriend to flash around. "She does seem to like me, doesn't she?" Zel smiled to himself with almost giddy satisfaction.

"Zelly!"

"Okay, Filia. I want to say goodbye first," he muttered and agilely slipped around her and over to Valgaav. "Hey, Filia wants to go, so..."

"Why don'tcha take her home, then come back?"

Why not? "Sure, good idea. Thanks, I'll do that." Happy with his decision, Zelgadiss rushed to Filia's side.

"Zel-gaaaaa-diss!" Xelloss called from the hall, dangling an old phone handle from its cord. "Telephone call for you!"

"Just a minute," Zel said apologetically to Filia, and then took the call.

"That's anOTHER minute," she reminded him.

But it was an unwelcome call lasting less than one minute.

"Are you okay?" Xelloss asked. The color had drained from Zel's face and he looked as if he was about to faint as he hung up the receiver.

"Ah, no. I got to go." He shook himself to action. "I'm up shit creek at home."

"Sorry to hear that," Xelloss said sincerely.

"Hey, is everyone going?" Sylphiel called out. "Before you do, I just wanted to be sure everyone's coming to Mr. Tadaaki's funeral tomorrow. Mr. Xelloss, you and Valgaav may come as well. I know you never knew the man, but...well...it would be okay. I don't think he had many friends or family in town. He never mentioned any. I'm sure it would be nice to have a large gathering."

"Oh, yes, Mr. 'Faithful and Bright'," Xelloss quipped before thinking.

Zelgadiss flashed him a warning glare. How would you know that?

Xelloss swallowed. How indeed? "Ah..."

"Oh, you must be Japanese, Xel, you understood that!" she cried out. "I just knew you were!"

"Oh? Yes, it is possible," he smiled vaguely wondering how he, his cousin, and Zelgadiss could go to the funeral of this man and not be recognized by the funeral home staff. That would give away their real occupations unless they disguised themselves. Disguises? Well, now that sounded like fun! "Certainly, we'll all show to support you. Where did you say it was?"

"She'll call later with time and instructions," Valgaav put in. The less attention drawn to the Rubyeye name the better.

And so the party broke up sending everyone off to their various homes, and Zelgadiss to his doom.

Oh yes, he was in trouble for taking Eris' car without permission, but he had had a good time at the party. Besides, how big a deal was it really?

As it turned out, it was a very big deal. The punishment was harsh. "You act irresponsibly like that and I blame the company you keep," Rezo started in. "From now henceforth, you are forbidden to keep company with either that Valgaav or Xelloss character."

"What? You're telling me who I can hang out with now? I'm eighteen! You can't do that!"

"I could have had you arrested," Rezo reminded him sharply. "I nearly did call the police when Eris discovered her car gone, but then she found your...note. Furthermore," he raised his voice to halt his grandson's next remark. "FURTHERMORE, you must quit work. I want no more contact with those bad seeds. You will be working for me this summer, after all."

"You can't make me quit my job, I just started! I like the job. I'm learning stuff, more than in a year of school. None of this...this...car stuff has anything to do with them anyway. It was all my idea."

Zelgadiss tried hard, but sadly, his situation left him obligated to obey his grandfather's rules.

"Consider yourself grounded until further notice. Your behavior will dictate how I deal with you in the future." Rezo watched as Zelgadiss ground his heel into the linoleum, spun around, and stomped off to his room in a blind fury. "And I'll have Eris cut your hair tomorrow. You look like a girl!"

Luckily, Zelgadiss had slammed his door before he shouted out his opinions on that subject. Rezo might have had to remove the door from its hinges for that vulgar outburst.

Without a computer in his room or a phone, Zelgadiss was cut off from his friends, the world. Outside of his own problems, he was thinking of the funeral he would be missing. He had wanted to tell Sylphiel, somehow, about her dead friend. She should be prepared to meet Tadaaki's widow, which Zelgadiss had learned existed when he inventoried the man's personal belongings. Tadaaki had hidden his real situation and life from Sylphiel. How would she feel running into a grieving widow and all his other family members unprepared? Would Xelloss or Valgaav think to warn her? They didn't know her very well and if they did, what would they say if she pressed them with the dreaded question, 'How do you know?'

Zel pounded his pillow and swore he'd leave home and break out on his own soon. Sooner than soon. When he could find the money. He hated his grandfather. He hated him bad right now. He fell asleep hating him deeply.

"What's going on?" Zelgadiss asked brushing the hair out of his eyes in the morning light.

Valgaav stood before him and Rezo. "I am allowing you this one special exemption. You are required on the job," Rezo said. "This man has come to take you there and return you immediately afterwards. No exceptions. It is an emergency, otherwise I wouldn't consider it. Be sure to turn in your notice while you are there."

Valgaav regarded Rezo with narrowed eyes. He was not pleased to hear that news, but remained silent. Zelgadiss would tell him what was up on the way to the mortuary.

"Fine. If you leave, I'll get dressed."

"Nothing fancy. Quick's better," Valgaav advised Zelgadiss before closing the door on his way out.

Zel carelessly threw on a shirt and jeans, and then ran out the door to where Valgaav and Xelloss, behind the wheel, were waiting with the engine running. "Thanks for springing me. What's the occasion?"

"We thought you'd want to head off your friends. Tadaaki's entire family, some from Japan, is showing up," Xelloss chuckled. "He was a very important man, it turns out."

"So what's this about you quitting work?" Valgaav growled.

Zelgadiss fought back the angry tears as he told his story.

"Shit..." Valgaav agreed.

"Well, we'll figure something out, won't we Vally?" Xelloss smiled. "But for now, show him the costumes."

"Costumes? What for...? Oh, so the funeral home employees don't recognize us. I get it," Zel smiled. "What have you got for me?"

The Honorable Mr. Tadaaki's funeral was not a lavish affair, as funerals go, but the turnout was significant. Because of the expected crowd, Mr. Vurumagen chose to open early for a visitation prior to the actual funeral.

"A visitation is a time where last respects are paid to the deceased, where there is time to convey sympathies to the deceased's family before the funeral, and where curiosity can be staved off ahead of time," Xelloss told Zelgadiss as they changed into their costumes. They were in the chilly cadaver keep while the other mortuary workers were on a coffee break.

"Hurry," Valgaav urged them. "Break's about over. Eris is here today."

"She would be among the living, as my luck would have it," Zelgadiss quipped as he checked his reflection in the x-ray window on his way out.

Xel twittered in a silly way and Valgaav snorted a chuckle, and then fired off, "I see Gourry and Lina. I'll go first. Xel, help Zelgadiss get his boobs straight."

Valgaav minced out the door in the lead. He hated heels.

In this case, the visitation took place at the Rubyeye mortuary in the hours before the funeral. There were dozens of mourners milling about inside already.

"I'm sorry but family only at this time," a tall woman told Lina, blocking her way.

"Really? I got friends meeting us here," Lina said. She didn't like to be told what to do, but this lady towering over her was imposing, so she didn't press her luck and try to fight her way past.

"You'll have to remain in the parking lot, then," the woman insisted, then strong-armed both Gourry and Lina away from the door.

"That sure was the ugliest woman I've ever seen," Gourry said to Lina in an undertone.

"No kidding. And rude too."

Back at the rear entrance, the woman rejoined her two companions. Xelloss asked her, "How did it go?"

Valgaav, in disguise, glared at him, "Great. We were just in time, but I don't know how long they'll be fooled. Lina seemed suspicious."

"She's a clever girl," Xelloss said with a smile. "Oh, there's Filia, my turn! And Zelgadiss, I see Sylphiel over there."

"I'll speak to her," Zel sighed, adjusted his itchy 'brassiere' one last time, and set out across the parking lot.

"Family only at this time," Xelloss chortled to Filia in a quavery, pinched voice. "Miss."

"Oh, really? How odd. I'm meeting some friends." She squinted up her eyes and stared at Xel, then asked, "You gotta twin brother? You look awfully familiar."

"Really? No, but people tell me that all the time. Oh, look! Could those be your friends over there?"

Filia looked around and spotted Gourry soaring above the car roofs. "Yeah. We'll see about that exclusion thing. Lina isn't one to put up with discrimination."

"Sorry, but..." Xel's voice trailed off as Filia strode off purposely toward Lina. "...not really."

"Ah, sorry Miss, but you can't go in there. Family only." Zelgadiss looked the part of a woman, but he was unaccustomed to masking his distinctive voice. He coughed.

"Are you okay?" Amelia asked him. "I have some throat lozenges." She dug through her tiny fur-trimmed purse furiously.

"Family?" Sylphiel looked confused. "There must be a mistake. The funeral we're coming for won't have many guests. It's for Mr. Tadaaki."

Zelgadiss waved in the general direction of the home. "Oh, it's all for him today. Lots of people showing up from Japan to help his, ah...widow and children get through this...difficult time."

Amelia dropped her box of medicated tablets. "What! Children? Oh!"

Zelgadiss reached out and caught Sylphiel before she sank to the ground. "Sylphiel, I'm sorry. I just found out and had to stop you from going in there without knowing."

"M-Mr. Zelgadiss?" Amelia gasped.

Indeed, their activity attracted the attention of Lina and their other friends. Soon, they were all gathered at the edge of the parking lot with Zelgadiss feeling very embarrassed. It was Amelia who broke the tension. "Oh, I get it! You're all doing this as part of a film!"

"I don't see any filming going on," Lina said. "I'll bet it's just a stupid job needing low-rate actors. Am I right?"

"Bing-go!" Xelloss giggled. He was relieved that their 'film' experience could be put to some use. "We'll take any kind of job, I guess, to pay the bills. Sad, but true."

"I'm already working on getting you something great," Amelia cried out. "Poor Mr. Zelgadiss, you just don't make a very convincing girl. Nor do you, Mr. Valgaav, no insult intended."

"None taken," Valgaav said.

"Thank the gods," Zelgadiss sighed.

"I thought you looked pretty good. Had me fooled," Gourry said with sincerity.

Zel could have kicked his friend, and with the heels he was wearing he could do some real damage, but he'd have to go through Lina to get at Gourry. That wasn't going to happen. Lina was the toughest person he knew.

"What about me? You can still tell I'm a guy, right?" Xelloss whined, feeling left out.

"If you ever were one," Filia muttered.

Xel and Filia exchanged a few more pleasantries under their breaths.

"You must be very talented with make-up, Mr. Xelloss!" Amelia said as a propitiatory gesture effectively ending their spat.

"Never mind all that. What's with the 'family only' story?" Lina demanded. She pushed her way to the forefront. Now Filia could not get at Xel even if she wanted to argue further.

"It's true," Valgaav said simply. "We looked into the arrangements to see about the time and figured you wouldn't fit into the funeral plans." He passed off the partial truth with ease.

"Well, now that we know, I still wanna go in and get a look at the guy," Lina pressed.

"Oh, I don't think that would be a very good idea," Xelloss waved his hands excitedly, fending her off. "The first rule of funeral etiquette: Don't attend funerals of people you don't know."

"You don't say," Lina was pumped to challenge him. "Well, I'm used to breaking the rules, so I'll start with that one! Come on, everyone! Let's go in!"

Xelloss and Valgaav were hard-pressed to contain their friends, Lina in particular. Zelgadiss and Amelia remained with Sylphiel, who alone of her friends was actually mourning. Xelloss bobbed around reciting 'funeral etiquette rules', while Valgaav generally took the more physical approach to keeping the kids separate from the Tadaaki people.

"Don't try to outdo the family's grief," Xelloss reminded a sniffling Sylphiel.

"Okay," she patted her eyes with an offered handkerchief.

"Who is that girl, I wonder?" the widow grumbled over her shoulder to no one in particular.

"Acquaintance from the club he where he worked out," Xelloss whispered. "He thought it was important to keep in shape. Ah, the girl's husband is the tall blond man over there."

The widow was satisfied with the explanation, to his relief. Which was fortunate because he nearly missed Gourry as he said in passing, "Maybe I outta try and collect his club fee."

"Nooooo. Rule number 20: Don't approach the widow and ask for the money the deceased owed you," Xelloss gasped.

Valgaav took Gourry by the elbow and walked him to the other end of the room. "You think there's anything to eat yet?" Gourry asked him. "Or is that breaking another one of those rules?"

Valgaav growled his discernable annoyance, "It certainly does. Don't ask about the 'eats' the minute you arrive at the funeral home."

Xelloss noticed Filia, Sylphiel, and Amelia peering into the coffin and practically flew to their side. He arrived just in time to catch them breaking rules 9 and 10.

"I don't know, Sylphie, something seems fishy to me. I hope they did an autopsy."

"I'm not even sure this is the man I dated. He looks way better than he ever did alive."

And rule number 5 was getting tested.

"Well, I think his wife should know about his fooling around. It would be the right thing. I'd sure want to know!" Filia insisted in her self-righteous mood.

"Why don't you try to make the grieving family feel better by handing them a typewritten list of the deceased's faults?" Xel hissed at her.

"That's simply ridiculous!" she sniffed. "Come on, Sylphie, it's getting crowded over here.

And just as Xelloss thought he was done with those two, Sylphiel asked him seriously, "Don't you think she ought to know about his secret life?"

"Absolutely not. Rule number 11: Do realize that the grieving family probably knows the deceased better than you do: especially if it's your immoral boyfriend."

That seemed to work. "Oh, okay. If you think so."

"Gods," Xelloss ran a hand through his hair and wished the day to end.

"See? I sent those flowers. Damned extravagant of me, huh?" It was Lina, of course.

Xelloss pivoted so fast he became dizzy. "Oh, my... Lina! Nice flowers, but please don't tell everyone how much your flower arrangement cost and offer to show them the bill if they don't believe you– rule number 3."

"I wasn't going to, exactly," she squirmed under his reproachful gaze. "I don't suppose I can remove anything from the coffin as a memento either, can I?"

He shook his head and smiled, "No. That's rule number 2. Oh, and before you ask, rule number 4 is: Do offer your help, but don't charge for it."

"You are just full of weird information, Xel. Well, I guess were done here. No real reason to go to the funeral, is there?"

"No there isn't," he agreed enthusiastically. "Might as well leave. How about brunch?"

"Now you're talking," she grinned. "But, can you guys go yet?"

"Oh, yes, our job is done," he smiled in return.

"Then do me a favor, okay?"

"Of course!"

"Drop the drag look before you take us all out," Lina said and turned to find her other friends. "Hey, guess what? Xel here is taking us all out for brunch!"

"Oh, my..." Xelloss sighed.

End Graveyard Shift, Chapter 4.